The 10 Most Embarrassing Spider-Man Moments?!?

Hey, gang, let's reminisce about the Top 10 Embarrassing Moment's In Spider-Man's Career, as told by...

...at least you weren't paid in Bitcoin, Spidey...

Sigh...people still fail to realize that the Spider-Mobile was a brilliant satirical critique of the Batmobile!

This was from Spectacular Spider-Man Annual #12 (1992). As such, it missed a whole plethora of future embarrassing Spidey moments that would surely make the list today:

**The Clone Saga would be good for at least two or three...maybe four or five!

**The costume Tony Stark made for you

**That whole "The Other" business

**The fact that Norman Osborn got it on with your girlfriend more than you ever did, and the result was kids who tried to kill you.

**Radioactive Spider-Semen

**The time Norman Osborn...look, just any story about Osborn after he "came back from death" is pretty much terrible and embarrassing

**Maximum Carnage

**The time Spidey revealed his secret identity to the world for Tony Stark's PR machine. and then was shocked--shocked--that it might put his loved ones in danger!!

**The time Spidey made a deal with THE DEVIL to save Aunt May's life (Meanwhile, ghostly Uncle Ben is grumbling, "What am I, chopped liver? Why no supernatural shenanigans to save me?")

Geez, we haven't even gotten to "had my body stolen by Doc Ock" yet!

Hay, Marvel, we're going to need a longer annual!

What *Really* Good Marvel Stories Should Have?!?

From the "Mark's Remarks" column in Namor Annual #4 (1994):

All well and good, Mr. Gruenwald. And there are certain comic book companies out there that could stand to remember some of these rules, especially #8.

Oh, but he didn't stop there...

Well, no fair. You can't end it there, without telling us!!

Still, since this was 1994, it can't be too tough to look at what Marvel was publishing then, and deduce what the other top ten list should be, right?

And, dear reader, I have done that for you. So, presenting, based on the evidence of their own publications, What Really Good Marvel Stories Should Have (circa 1994):

1. Desperate Attempts To Spin Villains Into "Anti-Heroes" 

And hey, two for the price of one...

2. Clones!

3. Terrible, terrible costumes

4. Ridiculous, overpriced, and well-nigh unreadable gimmick covers

5. Never-ending attempts to "homage" Marvel's own past and claim past glory for current stories

6. Amazingly crappy logos, often rendered in fonts that made then even worse:

7. Punisher. Lots and Lots of Punisher

Those were all from one month...and there was one more we'll get to in a minute...

8. Attempts to reclaim the heat of departed prodigal sons; a.k.a. Image rip-offs

9. Inappropriate team-ups

10. Continual redonkulous crossovers

Well, there you have it. Although I thought those were supposed to be things "really good" Marvel Comics were supposed to have...we must be grading on a 1990s curve...

All covers from 1994

Spider-Manic Monday #4--Great Moments In Retcons!!

From the text page in Untold Tales Of Spider-Man #1 (1995):

Yup, Ben Reilly was the original Spider-Man. Yup, Untold Tales chronicled Ben's adventures as Spider-Man. Yup. Uh-huh. Really.

Maybe you jumped the gun on that one a little bit, Assistant Editor Glenn Greenberg...

Man, I'm so glad I wasn't reading Spider-Man in the 90s...