I'm thinking that many of you readers have some
misconceptions about the
Amazons. I know
I did, until I read the adventures of...
Flip Falcon In The Fourth Dimension!!See, Flip is this
doofus who invented a time/dimension/whatever machine, and went off to have psychedelic adventures every month. And thanks to Flip Falcon, I'd learned where I was so
wrong about the Amazons.
First, I had always believed that the Amazons were from the
Classical period, what with their interacting with Greek gods and heroes and such.
Wrong.
16th Century? Boy, was I wrong. Silly me.
Anyway, Flip finds an obscure passage in a book referring to these Amazons, and he decides to take a little time trip to take a look-see.
Which brings me to my
second misconception. See, I had always thought the Amazons came from
Paradise Island, a.k.a.
Themiscyra, and that it was somewhere in the Mediterranean/Black Sea region, where the classical Greeks might come across it...or at least the Atlantic, right?
Wrong again.
D'oh!! The Amazons come from...
the Amazon!! How obvious in hindsight!! I suppose now we know the true owners of Amazon.com...
My next misconception? I had thought Amazons to be a fierce warrior race.
Nope...they need a WASP male from the future to save their bacon!
Hmm, I guess Flip isn't concerned with preserving the timeline here...Fortunately, these particular conquistadors
neglected to bring their firearms, so Flip quite easily whoops them.
Fun Fact: there was an obvious coloring error in the story, because while the Spaniards clearly were fully clothed earlier, the last two pages of the story had them running around like this:
Uhhh....
ewww.
Anyway, using his
futuristic white male wisdom, Flip Falcon doles out important advice to the Amazons:
Ah, Flip...since you were in the area, couldn't you have warned any of the
other nearby peoples? Or do you only rescue races of hot women??
Since men know best, these meek and mild Amazons
run away from from potential conquerors...
And there they surely remain, huddled together in the deepest depths of the rain forest, awaiting the return of Flip Falcon to tell them that it's safe to come out. And waiting...and
waiting...packing up low-cost books and DVD for shipments to consumers worldwide...
So thank you, Flip Falcon, for setting me right on so much about the Amazons!!
Flip Falcon educates us in Fantastic Comics #9 (1940). Interesting note--for his first few adventures, he was known as Flick Falcon...