Manic Monday Triple Overtime--The Hidden Benefits of Secret Identites!!

In these modern times, the very concept of secret identities have been called in to question. Why have them? Would they even work? Are they ethical?

But most people forget the single most important reason for heroes to have a secret identity: a masochistic desire to have the woman you love insult you to your face, again and again and again:

Oh, snap.

The gentleman (who yes, is indeed a man) is Caius Martius Wheeler, a cop from ancient Rome granted limited flying power by the gods, who was put into suspended animation for 2200 years, and re-awoke in 1940 to fight crime as The Dart.

His secret identity is a teacher of ancient Roman history, and the lady of his desire is fellow teacher Miss Tilbury. Yet she never, ever passes up an opportunity to tell both the Dart and Caius how little she thinks of the teacher:

I'm not even sure why the Dart has a secret identity--since he slept for two millennia, it's not as if he has any loved ones to protect in modern day.

Maybe he just likes the abuse?

Man, there's mild mannered, and there's 50 shades of Caius:

Geez. Even Clark Kent would at least report, and get the story in the paper occasionally. Not milquetoasty Caius...he seems to live for the abuse!

Of course, and maybe this is just me, it's hard to see why he's so attracted to someone who has absolutely no respect for him...

I guess he just needs the eggs.

So that's one solid reason for keeping a secret identity--so the woman you love can continually degrade you to your face!!

From Weird Comics #9-13 (1940-1941)

Golden Age Idol--The Dart!!

I know many of you have sensed something...lacking...in your super-hero comics lately. Something that you needed to see, but can't quite put your finger on.

Let me see if I can help...I'm betting that most of you have been wanting a flying, homicidal ancient Roman cop to wake up from hibernation and go on a killing/torture spree.

Well, you've come to the right place.

[Please forgive the graininess of the first few scans...it is a 73 year old comic, after all...]

We start in...

That "springs thru the air like a dart" is never properly explained in this origin story. Later stories indicate that the gods gave him this flying power because, well...gods, you know?

Anyhoo, Caius Martius meets his match when he tries to thwart a crime ring run by an evil wizard:

2200 years? That's...an oddly specific time limit on this spell...

The good guys arrive...but they was too late!!

Flash forward to 1940...

Then, we see why it's too damn bad that Caius Martius didn't wake up in Gotham City...

Well, in between panels, Caius Martius takes on the last name Wheeler, because someone named Caius Martius Wheeler isn't suspicious at all in 20th century America. He also adopts the boy, and...

Insert your Peter Graves "Airplane" jokes here.

And inevitably:

Ace takes the name of...Ace!! Sometimes known as Ace The Amazing Boy!!

So watch out, criminals--

A funny sword? What, does the sword amuse you? Is it a clown to you?

So, there's lots of "darting" (a.k.a flying)...

...and gratuitous destruction...

...and more flying...

And then the Dart just starts straight-up killing people!!

Uh...wow!!

And then, the torturing confessions out of crooks!

Good words, Caius Martius. But you know, you haven't threatened to kill anyone for a few panels:

That's more like it!!

This origin story was in Fox's Weird Comics #5 (1940), Dart and Ace appeared in every issue up until the final #20, and as near as I can tell, never appeared anywhere else again.

But you know, his ethos would see, to fit right in with the nu52. So go for it, DC--bring back Dart and Ace!!!