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28 April 2010
27 April 2010
Book of Mormon Stories
Last night I called to talk to Joseph and Andrew. They were done with their baths and in jammies for bed. I said to Jose that I had been getting ready for bed too. I'd brushed my teeth and put on my nightgown and had read my scriptures.
"Know what scriptures I read, Joseph?" I said.
"What?"
"The Book of Mormon."
"Oh." (Softly). "That's a good one."
There's this quiet - he's five - and talking like he knows. He does.
And I say, "Yeah."
It's natural.
Dan got on in a minute and I told him. "Yeah," Dan said. "We had a little tender moment here yesterday."
Joseph prayed before they went to church to find his Book of Mormon because it was lost. He wanted to bring it to Primary. They'd been looking and looking and no luck. They did find it during the day (maybe at church) and Joseph is very happy tonight.
This summer I'm going to Utah. Hopefully Joseph and I'll walk to the creek and throw rocks and sticks in it. Andrew too. Amy used to have to push him in the stroller on our walks. Bet he runs there this year! I want to sit on the couch with Joseph and hear his Book of Mormon stories this year.
Just him and me.
"Know what scriptures I read, Joseph?" I said.
"What?"
"The Book of Mormon."
"Oh." (Softly). "That's a good one."
There's this quiet - he's five - and talking like he knows. He does.
And I say, "Yeah."
It's natural.
Dan got on in a minute and I told him. "Yeah," Dan said. "We had a little tender moment here yesterday."
Joseph prayed before they went to church to find his Book of Mormon because it was lost. He wanted to bring it to Primary. They'd been looking and looking and no luck. They did find it during the day (maybe at church) and Joseph is very happy tonight.
This summer I'm going to Utah. Hopefully Joseph and I'll walk to the creek and throw rocks and sticks in it. Andrew too. Amy used to have to push him in the stroller on our walks. Bet he runs there this year! I want to sit on the couch with Joseph and hear his Book of Mormon stories this year.
Just him and me.
25 April 2010
Jenny, remember "I am well, I am well?"
I'm listening to Gordon B. Hinckley on Mormon Radio here as I write. A devotional on Oct 31, 2006. Right now he's sharing vignettes from his own life rather than giving a speech - he's so inspiring and wise! Here's what he just said:
My father used to tell this story: A boy came down to breakfast one morning and said to his father, “Dad, I was dreaming about you last night.”
“You were?”
“Yes.”
“What were you dreaming?”
“I was dreaming that I was climbing a ladder to heaven, and on each rung of the ladder as I went up, I had to write one of my sins.”
His father said, “Yes, where do I come into your dream?”
The boy said, “As I was going up, I met you coming down for more chalk.”
I miss President Hinckley.
This day is beautiful. I'm free relatively from pain this morning. I've noticed over the last couple of days that being pain free will not be permanent. Shucks. Shortly after my back clenched up about two weeks ago, my jaw did. TMJ. While Ron took time last week to work the facial muscles, I noticed my left arm aching and tingling. For crying out loud! For days my left shoulder has hurt awfully, which I'm relieving with rest and prescription meds I got from the family doctor. He, hearing my stories about my back and telling me my ear isn't infected and poking at my jaw joint, prescribed muscle relaxants and five days of steroids. I'm taking these and have a date with Ron again on Friday. My back is well but very stiff. And now these peripheral things.
I'm not writing at all to complain. My blog is where I say what's so, so for a couple of weeks you're getting what's so:
me in pain. I'm well! I really am; I say I am well. Each day like a mini-mantra sort of, faithful that I'm in a learning phase with pain for reasons I don't understand. Understanding that I'm doing exactly what I feel prompted to do like rest, drink water, eat good, exercise, not overdo, smile, take my meds, drive to my doctor appointments, ice, stretch.
Not to complain. Pray and be thankful, and wait. I've hardly felt more keenly than these two weeks the hardships of someone disabled. I see a 70-something woman come into church each week on a walker, and am used to it. I shouldn't be. I should be saying something encouraging to her every time; though I do once in a while, it isn't enough - the pain I know now teaches me this. The spirit whispers to me. It's good to know. She's a champion for even getting dressed. How does she get in and out of her car? How into the church building? How navigate the narrow row between pews? What effort to simply situate and sit down.
Not to complain. I've scarcely been more thoughtful than these weeks about the Lord's mercies. I know I sound earnest but in the moments you're liberated from pain you're so grateful! You give your thanks more earnestly when you pray in the morning; and at night you pray downright hopefully. I've been doing that. I didn't before so much because, well, I just didn't. I've talked to Valerie lots of times in the past about her shoulder surgery and I thought been sensitive to her pain before and after and the therapy she's come through. It's been years for her. Those talks and my trying to understand are not much compared to feeling the immobility and panic yourself. I've thought about Valerie a lot with a smarter idea of her courage. For my brother's and hers together of course. Kent must be getting sick of me saying about every four days something new is hurting! Must be, but oh well, he's taking it. He remembers not two years ago his own shoulder trouble. He turned out the light on the nightstand for me last night because I couldn't.
Today is good. I'm free to move about the cabin! Kent's on assignment an hour away and I just gotta' roll my hair and roll out to church. There's inspiration around me - beautiful sounds and beautiful nature and Sabbath peace; I'm settled and so grateful.
I really really want to be well and free and can't help equating this readily with scriptures. Ones we read this morning in Isaiah 35:4-6, 10 say, "Strengthen ye the weak hands, and confirm the feeble knees. Say to them that are of a fearful heart, be strong, fear not: behold your God will come . . . and save you. Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened, and the ears of the deaf shall be unstopped. Then shall the lame man leap as an hart. . . and sorrow and sighing shall flee away."
----
My father used to tell this story: A boy came down to breakfast one morning and said to his father, “Dad, I was dreaming about you last night.”
“You were?”
“Yes.”
“What were you dreaming?”
“I was dreaming that I was climbing a ladder to heaven, and on each rung of the ladder as I went up, I had to write one of my sins.”
His father said, “Yes, where do I come into your dream?”
The boy said, “As I was going up, I met you coming down for more chalk.”
I miss President Hinckley.
This day is beautiful. I'm free relatively from pain this morning. I've noticed over the last couple of days that being pain free will not be permanent. Shucks. Shortly after my back clenched up about two weeks ago, my jaw did. TMJ. While Ron took time last week to work the facial muscles, I noticed my left arm aching and tingling. For crying out loud! For days my left shoulder has hurt awfully, which I'm relieving with rest and prescription meds I got from the family doctor. He, hearing my stories about my back and telling me my ear isn't infected and poking at my jaw joint, prescribed muscle relaxants and five days of steroids. I'm taking these and have a date with Ron again on Friday. My back is well but very stiff. And now these peripheral things.
I'm not writing at all to complain. My blog is where I say what's so, so for a couple of weeks you're getting what's so:
Not to complain. Pray and be thankful, and wait. I've hardly felt more keenly than these two weeks the hardships of someone disabled. I see a 70-something woman come into church each week on a walker, and am used to it. I shouldn't be. I should be saying something encouraging to her every time; though I do once in a while, it isn't enough - the pain I know now teaches me this. The spirit whispers to me. It's good to know. She's a champion for even getting dressed. How does she get in and out of her car? How into the church building? How navigate the narrow row between pews? What effort to simply situate and sit down.
Not to complain. I've scarcely been more thoughtful than these weeks about the Lord's mercies. I know I sound earnest but in the moments you're liberated from pain you're so grateful! You give your thanks more earnestly when you pray in the morning; and at night you pray downright hopefully. I've been doing that. I didn't before so much because, well, I just didn't. I've talked to Valerie lots of times in the past about her shoulder surgery and I thought been sensitive to her pain before and after and the therapy she's come through. It's been years for her. Those talks and my trying to understand are not much compared to feeling the immobility and panic yourself. I've thought about Valerie a lot with a smarter idea of her courage. For my brother's and hers together of course. Kent must be getting sick of me saying about every four days something new is hurting! Must be, but oh well, he's taking it. He remembers not two years ago his own shoulder trouble. He turned out the light on the nightstand for me last night because I couldn't.
Today is good. I'm free to move about the cabin! Kent's on assignment an hour away and I just gotta' roll my hair and roll out to church. There's inspiration around me - beautiful sounds and beautiful nature and Sabbath peace; I'm settled and so grateful.
I really really want to be well and free and can't help equating this readily with scriptures. Ones we read this morning in Isaiah 35:4-6, 10 say, "Strengthen ye the weak hands, and confirm the feeble knees. Say to them that are of a fearful heart, be strong, fear not: behold your God will come . . . and save you. Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened, and the ears of the deaf shall be unstopped. Then shall the lame man leap as an hart. . . and sorrow and sighing shall flee away."
----
23 April 2010
Savor every moment
I got this for my birthday -
- and installed it yesterday. Well, mounted the cam onto my monitor and installed the software from the CD, but, erm, not quite. There was this -
Sad.
I went to the HP website and followed directions rather like Dorothy and Scarecrow on the yellow brick road: Obtain the correct version of the installation disc that matches your Webcam by doing one of the following, I rather erratically and finally came to. In the United States: go to the HP Support Drivers site for your Webcam, select Windows 7 32-bit or 64-bit, and fill out the order form.
Hm. I did. A CD shipped almost instantly, my e-mail informs me. The right one. What I have is the wrong one. All the way wrong. Some packaging person messed up.
And look what arrived for me yesterday!
Timeless wisdom from Pooh. (Thank you, thank you, Jenny.) Here's the chapters: For Your Inner Bear; For Those Bothersome Days; For When You're in a Tight Place; and For Those Hummy Sort of Days. If you can stick with me a minute here's a smallish review by Barbara Quirk, a regular person, who got her book last Christmas:
"Chapter one reads a bit like a New Year’s resolution for improvement: 'For Your Inner Bear.'
'Find a type of exercise to suit you.'"
"'Poetry and hums aren't things which you get, they’re things which get you. And all you can do is to go where they can find you.'
'Be positive about meeting new people.'
'Try singing to warm your soul.'"
"The next chapter is written to help you through 'those bothersome days.'
'No one is perfect.'
'Owl, wise as he was in many ways, able to read and write and spell his own name ... somehow went all to pieces over delicate words like measles and buttered toast.'
'It might never happen.'
'Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?' 'Supposing it didn't, ' said Pooh after careful thought. Piglet was comforted by this."
"Pooh has wise things to say for when you’re in a tight place, which, of course, he often is.
'Find a thoughtful place of your own.'
Pooh’s poem: 'This warm and sunny spot belongs to Pooh, and here he wonders what to do. Oh bother, I forgot — it’s Piglet’s too.'”
"Finally, advice 'for those hummy kind of days:'
'Doing nothing with best friends is the best thing in the world.'”
You can see this is the perfect book! For me. And Kent too. He looked through it at breakfast. What man do you know who relates to a bear of very little brain? And friends? “Balancing on three legs, he (Eeyore) began to bring his fourth leg very cautiously up to his ear. I did this yesterday, he explained, as he fell down for the third time. It’s quite easy ...” Kent smiles.
I feel most days as though I am Positively Pooh. My inner bear loves his wisdom: “Savor every moment.”
Sad.
I went to the HP website and followed directions rather like Dorothy and Scarecrow on the yellow brick road: Obtain the correct version of the installation disc that matches your Webcam by doing one of the following, I rather erratically and finally came to. In the United States: go to the HP Support Drivers site for your Webcam, select Windows 7 32-bit or 64-bit, and fill out the order form.
Hm. I did. A CD shipped almost instantly, my e-mail informs me. The right one. What I have is the wrong one. All the way wrong. Some packaging person messed up.
And look what arrived for me yesterday!
"Chapter one reads a bit like a New Year’s resolution for improvement: 'For Your Inner Bear.'
'Find a type of exercise to suit you.'"
"'Poetry and hums aren't things which you get, they’re things which get you. And all you can do is to go where they can find you.'
'Be positive about meeting new people.'
'Try singing to warm your soul.'"
"The next chapter is written to help you through 'those bothersome days.'
'No one is perfect.'
'Owl, wise as he was in many ways, able to read and write and spell his own name ... somehow went all to pieces over delicate words like measles and buttered toast.'
'It might never happen.'
'Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?' 'Supposing it didn't, ' said Pooh after careful thought. Piglet was comforted by this."
"Pooh has wise things to say for when you’re in a tight place, which, of course, he often is.
'Find a thoughtful place of your own.'
Pooh’s poem: 'This warm and sunny spot belongs to Pooh, and here he wonders what to do. Oh bother, I forgot — it’s Piglet’s too.'”
"Finally, advice 'for those hummy kind of days:'
'Doing nothing with best friends is the best thing in the world.'”
You can see this is the perfect book! For me. And Kent too. He looked through it at breakfast. What man do you know who relates to a bear of very little brain? And friends? “Balancing on three legs, he (Eeyore) began to bring his fourth leg very cautiously up to his ear. I did this yesterday, he explained, as he fell down for the third time. It’s quite easy ...” Kent smiles.
I feel most days as though I am Positively Pooh. My inner bear loves his wisdom: “Savor every moment.”
21 April 2010
Owies
In minutes I'm off to Ron. I called my family doctor two hours ago to see if I could get the nurse to look inside my left ear... is it red? Irritated or inflamed? She can't and the doctor can't til 2:00 p.m. I'm going then... it hurts like the dickens. Regina called me on her way to work just now from the dentist, and she's commiserating - she has a bad tooth that's making the whole left side of her face ache. And me? A bad ear? TMJ? I think so. Stress, grinding teeth, who knows, pain needs to escape somewhere. Ron does facial muscles so instead of my back I may be begging for the temporomandibular joint. Sigh. Not complaining, no. Just interested in getting, um, well. Soon.
Brad's been sick for a month and a half. Noah has a few owies from yesterday. Kent's arm is tingling. Who am I leaving out? Only folks in any hospital anywhere on the globe who have it many times worse. A darling friend from the ward went into the emergency room Sunday with a kidney stone - she has it worse. And I'm so sorry. Thank goodness for blessings. Like Regina who says it is what it is and I'm not going to whine, well me too.
---
Danner and Joseph Christmas 2005
Brad's been sick for a month and a half. Noah has a few owies from yesterday. Kent's arm is tingling. Who am I leaving out? Only folks in any hospital anywhere on the globe who have it many times worse. A darling friend from the ward went into the emergency room Sunday with a kidney stone - she has it worse. And I'm so sorry. Thank goodness for blessings. Like Regina who says it is what it is and I'm not going to whine, well me too.
---
Danner and Joseph Christmas 2005
20 April 2010
Things I love
I made a portobello mushroom burger tonight. Delicious! Caramelize onions first with olive oil in a sautee pan, then in the same oil saute the big mushrooms a few minutes on one side, then the same on the other with the onions thrown on top and all covered with Havarti cheese. Condiments for the sammiches were roasted garlic mayo, avocado, tomato slices, basil, salt and pepper. Oh my! Not only does it taste great, there's this luscious feeling of eating well - a veritable vegetable delight. I would have had pinto beans on the side but I was way full. Whenever I've been food conscious, as I'm trying to be again and finally, I love pintos for suppressing my appetite.
This (left) in fact does NOT resemble our burgers at dinner - it IS however the pic from For the Love Of Cooking blog. Ours were not this lovely round way. My mushies were sliced longways in the package, cut up instead of the whole caps, so I bunched these in the sautee pan and smothered them, and delivered them out of the pan onto whole wheat Bolillo rolls (themselves longish), of course still goopy with onion and cheese, and built hoagie-looking burgers. A two-napkin meal. Jeepers they're good.
I'm getting around okay. Noticing my nervy leg still, and heading back to Ron tomorrow. He should be gratified to see me striding toward him - I can see his face now! He's a little jaunty, which I like. He used to be practically crippled when he was middle aged like me (he's well into his sixties), in way bad pain; had TPT and learned TPT as a new vocation; is well and practicing and positively peppy.
We'll see. This morning, after four good days, I could hardly walk. I hobbled to the Seminary table from the bedroom. Hobbled around at breakfast. Hobbled to prayers. I had to do a leg exercise after Kent left to coax my nerve into submission. Then I drove to to Sears. To Goodwill. Kroger. Lowe's, Walmart, Office Depot. Thought about Kohl's, but no. Too nervy, and anyway I don't need anything there. And now I'm loving sitting here and being not busy and not getting around. (Hope I can walk in the morning. Peppy peppy Ron . . ).
Talked to Noah this afternoon on the phone. I sing Eensy Weensy Spider to him most times I call, or the ABC song, but I'm learning a turtle song now, one Abbie sings him and he likes. The turtle's name is Tiny Tim . . . "I put him in the bathtub to see if he could swim. He drank up all the water; he ate up all the soap, and ended up in bed with a bubble in his throat." (Is that how it goes?) "Bubble, bubble, bubble . . . bubble, bubble bubble . . . bubble, bubble, bubble . . . bubble, bubble, POP!" Noah knows the hand motions and Erin said he did POP at the end! After the song Erin reminded me Noah chipped his front tooth last week and said today he got a couple of fingers caught in a door and then later fell down the stairs! He's either a pretty tough little nut or he needs TLC BIG time today. I said, "Noah, did you cry?" Yesh, he said on speaker phone. With a serious face. I do love singing to him and making him laugh.
---- Joseph, first day of school Sep. 28, 2009
I'm getting around okay. Noticing my nervy leg still, and heading back to Ron tomorrow. He should be gratified to see me striding toward him - I can see his face now! He's a little jaunty, which I like. He used to be practically crippled when he was middle aged like me (he's well into his sixties), in way bad pain; had TPT and learned TPT as a new vocation; is well and practicing and positively peppy.
We'll see. This morning, after four good days, I could hardly walk. I hobbled to the Seminary table from the bedroom. Hobbled around at breakfast. Hobbled to prayers. I had to do a leg exercise after Kent left to coax my nerve into submission. Then I drove to to Sears. To Goodwill. Kroger. Lowe's, Walmart, Office Depot. Thought about Kohl's, but no. Too nervy, and anyway I don't need anything there. And now I'm loving sitting here and being not busy and not getting around. (Hope I can walk in the morning. Peppy peppy Ron . . ).
Talked to Noah this afternoon on the phone. I sing Eensy Weensy Spider to him most times I call, or the ABC song, but I'm learning a turtle song now, one Abbie sings him and he likes. The turtle's name is Tiny Tim . . . "I put him in the bathtub to see if he could swim. He drank up all the water; he ate up all the soap, and ended up in bed with a bubble in his throat." (Is that how it goes?) "Bubble, bubble, bubble . . . bubble, bubble bubble . . . bubble, bubble, bubble . . . bubble, bubble, POP!" Noah knows the hand motions and Erin said he did POP at the end! After the song Erin reminded me Noah chipped his front tooth last week and said today he got a couple of fingers caught in a door and then later fell down the stairs! He's either a pretty tough little nut or he needs TLC BIG time today. I said, "Noah, did you cry?" Yesh, he said on speaker phone. With a serious face. I do love singing to him and making him laugh.
---- Joseph, first day of school Sep. 28, 2009
16 April 2010
I can do hard things
I'm into my fourth week of paying attention to how I eat, and have needed this all week. My life is not hard, certainly not; it's completely blessed. Choice-making can feel difficult and subject to a host of things, though: distraction, temptation, whim, moods, misery, joy, or it's hard. I want my power back, and my partnership with God. As Sister Elaine Dalton confirms, in the strength of the Lord I can do all things.
---
I ran on to this the other day and like it. (Post by Shari, from Obesityhelp.com. )
Shari: So I usually don't have much to add when people ask how you get where I have gotten, there's no great mystery: the reason I have been successful in some ways that others have failed I usually pass off as luck. But that's not entirely true. I just realized it. There actually IS one more piece, and I am going to share it with you now. Sounds trifling, but it contains volumes. Here it is:
I know. You're saying, "What's your point?"
Sometimes, when faced with a challenge, when you approach something difficult, your inner voice says, "I can't DO that," and you do an about-face; you reach for the drug of choice.
Sometimes this means having to survive a host of feelings you never felt before because you never let yourself feel them before - stress, confusion, anger, rage. You can't numb them out or sand off their edges - you have to stand right in your space and let them have a go at you - and grit your teeth, and say to yourself, "Go ahead, get in my way. I'll get through this. I can do hard things." And you will find that you will survive them. And as you survive them you will face new ones, standing a little taller, because in time you will eventually understand and rely on the fact that you can do hard things. And eventually the "pass me some Ben and Jerry's - my boss is [behaving badly]" response gives way to something new - something that sounds more like:
"Go ahead, Boss, bring it on. I'll have that on your desk by five."
"No thanks, Nancy, it's gorgeous but I really can't have an eclair."
"I guess I could just park back there and walk."
"It's only 8 ounces and I don't have to love the stuff. I'll just drink it quickly."
"If I spend ten minutes planning now, I won't be faced with tough choices later."
I don't do those things because they are easy - I do them because they're hard, but I can. I can do hard things. And so can you. And you will. The next time it's all too much (and it is for me too, although less often as I grow), look your challenge - whatever it is - boldy in the face and say,
"I can do this. I can do hard things."
---
I ran on to this the other day and like it. (Post by Shari, from Obesityhelp.com. )
Shari: So I usually don't have much to add when people ask how you get where I have gotten, there's no great mystery: the reason I have been successful in some ways that others have failed I usually pass off as luck. But that's not entirely true. I just realized it. There actually IS one more piece, and I am going to share it with you now. Sounds trifling, but it contains volumes. Here it is:
Sometimes, when faced with a challenge, when you approach something difficult, your inner voice says, "I can't DO that," and you do an about-face; you reach for the drug of choice.
- To feel uncomfortable... and not to comfort yourself, is a hard thing - but you can do hard things.
- When it's late and you're tired and you know you are supposed to walk, you said you would, and it's looking like it might rain - it's hard to lace those sneakers up and get out there - but you can do hard things.
- Protein shakes can taste yucky. It's hard to remember all those calcium supplements. It's hard to get 64 oz. of water in. It's hard to plan meals, buy expensive and healthy choices, stay out of the cake in the lounge at work - but you can do hard things.
"Go ahead, Boss, bring it on. I'll have that on your desk by five."
"No thanks, Nancy, it's gorgeous but I really can't have an eclair."
"I guess I could just park back there and walk."
"It's only 8 ounces and I don't have to love the stuff. I'll just drink it quickly."
"If I spend ten minutes planning now, I won't be faced with tough choices later."
I don't do those things because they are easy - I do them because they're hard, but I can. I can do hard things. And so can you. And you will. The next time it's all too much (and it is for me too, although less often as I grow), look your challenge - whatever it is - boldy in the face and say,
"I can do this. I can do hard things."
Better
http://www.claycarmichael.com/MorePrintsAndCards.htm
This card just about says it all for the week, but I feel sooo much better this morning. I feel like I've been beaten about the body (he he) with a big stick, but gratefully the nerve endings in my hip have stopped jangling and I'm daring to put one foot ahead of the other. I walk side to side as much as I go forward! It's pretty hysterical.
Oh thank goodness, and thank Ron, and thank Heavenly Father most of all, I'm doing better.
And . . .assuming I can walk . . . tonight Kent and I are going to see How to Train Your Dragon!
Oh thank goodness, and thank Ron, and thank Heavenly Father most of all, I'm doing better.
And . . .assuming I can walk . . . tonight Kent and I are going to see How to Train Your Dragon!
15 April 2010
Piglet and Pooh
At the New Year Regina sent me this card.
I had it on my dresser for days, then went to put it away and Kent protested, Let's keep it where I can see it, okay? So it went on the kitchen table near the napkin holder and salt and pepper. We see it at breakfast and dinner now as we sit down together, and Kent pretty often comments on it. He loves the saying and the illustration, and especially since last year discovering Piglet and Pooh, the characters.
Hold that thought.
It's Thursday and I'm in a week of pain and wonder. There aren't words, and this isn't the place exactly to describe - there aren't words - how pain sets you back. Be brave, Nat, I've said a hundred times this week. I've burst out laughing as many times with the hilarity of trying to get into bed or stand up off the couch. Yesterday I stood in place by the couch starting for the kitchen. One foot down. Kent came and went through the living room and kitchen a few times shutting blinds and getting something to eat, and we both laughed our heads off finally as after about three minutes I hadn't moved. Not even twitched. Going somewhere? he offered. You know, that whole standing in place thing doesn't work when you're on your way to the bathroom. Just a thought.
Yesterday I knew I had to call Ron. Very extremely luckily I got an appointment - 11:30, Kent's lunch time. Tender mercies! Kent drove me. I'd told him that as slow as I am I'd need time to get in the door of the office, down the hall to the bathroom, and into the room to prepare for massage and TP therapy all before 11:30. He packed me into the car at 11:00 and delivered me, then went to lunch while Ron worked on me.
Ron did work on me. It's because he's so efficient at finding trigger points and resolving them that I was afraid, very (when my back first seized up on Monday) to call him. Afraid out of my wits because, as he says and I know, in this process you have to go through pain to get rid of the pain. There's old pain and fresh pain, layers of it, and it all needs to be resolved. I believe it - he's time-tested by me the last couple of years and I do stand by him. But look, I was afraid. Pain shatters you. You can't imagine someone laying more on you even if it's meant to make you better. When it gets bad enough though you're done with your own prescriptions and you pray for a visit to the healer. And exult with an appointment! So truly.
It will hurt. It hurts. Tender mercies truly.
Ron watched me walk to the room. Low back, he said. Pain running down the right leg. I grimaced (he was right) and he went straight to work on me. An hour later as he exited I asked for Kent, who I assumed was waiting. The door opened and Kent came in and began ministrations that were tender as a mother with a child. I was helpless, and he was all-help. I was shaky, and he was stable. I leaned into his shirt front and cried, and he held me. We left together and he took me home.
I'm in pain still but on the way out. Going slow and laughing at myself just as much. Last night I attempted to kneel for prayer, and this morning, and I could. It has been poignant being able to get on my knees again. Behind the words of the morning prayer was my wonder-ful gratitude for my husband. I've said many times in the last days thank you to this man. Done it with silly lists of the things I can remember from the past few hours or days, with kisses and hugs, and bragging on him to the kids. This morning as he stood from prayers, me on my knees, I said:
Kent, if I be Piglet, will you be my Pooh?
----
Hold that thought.
It's Thursday and I'm in a week of pain and wonder. There aren't words, and this isn't the place exactly to describe - there aren't words - how pain sets you back. Be brave, Nat, I've said a hundred times this week. I've burst out laughing as many times with the hilarity of trying to get into bed or stand up off the couch. Yesterday I stood in place by the couch starting for the kitchen. One foot down. Kent came and went through the living room and kitchen a few times shutting blinds and getting something to eat, and we both laughed our heads off finally as after about three minutes I hadn't moved. Not even twitched. Going somewhere? he offered. You know, that whole standing in place thing doesn't work when you're on your way to the bathroom. Just a thought.
Yesterday I knew I had to call Ron. Very extremely luckily I got an appointment - 11:30, Kent's lunch time. Tender mercies! Kent drove me. I'd told him that as slow as I am I'd need time to get in the door of the office, down the hall to the bathroom, and into the room to prepare for massage and TP therapy all before 11:30. He packed me into the car at 11:00 and delivered me, then went to lunch while Ron worked on me.
Ron did work on me. It's because he's so efficient at finding trigger points and resolving them that I was afraid, very (when my back first seized up on Monday) to call him. Afraid out of my wits because, as he says and I know, in this process you have to go through pain to get rid of the pain. There's old pain and fresh pain, layers of it, and it all needs to be resolved. I believe it - he's time-tested by me the last couple of years and I do stand by him. But look, I was afraid. Pain shatters you. You can't imagine someone laying more on you even if it's meant to make you better. When it gets bad enough though you're done with your own prescriptions and you pray for a visit to the healer. And exult with an appointment! So truly.
It will hurt. It hurts. Tender mercies truly.
Ron watched me walk to the room. Low back, he said. Pain running down the right leg. I grimaced (he was right) and he went straight to work on me. An hour later as he exited I asked for Kent, who I assumed was waiting. The door opened and Kent came in and began ministrations that were tender as a mother with a child. I was helpless, and he was all-help. I was shaky, and he was stable. I leaned into his shirt front and cried, and he held me. We left together and he took me home.
I'm in pain still but on the way out. Going slow and laughing at myself just as much. Last night I attempted to kneel for prayer, and this morning, and I could. It has been poignant being able to get on my knees again. Behind the words of the morning prayer was my wonder-ful gratitude for my husband. I've said many times in the last days thank you to this man. Done it with silly lists of the things I can remember from the past few hours or days, with kisses and hugs, and bragging on him to the kids. This morning as he stood from prayers, me on my knees, I said:
Kent, if I be Piglet, will you be my Pooh?
----
13 April 2010
Ouch, I'm on the Couch!
Today's not a great day. I take it back - it is. It's gorgeous outside and my spirits are good. My body just isn't. I can't walk because of a messed up nerve in my back and leg. I'm on the couch watching HGTV and DVR stuff and btw, through my window, the guy from Mr. Weedman spraying my yard. Yeah, he was coming today.
Except for just now when I shuffled to the computer. Earlier Kent had to come home on his lunch hour to get my lunch, which he seemed good with. I won't mention how it was he toted me from the couch last night toward the bathroom. I said something to Erin about it this morning on the phone and she burst out laughing saying she could just see him dragging me on the floor.
No... I grabbed him around the neck sideways and clung for dear life as he hauled me. (For a while in the evening I was on the floor on my back with a tennis ball under one hip. It would have been the easier thing to drag me!) Ick. This is so not cool. Four minutes to get to the bathroom in the middle of the night; two of that - hello - getting out bed.
This has happened to me lots of times starting after Scott was born. Sciatica. I know how to do it.
A lot of humor, a little ibuprofen and zero complaints, right?
And for the day, the couch.
Except for just now when I shuffled to the computer. Earlier Kent had to come home on his lunch hour to get my lunch, which he seemed good with. I won't mention how it was he toted me from the couch last night toward the bathroom. I said something to Erin about it this morning on the phone and she burst out laughing saying she could just see him dragging me on the floor.
This has happened to me lots of times starting after Scott was born. Sciatica. I know how to do it.
A lot of humor, a little ibuprofen and zero complaints, right?
And for the day, the couch.
07 April 2010
I Do
Kent's been reading "Joseph Smith and the Doctrinal Restoration" this past month. He reads paragraphs to me out loud. I've learned plenty from books he reads like "Aesop's Fables," "Now We Are Six" (A.A. Milne, children), "Stride Toward Freedom" (Martin Luther King, history) and currently "On Becoming a Person" (Carl Rogers, psychology).
But back to this other book. He read the other night out loud to me this story, below. It struck me like a thunderclap and later by the Spirit, softly, as good to post here.
A friend told me that at one point in her marriage she and her husband realized they no longer loved each other. "He was leaving on a business trip, and it occurred to me that I didn't care if he ever came home," she explained. "Before he left, I confronted him with my feelings and he told me he felt the same. We decided to think about it while he was gone. When he returned, I expected him to say that since we didn't love each other any more we should divorce, but instead he told me that we needed to repent. I was surprised, but willing to try. We mapped out a course whereby we studied the scriptures more, determined to serve better in our church callings, analyzed our lives to see where we needed to change actions and habits, held more honest and sincere fasts, and attended the temple more often. I can't say how or when it happened, but just as inexplicably as our love had faded, it was back. Only it was better, richer, and more joyful than it had ever been before. Since that time, when we begin to grow apart, we know what to do. We repent, and our marriage just keeps getting better and better."
How would it be to love each other in our marriages as Parley P. Pratt described upon learning the gospel of Jesus Christ . . . with a pureness -- an intensity of elevated, exalted feeling, which would lift my soul from the transitory things of this groveling sphere and expand it as the ocean. I look back sixteen years ago this month to the dissolution of my marriage and recognize that among all the things it was, it was a particular sort of example to our children. How I wish young people could automatically know all the things middle-aged and old people know (and be applying them steadily as they mature; but alas), because at this age now and with a good part of life behind me I know that repentance
works miracles in relationships. I knew that as a young person then, 19 years married, but probably intellectually more like. We two were pretty close to the point of no return without having even communicated with each other fully, as the married people in the story did ultimately, so that repentance never did take place between us. I believe that could have saved our love.
I look at this objectively these days. Then look at our children, sorting through my feelings. Three married with children; two interested in being, anxious even. Me knowing (because I'm old) what they don't (because they're young). Trying, trying to inform them. Better, setting an example in my new and still sort of raw-until-we've-been-married-50-years second marriage. I have a second chance, and you will surely know that I actively do repent with Kent. Our friendship has gotten better and better in just these little eight years as I've fallen in love with him over and over and over after learning, seeing, forgiving, being forgiven, apologizing, studying on the thing, praying and repenting. Loving is the hardest work I've ever done. Now I can see where I failed before. Where I let my husband down then and where our choices together seemed unrecoverable. Technically, they were choices apart, and so that was the first mistake of all.
I do look at this objectively. This month each year is bittersweet. How ironic that the day I was first married and the day it all openly fell apart are in the same month, the very week. I've often considered it . . . that the week I was born, literally, and the week a part of me died are the same. The week when most things in nature around us are coming fully awake. Sad. It is perfect though to consider beauty from ashes and silver from the refiner's fire. Perfect here to consider Christ's promise to us that when we [re]turn to him - repent - He will lift us up. I hope in our marriages we will be bound together in love and repentance so that these relationships will be lifted . . . from the transitory things of this groveling sphere and last forever.
I do.
But back to this other book. He read the other night out loud to me this story, below. It struck me like a thunderclap and later by the Spirit, softly, as good to post here.
A friend told me that at one point in her marriage she and her husband realized they no longer loved each other. "He was leaving on a business trip, and it occurred to me that I didn't care if he ever came home," she explained. "Before he left, I confronted him with my feelings and he told me he felt the same. We decided to think about it while he was gone. When he returned, I expected him to say that since we didn't love each other any more we should divorce, but instead he told me that we needed to repent. I was surprised, but willing to try. We mapped out a course whereby we studied the scriptures more, determined to serve better in our church callings, analyzed our lives to see where we needed to change actions and habits, held more honest and sincere fasts, and attended the temple more often. I can't say how or when it happened, but just as inexplicably as our love had faded, it was back. Only it was better, richer, and more joyful than it had ever been before. Since that time, when we begin to grow apart, we know what to do. We repent, and our marriage just keeps getting better and better."
How would it be to love each other in our marriages as Parley P. Pratt described upon learning the gospel of Jesus Christ . . . with a pureness -- an intensity of elevated, exalted feeling, which would lift my soul from the transitory things of this groveling sphere and expand it as the ocean. I look back sixteen years ago this month to the dissolution of my marriage and recognize that among all the things it was, it was a particular sort of example to our children. How I wish young people could automatically know all the things middle-aged and old people know (and be applying them steadily as they mature; but alas), because at this age now and with a good part of life behind me I know that repentance
works miracles in relationships. I knew that as a young person then, 19 years married, but probably intellectually more like. We two were pretty close to the point of no return without having even communicated with each other fully, as the married people in the story did ultimately, so that repentance never did take place between us. I believe that could have saved our love.
I look at this objectively these days. Then look at our children, sorting through my feelings. Three married with children; two interested in being, anxious even. Me knowing (because I'm old) what they don't (because they're young). Trying, trying to inform them. Better, setting an example in my new and still sort of raw-until-we've-been-married-50-years second marriage. I have a second chance, and you will surely know that I actively do repent with Kent. Our friendship has gotten better and better in just these little eight years as I've fallen in love with him over and over and over after learning, seeing, forgiving, being forgiven, apologizing, studying on the thing, praying and repenting. Loving is the hardest work I've ever done. Now I can see where I failed before. Where I let my husband down then and where our choices together seemed unrecoverable. Technically, they were choices apart, and so that was the first mistake of all.
I do look at this objectively. This month each year is bittersweet. How ironic that the day I was first married and the day it all openly fell apart are in the same month, the very week. I've often considered it . . . that the week I was born, literally, and the week a part of me died are the same. The week when most things in nature around us are coming fully awake. Sad. It is perfect though to consider beauty from ashes and silver from the refiner's fire. Perfect here to consider Christ's promise to us that when we [re]turn to him - repent - He will lift us up. I hope in our marriages we will be bound together in love and repentance so that these relationships will be lifted . . . from the transitory things of this groveling sphere and last forever.
I do.
04 April 2010
Easter, Blossoms and General Conference
I listened to every word of General Conference. I loved every song the Choir sang. You just come away replenished and ready-set-go to live the gospel with more commitment and help others! Here's a recap:
President Monson: Reach out to new converts and inactives. Help them feel at home in the gospel.
Sister Julie B. Beck: Women - increase faith, strengthen families, provide relief. Prioritize using personal revelation, the single most important skill a woman can acquire. Personal revelation gives us what to do (and how to do it) every single day.
President Keith B. McMullin: Disasters don't need to shatter our lives! Duty requires diligence, is virtuous, rests on a foundation of integrity and courage, and is a manifestation of one's faith.
Elder Wilford W. Andersen: Hope does not depend on circumstances but on faith in Jesus Christ. If we would build our hope, we MUST build our faith. And faith grows by keeping the commandments.
Elder M. Russell Ballard: Look to our mothers! Youth - love, respect, listen to her; be kind to her, patient with her. Mothers - show children how to make good choices; help them know how to make and keep covenants.
President Henry B. Eyring: We help God's children best when we provide ways for them to develop faith when they are young and rekindle that early when they fall away or are tempted. Directions and rescuers have been provided by the Father. The most important "station for rescue" is the family.
Elder L. Tom Perry: Parents instruct and train children one prayer, scripture study, Family Home Evening, book read, song sung, and family meal at a time! Learn things together along with the scriptures like the Articles of Faith, Testimony of the 12 Apostles, The Family: A Proclamation to the World, the Preach My Gospel and YW and R.S. themes.
Elder D. Todd Christofferson: The history of William Tindale who translated the Bible to English for the common people and was martyred. Scripture enlarges our memory (helping us not to forget and teaching us what we don't know), sheds light on error (dispelling false traditions), and brings us to Christ.
Elder Koichyi Aoyagi: The Holy Ghost testifies of all truth. We are the Lord's hands here on earth.
Elder Bruce A. Carlson: Obedience to Christ - things we may say to ourselves about it: 1. That doesn't apply to me. 2. It's unimportant or trivial. 3. It is much too difficult. We need not assume we have "special circumstances" that exempt us from being strictly obedient.
Elder David A. Bednar: Spiritual early warning system (signals): Reading and talking about the Book of Mormon with our children; bearing testimony to the family spontaneously; inviting children as gospel learners to act, not merely be acted upon.
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: Lust. 1. Separate yourself from people, material and circumstances that harm. 2. Cultivate and be where the spirit is - remember Christ always! 3. "I will give place no more for the enemy of my soul."
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf: Extend to others what we so earnestly desire for ourselves. Every person we meet is a VIP to Heavenly Father. We are called to heal and help rather than condemn. Love is action.
Elder Richard G. Scott: Atonement: Jesus Christ bore the 1. Responsibility for actuating the Plan of Salvation, perfectly. 2. Feelings of the depravity of sin as he atoned; 3. Experiences of the atoning sacrifice and crucifixion at certain points on his own (yet the Father did not forsake him).
Elder Donald L. Hallstrom: "Hold on thy way!" Don't let adversity derail you. Turn to the Lord without delay, let HIM share your burden. Never let an earthly circumstance disable you spiritually.
Sister Cheryl Lant: Seek the face of the Savior: Teach our children the gospel and how to live it. We are the ones appointed to encircle the children with love and the fire of faith.
Elder Quentin L. Cook: The Last Supper. Christ gave the ordinance of the sacrament to his disciples (rather than defending himself against events advancing in that night and the next day). Christ taught doctrines showing LOVE as the preeminent principle. ("By this shall men know you are my disciples if you have love one to another."). He promised the Holy Ghost to come to the apostles, recognizing the role of the Holy Ghost as the Comforter.
President Thomas S. Monson: Death comes to all. Through Christ all will be resurrected! No mere mortal can conceive what Christ did for mankind. "If a man die, shall he live again? (Job) The empty tomb that first Easter morning is the answer.
Elder Russell M. Nelson: Family History work. New Family Search information.
Elder Robert D. Hales: It is impossible to overestimate the influence of parents who know the hearts of their children. "Being there" means know the hearts of our youth. Tell our children we love them.
Elder Bradley D. Foster: Mothers, lead the way! Children, follow; they know where they're going.A distraction doesn't have to be evil to be effective.
Elder James B. Martino: Things I can learn from the last hours of Christ's life: 1. Seek the will of the Father. 2. Learn to not complain or murmur during trials. 3. Seek greater help from God. 4. Learn to serve and think of others even during my trials. 5. Forgive others and do not seek to pass the blame for our situation to them.
Elder Gregory Schwitzer: Worldly judgment can be erroneously applied (and often is) to spiritual matters. 1. Put my standards in alignment with the gospel of Jesus Christ. 2. Listen to the prophet. 3. Cultivate with the Holy Ghost the art of listening. It is shutting off the noise of sin, not only external noises. 4. Keep the commandments.
Elder Francisco Vinas: Teach the "things pertaining to righteousness." Alma taught his sons individually according to their needs.
Elder Neil L. Andersen: "Tell me the stories of Jesus." The stories of Jesus bring faith in him. Fan the flame of the youth's spiritual core that has come with them from the premortal world. Christ must be our foundation - without that we flounder.
President Thomas S. Monson: We are here because we love the Lord. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart . . ." (Prov. 3:5-6) Look to the lighthouse of the Lord.
There were 13 Scripture Mastery verses quoted - I'll be seeing tomorrow morning if many of my Seminary students caught them. :) Yup, real life starts tomorrow after a week of Spring Break, Seminary - bastante temprano en la manana. I don't expect more than two or three kids to show up. But maybe, who knows, they'll be all afire after these sessions of Conference, like I feel!
---
Kent and I (and Flat Abbie) went to Macon this morning and wandered some of our favorite places, walking and holding hands and taking pictures. The Cherry Blossom Festival ended exactly a week ago downtown; we couldn't get to the city before now and hoped to be exploring under clouds of blossoms on tree-lined streets. Sadly, the blossoms are going. Green leaves crowding them off the branches. We walked under blossom showers, not clouds, and while it's enchanting, it's sad they're falling.
There was no one about as we walked in a neighborhood we love except a few cats - we had the sidewalks to ourselves. There was bird song and squirrel chatter. Sun. Blossoms. Things to see. Our own happiness.
This Easter morning has been memorable.
---
Brady June 2009
President Monson: Reach out to new converts and inactives. Help them feel at home in the gospel.
Sister Julie B. Beck: Women - increase faith, strengthen families, provide relief. Prioritize using personal revelation, the single most important skill a woman can acquire. Personal revelation gives us what to do (and how to do it) every single day.
President Keith B. McMullin: Disasters don't need to shatter our lives! Duty requires diligence, is virtuous, rests on a foundation of integrity and courage, and is a manifestation of one's faith.
Elder Wilford W. Andersen: Hope does not depend on circumstances but on faith in Jesus Christ. If we would build our hope, we MUST build our faith. And faith grows by keeping the commandments.
Elder M. Russell Ballard: Look to our mothers! Youth - love, respect, listen to her; be kind to her, patient with her. Mothers - show children how to make good choices; help them know how to make and keep covenants.
President Henry B. Eyring: We help God's children best when we provide ways for them to develop faith when they are young and rekindle that early when they fall away or are tempted. Directions and rescuers have been provided by the Father. The most important "station for rescue" is the family.
Elder L. Tom Perry: Parents instruct and train children one prayer, scripture study, Family Home Evening, book read, song sung, and family meal at a time! Learn things together along with the scriptures like the Articles of Faith, Testimony of the 12 Apostles, The Family: A Proclamation to the World, the Preach My Gospel and YW and R.S. themes.
Elder D. Todd Christofferson: The history of William Tindale who translated the Bible to English for the common people and was martyred. Scripture enlarges our memory (helping us not to forget and teaching us what we don't know), sheds light on error (dispelling false traditions), and brings us to Christ.
Elder Koichyi Aoyagi: The Holy Ghost testifies of all truth. We are the Lord's hands here on earth.
Elder Bruce A. Carlson: Obedience to Christ - things we may say to ourselves about it: 1. That doesn't apply to me. 2. It's unimportant or trivial. 3. It is much too difficult. We need not assume we have "special circumstances" that exempt us from being strictly obedient.
Elder David A. Bednar: Spiritual early warning system (signals): Reading and talking about the Book of Mormon with our children; bearing testimony to the family spontaneously; inviting children as gospel learners to act, not merely be acted upon.
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: Lust. 1. Separate yourself from people, material and circumstances that harm. 2. Cultivate and be where the spirit is - remember Christ always! 3. "I will give place no more for the enemy of my soul."
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf: Extend to others what we so earnestly desire for ourselves. Every person we meet is a VIP to Heavenly Father. We are called to heal and help rather than condemn. Love is action.
Elder Richard G. Scott: Atonement: Jesus Christ bore the 1. Responsibility for actuating the Plan of Salvation, perfectly. 2. Feelings of the depravity of sin as he atoned; 3. Experiences of the atoning sacrifice and crucifixion at certain points on his own (yet the Father did not forsake him).
Elder Donald L. Hallstrom: "Hold on thy way!" Don't let adversity derail you. Turn to the Lord without delay, let HIM share your burden. Never let an earthly circumstance disable you spiritually.
Sister Cheryl Lant: Seek the face of the Savior: Teach our children the gospel and how to live it. We are the ones appointed to encircle the children with love and the fire of faith.
Elder Quentin L. Cook: The Last Supper. Christ gave the ordinance of the sacrament to his disciples (rather than defending himself against events advancing in that night and the next day). Christ taught doctrines showing LOVE as the preeminent principle. ("By this shall men know you are my disciples if you have love one to another."). He promised the Holy Ghost to come to the apostles, recognizing the role of the Holy Ghost as the Comforter.
President Thomas S. Monson: Death comes to all. Through Christ all will be resurrected! No mere mortal can conceive what Christ did for mankind. "If a man die, shall he live again? (Job) The empty tomb that first Easter morning is the answer.
Elder Russell M. Nelson: Family History work. New Family Search information.
Elder Robert D. Hales: It is impossible to overestimate the influence of parents who know the hearts of their children. "Being there" means know the hearts of our youth. Tell our children we love them.
Elder Bradley D. Foster: Mothers, lead the way! Children, follow; they know where they're going.A distraction doesn't have to be evil to be effective.
Elder James B. Martino: Things I can learn from the last hours of Christ's life: 1. Seek the will of the Father. 2. Learn to not complain or murmur during trials. 3. Seek greater help from God. 4. Learn to serve and think of others even during my trials. 5. Forgive others and do not seek to pass the blame for our situation to them.
Elder Gregory Schwitzer: Worldly judgment can be erroneously applied (and often is) to spiritual matters. 1. Put my standards in alignment with the gospel of Jesus Christ. 2. Listen to the prophet. 3. Cultivate with the Holy Ghost the art of listening. It is shutting off the noise of sin, not only external noises. 4. Keep the commandments.
Elder Francisco Vinas: Teach the "things pertaining to righteousness." Alma taught his sons individually according to their needs.
Elder Neil L. Andersen: "Tell me the stories of Jesus." The stories of Jesus bring faith in him. Fan the flame of the youth's spiritual core that has come with them from the premortal world. Christ must be our foundation - without that we flounder.
President Thomas S. Monson: We are here because we love the Lord. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart . . ." (Prov. 3:5-6) Look to the lighthouse of the Lord.
There were 13 Scripture Mastery verses quoted - I'll be seeing tomorrow morning if many of my Seminary students caught them. :) Yup, real life starts tomorrow after a week of Spring Break, Seminary - bastante temprano en la manana. I don't expect more than two or three kids to show up. But maybe, who knows, they'll be all afire after these sessions of Conference, like I feel!
---
Kent and I (and Flat Abbie) went to Macon this morning and wandered some of our favorite places, walking and holding hands and taking pictures. The Cherry Blossom Festival ended exactly a week ago downtown; we couldn't get to the city before now and hoped to be exploring under clouds of blossoms on tree-lined streets. Sadly, the blossoms are going. Green leaves crowding them off the branches. We walked under blossom showers, not clouds, and while it's enchanting, it's sad they're falling.
There was no one about as we walked in a neighborhood we love except a few cats - we had the sidewalks to ourselves. There was bird song and squirrel chatter. Sun. Blossoms. Things to see. Our own happiness.
This Easter morning has been memorable.
---
Brady June 2009
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