Why Aqualad Will Die Alone!

It's Emergency Letter Time at Teen Titan headquarters!

But not everyone is as focused on Emergency Letters as they should be!!

Oh, Garth...you are soooo smooth with the ladies!

No wonder Tula died rather than hang around with you...

(Emergency Letter time?!?)

From Teen Titans #5 (1966)

Life Was Hell In The Silver Age

As much as I like to complain about how awful everything is in the nu52, I've really got to acknowledge that DC's Silver Age wasn't exactly the bastion of light and goodness we all remember.

In fact, it was filled with jerkwads and scumbags.

Aqualad and Tula went to a rock concert, Tula got concussed fighting a man driven mad by experimental brain hormones, and is wandering around lost. But the hour they can be out of the water without croaking is almost up!!

So Garth turns to some fellow concert goers for help!

Really.

Lie to concerned boyfriends so you can have all of the women for yourselves?!? You can only succeed in your mating rituals by taking advantage lost girls? Eeew! (I'll give them the benefit of the doubt by acknowledging that they probably didn't realize Tula was suffering a brain injury, because otherwise we're dipping into Doctor Light territory...)

Well, since teen boys are scum, lets try asking some adults!

Yeah, those kids!! Just let her wander around dazed and dying!! Help her?!? Hell, it's probably her own fault, anyway!! Damned kids!!

Scumbags and jerkwads, I'm telling you...

From Teen Titans #30 (1970) as reprinted in DC Super Stars #7 (1976)

The Fauxest Faux Comic Rock Band Of All Time

Long-time readers here at Slay Monstrobot will recall my obsession with faux comic bands, the made-up bands comic creators made up to populate their stories.

Well, imagine my pleasure when I came across this:

Yes!! Aqualad at a rock concert!! That's got to be great!!

Ummm...you could try some transportation besides walking while you're on dry land, since time is such a concern. Bikes? Skateboards? Roller skates? A taxi?

Still, they're just whetting my appetite for great faux rock. A concert in the park? Bring it on!

Garth...you're a Teen Titan...perhaps you shouldn't be dissing "teeny-boppers," even mildly, as they're sort of your demographic!!

Now get us to the show!!

Hey, I can't see the band's name?? Where are the lyrics?!?

At this point, the story is interrupted by a) a dying man suped on super brain hormones runs amok, because comics, disrupting the concert, b) Aquagirl gets bopped on the head and wanders around concussed and confused, and c) Aqualad takes forever to find her and get them back to the water before the inky darkness descends.

Which means that, after 7 pages of pointless digression from our faux comic rock band, all we get is...

"Them"?? "Their Hit Song"?!?

That's it? You're not even going to bother to make up a name for the band? Or their hit song?

Steve Skeates and Nick Cardy, that is the worst damn excuse for a faux comic rock band I have ever seen. Boo!!!!! Stop being generic, and give me real fake bands!!

From Teen Titans #30 (1970), as reprinted in DC Super Stars #7 (1976)