Schadenfreude

Not to keep harping on this, but...

In the first 3 days of release, $57,225,526.

In the first 45 days of release, $55,714,045.

#GiveItBackFox

Spoiler Sunday--Ant-Man #2!!

WARNING: This point contains a minor but wonderful spoiler for this week's Ant-Man #2. It doesn't show up until a ways after the embedded video below. Read at your own risk...

Allow me to start by saying that Nick Spencer and Ramon Rosanas are rocking it out on the new Ant-Man series.

We all know that Ant-Man is a joke, right? He's Marvel's Aquaman!

Let's face it--when you have a 1970s Saturday Night Live sketch in part dedicated to mocking Ant-Man's very existence, well, that's a major slap in the face from an arbiter of pop culture:


I just can't figure out how Aquaman became pop culture's symbol of the epitome of lameness, after that.

Now, when Marvel decided to bring us an Ant-Man series, to coincide with the forthcoming Ant-Man movie, well, they could have gone the DC/Geoff Johns route: be all defensive about the "loser" reputation. Have your hero spend substantial parts of the first few issues confronting civilians who think he's a loser, and set them straight. While being an obnoxious ass about it.

Or, you could give the title to Nick Spencer. And he could use the same approach that he did on the excellent Superior Foes Of Spider-Man: embrace the lame. Wallow in it. Use it as a way to develop character.

So read the book, I'm saying.

Anyway, that aside, issue # 2 brings us one of the greatest comic book creations in the history of ever. For, locked in a secret vault in a Miami bank...

Midasbot!! An atomic-powered alchemical Nazi robot, that kills its foes by turning them into gold.

Goddamn, I love comic books!!

Keep on flying that loser flag, Nick Spenser!!

Days Of Ant-Man Past

Man, I hope this is the plot of the Ant-Man movie:

See, it will turn out that Michael Douglas' "Hank Pym" is really an old Scott Lang who has gone back in time to make sure that young Paul Rudd-Scott Lang becomes Ant-Man, and...

OK, so I'm not allowed to write super-hero movies.

BTW, Marvel, why aren't Marvel Premiere #47 & #48, the debut of Scott Lang as Ant-Man, available on Marvel Unlimited? You'd think that, with the trailer debut and all, you'd want to have those ready for people to read...

Tales To Astonish #43 is from 1963

The Lyingest Cover In Marvel Comics History--Marvel Feature #8!!

Oh, for the glory days when Marvel published well nigh unto infinite number comics that had Marvel in the title: Marvel Premiere, Marvel Spotlight, Marvel Super-Heroes, Marvel Triple Action, Marvel Spectacular, Marvel Adventure, Marvel Chillers, Marvel Double Feature, Marvel Presents, Marvel Tales, Marvel's Greatest Comics...I could go on and on. Sure, most of them devolved into reprint books, but it was Marvel, Marvel everywhere!

Oh, yeah, and then there was Marvel Feature:

This was the first volume of Marvel Feature, that started out by debuting The Defenders, and ended up launching Marvel Two-In-One. In between? Ant-Man.

Oh, the cover itself isn't technically a lie. It accurately portrays that the insides feature a Dreaded Deadlin Doom-required reprint of the Wasp's origin story from Tales To Astonish #44 (1963). (And when you couldn't make deadline in a bi-monthly comic? Sheesh, Craig Russell was born 40 years too early, as today that would be considered a great pace for a superstar artist!) So kudo to an accurate cover.

The premise of this series, though, that was a bit of a lie: Henry Pym was trapped at tiny size, and didn't have his ant-controlling helmet. So he had to go all "Power Of The Atom" against full-sized foes such as Egghead, Whirlwind, and mean cats. Still, even though he wasn't being much of an Ant-Man, back in the day you probably couldn't call him "Dr. Pym," so I'll give 'em a pass on the title.

Still, this cover is one of the Lyingest Covers In Marvel Comics History. Why?

There has never been a heralded Ant-Man spectacular, let alone a most-heralded Ant-Man Spectacular.

Hiiii----yoooooooo!!

Marvel Feature #8 is from 1973

Bendis, The Avengers And The Illusion Of Change

At the end of Bendis' record-setting Avengers run, we should acknowledge the many lasting changes he brought to the team (and we also should acknowledge that, as lynchpin of the Marvel Universe and the focus of many "events," other hands also deserve a share of responsibility/blame here).

The Scarlet Witch went mad, and killed several Avengers. Then she went madder and eliminated most of the worlds' mutants. Oops, never mind, she's better now, and the mutants are back.

Scott Lang was killed. Oops, never mind, he's alive again.

Hawkeye died. Oops, never mind, he's alive now.

The Vision was destroyed. Oops, never mind, he's all fixed.

The Wasp died. Oops, never mind, she's all better now.

Wonder Man went nuts, and decided to destroy the Avengers. Oops, never mind, he just sorta snapped back to normal with no explanation. All better now.

Doctor Strange lost the title of Sorcerer Supreme, and in a very overlong story, it went to Brother Voodoo. Oops, never mind, Voodoo died, and the title went back to Strange.

Avengers Mansion and/or Tower was destroyed at least three times (four? five?), and each time Tony Stark declared he was too broke to fix it. Oops, never mind, somehow it got fixed each time.

Bendis had the Scarlet Witch turn public opinion against the Avengers. And then Tony Stark turned public opinion against (some of) the Avengers. And then Norman Osborn. And then Wonder Man. And then Norman Osborn again. Silly villains--that trick never works!

And let us not forget the massive contributions of new members such as Echo, Quake, Storm, and the Protector! The Avengers would never be the same after their legendary tenures!

Yeah, I'm being a dickweed here. The time for a real retrospective will come later. And it has to be acknowledged that, during his tenure, the Avengers grew larger as a brand than it had ever been, rivaling the weight of Marvel's X-Titles.

But for now, let's just note that Bendis basically undid every single change he had made to the Avengers as he exited. Maybe that's just being polite--putting all the toys back in the toybox so the next kid can start fresh. Or maybe that's just an acknowledgement that nothing really happened during those 9 years.

My Offence Is Rank

So, IGN is running a feature on the "Top 100 Comic Book Heroes," gradually unveiling them through the week (as of this writing, they unveiled #61-100).

Now, I try not to get too bent out of shape of this kind of thing, because a) it's a free country b) any such list is inherently, ridiculously arbitrary and meaningless, so I know any list I produce would be just as questionable c) any list by committee, as this one, is going to produce even more arbitrary and more ridiculous result, and d) it's not going to effect anything, so who cares, really?

Still, I have to note something about this list. The criteria IGN editors used to compare apples to oranges? The heroes are "picked by their cultural impact, character development, social relevance, general cool factor, and importance of storylines."

I would just like to point out that, somehow, those criteria produce a list on which Supergirl (#94) is TEN places behind Ka-Zar (Ka-Zar?!!?!?), whose cool factor and important storylines and cultural impact obviously is far, far ahead of Kara's.

Supergirl is also TWELVE spots behind Ant-Man. Not the Hank Pym Ant-Man; not the Scott Lang Ant-Man. Supergirl is TWELVE spots behind the Eric O'Grady "Irredeemable" Ant-Man. The Hank Pym Ant-Man ranks a mere TWENTY-SEVEN spots ahead of Supergirl.

And Gambit ranks TWELVE spots ahead of Namor.

So, I'm thinking that pretty much says everything you need to know about this list...

Friday Night Fights--Scientist Supreme Style!!

This current bout of Friday Night Fights is Minimum Clonage--we can't re-use any fighters during these twelve rounds. So let's check my list so far:

Spider-Man
Judomaster
Marl Kincaid
T.H.E. Cat
Namor
Mr. Kotter
John Carter Of Mars
Steed and Mrs. Peel

You know who doesn't get enough respect? Ant-Man, that's who. I mean, aside from this:



...even most comic fans are too caught up in Hank Pym's various mental instabilities to really pay attention to how tough Ant-Man was.

Need I remind you that, in Avengers #1 (1963), it was Ant-Man who defeated Loki??

Hmm, I still sense no respect coming from you guys. So we'd best show what happens when you piss Ant-Man off.

Ultron has erased most of Hank Pym's memories (see what I mean about mental instability??), so he doesn't recognize any of the Avengers. And he's feeling a little feisty:

Bam!! Iron Man down!

Bif!! Captain America--out of action!!

Swarm!! Scarlet Witch--helpless!!

Whack!! Overconfident Wonder Man whooped!

And even though the Vision is radder than you think, he's helpless against Ant-man's onslaught!

And Beast and Black Panther? Taken down in one blow!!

Folks, that's the modern Avengers (pre-Bendis), all laid out by Ant-Man in about 10 seconds. Now, granted, they were taken by surprise, and the fact that Hank Pym was their friend (and not yet a wife beater) doubtless had them pulling their punches a bit. Still, you have to admit, that was an ass-kicking even Spacebooger could appreciate.

Jim Shooter, George Perez and Pablo Marcos bring us power in a pint-sized package courtesy of Avengers #161 (1977).

Now vote for this fight, or Dan Slott will be forced to go even more over the top with his redonkulous "Eternity says Hank Pym is the Scientist Supreme" silliness....and nobody wants that (sorry, Dan).

Answering The Questions Other Dare Not Ask!!

There are certain questions about comics that others shy away from asking, perhaps because they are too deep, too dark, too frightening.

But not here at Slay Monstrobot. No, sir, we will gaze right into the abyss, and hope that it gazes back.

Tonight's question?

We know that Ant-Man--whether he's Henry Pym, Scott Lang, Eric O'Grady or Garrett Morris--had the ability to control ants via the cybernetic circuitry of his helmet.

The Question That Others Dare Not Ask is:

Could Ant-Man control this guy??

I mean, then Ant-Man really would be a force to be reckoned with.

Plus, he could have commanded the little guy to kick the Flash's ass:

Hey, Remember That Time...

...when the Fantastic Four consisted of the Thing, the Human Torch, Ant-Man, and the Silver Surfer?!?

No, I didn't think you did...

Really, it happened back in Silver Surfer #95 (1994).