How may I serve these families?
I cried too just now after browsing Michael McLean the songwriter and singer's website, reading his February 11th post...
At about 12:43 pm it was my turn. The chapel was full and the family and friends were taking turns dealing with the waves of emotion that flood a memorial service for a twenty-seven year old husband, father, son, brother, friend. I thought I could get through my part of the service if I didn't look into anyone’s face as I sang . . .
I think of the moment just after Dad called last January asking if I'd sing at Grandma's funeral. I said of course, then crumpled into the wall, weak-kneed . . . knowing. I began a fast. I said a prayer. I thought I could get through my part of the service if I didn't look into anyone's face as I sang.
Michael's amazing with words. Enjoy his post some time today if you can. I especially like the words to the first song in the medley he sang at the funeral.
“It would be crazy for me to even try and pretend that I know what you’re going through.
And I haven’t found answers that make sense to me so I don’t have an answer for you.
But I want to say something to show that I care and I wish it would do some good.
But I can’t comprehend all that you’re feeling now; I love you and wish I could.
I don’t understand why this ever had to happen to you.
I don’t understand, so I’m not sure how to help you get through.
It’s such a mystery why this happened to you and not to me.
I know there is a plan and that we’re tested, but this doesn't seem fair.
I don’t understand, so I don’t know how to say “don’t despair.”
I’m just hoping that you can see that I’m saying that I care,
That I always will be there,
Because I understand one thing eternally:;
And that’s how much you’ll always mean to me.”
This is the prevailing condition of my heart.
To you who I know read my blog, I love you. I look out for you mentally, in my prayers, and in my heart. I respect and admire you SO very much. I smile, thinking of you . . . by name, and by name, and by name . . . (I love you!) and the tears are here again. It's good.
We're a few, and I look to you for inspiration. If you can carry on, so can I. And if I carry on, will you? When you struggle, it's true I "don't understand, so I don't know how to say 'don't despair,'" and often I feel weak-kneed and wonder, how may I serve?
... but I had to look into those faces (Michael finishes and so do I) and let them see my tears and my broken heart. It’s part of the deal when you go to a funeral, whether you've been asked to sing or not.