Bold Fashion Choices--The Worst Of Both Worlds!!

If you want to impress the Super Friends,trying combining the costume of The Phantom with the costume of Kraven The Hunter!

No, it's not just the cover taking liberties:

Hey, Menagerie Man:

A) If you're going to have a large M on your chest, why have it partially obscured by your leopard-kini?

B) Why is it just M on your chest but MM on your belt buckle? Pick one and commit, bro!

Still, you can't argue with his mustache game!

The Atom finally takes cares of "The Fashion Disaster That Walks":

From Super Friends #6 (1977)

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--The Foldee Justice League!!

You are all too young to remember "Comic Book Foldees," a little toy/book thingie Topps put out to ensure they got the loose change from kid who weren't into baseball cards:

See, you'd tear the perferations between the top and bottom halves, and flip them around to create massive humorous half-and-half creatures, like thus:

Oh, Hal...

Siskoid did a whole series of these...and here's a collection of pictures of many, many more.

I bring this up because, while these may seem like flights of fancy, DC beat Topps to the punch (although doubtless someone else had the foldee idea years earlier). See, the Justice League is trying to save multiple planets, including Earth, from getting blown up by evil conqueror Kradd.

He uses a "molecular de-adhesion beam" to dissolve our heroes...

Well, that sucks.

But don't worry. Someone survived because of Gardner Fox science:

Believable!

Fortunately, Green Lantern forgot to put a passcode on his ring, so anyone can use it. See, because maybe groggy super-heroes should be using it...?

You can say that again, Ray.

Foldees!! The Atom made Justice League Foldees!!

Fortunately, he gets Wonder Woman, and only Wonder Woman, right. I guess we can't have those girl parts getting mixed up with boy parts, can we?

But it's too late to fix the others...

Well, when you're a Justice Leaguer, the foldee situation is always half-full, not half-empty!

Yeah, but that's Kryptonian "waist-down," Hal!!

Woo hoo!!

The JLAers makes lemonade out of lemons, and tear up Kraad's fortress:

Even the unconscious Atom gets in on the fun. Since his body is immune, why not use it to plug the de-adhesion gun?

Pretty embarrassing, Ray...

Hey, you could have used that later!!

...and everything is back to normal!!

They really should have kept that de-adhesion device around. There are plenty of cool foldee power combinations they could have come up with!!

From Justice League of America #25 (1964)

Atom's Awkward Moment!

Hawkman and Hawkgirl are out doing good deeds...

...when they get a surprise visitor!

Why is Atom there? He has an offer!!

But only for Hawkman!?!

Oh, Atom. Perhaps you could have chosen a better time and place than in the middle of a public event to humiliate Shayera like that? You're lucky she was so gracious about it.

And yes, while there was indeed such a JLA by-law in those days, I think we can all pretty much hear a "but we already have 1 girl" hidden in Ray Palmer's "er," right?

From Justice League Of America #31 (1964)

Manic Monday--We All Bow To The Power Of...Mallo?!?!

I'm willing to bet that you had no idea who the most powerful being in the DC Universe is? Well, pre-Crisis, at least? You're about to find out!

Back in the day, DC Comics Presents had a recurring back-up feature, "Whatever Happened To...?" It took a look at older (usually Golden Age) DC heroes who hadn't got a lot of attention of late. This was years before Secret Origins became a regular ongoing, so it was a welcome way to give modern audiences some exposure to older heroes (not to mention an exercise in trademark preservation!)

In DC Comics #30 (1981), we get Whatever Happened To The Golden Age Atom. Al Pratt comes home to find some burglars making off with his stuff.

Bad move for them...

 EXCEPT!!!

 What happened? Well, our story is interrupted by an apparently omnipotent cosmic being!!

 Wait...WTF?!?!?!!?!?!?!

This raises so many goddamned questions.

First off, this character was created by Bob Rozakis--he's The Answer Man!! He must know what he's talking about, right?!? So this has got to be 100% canon--there's a guy in a big comfy chair going around manipulating people and powers to "preserve the balance between parallel universes"??? And seriously, would two guys having different powers really knock the cosmos out of alignment? Why does the cosmos care that two guys named Atom have different abilities? Would it have been OK if one of them had a different name?!?

And where the hell was Mallo guy during Crisis (any of them, really)? Is he related to Metron--after all he's cosmically aware in a big ol' chair? What about other "imbalances"--Black Canary? Red Tornado? What about imbalances between other universes? Is this guy the reason Kid Eternity got switch from Earth-X to Earth-S?

AAGGGHHHH!!! See what you've done to me, Rozakis!?!?

Anyway, Pratt got Palmer's powers for awhile--size changing belt and all:

 He goes on to roust the burglars, and...

WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!!

For the record, it turns out this was Mallo's second (and final) appearance. The previous month, in the Atom back-up in Action Comics #515 (1981), Mallo gave Earth-1 Atom the 5' height and atomic super-strength of Al Pratt, and he used it to beat up some kidnappers. And after this second story, Mallo was never seen again.

So what happened? Why couldn't we even get a "Anti-Monitor wipes him out to show how badass he is" scene? Why didn't Grant Morrison use him as the villan in Final Crisis or Multiversity--Mallo was way better than the villains he actually did use (ssshhh).

The DC Multiverse awaits your return, Mallo....maybe in the end of Doomsday Clock?

April Madness, 1st Semifinal--SHOCKER!!

It's time for the first semifinal of The Seven Justice Soldiers Of The Victory League Society!!

Can...

...defeat...

It should be trickier for team Superman this time around, as they have to face a true major league magic user!

And indeed, that's how it starts off, as Kal-El takes one of Dr. Fate's bolts of eldritch energy right to the face, and goes down!! Big trouble for the #1 seed!!

Ralph Dibny's nose starts smelling a mystery, which means he's helpless when he gets a snoutful of sleep gas from Sandman!!

Metamorpho turns into a super-dense mesh, temporarily trapping the Atom. So this battle may come down to Dr. Fate vs. Sandman!

But wait!! Sandman unleashes a punch so powerful, he actually dents Fate's helmet!! What the?!?! Team Superman wins--but how?!?

LOOK!! Sandman is taking off his gas mask--and he's really Superman!! INCREDIBLE!! It was the classic Silver Age tactic of switching identities before the fight, so Wesley Dodds would take the brunt of Doctor Fate's attack, leaving Superman free to take the sorcerer by surprise!!

What a classic!! Tune in later this morning for the second semifinal!!

April Madness Round II--A Mild Upset!

Welcome to Round 2 of The Seven Justice Soldiers of The Victory League Society, our meaningless exercise is random fighting!!

This bout features...

(That's Earth-2 Wonder Woman...)

vs.

(That's Earth-1 Atom, just to be clear).

This would be a pretty tight bout, as you'd expect from the 4th and 5th seeds. And in a bit of a surprise, I see Dr. Fate's group eking out a victory.

Dr. Fate could likely nullify Diana's mystic strength, at least temporarily, allowing Atom to use her lasso to bind Dr. Mid-Nite as he shrinks small enough to slip between the particles of darkness of his blackout bomb (Hey, I can use DC Science, too!!). Meanwhile, Hawkman's ancient weaponry wouldn't do too much against a body that can wrap around any impact. By that point he'd be the last man standing, and no way could he stand against all three of them.

So our winner is...

Think I'm wrong? Get your own blog!!

Dr. Fate's team will face Superman's later this week. Tune in tomorrow four our other first round bouts!!

Ray Palmer's Second Chance!!

The Atom is fighting some crooks, when he's struck by some mysterious radiation, and...

Fortunately, the Earth-2 Atom has come to visit, and he's able to help Ray. Or is he?

Ray has been de-aged--mentally and physically--to an 18 year old college sophomore!!

But...

Ray hasn't had his first date with Jean yet...?

Ray...this is your chance...you don't know her; in fact, you're put off by her aggressiveness!! You aren't engaged yet!!

RUN, Ray Palmer--RUN!!! Run as fast as you can and never look back!! Run as if you life and future happiness depended on it. Run...

D'oh!! Damn you, Silver Age, for returning everything back to normal at the end of every story! Damn you!! Ray could have escaped, and lived a normal, happy life!!

 I guess some things just aren't meant to be...

From Atom #36 (1968)

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--The Secret Pecking Order Amongst Scientists!

Look, you and I, as muggles, may think that all scientists are the same kind of nerds and losers.

But like any other strata of society, among scientists, some are cooler than others.

Just ask Barry Allen:

What. A. Dick.

I can just imagine the science club meetings: "We're practical scientists--all of you theoreticians have to stay and clean up!" Nerd on nerd bullying is really the worst.

Sadly, Ray Plamer did not come back with "I deliberately turned a piece of dwarf star matter into a size-changing device that let's me explore atoms--that sound pretty practical to me, Mr. I Was Accidentally Doused With Chemicals But Still Call It Science!"

Nor did Ray just haul off and punch him. Which he totally should have.

From Super-Team Family #11 (1977)

Tales From The Quarter Bin--Superhero Wife Swap?

Be careful of your trips to the Quarter Bin...or you might end up reading a story with Jean Loring.

How bad was Jean Loring?

She, Iris Allen and Linda Danvers were kidnapped to an other-dimensional world, a "living planet."

Jean has only recently recovered from a nervous breakdown, and this ordeal isn't doing her sanity any favors...

...and...

Well, Flash, the Atom and Supergirl settle T.O. Morrow's hash, but something pretty significant happened off-panel while that was going on (terrible comic book, by the way. Just bad on several levels...):

Jean Loring...so obnoxious, actual planets rebel against her presence and send her away. So hated that, as you can tell by the next issue blurb, Flash and Supergirl can't even be bothered to help hunt for her.

You know, I can't help but thin that two comic book universes would have been better off if somehow the Watcher or the Guardians or someone intervened and moved to Wasp to DC to be with Ray Palmer and Jean Loring to Marvel to enjoy blissful mental instability with Hank Pym...

Yes, the big twist and inciting incident for the next 2 issues actually happens off-panel. Good gravy, Super-Team Family #11 (1977) is a terrible, terrible comic book.