Cliff Richard - Where Do We Go From Here (EMI)

Nobody actually buys Cliff's records. What's happened is that he's discovered this formula that keeps you looking young at 40 and the drug companies want to flog it to the public. To make sure it works they're keeping him in the limelight for the next few years to prove it works by buying up all his dreadful singles. Of course, it could be that it's having Jesus on your side that gives you hits. But what about Sue Barker? Well, love's an even bigger mystery than the reason why old men like Cliff have hits. Let's face it, have you ever recognised his voice before you're told it's Cliff singing? (Simon Hills, Record Mirror, September 18, 1982)

Aztec Camera - Pillar To Post (Rough Trade)

Great hook, great lyrics and great production do not make a hit single when the voice is weaker than a Tony Blackburn joke. When nice Scots boys can sing, they'll have hits. (Simon Hills, Record Mirror, September 18, 1982)

Appealing song, with more than a slight debt to 60s beat music, strong in the chorus but inclined to limp a little in the verse. (David Hepworth, Smash Hits, September 2, 1982)

Fad Gadget - Life On The Line (Mute)

A very dull song with synthesizers that sounds like it's being sung from inside a bag. Some people think these Yazoo stablemates are interesting, but that's probably because they're Yazoo stablemates. (Simon Hills, Record Mirror, September 18, 1982)

Dollar - Give Me Some Kind Of Magic (WEA)

Now it might be trendy to get into clever production - and this has all the harmonies and handclaps you could wish for - but for God's sake it's still vacuous, uninspired and forgettable. Dollar should be left to mums and trendies from London's cocktail bars. (Simon Hills, Record Mirror, September 18, 1982)

The Girls - Sally Go Round The Roses (Aura)

Bananarama soundalikes that manage some rich harmonies; but the band's so bad they should all go and read their Bert Weedon Learn To Play With Yourself In A Day forthwith. (Simon Hills, Record Mirror, September 18, 1982)

Blue Zoo - Cry Boy Cry (Magnet)

Pretentious, meaningless rubbish that could be a heavy metal record with a change here and there. This is bland, uninspired and dreadfully over-produced disco/pop from nice boys who look as if they come from nice suburban homes. Still, if Duran Duran can do it... (Simon Hills, Record Mirror, September 18, 1982)

Rick James - Hard To Get (Motown)

Mr James is a funk person who dresses like a Heavy Metalleer. This thumps along fairly monotonously while Ricky decides to pursue a member of the opposite sex. Whoever the young lady unfortunate enough to be the object of his infections is, I for one hope she gets away. (Dave Rimmer, Smash Hits, September 16, 1982)

If you're proud to be British you'll forget this so-called "star" who means as much here as a soggy chip...and 'Hard To Get' has as much impact. Weak voice, weak song and pathetic image, leave him to the Yanks. (Simon Hills, Record Mirror, September 18, 1982)

Tears For Fears - Mad World (Mercury)

Ooh look. Here's another one. Gardner and Smith break into a tuneless chorus of Cat Stevens' "Matthew And Son" - and it does sound like it. (Simon Hills, Record Mirror, September 18, 1982)

It's only a matter of time before this tuneful electro-duo have a hit. This may not be the one, but it does grow on you and the occasional rapid-fire brass riff pushes it along nicely. (Johnny Black, Smash Hits, September 30, 1982)

Ultravox - Reap The Wild Wind (Chrysalis)

Perhaps it's because Midge Ure was brought up in a Glasgow tenement that he feels compelled to write such pompous music. Cue dry ice and huge banks of lights for this mass of swirling synthesizers wrapping pure commercial pop. Beatles men George Martin and Geoff Emerick produced this to make it sound like the pop equivalent of heavy metal's Rush. (Simon Hills, Record Mirror, September 18, 1982)

I feel I should like Ultravox but, like so much of their material, this is medium-paced with mediocre meaningless lyrics set to inconsequential standardised electronics. It starts, it goes on a bit, it fades out. Nothing happens. Maybe it will have a great video, though. (Johnny Black, Smash Hits, September 30, 1982)

Mobiles - You're Not Alone (Rialto)

Unfortunately, the band didn't drown in Berlin [referencing an earlier hit single] and resurface again with what amounts to sub-Banshees drivel. Big in their home town of Eastbourne where the three per cent population under 65 take the Mobiles and Christmas very seriously. (Simon Hills, Record Mirror, November 20, 1982)

Prince And The Revolution - Girls And Boys (WEA)

If Morecambe and Wise ever lent their gifted gabble to a snake-charming sketch, "Girls And Boys" should undoubtedly have been the soundtrack. Utterly ludicrous swaying rhythm and a voice sounding like it's spent a sojourn in a cement-mixer. Scummier than coffee from the rm drinks machine and less sexed than a neutered ant. The purest tackerama on two legs comes good, again. (No innuendo intended - smutheads!) (Lesley O'Toole, Record Mirror, August 16, 1986)

Yes, Prince is back on form after the disaster of his last single "Mountains". This is the third track from the Parade LP and it has lots of groovy sax, lots of mumbling in French, I think there's even a rude word or two. All in all a typical Prince outing. Good, but not special enough for anything other than sized chart success. 4/5 (Pat Thomas, No 1, August 16, 1986)

Released in place of "Anotherloverholenyohead." The drums sound like someone banging a wooden spoon on an Addis flip-top bin turned upside down; the cymbals sound like someone tapping a Lucozade bottle with a penknife, and Prince sings things like "she had the cutest ass he'd ever seen" and it's totally brilliant. (Simon Hills, Smash Hits, August 13, 1986)

The Stranglers - Nice In Nice (Epic)

A rags to riches tale that bobs along with an alarming lack of dignity. The lads have had their moments of glittering glory - this ain't another to add to the roster. Either a piss-take or twee in the extreme. Return to suntanned senders and assign cold showers at random. (Lesley O'Toole, Record Mirror, August 16, 1986)

'Nice', as in pleasant, opposite to nasty or horrid; 'Nice' as in v. chic city on the Cote D'Azur in the South of France. Clever, eh? This is quite a good song about a spoilt girl who's 'got diamond rings from her Dad.' I like Hugh Cornwell because he hisses when he sings and I'll always have a soft spot for The Stranglers because they once did a song, "Go Buddy Go", which went "Boooooooogie!" (Simon Hills, Smash Hits, August 13, 1986)

Oh dear. Another rich-girl-who's-going-to-break-all-the-boys-hearts saga. In the old days if some tarty rich girl had tried to break one of the Men in Black's hearts they would have broken her jaw and kicked her in the shins for good measure. These days they just sit there and take it. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. A dirge. 2/5 (Pat Thomas, No 1, August 16, 1986)

Tight Fit - Love The One You're With (Jive)

Hunky Steve [Grant] resurrects an early '70s number first recorded by Steve Stills (still a member of arch hippies Crosby, Stills & Nash). To say it's dull is a bit like putting The Tweets in the same class as David Bowie. Over and out. (Ian Birch, Smash Hits, October 13, 1983)

Old Steve Grant and two more enormous women try and take off Yazoo's synthesizer style and trip over their massive forms in the process. A ridiculous record by ridiculous people who would be better off modelling Brutus jeans and the like. Still, it'll pay for the odd Club 30 holiday or two. (Simon Hills, Record Mirror, October 8, 1983)

Mari Wilson - Ain't That Peculiar (Compact)

And a warm welcome back to the former Junior Dive Board Champion for the London Borough of Brent, now sporting a hairdo that looks not unlike the back end of a chicken in a strong cross-wind. In fact Mari both looks and sounds great on this frisky new version of a fearfully old song. A hit, I hope. (Dave Rimmer, Smash Hits, May 10, 1984)

You can't beat Marvin Gaye's original (although this is not a cash-in, as Motown will readily tell you), but Mari has a good old crack. It's terribly over-produced and Mari's voice isn't strong enough to carry the number off. (Simon Hills, Record Mirror, May 5, 1984)

Boomtown Rats - Drag Me Down (Mercury)

Overdone, overworked nonsense which shows the Boomtown Rats don't possess an idea between them. (Simon Hills, Record Mirror, May 5, 1984)