Letters To Lois 3--Killing The Cat!!

From the letters page in Lois Lane #24 (1961):

Oh, so Lois is just DC's version of Ben Urich, World's Worst Reporter...

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--Look, I Just Hate The Guy...

Even though it's a book I like by a writer I like and an artist I like, this may be the worst way ever to start a comic book if you want me to like it...

Grrr...

BONUS:

Ah, the Pulitzer for unveiling Norman Osborn's identity.

I wonder where he keeps the Pulitzers for burying the story on Tony Stark's crimes, or Thunderbolt Ross' crimes, or Spider-Man's identity, or Daredevil's identity, or...

Oh, that's right, they don't reward reporters for burying stories and hiding the truth.

Ben Urich--worst reporter ever.

From Superior Spider-Man Annual #2

Quote Of The Week I--Frank Castle Has Odd Perceptions Of The Legal System

Daredevil: End Of Days is a long, bloated rip-off of Citizen Kane: in the future, Daredevil dies, and Ben Urich goes around to all of Matt Murdoch's friends and enemies to see if any of them know what his last word, "Rosebud" "Mapone," meant. (Still, in this hypothetical future, Elektra is a soccer mom, so there's that...)

Seriously, that's the entire mini-series so far--5 issues of the world's worst reporter running around and asking people what "mapone" means.

Well, in yesterday's #5, Urich finally gets around to visiting the Punisher, who is in prison. And Frank Castle gives us a Bendisian pile of word balloons explaining why Daredevil was a better hero than most:

Uh, Cambot, can we get a close-up here?

Hmm. Pretty much every trial, civil or criminal, has a winner and a loser. So if "a lawyer doesn't go into a courtroom unless he knows he can win," and every single time one of the lawyers who goes into a courtroom does not win...does that mean 50% of lawyers are idjits?

Of course, the analogy works, because Daredevil also never went into a fight unless he knew he could win...uhhh, well, not exactly. I mean, the dude's fought Doctor Doom before. He went into fights because they were necessary, or because they were the right thing to do.

So I guess the strained analogy doesn't really work at all. And Frank doesn't understand lawyers or heroes.

But at least he doesn't have a ponytail here...

None Of The President's Men

I've ripped on Ben Urich before for being the world's worst reporter--he's sat on more scoops than he's actually published.

Well, it turns out that he was just following the example of his greatest mentor--Jimmy Olsen!!

80 Page Giant #2 (1964) is a collection of Jimmy Olsen stories, and after one of them there's a text piece:

Here's a question for you:

You've had a thousand scoops printed, and you're still a cub reporter? Jimmy, you really need a better agent, or union, or whatever.

Anyhoo, aside from Superman hiding the evidence, or Jimmy having no proof, or Jimmy believing he was being hoaxed so he never turned it in, or...man, that's a long list. Anyway, there's this:

Man, that snarky P.S. could have been written by me, eh? But there it is--Jimmy deciding to hide news because he decides that he, Jimmy Olsen, is uniquely suited to decide what's best for society. That's proto-Ben Urich, right there.

That does raise the question, though, of why Ben Urich didn't choose to emulate a good reporter...

Neither Woodward Nor Bernstein

Ben Urich is the worst reporter ever.

See, he agrees with me.

In Hulk #600 (as if), he sits on a major story for at least the fourth time in his career.

Of course, we all know that he uncovered Daredevil's secret identity, but decided not to run the story. It should be noted, though, that given how many others managed to figure out Daredevil's identity, finding Matt Murdock's secret wasn't exactly a stunning journalistic coup.

Urich discovered that Peter Parker was Spider-Man, and did nothing with the info. That one's kinda moot now, thanks to Mephisto.

Then, in Civil War: Frontlines #11 (a.k.a. The Worst Comic Book Ever Published), Urich and and Sally Floyd reveal that hey know about the crimes Tony Stark committed during the Civil War, but are going to bury the information because they agree with Stark's agenda (and, apparently, because Captain America didn't have a MySpace page...).

Finally, in Rulk #600, he uncovers a busload of vital information:

Yup...major story, Pulitzer stuff. Stuff you'd think the public might want to know. But oh, sorry, Rulk threatened people, so this story gets buried, too.

(It's unclear if Urich actually uncovers Red Hulk's identity, or what this puzzle he's rambling about is, because Hulk #600 is possibly the worst written and drawn comic or the year. Terrible storytelling...)

So, Marvel editors and writers, if you're going to continue to use Ben Urich as your shining example of an intrepid investigative journalist, well, maybe you want to have him actually publish something he discovers once in awhile...