Great Moments In Overly-Complicated Death Traps!!

Because Batman and Robin are not very good at their jobs, the Joker has captured them...so it's time for a overly-complicated death trap!!

Wait...not just starving vampire bats--but starving vampire bats with poisoned teeth and claws!! 

Geez, Joker, why not infect them with the Clench, too, and give them switchblades, and...

It makes me incredibly sad that neither Joker nor the Dynamic Duo comment even once on the irony of Batman about to be killed by bats...

Oh, don;t worry--they escape just fine.

We never find out what happened to the bats. The probably escaped and killed dozens while Batman was off playing robbery games with Joker...

From World's Finest Comics #19 (1945)

How To Impress Batman!!

Some thug stole an old lady's necklace right in front of him, but Kyle Rayner couldn't go Green Lantern on the guy because of secret identity stuff.

He was, however, able to get the guy's license plate, and so with a quick call asking J'onn to use the JLA's computers...

Uh-oh.

Yup, he won't even know you're there.

Before you assume he's a total dick, Batman was running an undercover op infiltrating the thug's gang, and he didn't want Kyle to screw up that mission.

Which Kyle does anyway.

But, when he goes up against the goomba--without a power ring!!--and gets himself stabbed...

...his stubbornness in pursuit of a trivial goal...

...is enough to impress even Batman:

Welcome to the cool club, Kyle!

From Batman Chronicles #15 (1998)

Same Problem, Different Approaches

If you want to crystallize the difference between Superman and Batman...

...these two pages pretty much nail it.

From All-Star Superman #10 (2008) and Batman: Shadow Of The bat #75 (1998)

More Reasons You Should Teach Your Children Morse Code (And Old Songs)!!

Batman was posing as a taxi driver (don't ask) when he's captured by foreign criminals who thought he was someone else (please don't ask).

He's awake now, but he has to feign unconsciousness, otherwise the crooks will quickly realize he's the wrong guy and kill him!

He can reach his radio belt, but he can't speak aloud--how can he let Robin know where he is?!?

Yes, "The Prisoner's Song" is a real song. Mostly forgotten these days, it was one of the best selling songs, both in vinyl and in sheet music, of the 1920s.


No, I don't think it's that distinctive of tune, especially if you're just moaning it through a gag. But kudos to Robin for recognizing a 20 year old song!

OK, Bruce, they know you're a prisoner. But how will they know where?

Again, a real song, this one only a decade old at the time! It was a Rodgers and Hart song, which ensured it would be a little bit better remembered...


This isn't a very helpful clue, though...which hotel?!?

Whew!! Robin needed to know 140 year old classical music AND Morse Code for that one!!

And of course, "Yippee!" is universal for when a youngster is joyful!


And again, special props to Batman for mad moaning skills!!

From Batman #25 (1944)

Batman And The Truth About The "Snyder Cut"!!

Batman and Robin are in Hollywood, filming a movie (at the request of the Justice Department!).

At the same time, a famous director is about to release his thrilling new movie:

But, suddenly...

They stole Loring's highly anticipated new film!!!

Using balloons, no less!

Batman and Robin help the director try to buy the film back from the thieves, but they end up not getting the film and losing the money!

But it turns out that the movie wasn't really stolen!! Batman finds it hidden on the studio lot!!

But who would do that?

Well, it turns out...

...that the movie was a complete dud!! MST3K worthy!!

And Batman sets a trap for the perps:

And there you have it--Loring's new "masterpiece" was so bad that he paid crooks to "steal" it so the public would never see how bad it was, and have it ruin his reputation--all while moaning how terrible it was that his masterpiece was lost.

After putting the kibosh on Loring...

...the studio has the turkey back!!

Don't worry--they'll probably call in a better, more popular director to "fix" the movie, while fans clamor for years for "The Loring cut."

From Batman #37 (1946)

Batman Vs.The Golden Age Taskmaster?!?

Look who is putting on a show in Gotham City!

Yup, he's got a "photographic memory" (or, what we would call an "eidetic memory" is this more picky time).

Bruce Wayne is familiar with Oliver Hunt's history...

But Bruce is concerned, because Hunt's gift could be used for evil.

Geez, Bruce, paranoid much?

Well, justifiably so, as Hunt is approached by gangsters...

Yup, you can always trust criminals' promises not to use violence.

So, anyway, what kind of crimes can they use a man with "camera memory" for?

Intellectual property crimes!!

For example, as the thugs create a distraction in the front office of a music publishing company...

YOW! Holy copyright theft, Batman!!

They pull the same stunt with patent attorneys and book publishers!! Watch the money flow!!

Then they break into the District Attorney's office:

Umm...doesn't the DA have to disclose all evidence to the defense? So why steal it (for big $)? Or wasn't that the law in 1943?

Anyhow, Bruce and Dick Rick see Hunt leaving the scene of one of the crimes, and follow him...

By now you're probably saying, "Hey, snell, you titled this piece the Golden Age Taskmaster. Where the hell is my Taskmaster?"

Here you go:

Hunt memorized jiu-jitsu, and is using it to kick the Dynamic Duo's ass!

But Batman knows how to beat that--do the unexpected!

HA! The old "throw a typewriter" ploy!!

But when they try to fly away with Hunt in the Batplane...

You can't stop Oliver Hunt!! He even goes so far as to memorize the Batplane's workings...

...and make his comrades their own evil Batplane!!

Ahh, but you can't count on crooks to be non-violent white collar criminals forever, as they start roughing up people, and turning to...

TREASON!!

Well, Hunt can't cross that Rubicon, so he betrays his keepers to Batman. After they've all been wrapped up...

But Batman has a better idea!

Oh, yeah, the bad guy was named Dude Fay. No wonder he turned to crime.

And it turns out that Hunt was a very effective spy...

From World's Finest Comics #10 (1943)