Samantha Fox - Touch Me (I Want Your Body) (Jive)

Anyone seen that film A Chorus Line yet? Well there's a song in it in which a girl keeps singing about how 'Tits and arse can change your life' and it could've been written for Sam! From glamour model to disco queen, Sam does actually have a good voice, but I think it's wasted on this cliché of a song. The groaning bits (presumably while they're doing it - ooh, shock, gasp! (Hadn't the DJs better ban this one?) sound silly rather than sexy, but as she can do no wrong at the moment... 1/5 (Debbi Voller, No 1, March 8, 1986)

Isn't there something Sammy's mother forgot to tell her when she was young? Like, how not to talk to strange men offering sweeties - and how not to make a complete dick-head of yourself by letting people persuade you there a biological correlation between having big tits and a talent for singing. The only organ of the body this late Seventies Hi-NRG wind-up is likely to move is your diaphragm as last night's Chicken Biryani comes up for air. Sammy could have had a hit with anything - why be so obvious? She's been dumped you see, and all she wants is for her man to go back and touch her. There you are girls, what's £550,000 a year and a pair of massive knockers if you haven't got the love of a good man to come home to? (Eleanor Levy, Record Mirror, March 8, 1986)

It's true! She has made a record!! And as you'll have gathered from the title its full of groans and gasps and "I'm just begging for you" lines to keep the pervs happy. The "tune" sounds like your average Jennifer Rush record, only sung a thousand octaves higher. She does manage to hit the intended notes, though, which makes it only mildly embarrassing. (Sylvia Patterson, Smash Hits, March 12, 1986)

Note: It's interesting that all three reviews are by women. While Linda Lusardi and Maria Whittaker (fellow Page 3 models) also both released a single, at least Sam went on to have a decent music career.

The Rolling Stones - Harlem Shuffle (CBS)

A stormer from The "Stones" that makes you (well, me anyway) want to strut around like a demented cockerel, "clap those hands", yell wooooh, try to spin on your neck, fail miserably, etc. Will doubtless be a massive hit, have an incredibly brilliant video and make everything all right with the world for three whole minutes. (Sylvia Patterson, Smash Hits, March 12, 1986)

Unlike his more astute "Dancing In The Street" partner, Mick Jagger is still trying to act like the rebellious youth of 20 years. A pointless remake - except as a piece of total self indulgence from a bunch of privileged, ageing 'rock 'n' rollers' (man) with nothing else to do. Noisy, messy and as much fun as having the hairs in your nose pulled out one by one. (Eleanor Levy, Record Mirror, March 8, 1986)

A cast of sharply-dressed cartoon characters adorns the picture sleeve of "Harlem Shuffle". The Rolling Stones have been going so long that they seem almost the same - look no further than Jagger's Spitting Image for confirmation. "Harlem Shuffle" is the first single from the Stones for ages and its confident rhythm & blues-cum-soul arrangement will doubtless send it soaring into the charts. To these ears though it sounds as polite and ordinary as Sunday lunch - and I eat in the evening. (Adrian Tierney-Jones, No 1, March 15, 1986)

Talk Talk - Living In Another World (EMI)

I've already made a note (somewhere in the pile of papers on my desk) that "Life's What You Make It" will go down as one of my Top Ten singles of '86. Now here's another breath of fresh air from Talk Talk's excellent album The Colours Of Spring. Mark Hollis' poignant and haunting voice soars across an enchanting and rhythmical song that's driven along by harmonicas, organs and tambourines. Dead dreamy - Talk Talk are certainly living in another world at the moment - and in a class all of their own. 4/5 (Debbi Voller, No 1, March 8, 1986)

Has some rather nifty mouth-organ solos, but apart from that it's "Life's What You Make It" sped up a bit and with a wider selection of incomprehensible lyrics. (Sylvia Patterson, Smash Hits, March 12, 1986)

Can you imagine anyone growing up wanting to be a member of Talk Talk? It's not that this single - like the one before, and the one before that - is a bad song, it's not. It's accessible enough to get the right amount of radio play, but just perverse enough to guarantee a third or fourth listen will reveal an interesting 'ting' or 'ding' that you'd missed. It's just so faceless, so characterless, Talk Talk are probably the most boring band in the world. (Eleanor Levy, Record Mirror, March 8, 1986)

The Housemartins - Me And The Farmer (Go! Discs)

I love The Hooses! They're Britain's Brightest Pop Group and this is their greatest blustering pop wheeze since "Happy Hour" except it's even better. This one's something to do with God not being very chuffed with a farmer for growing parsnips in his gumboot. No it's not, it's about something far more significant (though I haven't quite worked out what yet) and it sounds exactly like something else (though I haven't quite worked out what yet. Probably another Hooses song. Oh well...) This single proves - once and for all! - that The Housemartins have wit, intelligence, brevity, humour and the sparkliest, nippy pop tunes ever created. PS. And Stan is extremely good-looking in my "opinion". A bit. (Sylvia Patterson, Smash Hits, August 26, 1987)

Less overtly whimsical than "Five Bonk Like Crazy In Dorset", The Housemartins are in danger of trivialising the very thing that initially won them respect. Housemartins records are like toffee apples: short, sweet and ultimately sickly. (Chris Twomey, Record Mirror, August 29, 1987)

Red Guitars - National Avenue (Virgin)

Another one of those jangly guitar songs which tells a rather obscure "angst" story. this one's about having people "inside me now". Mmn. Prefab Sproutish and very endearing at that. (Sylvia Patterson, Smash Hits, March 12, 1986)