Happiness Needs Hope

It may be very small things that go right

Search if you need to

But find some things

Find one thing

Find any reason to 

Give Hope 

To

Happiness....
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Remember

I love this picture

It reminds me that no matter how hopeless it seems

No matter how little control I may have
No matter how discouraged I feel 

No matter how much others may not see
(or agree) with my choices, my actions, my directions

This picture reminds me Aristotle was right.....

Criticism is something we can avoid easily

by saying nothing, doing nothing,

and being nothing.

Aristotle

Age, Social Security And AP

 

So lengthy the list, so many concerns that the world
holds to worry over...

 

The massive (and unexplained) right whale die off.
Perhaps only 500 remain.

(perhaps if we'd not allowed them to be whaled into near non-existence
as a society of humans they'd not now be imperiled)

An article published eight hours ago by AP exclaiming Social Security
and Medicare are quote: 'shifiting money from younger generations to older ones'

Perhaps it should be mentioned in the article just how many thousands of
dollars each working adult was obliged to pay into these programs
And now, much like a deposit bank account seek only to access those funds.
Not to live as royalty.
But to live modestly.
To avoid eating cat food
(did you know elders are one of the higher poverty groups)?

 

I wish the article would have mentioned that a large (and larger) portion
of each elders' Social Security payments are
dedicated to paying numerous taxes.

*school taxes (benefiting the young not the old)
*taxes for WIC and CHP (benefiting the young, not the old)

 

Monies that were deducted (from every single lifelong paycheck)
returned via Soc Sec payments pay county taxes and state taxes

for roadways, snow clearing, improvements
libraries, fire and police

Services that benefit young and older adults.
Some that benefit younger adults more.
Road use for example as non-retirees are on the roads more than retired adults.
Much of what Soc Sec payees continue to support with their small checks
assist young adults, building their lives, heading to work
shaping and living their lives as those, now older, did.

 

I deeply wish AP would have mentioned that those
who have reached the milestone of Soc Sec and Medicare
are simply (as promised) accessing  those funds
  demanded of them from a lifetime of paychecks.

The fact this current retiring generation is large means that
there is more need. It also means there was (for decade upon decade)
more taken in, gathered, collected, stockpiled than any other generation.
The math should work. We, the graying, had no control over how
the funds were managed, handled, invested, borrowed or otherwise controlled.

Getting older, being older, should not be a cause for blame.

We, inching our way closer to retirement who have done as demanded
paid and paid and paid. With the agreement it would be there for us at a
predetermined age. It shocks and wearies me to find AP (or any group)
pointing to the aging as the villains, harming the younger, by now being old.

Easy tho we are to 'blame'

 

These are the mornings, the days when I gather my camera and my thoughts

and walk among the trees and fields. The sprouting crops, the nesting birds.
The blooms.
 

No accusations are called out. The young animals move more quickly than the old.
Young mother cows, goats and birds feed their young. The older graze, looking on
now in a different phase of life.
Neither thinks itself better or worse, more or less of value.
They contentedly co-exist.

I love these acres, this farm, these truths.
The cycles of life are understood here.

No anger. 

Just each life taking its turn.

 

Every living thing grows older
Grows old
Grows weaker

Needs a bit of help

 

In animal nature, the younger of the herd, doesn't begrudge
the elders their share of green spring grass
or their spot in the shade of the trees in July.
Nor their place in the barn in the winter.
The elders don't blame the young that they will die
or become freezer food for winter. Or food bartered for firewood or
a tractor repair or seed or manure
for next spring.
 

How tragic it will be if that can not be said of humans. If the young and old do not each support the place in life that we both currently occupy without resentment.
 

In Patagonia they suspect that one of the reasons the right wales are dying
is because recently the gulls have taken to pecking (and consuming) the backs

of the right whales (adults and calves) when they rise for air.

There is no known reason the gulls do so. It's a new behavior.

There is enough food, enough space for the whales and the gulls according to
the marine biologists who study this cruel new gull behavior.

There is a proposition to kill the gulls

to save the right whale mothers and calves.

  

I worry. I hope.
For the right whales.

For the gulls.
For all ages of humans.

 

Right whales rise to breath air.
Gulls scavenge.
 Humans live a full life and grow older every day.
With luck we all do what nature intends and live a full life.

 

We're all part of the intertwined cycle.
Part of the circle.
None escape age.

 

I wish AP, journalists, communities, humans in general
would talk of and write about the entire journey of life.
Of compassion. Of seeking solutions rather than pitting
gulls against whales, young against old(er).

If only there were discussions regarding the full and entire truth.
Elder social support is essential because everyone is (eventually)
going to be older and move slower. Sleep more. See and hear less clearly.
Hope (and need) to step away from work
 (opening up a job for someone younger). 

There is a quote that says we are only as good, as worthwhile
as we treat animals, those in need, those weak, those young and helpless,

sick and infirm. To that I would add also, those of age.

 

Advanced age is a doorway each of you reading has walked thru
or is heading towards...
There is no sidestepping it.

Points to  ponder as we have the opportunity to influence
our government, our representatives.
Points to ponder as choices and votes on Soc Security and Medicare

are put forward. Decisions made now that will touch each of us.

  ~~~

Now I'm heading out with my camera to take some pictures
and find some peace.

 

Thanks for reading....

 

Happiness vs Contentment Peacock vs Wren



There is an endless search in the human heart (and on every bookshelf and late nite cable channel) to learn how to be, 'happy' - preferably (or laughably) all the time. What an odd thought. What a pointless quest.  Happy comes. Happy goes. It's transitory, elusive, uncommandable, uncontrollable.  Happiness is the rain, the birdsong, the unpredictable gift that arrives of it's own accord. Not scheduled, ordered, planned. Read all the self-help books you care to, you won't (IMHO) discover  the place happiness lives, allowing you to visit it any time you want.

Sad? Depressing? Angering? Hopeless?  Oh no, not at all.

Because tho I grant you it's only my opinion drawn from my thus-far life experience, it's easy to confuse happiness with contentment. Contentment, unlike happiness is something you can plant and grow in your mind, your heart, your outlook.

On any average day you won't necessarily find something to be 'happy about' but what you can (tragedy aside) always find in any average day are a lot of things to feel content about.

Waking up (for starters) because you have a new day ahead of you.

The smell of coffee brewing. The way the warm cup feels in your hands.
A moment, gazing out the window while you sip it.

A person in your life you love - any person - the details don't matter, do they?
A person in your life who loves you - any person, relationship, details unimportant
And if you are very truly lucky you love each other (not as common as one would think). Lots of people love someone who doesn't love them back the same way. Or at all. Or with the same depth. Again it doesn't really matter what relationship is - you and your mother/father/brother/sister/friend/husband/wife/child/boy/girlfriend.

It's the love not the relationship.

You'd be surprised (we'd all be surprised) at how very many people go thru life never loving or feeling loved or never feeling loved the same way they love someone.

If you have any or all of those sorts of love you have one of the best foundations of contentment.

Decide to do one thing in the day - just one thing - you feel good about.  Something at home, at work, in your community. For a neighbor, friend, family member, stranger. Doesn't have to be large or dynamic. Doesn't have to be noticed. The point is that it made you feel good. That it made you smile to yourself.  Contentment.

See how easy contentment is to find? Not like that primadonna happiness, lol

Of course you have to choose to find contentment too. Nothing (but nothing) (except maybe for bills lol) will just appear - and contentment is no different. But it abounds every day all day unlike happiness. Think wren vs peacock ratio.  How many wrens do you see in a day? How many peacocks?

There were days (oh there were more than days) I used to wonder why I didn't feel 'happy'. And it made me feel inadequate, sad, cheated, angry, empty, frustrated, pissed, misunderstood. When I decided to take my heart in hand and go a-seeking contentment my days became so full of things to count I was surprised. Surprised at all I found. Surprised how much better I felt (and yes of course I have crap days, lol)  Nobody has only good days. But nobody has only awful days either. It's just a bad, bad (really bad) habit that we as a society have developed to think we should/could/will ever be 'happy' all the time. I was on the top of the list of happiness seeking addicts, so I know...

But year after year on the farm I watched crops, seasons, life, death, priorities dancing and dueling . A lot of years,j a great deal of thinking. Years taking my own internal inventory. Years of being honest and realistic with my own self  taught me the difference between happiness and contentment. Taught me the value and reliability - and availability - of both of them.

I'll take my glass (any part full) of simple contentment over an empty glass waiting to be filled with  'happiness' any day - seven days a week, twenty four hours a day.

So there you have it, my heart, my thoughts. My words for what they're worth. Hold close what may help you ~ sweep aside what does not ~ either way, thank you for reading....

Rough draft excerpt from the upcoming book
Copyright 2013



She Wondered

 

 

When she was eight, she'd wander down to the barn
And under the Summer sky she wondered
Of which is there more.....
Happy or Sad?

 

 

When she was twelve, she wondered
Of which is there more
Challenge or Ease?

 

 

When she was sixteen she wondered
Of which is there more
Pleasure or pain?

 

When she was twenty she wondered
Which was stronger....

Cruelty or kindness?

 

At thirty, she wondered (often)

Which was rewarded....
Honor or deceit?

 

At forty, she pondered
The meaning of life
The paths she'd chosen

(and the ones she hadn't)

 

By fifty she wondered
How she's arrived

Where she found herself

 

By sixty, seventy and eighty

Her hair grey, her stature shortened
Her heart weary ~ but full ~
She now spent her days knowing
There were no right nor wrong answers

No correct paths

No love unworthy of the pain of loss

No challenge unworthy of effort

 

She smiled to herself as she realized
She'd had all the answers at eight

There are happy days
There are sad days

 

There is it turned out
(all wondering aside)

Just the living of your life...

(Text by Issy Copyright 2013)

 

And So It Goes

Ancient Direction Stone North South East West
 

No matter how you chart your course
Navigate your life

Live your days

At some point

At some time

You'll hurt someone
Disappoint someone
Leave someone feeling let down or betrayed....

 

The best choice for you
May feel like the worst choice to them

 

Opinions

Clash

Collide

Conflict

Confound

 

Needs

Are so very individual

Unique

Variable

Unexplainable

Unfathomable

To anyone but the person feeling them, living them

Seeking to fulfill them

 

And so it goes....

 

To choose for the needs of others?

Or for your heart?

No right, no wrong

 

Lots of guilt

Sometimes anger

 

Still the dance goes on...
Sometimes a waltz in 4/4 time
Sometimes to a syncopated (and fractured) beat

 

It's best to strive to see the other shore
No matter which side you currently stand upon

 

And at the end of each day if you can say
You caused no intentional harm

Even while doing what you knew you had to do

For your own self

Then, I suspect

Fate and Karma

Will understand

 

It's getting other humans to do the same
To agree to disagree
To set aside their indignation

At your refusal of their version of 'right'
That presents the

Difficulty

And

Challenge

 

And so it goes.....

If I Had To Choose

 

 

If I named a daughter

If I got a word tattooed
If I had a wish, a cherished thing
That I would want for you

If I could count the value
Of only just one thing
One alone that mattered
Far more than other things

Where there a time
When only one
Emotion could I feel
If I had to winnow down
To one in my souls' kreel

 

A name, a tatoo, wish or gift
A value point ascribed
A sole and lone emotion
To be my only guide?

It'd take me just one heartbeat
To choose (If you asked me)
The answer to each one's the same.
HOPE

Is what it'd be .... 

(text copyright Issy aka woman seeking center 1/2013)

What Wars Are Raging....

Have compassion for everyone you meet even when they don’t want it.

 

What seems conceit or bad manners or cynicism

is often a sign of things no ears have heard, no eyes have seen.

 

You do not know what wars are going on 

where the spirit meets the bone.
 

Miller Williams

Thankfulness And Expectations

Thanksgiving.
The word, the concept and the holiday.
Each are seemingly straightforward (one would think).
One would be wrong.

Because amid the gray Thursdays, black Fridays, cyber Mondays and Plaid Saturdays
I put forward the possibility that we've grown a bit lost. And not only on
holiday-shopping-extravaganza-days....

 

There's no part of me that doesn't enjoy shopping, lol
For food or fun or vintage or material or (fill in the blank, lol)

And yet....and yet...

I can't escape the sound of chewing upon on the edge of my mind that says
"what about what you already HAVE"?

 

It seems endemic that the moment we 'have it' (whatever it may be)

it's counted as a given, irrevocable, permanent. No need to be

thankful for things one already possesses...Or is there?

Isn't that one of the foundation stones of Thanksgiving? Of life?

 

Life has shared with me that one of her profound truths is the transitory nature of everything.

Life itself, possessions, dreams, hopes, failure, success, power, health, weakness.
All things change, alter.
Yet it's so common within our society to expect what we have will remain the same.

One of the astounding, ever-present, beautiful and 'oft distressing aspects
of farm life is the dynamic day to day illustration precisely how life alters, changes.

Crops grow. Crops fail. Animals live and die. Hawks soar, animals they overfly become dinner. Winter snow and Summer rains become water in the well to sustain life for all on the farm.

 

There are times things go wrong. Things change.

Not enough water, not enough sun. Animal illness. Human illness. Insufficient firewood. It's perhaps easier to remain in touch here on this land,  depending upon nature and chance to see the truth that food, warmth, ease and contentment are not a 'given', not secured. Not permanent. Not by any amount of work or money or intention or hope. There are times things go wrong.

 

Those thoughts, the realities that I see all thru the year instigated the chewing, the wondering at the edges of my mind if it isn't important on Thanksgiving (and every day) to be thankful for the things we oh-so-casually are inclined to think of as permanent.

Because permanent is a word and an illusion, but is rarely if ever a truth or a fact.

 

I have never been desperately hungry or cold.
I have never been without decent clothing.

I have never been without a shower or tub.

I've never faced war or personal violence.

I have, thus far, had more to be thankful for

 than I tend to think of as often or deeply as I should.
I shouldn't think of any of these (or my other comforts and joys)
as permanent, as irrevokable as unchangeable, should I?

 

What I desire, what I seek can overshadow or eclipse

what I have if I don't pay attention.

 

Hey, I don't believe gray, black, cyber and plaid days can't coexist with thankfulness. I simply plan to remind myself things are not the foundation of Thanksgiving, nor of happiness, nor of life.

 

On All Hallows, Always

Each Hallows of my life

I shall stand for a moment, silently, amid the power of nature
And acknowledge her wisdom ~ respect her power.

 

Each Hollows my heart beats
I shall pause, remembering with honor, my ancestors.
Their lessons thru the ages, now mine,
As mine will  pass one day into the future.

Each hollows that I again gaze upon the last October night
The full and perfect moon above, icon of magic and mystery
I will marvel at things known only to those of ancient ways

 

Each Hallows as the earth gives the last of her gifts
Turning towards her harsher, harder side

Until she brings Spring again
I will pause

Pause to remember, to celebrate, to understand that I am 

One single thread within the fabric of time.

Within the ancient traditions

Of earth and sky, fire and water.
Charged with the gift of another year
Of striving. Learning. Sowing kindness.

Until Samhain arrives upon the calendar of days once again.
And once again I am reminded of precisely
How important ~ and unimportant ~ I am ~ amid it all
Single thread in the fabric that I am...

 

Fear

Part of the farm woodlands

I've spent a great deal of time since buying the farm, arriving battled and broken, pondering emotions. Fear is one of them. Such a primal emotion, so intense and undying if left to it's own devices. It has an endless and ever-evolving lifespan. How easy it is to step from one fear to the next. And if by some fluke there's no immediate panic of you own you'll soon be presented with a variety via news, public place conversation, family, coworkers, friends. Often well meaning yet (IME) devastating to quality of life if absorbed on a steady, frequent basis.

There is a vast difference between people sharing difficult worry or events, discussing options, comforting one another, seeking solutions and the general, ongoing fear I'm refering to. What is odd about most fear that obsesses people if allowed to (myself included) is that it isn't personal event related. Rather it's woven of vague possibilities or lack of control - brought to attention by politics or commercials or facebook or weather stations or newspapers or such. Worst of all this sort of fear seems to reject any and all possible solution.

Like an itch that can't be scratched away, fear seems to endlessly replicate and as humans we drift (in many instances) towards allowing it to sit in the drivers seat - either by ignoring possible options - or if no solution is visible - letting it grip us rather than resist the damage it inflicts.

I know - I do. For years it ruled me with wild abandon. I'd hate to count the cumulative time I allowed it to steal from me (thinking of the potentially calm or happy hours it consumed) because I allowed it to. Handed it the keys. Opened the door to the drivers side of my mind. Then I seated myself in the passenger seat. As fear floored it, speed racing with my mind, dodging truth, avoiding solutions, hanging two wheels off the cliff edge of sanity, I remained in the passenger seat (without even buckling my seatbelt).

When the farm and I found each other people began to share with me how fearful they were that it was an ill advised idea (the farm) sharing their (well intentioned) fears. I was afraid. My checkbook was scared sh*tless. Banks and insurance companies were hysterical. Complete strangers feared for me (and shared their fears with me). I sensed I had to choose. Choose between giving the 'drivers keys' to fear and sitting meekly thru endless wild rides in my mind. OR I could begin to drive myself - at least some of the time. I chose the latter and it was, I hate to admit, a good deal more difficult to do than to say. As I began repairing the farm, putting her back together, I was determined to rebuild myself. Repairing both of us, to better than when we'd started  .

I began to watch less  (eventually little to no) news.  Cancelled the paper. Saw less of (or paid less heed to)  those who 'feared for me and my choices'. Because after all, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Tho the best help to me EVER in controlling fear (and I'd have it tatooed if I weren't a wimp, lol) is:  if you keep doing the same thing you've always done, you'll continue to get the same results you've always gotten.  Brilliant and true! I added new behaviours to combat fear, about something actual or imagined. When I'd wake up in the night in a cold sweat I'd make lists, look for solutions, beat fear back with a stick. I'd choose and try something, ANYthing to defeat what I was fearing because action IS control - results aside - doing SOMEthing is better than nothing (another newsflash for me, lol).

Little by little I gained ground against fear, useless lout that he is. At  least now he had to ASK for the keys. It was a start.  In the weeks, months and years that followed I began to teach myself to carefully choose (or avoid when appropriate) fear inducing interactions/events/input. Again I must stress, I'm not refering to listening or sharing real life concerns or problem solving but rather the vague-y, dark cloud-y, soap opera-ish, stock market-y, pharmaceutical-y, insurance-ish, chickenlittle-y sort of fear.

These days, I struggle still. Part of life. Part of living. Part of growing.
(what's that saying? If you're not a little afraid you need to try something new! lol)
But more days are calm, productive, content.  More hours are spent seeking solutions than worrying in a circle of indecision. More nites are filled with tired well earned sleep.

Best of all, while I haven't gotten fear out of the car altogether, I do have him locked in the trunk....

So many emotions in life - so many good ones. 
Try to move fear to the bottom of the list (or into the trunk!) whenever you can.

A Farmer Parable

A  Parable



Long ago the story was first told of a farmer who worked his fields.  He had little money and only a single horse for plowing. One afternoon his horse ran away. Everyone who knew him said, “what a horrible thing to happen.” The farmer replied, “we’ll see.”

Several days later his horse returned accompanied by two wild horses. Everyone who knew him now exclaimed  “What a lucky man!”  The farmer replied “we’ll see.”

Later in the week the young son of the farmer attempted riding one of the wild horses but it bucked him off breaking his leg. Everyone shook their heads and said “poor fellow!” The farmer simply said, “we’ll see.”

The day following the accident, the army arrived in the farmers small village seeking to draft recruits. Upon seeing the son had a broken leg  they passed him by for recruitment. Everyone said “such a fortunate young man".

The farmer smiled and, as he always did, said yet again “we’ll see.”

                                                                             ~~~~~
I've always loved this parable. It reminds me that life, luck, and destiny shift and alter. Things are seldom exactly as the appear - what may seem to be a disaster is the seed of an answer. What may seem perfect in fact isn't.  Reality dances.

Above all life isn't static, but instead a journey.  Flexibility and perspective are everything.....

Intensity

My apology for having missed Monday Muse-Day this week

I won't lie. Recent days have been intense and unsettling.

Decisions to be sorted, approaches to be considered.
Actions, re-actions and emotions to be

evaluated, bridled and reined in, down to a functional gallop
(rearing and snorting render no progress down the trail).

  I wish there were 'signs'

direct, straight-forward indicators

advising me of the best course at such

times...

I'd love some indicator(s) to assist as I choose

 direction, action, words, tone, bonding, severing

facial expression, solutions(s), bribe, threat? (lol),

commitment, abandonment, encourage-discourage-ment.
Rally the forces, go it alone, stop, proceed, turn 180, turn 360,

scrap an idea, an entire project, scrap the naysayers, scrap some relationships,
confront, avoid be angry, annoyed? Be relieved, released.

Refocus? Redirect?

Re-Invent?

Responsibility? Resolution? Reconstitution? 

Revolution?
 (as in the personal variety)

You know, I need only a subtle sign from the universe...
That would be astoundingly helpful.

 Because there are times, there are situations,

there are dynamics vectored in such a way

that it is simply impossible to even guess the 

the correct choice - in both practical terms

and karmic terms...

A low-key straight-forward

sign from the universe.

That's what I need...

So, if I'm a bit absent from 'woman seeking' it's only due to the fact

 I'm out walking, pondering, considering, 'sign-seeking' ...
Amid the woods and fields, within the old barn timbers.
I'll seek a word with the sparrows and crows.

Excellent consultants, one and all....

Wish me luck

**nothing health related or dreadful afoot,
so to those who would worry don't.
Tis all life/work/interaction/decisions related.
Maddening but (happily) not threatening

(except to my sanity :-) **

Farm Elementals

                                                           FARM  ELEMENTS

                                                        Fire, Water, Earth and Sky

                                                                     WATER

Every now and then nature reminds us 'who's in charge'.  She re~schools us in the concept of  'balance'. All things in proportion are best.  She nudges us (or if you know NCIS? she gives us a Gibbs/DiNozzo head slap, lol)  Lest we forget, that no matter how clever we are, no matter what science or tech at our disposal, SHE controls the deciding vote, the 51% ownership. SHE is the one who calls the shots. SHE gives life SHE denies life. SHE is the one who must be obeyed.  Killing snow in April, Killing frost in May, Killing drought in June and July.  She's reduced me to turning the water off while brushing my teeth ~ a farm water well survival skill.  She's prodded me into using dish pans (one to wash, one to rinse) which in turn allows for more water for laundry (a task carefully thought out and planned in drought, lol).  Happily this farm has a small creek that flows all year, even in harsh drought. Not helpful for drinking and cooking, but sustaining for plants, animals. Hand carrying/distributing water for any need is (I suspect) how Advil came to be invented, roflmao.  Rain barrels also are a marvel of 'found' extra water (tho only if it rains!)

* If ever you seek a farm strive for good source(s) of all manner of water ~ for people plant & animal*

It seems that today, for whatever reason, SHE decided we'd been sufficiently reminded and gave us rain - it began in the night and has lasted thus far all day - rain, glorious & wet, ever disappearing into the land as fast as it falls.  I may throw caution to the wind and run the water the entire time I brush my teeth and wash my hair tonite  :-)  Even as I considered such behaviors I do believe I heard HER say, "remember who's got the power here"!  and then she laughed and added 'just sayin'...

What Matters Most Is The Attempt ~ Success Is A Bonus



Along The Edge Of The Original Cattle Pasture 

"It is not the critic that counts, not the man who points out how a strong man stumbled, or the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes up short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat."

Theodore Roosevelt

Sometimes You Beat The Bird, Sometimes The Bird Beats You

Notice the cute small bird on my planter?

Cute as a button and stubborn as a mule, lol!

This wee creature began a nest on the top of one of my
porch columns. Late in the season for nest creation.
Hers was well built, a lot of hard work. Mud, hay, moss. Impressive.
Still I had to dissuade her. An excellent location for her, not so much for me
or for the porch. Or screen door, or the windows, or the furniture or cushions.

I moved with decisive stealth and vigor!

I removed her nest before egging occurred.

I did so once.

Twice.

Three times.

FOUR times.
FIVE times

(while reminding her who was in charge here) lol

SIX TIMES OH MY GOSH LITTLE BIRD!

Then I remembered an old plastic owl that I'd had in the gardens, now in the barn. Out it came, to see if it could deter little bird, set up a sense of predator drama in her mind. I captured this picture of little bird confronted with big bad scary owl during their first beak to beak meeting...

(and yes there IS a PAINT can in the image, always a paint can!

I will perish with a paint can in-hand lol)

Little bird studies the turn of events.
She ponders.

She considers.

~~~~

What I did not catch was an image of the sight of little bird
not only sitting near to but snuggled up to owl
Oh little bird, you vex me, yet I admire your moxie!

Sometimes you beat the (little) bird

Sometimes the (little) bird beats you lol

 

(excerpt from the ever growing pages/chapters of

my humble attempt at a first book. The sum of which chronicles

the entire story: the why, how & adventure of how I came to the farm,

to life in farm country. Of what forced, what sent me seeking, finding, repairing

and hesitantly loving this once decrepit old farm. The journey that began at a time

when most are 'sizing down'. The tiny little massive huge sad wonderful scary brave

story of how I lost my mind and my heart and set off on my lunatic, ill-advised escape!)



Do Not Heed The "T"

I'd Meant to tell you #2

The other day

(I beg you not to query which or what
day it was for I'm I'm 'oft found unable to pin
the proper 'day-name to a given moment in time)

It's my favorite way for time to be - full yet unconfined....

So, the other day while pulling and preening images of the farm

which comprise the pages to the book of my life here I found this shot.
Tucked amid the curious & heartwarming & harsh & comforting &

the immediate of my now within
the ever-long-reaching timeline of the farm herself
I found this image.

It's an oddly angled shot of the farms' coffin door and her main door
A picture I took in the very early days after my arrival.
Odd. Not the finest composition nor quality.
 This image has filtered past my vision more times that I could recall

It's a simple unassuming shot

The other day, for reasons I have learned not to question
it had something to say.

Something to tell me

as it appeared yet again

as it hovered dutifully before me

It struck me as somehow different.

What I knew instinctively is that the image was no different than ever it has been.

What I've come to understand (because farm taught and I listened ~ eventually)
is that I have changed & with that I am able to see, to connect, to understand,

to grasp the message within this image...

What I'd meant to tell you is

that this picture so long ago captured
reminded me there are almost always

two doors to choose from

One door you may desire ~ the other not a bit

One may call to you, yet you find it locked

It may be you enter one door
only to exit from the door opposite

You could go in one door and exit from neither....

And there's even the possibility of

hovering between
the two doors
lost in evaluation

or frozen in fear

considering options
and outcomes
looking for some guarantee

Options require choices
Choices are 'oft neither simple nor clear
Evaluation and Fear should  not
Be confused, one for the other

This pictures's been patiently waiting
to tell me or perhaps remind me
of all of these things

And I'd meant to tell, to share, with you...

Text and Image by FIDF Copyright 2012

Stop Look Notice

One of the (many) lessons that arrived (for me) with life experience

was the awareness & understanding that each day arrives and departs

"never to be lived again"

Initially that awareness distressed me. Profoundly.

Tho it wasn't news to the universe

or a concept I'd never considered

it arrived at mid-life as a point of reference

that I was foolhardy to ignore.

I felt immediately obligated even perhaps stressed

to layer even more

into my already frenetic days on the farm.

Exhausted, stressed and vexed it (eventually) occurred to me

that greater happiness was awaiting me 

not in greater quantity but deeper quality.

I came to understand that life was unfolding hour by hour

and the choice lay not in how much I could accomplish in each day

but rather how much I could - or would - choose to enjoy

within each moment of each day.

In other words, Live smaller

A phrase found often in financial advice and ecologic terms.

But I believe it applies to time also.

At least it does for me.....

My efforts to alter my perception and habits

 began as most do,  rather stintedly lol

Tho it was sometimes impossible, any day I could I reduced

my 'must do' list (which incidentally drove me insane initially)

That provided the window of time to

stop, look notice

to improve the quality of life

(akin to stop, drop and roll for fire)

When grocery shopping I forced myself to notice

the colors in the produce aisle

the artwork on the boxes.

(I admit, I was exceedingly self conscious,

& hoping no one noticed me standing & staring lol)

Hanging up laundry I made a point

of putting the basket down

and turning in a full circle

to absorb the view

of each season.

Slowly. Purposefully.

Soul-filling-ly

(less self consciously as only the birds were observing)

Each attempt I felt less absurd

Each time I gained a grain of renewal

Tho I accomplished less each day

my world did not unravel.

 While fewer items were crossed off

my mental or actual 'to do' list my

previously frenetic world did not end.

Amazing...

Over time I increased my number

of

stop, look, notice

exercises

and as the week and months passed

two astounding truths emerged:

*I was still accomplishing a tremendous amount*

*I was happier than I had ever been*

when I strived only for efficiency

Astounding yet again

Eventually I began to think of each day

as a scavenger hunt 

What could I see or hear that I'd previously

passed by in my 'oh-so-efficient' days?

So simple these efforts to notice detail

surrounding the flow of moments in my days

 yet so rewarding.

And an amazing easing of the pressures

of life of doom/gloom/stress

 of sadness/worry/angst

accompanied this change in focus

I was applying to most of my days.

Moving forward to the farm years

and the future as it continues to unfold:

Always, always my camera is in one pocket

my notepad and pen/pencil in the other

I delve deeper still via image and words

into the scavenger hunt....

Seeking he viewed but not observed sights

catching the heard but not listened to sounds

for myself, for sharing here with you

Magic for the taking

Held within

each and every

day

of

life

around me.....

And I grow more contented still

Of course there are days, weeks that demand my

undivided attention and times that cause stress.

Those times are part and parcel of being a

responsible connected bill paying human.

But here is my hope....

  perhaps one person finds these words

locates a thread of truth within them

and learns sooner than I did

to stop, look and notice

their world

To that person

I say:

Here's to finding yourself

standing somewhere

self consciously

looking & seeing

& seeking...

Photo and text copyright FIDF 2012

A Logger, A Beloved Tree, A Story

Have you learned of the curious and touching saga
of Frank Knight (a professional logger by trade)

and his heart~legacy elm?
Have you read of the decades he devoted

to protecting New England's tallest elm tree?
( a tree ancient and venerable at 217 years)

Have you heard their saga?

~ If not you should ~

It is a study of

seemingly opposing sides

of a coin caring

for each other.

It is a lesson in dedication,
a lesson in defending

something dear to your heart.

It is a saga

written by the deeds of one man
and a single tree

that (it seems to me)

enriched the world by

example.

And now that the final chapter

has been penned for them both

 the saga continues
 teaches still...

Mr Knight, in his way,
touched those who observed
his dedication
touched those who now honor him

and honor that which he 

so deeply cared for.

It's a simple, inspiring, lovely saga

a reminder to each of us

that we all hold seeds of inspiration.

Plant your seeds

Travel gently,
travel together
logger and elm....