Diana Ross - Shockwaves (EMI)

It's rather difficult to imagine that some 20 years ago Diana Ross (with The Supremes) was making some of the most fearsomely dazzling ditties the world has ever cocked an ear to. Sadly, her recent stuff hasn't been much cop and while this does have a thumping beat, a saxophone solo and Di sounding like she's just run up two flights of stairs, it still sounds a bit jaded and will no doubt end up being used in a "wacky" TV commercial for the hair gel of the same name. Oh dear. (Lola Borg, Smash Hits, October 7, 1987)

Pet Shop Boys - Rent (Parlophone)

You can always rely on the Pet Shop Boys to write a good tune - even though half the time they (the tunes) vaguely sound as though they once belonged to someone else. This moody slice of tragi-disco with its swirly trumpets and ping-pong-y Kraftwerk type bits is possibly even more lump-in-throat making than the wondrous "It's A Sin". The LP version is possible more dark and brooding, and this has a weedy voice-over by Neil at the beginning, but this is more than made up for by a chorus of "I love you - you pay my rent". I still think they look a bit silly in all that squeaky rubber and leather they've been wearing lately but this is fabness itself. (Lola Borg, Smash Hits, October 7, 1987)

The Cure - Just Like Heaven (Polydor)

Yet another dollop of charmingly tinkly whimsy from Robert Smith, the man who has made a career out of distractedly singing like he's contemplating the cosmos, warbling and putting on his lipstick all at the same time. Like all Cure records it gently transports you away to a dream world where tooth fairies really do exist and lollipops grow on trees - and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. (Lola Borg, Smash Hits, October 7, 1987)

The Style Council - Wanted (Polydor)

Old floppy fringe is back! And he's obviously spent his time putting every other Style Council waxing into a giant computer, jumbled them all together, pressed the button and - voila! Out pops this carbon copy of their last x-million singles. There's a bit in the middle that could well be ancient soulsters The lsley Brothers and throughout it all Paul burbles on about how he only wants to be wanted. Well, here's my little bit of advice - if that's what you want then don't make any more snoozy records like this. And get your hair done, for goodness sake. (Lola Borg, Smash Hits, October 7, 1987)

Eighth Wonder - When The Phone Stops Ringing (CBS)

I can't believe that Eighth Wonder have had a number one in Italy. Are all Italians mad? Or are they just deaf? Anyway, singer Patsy Kensit warbles an instantly forgettable tune as though she's holding a lolly in one hand and her teddy in the other and there are yet more puff pastries "tra-la-laaing" in the background. And, why, you ask yourself, does she pretend she hangs out in downtown New York and use American slang like "Momma" when she really comes from Surrey? This girl's a bit of a fraud and no mistake. (Lola Borg, Smash Hits, October 7, 1987)

George Michael - Faith (Epic)

Gosh! This kicks off brilliantly in a Songs Of Praise kind of fashion with ominous swirling church organs giving the idea that George might be back to his brilliant best, but then - alas! - it plummets rapidly into a squiffy Country and Western style jaunt with jangly guitars by the dozen. And all the while there's Georgie rasping and wheezing, Bee Gees style, about sexy bodies and other pervy nonsense. I think George Michael has got far too smutty of late and I really don't like it one little bit. (Lola Borg, Smash Hits, October 7, 1987)

Pseudo Echo - Living In A Dream (RCA)

Who, of sane mind, could ever forgive Pseudo Echo for a) having such a stupid name, b) brutally murdering that wonderful Lipps Inc. classic "Funky Town" and c) being responsible for this mundane electro-drone about walls falling all over them(!)? Not me anyway. (Lola Borg, Smash Hits, October 7, 1987)

Five Star - Strong As Steel (RCA)

Having fought off the gum diseases induced by the Crunchie [British chocolate bar] frenzy on the last tour, those bad ass muthers Five Star are back with a Wacko Jacko style ballad. And just like Wacko singing (and lying) about how 'Bad' he is, squeaky clean Five Star's smouldering lurve song is just as laughable; a bit like the Pope rapping along to 'She's On It'. (Ian Dickson, Record Mirror, October 10, 1987)

Now here's a funny thing. This sounds exactly like Five Star pop discs always do but also uncannily like "Man In The Mirror" from Michael Jackson's Bad LP - except it's not quite as good - which proves, as they can't possibly have copied it, that the Pearson family are plugged into the same cosmic bio-rhythms as their idol Wacko Jacko. Quintuple spook! Whatever next, viewers? Perhaps Doris and Stedman and the rest will start having plastic surgery to look like Michael and then they'll buy a chimp and maybe a snake and, heavens, where will it all end? (Lola Borg, Smash Hits, October 7, 1987)

The Write Stuff: While the A side was written by famous songwriter for hire Diane Warren, the B side "The Man" featured the vocals of one Buster Pearson, Five Star's manager (and father, of course).

Deacon Blue - Loaded (CBS)

On first hearing, this sounds like another miserable Scottish group (of which there are many) singing a miserable song and sounding like they've just lost a week's wages. It even has a miserable cover. After a few spins, however, it reveals itself to be sensitive, delicate, very miserable and yet perversely charming. (Lola Borg, Smash Hits, July 1, 1987)

Wet Wet Wet - Sweet Little Mystery (Phonogram)

The Wet ones won't need to wish they're too lucky with this as it's so patently commercial their growing horde of fans are bound to give the Glaswegians a big lift to the top. Shades of the Blow Monkeys and even Culture Club tend to make it sound very familiar but as safe pop goes it isn't too awful. At least you can ignore it. (Max Bell, No 1, July 18, 1987)

This is a perfectly breezy pop tune that starts with some finger clicking and soulsome groans, then smooths into an unforgettably inane chorus about love taking a tumble or some such nonsense. What spoils Wet Wet Wet songs however, is that just to hear them conjures up the alarming image of singer Marty's rather strange "dancing" which involves him flapping his arms like a deranged budgie dressed in Shakin' Stevens denim cast-offs and with that daft grin that quite spoils his anguished wails over love's woes. Shame really. (Lola Borg, Smash Hits, July 1, 1987)

Red Box - Chenko (WEA)

A-Ha meet the Old Spice ad, and Red Box reap the rewards. Pronounced 'Tenka-io', which no doubt is something very deep and meaningful in some dodgy language, this slice of atmospheric musing finds the band at their best yet, with the duo rustling up an undoubted chart hit that deserves its place far more so than the appalling dross that Red Box have produced so far. With Chenko, opening up the Red Box is no longer the distasteful experience that it once was. (Fiona Looney, No 1, August 1, 1987)

I'm a complete pushover for anything with a bit of pseudo-Russian chanting so this gets off to a flying start and continues in the same majestically spooky flavour all the way through helped by loads of moody piano and the trembly, delicate vocals. I haven't heard anything quite so loin-stirring since Boney M's "Rasputin" - and a higher compliment than that could not be paid. (Lola Borg, Smash Hits, July 1, 1987)

Madonna - Who's That Girl (Sire)

Madonna has decided not to put that flouncy flamenco dress back into the wardrobe, because here she floats and trills along to what is little more than "La Isla Bonita" Part Two. Although it doesn't tug at the heartstrings in quite the same delightful fashion as Part One, it is full of soft and incomprehensible Spanish mumblings and electronic calypso twiddles, which will have the Ibizan holiday brigade rushing for the bottles of Ambre Solaire and Vino Collapso as soon as the needle hits the groove. The really bizarre puzzler is that if anyone else had the audacity to release not just one. but two soppy Spanish holiday songs in quick succession, they would be treated to universal scorn. But Madonna is regarded as a Goddess-like being, incapable of mistakes. Which seems terribly unfair really, doesn't it? (Lola Borg, Smash Hits, July 1, 1987)

T: Very much a holiday record. If this wasn't Madonna it wouldn't do anything. I don't think she tries as hard any more.
A: I don't think she needs to, but you're right, it is very monotonous. I quite liked the last one, but I would not buy this.
J: Sounds like her last one remixed. The thing is though, I liked "La Isla Bonita" but I don't think this is exactly going to light any fires. (All About Eve, Record Mirror, July 18, 1987)

Who's that girl? As if we didn't already know. Madonna's fourth single of 1987 is the soundtrack title from her latest film and the sound that will accompany many expectant feet as they hop Wembley and Birmingwards this August. Madonna singles are so effortlessly accomplished these days it's easy to take them for granted. Madonna may also be taking her own talent the same way. This is three parts 'La Isla Bonita', one part Scritti Politti and only one part new inspiration - the exquisite chorus. The Spanish flavour is OK, if a trifle samey, but the breathless pace of the rest is fairly standard. No doubt it will grow on me when it's at Number One the week after next. That's the kind of predictability this girl likes. (Max Bell, No 1, July 18, 1987)

Hollywood Beyond - What's The Colour Of Money? (WEA)

If you can imagine a troupe of rampaging Apache Indians whooping, yelping and doing an Irish Reel then you'll roughly have the feel of this. It's infinitely hummable, quite irresistible and even has very nice cover. (Lola Borg, Smash Hits, July 2, 1986)

Perky, everything-but-the-kitchen-sink mix of pop styles, culminating in some very positive HM chording. Tumbled along by some cute military style drumming, this is cynical and clever - clever enough to win plenty of airplay. (Jim Reid, Record Mirror, June 28, 1986)

The Pogues Featuring Kirsty MacColl - Fairytale Of New York (Stiff)

Just the very thing, you might think, to slap on if you're feeling tired, emotional and melancholy of a Christmas Eve is a slab of Shane MacGowan groaning charmingly off-key, lonely and drowning (literally, probably) in has sorrows as he props his weary body over his winnings on the horses. But not quite. Up pops Kirsty MacColl (whose dad wrote "Dirty Old Town" for the Pogues), along with a pile of accordions and what not and together they enter into a spirited duel, with Kirsty chucking insults such as "You scumbag/You maggot/You cheap lousy faggot." Quite magnificent. (Lola Borg, Smash Hits, December 2, 1987)

The Blow Monkeys - Don't Be Scared Of Me (RCA)

This has all the right elements - the swoonsome Dr Robert drooling a sultry melody, tootsome horns and a swishy production - but somehow they combine to leave me totally non-plussed. Good background music for cocktail parties (if you have them) but a mite too swanky for its own good. (Lola Borg, Smash Hits, July 2, 1986)

UB40 - Sing Our Own Song (DEP International)

Here we have the mighty UB40 getting back to their reggae roots. This bouncy little track has a playful melody with lots of sweet backing vocals but there is a moral to this story. 'Sing Our Own Song' has a strong anti-apartheid message with the chant of 'Amandla Awethu' (meaning 'power is ours') ringing out from behind the chorus. If this is a taste of what we can expect from UB40's forthcoming album then it is sure to be a biggie! 4/5 (Paige Kilponen, No 1, June 28, 1986)

Bubbling up-tempo anti-Apartheid anthem lacking the languorous, dragged out beat of their best work. I always like 'em better when they sound a bit miserable, a bit dour Midlands, but this is OK. (Jim Reid, Record Mirror, June 28, 1986)

At least this time it is their own song as they've thankfully resisted the temptation to lift yet another reggae "classic". A simple, catchy and pleasing song that wears its political heart on its sleeve and manages to do it without once using the words "revolution", "constitution" or "solution".  (Lola Borg, Smash Hits, July 2, 1986)

Tom Watt - Subterranean Homesick Blues (Watt The Duck)

Who could possibly make a very fine song by one of the most talented old hippies in existence (i.e. Bob Dylan) sound like Chas & Dave's "Rabbit?" Lofty from EastEnders, that's who! This is an atrocious record and it's no wonder that Michele won't marry him. But after this, the EastEnders' Christmas knees-up and Pete's appalling "I Can't Get A Ticket (To The World Cup)" single, the question is, whatever next? Dirty Den's version of "My Way", perhaps? (Lola Borg, Smash Hits, July 2, 1986)

A-ha - Manhattan Skyline (WEA)

Just when you think you can have a little snooze because A-ha have dished up another Eurovision song contest-type ditty, something dreadful happens. The gentle musings about umbrellas flying (?) are interrupted and a Slade record suddenly appears from nowhere - except of course it's not Slade because you can still hear the little tinkly bits. This is really very strange indeed, jumping about madly between quiet bits and lots of crashing drums. What has come over them? (Lola Borg, Smash Hits, February 11, 1987)

Swings and roundabouts here. Much meatier than the annoying "Cry Wolf" but less beautiful than the mighty "Hunting High And Low", "Manhattan Skyline" is edited from Scoundrel Days (and there can't be much of that not on singles) and shows A-Ha quiet and contrite, brash and bold all on the same song - charmer chameleons! It's backed with "Looking For The Whales" recorded live in London. If they'd peered towards Birmingham, they'd probably have seen one! (John Aizlewood, No 1, February 28, 1987)

When Aled Jones grows up, he'll probably be Morten Harket. This, the latest from the denim-clad Adonises, is the muso side of A-ha. Touches of Peter Gabriel and Sergeant Pepper creep in, with those virginal choir-boy-whose-balls-have-dropped off vocals are as forward as ever. If A-ha weren't so pretty they'd be on the cover of 'Q' and treated as the new Tangerine Dream. And that's something none of us need. (Eleanor Levy, Record Mirror, February 21, 1987)

Kraftwerk - Telephone Call (EMI)

Who else but Kraftwerk (those Germans famed for making quirky electro-pop tunes about very boring things like driving along motorways) would make such a brilliant song about dialing a wrong number with virtually the only words being a haughty voice droning, "The number you have reached has been disconnected"? or fill it so charmingly with all those clanky parps, rings and squeaks that we probably won't be familiar with for much longer if British Telecom continue on strike? Wonderful. (Lola Borg, Smash Hits, February 11, 1987)

Hasn't been much chartwerk for this lot since the New Romantic days of 'Computer Love' and 'Neon Lights' but this understated story of love-on-the-line might just sneak Kraftwerk back into the directory. Unless you're otherwise engaged. (Paul Simper, No 1, March 7, 1987)

The mechanical men with the bioplasmic hearts haven't exactly changed the computer programme over the years. No BAGPIPES here, and no blues howling. It's still computer disc heads falling in love with sad, shimmering tunes. But with the metronome percussion more defined, its now possible to dance to Kraftwerk without pretending you're a goddamn ROBOT. It's almost hummable hip hop, and it's as engaging as ever. (Roger Morton, Record Mirror, March 7, 1987)

Belouis Some - Jerusalem (Parlophone)

And did those feet in ancient time... dance to some better tunes than this one? Yes, probably. It's smooth 'n' moody, a tinge on the pretentious side and sounds as though he's recruited David Bowie on vocals and Sooty on xylophone. And as for the lyrics - what on earth is he going on about? "You paint your face like it's Jerusalem," indeed! (Lola Borg, Smash Hits, July 2, 1986)

Mr Some has tried for a big pop song here. One of those epic musclebound ballads, awash with splendid synthesised atmospherics, which rises to a swollen-hearted chorus and makes you think of...it all! He wants to be as dramatic as David Bowie, and as subtly supple as Japan, all at the same time. As an idea, it's wonderful. As a record, it plods. (Roger Morton, Record Mirror, July 26, 1986)

My gawd, a Belouis Some single that hasn't previously been put out! Yippee!
"Jerusalem" sees a drop in pace after his last couple of re-releases.
Unfortunately this strategy blows up in his face as this rather laboured song just forces home how average a vocalist our Nev really is.
I wouldn't bother putting it out a second time either, Parlophone. (Dave Ling, No 1, July 26, 1986)