Missing Persons - Words (Capitol)

This year's flash American import and, of course, they're the hottest band on the LA club scene. They're going to play a showcase date in London, of course, and appear on The Tube. Fronted by an ex Playboy bunny who sounds more sickly than a lemon popsicle, I reckon they'll go down like their predecessors the Motels, but, with the charts in a strange mood at the moment, I could be kind and say that you never know. (Robin Smith, Record Mirror, March 5, 1983)

The Style Council - Speak Like A Child (Polydor)

The world waits with bated breath. The pubs are emptied and the streets are deserted as people scurry home to see if Paul Weller's quarter of a million deal with Polydor has paid off. And yes, the voice of a nation is set to cut it again. What I like is the fact that the bitterness has gone - there was nothing worse than Weller launching his tirades against art and society. Weller relaxes and coughs up a rich little number with his big toe in the past and his eye well and truly on the future. Weller's new baby is bawling lustily. May it grow to be strong. (Robin Smith, Record Mirror, March 5, 1983)

Or "speak like a child", as Paul Weller's curious vocal dialect has it. His first post-Jam effort makes a refreshing change from the choppiness of songs like "Town Called Malice", coasting along on the back of Mick Talbot's soul organ and sounding like the work of a man getting back to his own element. (David Hepworth, Smash Hits, March 17, 1983)

Ultravox - Visions In Blue (Chrysalis)

I blew the dust off the stylus, changed the turntable speed and got the bloke in from next door to check my wiring. But no use. This still sounded awfully dirge-like. Mind you, that's what I said about "Ghosts" by Japan. (David Hepworth, Smash Hits, March 17, 1983)

Ah yes, I can see it all now. The train pulls into the station through billowing fog and a young girl looks over her shoulder as Midge Ure twitches his moustache. I've been unmercifully unkind to Ultravox in the past, but I always liked "Vienna" and this has the same ring of confidence and enterprising style. All is forgiven, this should be huge. (Robin Smith, Record Mirror, March 5, 1983)

Chris Rea - I Can Hear Your Heart Beat (Magnet)

He's tried to have a hit more times than I've had hot dinners. This all rather sounds like Dire Straits meeting Bob Seger. A fairly traditional rock song, but poor old Rea can't quite Pull it off. (Robin Smith, Record Mirror, June 18, 1983)

Freur - Matters Of The Heart (CBS)

If your name looks like a worm and is pronounced like the sound of someone being a little unwell ("freur"), you should have no chance, but this is a suede-skinned, juicy peach of a record. A blissfully romantic song, graced by an arresting vocal and an arrangement that hugs like loving arms at a windy bus-stop. The best electro-ballad since "Vienna". (Mark Steels, Smash Hits, June 9, 1983)

Those silly sods from Splottland are back. once more the sub-Sylvian drone erodes my little brain cells. (Robin Smith, Record Mirror, June 18, 1983)

Bardo - Hang On To Your Heart (Epic)

Bardo do what comes naturally and warble a ditty that could easily come seventh in the next Eurovision Song Contest. (Fred Dellar, Smash Hits, February 3, 1983)

Sounds like Jack and Jill tumbling all over the place. This is merely a variation on that old "One Step Further" theme, all bright eyes and slyly patting each other's bums. But since David and Thereze aren't speaking to each other, this might capture their old share of the market. God knows it's time Bardo started to justify their investment. (Robin Smith, Record Mirror, February 5, 1983)

The Tom Tom Club - The Man With The 4 Way Hips (Island)

The Tom Tom's last single "Under The Boardwalk" saw them treading water after the very wonderful "Genius Of Love". Now they're sinking slowly without so much as a melody to cling on to. (Paul Simper, No 1, July 23, 1983)

Bright and bouncy this song is simply jam-packed with goodies. Oozing synthetic vocals wash over a bubbly concoction of - you guessed it - summery sounds that celebrate the joys of being a physical jerk. You can't have everything I suppose. (Peter Martin, Smash Hits, August 4, 1983)

Desperate as somebody trying to break out of locked cupboard. Tom Tom Club stagger through a track sounding like a Metal Mickey novelty song. (Robin Smith, Record Mirror, July 23, 1983)

H2O - Just Outside Of Heaven (RCA)

This makes Kajagoogoo sound classy. Watery synths and stunningly intelligent lyrics(?) build up for a real barnstorming crescendo, I was really moved, I must say. And my word, aren't they a good-looking bunch for sure. They remind me of New Musik and I'm sure the singer must want to be in OMD very badly. (Peter Martin, Smash Hits, August 4, 1983)

Anonymous poppyrock. I suggest you heed the news bulletins and use as little H2O as possible. (Paul Simper, No 1, July 23, 1983)

H2googoo look like keeping their feet under the table for a long time. Another deceptive song with the initial impact of a wet flannel, before those soft musical rumblings begin to take hold. Absolutely no escape. (Robin Smith, Record Mirror, July 23, 1983)

Wham! - Club Tropicana (Innervision)

This time we see the bad boys avoiding their oppressive parents by saving up their social security and swanning off to Ibiza (oh, really). This is the 4th track taken off Fantastic and it's a heap of meaningless summer drivel. The boys have obviously got a bad case of sunstroke. (Peter Martin, Smash Hits, August 4, 1983)

Andrew 'Shorts' Ridgeley is convinced this will be their first No.1. Personally I'd have put more money on "Nothing Looks The Same In The Light" but this is likeable enough and, most importantly, a marked change from the Bad Guns Rap trilogy. (Paul Simper, No 1, July 23, 1983)

Perhaps it's because I'm a pale, skinny weakling that I detest Wham so much as they flex their muscles and flash those dazzling smiles, while I'm in the shade covering myself in Camomile lotion. Their stuff moves my penguin-like feet not an inch. Now, perhaps if I sent off for that Bullworker... (Robin Smith, Record Mirror, July 23, 1983)

JoBoxers - Jealous Love/She's Got Sex (RCA)

"She's Got Sex" is a seedy tale of the JoBoxers' ideal woman. The usual foot stompin' has been replaced by a snappy toe tappin' beat and it's easily their worst single yet. (Peter Martin, Smash Hits, October 27, 1983)

This group said right from the beginning that they'd be bringing out singles that were completely different from each other, and this double A-side proves they weren't joking. What you - the record buying public - will make of 'Jealous Love', could go either way. It's a thumping good ballad with Dig's voice at its finest, but no way can they be trying to be commercial. 'She's Got Sex' is about a girl who wants 'it' all the time, but doubtless the BBC will play none of 'that' on their precious airwaves! (Debbi Voller, No 1, October 29, 1983)

Their Braces are getting frayed and their boots are just beginning to leak. JoBoxers slide off the waterfront as the charts become increasingly apathetic. A slowie with a powerful chorus but I just can't help feeling that Billy Joel could have done this revamp a lot better. (Robin Smith, Record Mirror, October 29, 1983)

Birch And Hallam - What You Say (A&M)

Two lads that sound like a firm of lawyers, by name, if not by music. Perhaps they should get a third cohort, one with a name like Jones. Then they could sound like estate agents. Birch, Hallam and Jones. The tune itself has the kind of synth line OMD once aspired to and a breathless vocal that is a little too breathless for its own good. File under 'Eager To Please'. (Mark Cooper, No 1, June 11, 1983)

Oh gawd, not another pretty duo I groan. But wait, this is different. While some of the others have limp wrists B & H have a firm handshake leading you through particularly effervescent themes and stark lyrics. Impressive debut. Buy it. (Robin Smith, Record Mirror, June 18, 1983)

Shakin' Stevens - Blue Christmas (Epic)

Time to don armour plated vest and crash helmet in anticipation of all those Shaky fans threatening death and misfortunes after we make heartfelt, considered comments about old chubby chops. As always, the only wonderful thing about a Shaky record is the cosmetic job on the single sleeve. (Robin Smith, Record Mirror, December 11, 1982)

The Smiths - Hand In Glove (Rough Trade)

The ridiculously pretentious press release could be enough to put you off The Smiths for life but this record is a dense and lyrical delight. Gorgeous guitar and emotive vocals make this an unusual release that's worth seeking out. (Karen Swayne, No 1, May 28, 1983)

The Smiths are even better at spouting spurious nonsense than the stuff you'll find on the back of Respond Records. 'The group attacks the depersonalised sterility of 'modern' groups whose clinical synthesised rhythms have left audiences feeling non-human and petrified'. I don't know about that, but I do know that the Smiths aren't very crisp. (Robin Smith, Record Mirror, June 18, 1983)

Julian Cope - World Shut Your Mouth (Island)

Chop my right leg off and feed it to Ozzy Osbourne, I never thought the day would come when I'd like anything by the eccentric Copey. But what a splendid piece of listenable trash this is. Cope belting his way through a song that knocks down even the strongest walls of apathy. One hell of a rousing theme, I just hope it gets the airplay it so justly deserves. Single Of The Week. (Robin Smith, Record Mirror, September 20, 1986)

One of the great lovable English Eccentrics of pop returns with an uncharacteristically crude crash-bang-wallop affair complete with kerranging guitar and a totally out of place '60s solo. It is, however, the proud possessor of a real tune wot you can hum, and the words - about flying in the face of fashion and telling the world what it can do - might have been written for the reclusive one himself. A splendidly individual effort. (Ian Cranna, Smash Hits, September 10, 1986)

A fair stomper. Julian Cope used to front Teardrop Explodes before he went off on some artistic quest or other. Now, suitably enlightened, he returns after a few false starts with a typically loud declaration to a groovy rock and roll beat. Perhaps this time the world will kindly open his ears. 3/5 (Paul Simper, No 1, September 20, 1986)

Note: Another Top Of The Pops performance I remember from thirty years ago - especially that microphone...

Latin Quarter - I Together (Arista)

Stroll on, Latin Quarter graduate with first class honours from the Starship School of Rock. For once
they've let their po-faces drop and churned out this fine little belter of a single that should chart honourably. The lyrics are still probably about big bad Ronnie Reagan and the state of the world, but it's a stonking fine tune nonetheless. (Robin Smith, Record Mirror, June 27, 1987)

Two People - Mouth Of An Angel (Polydor)

Liverpool group Two People were hotly tipped a while back, released a not very good single, then disappeared off the face of the planet for a while. Until now. in fact. This is a surprisingly sprightly thing, guitars strumming away at a fine old pace while kettle drums boom away and the song fair jogs along. Very acceptable. (William Shaw, Smash Hits, September 24, 1986)

Smart young men with nice haircuts part 149. Two People could be any one of those vacuous duos record companies have been hell bent on signing up. A lot of expensive production has gone into a completely unmemorable song. Even after four plays, all I wanted to do was keep staring out of the window at the pigeons. (Robin Smith, Record Mirror, September 20, 1986)

Vinyl Gold: My own copy of this single cost 16 quid, and the 12 inch is worth a bit more. Although they recorded an album, nothing by Two People has been officially released digitally.

Then Jericho - The Motive (London)

The fact that most of the members of Then Jerico would look better wearing buckets over their heads is keeping the band out of the mass knicker-wetting market. Tough little blighters though they are, it seems TJ have been sniffing around for far too long to get a major slice of the action over here. "The Motive" starts off with some good intentions but runs out of puff. But they'll always be big in Japan! (Robin Smith, Record Mirror, June 27, 1987)

UB40 - All I Want To Do (DEP International)

Mein Gott! Never have UB40 sounded so forceful! Without losing sight of the fact that it's the tune that counts, they've cranked up the clattering drums and encased the reggae in a big, bold, brassy arrangement that nothing short of a Sherman tank will stop. You even get the lyrics on the sleeve so you can make out what Ali "I sang that without moving my lips" Campbell is slurring on about (i.e. escaping the drudgery of work for an island in the sun with the loved one). Perfectly splendid stuff and Runner Up Single Of The Fortnight. (Ian Cranna, Smash Hits, September 10, 1986)

If they wallowed, UB40's tales of life's sweet injustices would be unbearable. Instead they splash on the water-colours and you come out wondering what you were fussing about. "All I Want To Do" is as chirrupy as the robin at the end of Perkins' garden. 4/5 (Paul Simper, No 1, September 20, 1986)

This is real Max Bygraves' reggae, singalongadreadlock. Strange band UB40, they either move me close to tears with the emotion in their singles, or leave me untouched. This waxing, which seems to have been rushed out while the taste of "Sing Our Own Song" still lingers, falls into the latter category. Just another track I'm afraid. (Robin Smith, Record Mirror, September 20, 1986)

Ultravox - The Same Old Story (Chrysalis)

Ultravox sound as if they're just becoming a backing band for Midge Ure. It's a Phil Collins and Genesis situation really, where one member is under a much bigger spotlight than the others. With its imported brass section and female chorus this could easily have been a track off a Midge solo album. But Ultravox fans will buy it in their droves, and I'm probably in for a lot of hate mail. Aargh, it's so tough at the top. (Robin Smith, Record Mirror, September 20, 1986)

Well, they said it. To hear the ever-anxious Midge complaining about someone else being "so predictable" seems not unlike the pot calling the kettle black. Take away the trendy, loud girl singers and punctuating brass "riffs" and , this sounds particularly dull and ponderous, even by Ultravox's lead-booted standards. (Ian Cranna, Smash Hits, September 10, 1986)

Artificial bustle and brass. If life was kind Ultravox would now be Phil Collins or Simple Minds, but nay, they're still Ultravox - struggling in the potbelly between rock and pop. The "Same Old Story" is obviously just that - an ordinary rock song accompanied, no doubt, by a preposterous video. Welcome. 2/5 (Paul Simper, No 1, September 20, 1986)

David Bowie - Time Will Crawl (EMI America)

It certainly does on this offering. Bowie's singles used to be events, now they're just perfunctory. It seems that I've heard the ideas and themes on this one at least six times before. How anonymous he's sounding today. (Robin Smith, Record Mirror, June 27, 1987)

For every brilliant song David Bowie has ever written (quite a few, really) there have been plenty of useless ones and, over the last few years, the proportion of useless ones has been growing at a quite alarming rate. But this is a good old-fashioned Bowie song – sounding rather like something off his 1973 LP Aladdin Sane – with an eerie, yearning tune and lyrics all about the passing of time. It's a bit difficult to work out what he's singing, actually -- it sounds like "Tim will crawl to the 21st century loos", which can't be right – but then his songwords are always far more evocative if you only half-listen to them and make up lots of "deep" meanings for yourself anyway. This is a v. wonderful record and its just a pity the rest of his ropy old Never Let Me Down album isn't up to the same high standard. Single Of The Fortnight. (Vici MacDonald, Smash Hits, June 3, 1987)