Tales From The Quarter Bin--Wander!!

Listen up, cowpokes...yer about to hear about the oddest consarned owlhoot ever to roam the Wild West:

Who, you may be asking? Well, let the very poorly written caption tell you:

Wait, what?

Wander (real name: WNNDWAR) is an intergalactic salesman from Sirius V (or Sirius 5, depending on who's scripting) who gets stranded on Earth in the Old West!

And why does he talk that way? Well, Sirians first visited Earth in the days of Shakespeare, so that's how they learned their English!

I should be noted that the quality of his "Olde Englishe" varied wildly from issue to issue...

Wander ended up with a traveling medicine show, with W. C. Fields "Professor" Phineas T. Bloat and grizzled prospector Gabby Hayes Jeb Dooley. Hijinks ensued...

See? High hilarity!!

Oh, but let's not forget space science!! Wander has a magic scientific whip!

Magnotryolic? In other stories it was atomic, or positronic, or ionic, or whatever other science word they could come up with that month...

And of course, cue the sad David Banner music at the end of each issue...

Now, if you travel back to Wander's origins, you will be stunned to see that he was created by Denny O'Neill (under his frequent Charlton pen-name Sergius O'Shaugnessy) and Jim Aparo!!

Early on, he was stronger than we mere humans, although that was mostly forgotten later...

And he would occasionally strip down to his space suit (apparently lost at the dry cleaners by later issues...)

Ye-haw!!!

Wander, well, wandered the West as a back-up in The Cheyenne Kid #66-87 (1968-1971).

I'm not sure where the rights to this fella ended up--I've never been clear if DC ended up with everything Charlton, or just the heroes. But admit it--you want to see a story with this guy and Jonah Hex, right?

Today's panels were taken from the Cheyenne Kid # 83 (1971) and #68 (1968)

Dear Batman #1--More Psychos, Please

From the letters column in Batman #258 (1974):
 

Ohs, nos.

This is fairly ironic, because Batman #258 was the issue that had the very first appearance of Arkham Asylum. Yes, the first--incredibly, Arkham didn't exist in comics prior to 1974!!

So this letter, calling for more stories featuring villains "consumed by their inner demons," literally appears at the dawn of the Arkhamization of Batman's rogues gallery.

Now, I'm not against complex villains. But does every villain have to be "consumed," and nuts? What's wrong with Batman fighting thieves and crooks and gangsters some of the time?

Well, Atone Perry thinks the villain is boring if they're not motivated by "deep emotional reasons." By this school of thought, every villain will end up tortured and complex and buried in Arkham, which will have to house all of Batman's villains and become a joke because then the only way Batman can fight someone is if they escape. This is the school of thought that transforms Joe Chill into the guy who eventually became the Joker.

So come on, DC editor, let your answer nip this in the bud!! Be firm (but polite) and suggest to Antone that there's room for all types of foes in the Batman Universe! Come on, tell him--

Oh, gods, don't put it up to the readers!! D'oh!!

And thus, we were doomed to the crazification of Gotham City. Thank you, Denny O'Neill and Atone Perry.

Maybe The Punisher Should Think About Trying This Out...

So, The Avenger...no, not those guys...and no, not THOSE guys, either...

OK, let's start again. Richard Henry Benson, a.k.a The Avenger, and the head of Justice, Inc., is leading a pal to track down a mook. But...

[editor's note--yes, The Avenger's gun is named Mike. He also has a gun named Ike. That's just how the Golden Age Of Pulps rolled]

And yes, according to the books/magazines, Benson could shoot that well.

And it should be noted that, despite his wife and child being killed by the mob, Benson didn't set out to kill all criminals--just to end all crime.

So what's your excuse, Frank Castle?

From Justice, Inc. #3 (1975). Yes, Denny O'Neil and Jack Kirby did a Justice Inc. series. It only lasted 4 issues...

The REAL Reason Batman Doesn't Like Guns

Some of you probably read the title of this post and thought to yourselves, "Duh, it's because he saw Joe Chill kill his parents with one!"

Well, you're wrong. At least, partially long. Because the longer you live, the more you find out about Batman.

Let's head back to the past in downtown Gotham City, when some mooks are robbing a jewelry store. And there to stop them? The Shadow!!

Wha...?

Well, that just leads to a hostage situation, just as a certain someone and his father are getting off the elevator:

Then Thomas Wayne displays the same propensity for bare-handedly attacking armed thieves that would soon get him killed:

Fortunately, this time there was a costumed hero to help out:

But poor Bruce? He was a little bit traumatized by the gun battle:

And even though the Shadow comforts the boy...

...Bruce's fear of guns is fully instilled:

So just a few weeks later, Thomas Wayne is less lucky, and the infamous murder merely reinforces that pre-existing fear!!

25 years later, Batman still doesn't like guns:

But Stamper has just been released from prison, and he's after the jewels, and revenge against those he blames for his capture. Batman tracks him down...

But being confronted by Stamper and a blasting gun re-triggers Bruce Wayne's trauma:

Which leaves him helpless:

Fortunately, someone is watching unseen...

...and that familiar, comforting (?) laugh restores Batman to his right mind!

Of course, this means that the Shadow must know Batman's identity, right??

And he vanishes, leaving Batman with a case of unrequited hero worship:

And now you know...the rest of the story!!

Denny O'Neill, Irv Novick & Dick Giordano bring us the real truth about the Caped Crusader in Batman #259 (1974).

Who Knows Batman's Secret Identity? The Shadow Knows!!

I know I like to kvetch about how unsecret Batman's secret identity is, and how everybody and their grandmother seems to already know it.

But according to Denny O'Neill, even 1930's pulp heroes know it:



But Batman's not worried, because he's got the hugest man-crush on the Shadow:

From Batman #259 (1974).