Women, we gotta get out of our own way (rant with cussing involved)!

I didn't want to write this post because when you comment on things like this, often people don't hear you but instead look for cracks in what you are trying to explain in order to voice an opinion no one asked for. Which I'm sure will happen, to the irony of wherever this blog post gets posted and some unsuspecting commenter bellowing the same trite PC bullshit that contradicts whatever trite bullshit someone else posted. I'm just setting up this preamble because I know that's what will happen.

The internet is a large toilet, we all know that, filled mostly with the bile of anonymous commenters content on having a 'voice' yet refraining from taking ownership of that voice. It's lazy (I will be speaking in absolutes in this post) and it drives me crazy.

Reclaiming the word 'Stout'

It's so strange that if you are lucky enough in life, after a certain age you can actually be at peace with some of yourself.

I'm not a very politically correct person, but I do have sensitivities and I also don't walk on egg shells when it comes to body size. I remember my mother saying my legs were like 'hammocks' when I was about 9. I remember being called 'buffalo' in middle school for years by a boy in class. Growing up I was only allowed a 'sliver' of cake or pie or whatever else it was that was making me fat, and I distinctly remember when I was about 11, my mother asking me if I was 'okay' when I didn't want an ice cream cone.

Wow, it looks like I had a pretty horrid childhood in those above few sentences, doesn't it? I didn't in the least. My late mother was amazingly encouraging of my creative side, I left home and grew into my own person, loosing nearly 50 pounds when I became vegan. I came home and got hit on by that boy who called me 'buffalo' when I was a child, and now that I am an adult, I feel no need to sit and take any comment toward my size. As a result I have a very sharp tongue.

This all brought me to thinking how we actually think of ourselves, visually. I think sewing helps. I haven't bought RTW in about 3 years. I don't have to worry about the crazy inconsistency of modern clothing sizes, or the tent like garments or to the opposite, the unnecessarily 'sexy' paper thin see through tops. It's not as if you can bluntly guess in sewing, "Oh, I'm this and that," and get amazing results. A lot comes down to math. And what is math? Honesty.

Being honest in how you see yourself is more valid than how sensitive in what you want to be called. If you have a gut, say so. Its not as if no one else can't see it. Thick thighs, fine. Fat arms (raises hand), okay. Double chin....yeah.

Plump, Curvaceous, Zoftig, Voluptuous, Plus Size, Rotund, Stout, Fat

My politically correct size index. I left out a few, and some might say rotund is worse than stout, but some people love the compliment their boobs being 'rotund' so there counts the word's extra bonus points.

First off I don't think anyone wants to be fat. Period. Thats not what I'm taking about. Just like I don't think people want to be short, or unwillingly bald, or old, or have bad skin. Duh! But ample (which is my favorite word next to stout) has been expected since the beginning of time.

I just decided that for me, and for the styles I like, I was going to find the most relevant identifiers I could and see how they were in their element. And when I think of larger women from the 30s, I think of Lila and Rita Sue.

Carnivale was an awesome show, but those two women, who were sexy unapologetic and stout, helped me identify with some of the characters. The show starts in 1934, so I looked through my NRA marked Lane Bryant catalogs and I see them, and the target customer the clothes were aiming to. Not women ashamed of their size, but wanted something that *was* their size, made to flatter their size. Not the constant notion of, 'You need to change to fit our clothes because smaller is overwhelmingly better,' that we get today.

I mean really, in the modern context of weight appearance, what we call fat is really what was fairly normal back in those times.

Take modern Lane Bryant for instance. Those current models are average weight, or straight sized. That is plus size today. So the fashion industry jumps from a size 2-4 to a 10-14 for plus. Wow. So if straight sizes are fat, what are fat sizes?

Look at this progression of Lane Bryant Catalogs.

See how ridiculous it all is?

I'm also not talking standards of beauty. Those change with each gust of the breeze.

We've gone from The Venus of Willendorf

to Ruben's Venus to Twiggy and beyond. Wow.

Acceptance of your body, which I know is not an easy thing to reach is empowering. But really, the older you get, don't you get more and more tired of standards that are applied on the wind? I know I do because I've never looked like the modern standards, but I do look like the oldest Venus (except I have feet and a face). If I had lived back then, I would have had the body of a goddess.

Naw, I'm cool with living now. I like deodorant. :)

I got a new soap!

I'm not one to yammer about beauty products, but with some of my past posts on my struggle with my hair, I have to squeal about my newest discovery.

I had always wanted to try black soap in bar form.

It looked so cool and natural and moisturizing. Everything Ive ever wanted. But a bit out of my price range. That, and I did want a liquid form.

When I went to Vitacost for my normal order of castile soap and oils, I ran across this.

WHA?

Shea butter infused black soap in liquid form!? I moderately liked my castile soap, but the one I bought had tea tree oil in it and was a bit too drying for my skin and hair type.

This black soap is like pouring a bucket of moisture on my hair. It smells great, washes off great and hydrates my skin and hair ten fold. When I used it for the first time my hair was s soft I almost didn't need conditioner. I was stunned.

I'm buying this stuff for the rest of my life now!

Here's a list of the products I use.

The Jason vitamin E oil (5,000 IU) blend I mix in with my leave in conditioner for my hair. It smells amazing and is light.

Cococare is one of my favorite brands. Its inexpensive, has pretty high cocoa content, and smells light. This is my main moisturizer and I use it after I shower. Their pure cocoa butter stick I've been using for years and is AMAZING. It's like a push-up pop of cocoa butter!

Burdock Root Oil is great for the scalp. You can get it in capsule form, but I don't because it generally has gelatin in it. This oil from Floraleads is about the purest version I've ever found. I invested in the 4 oz bottle and I'm s glad I did. The smell is not very pleasing so you might want to cut it with an essential oil or something.

Dessert Essence cocoanut conditioner I decided to get with the new soap. Its nowhere near as strong as the other scent of theirs I bought. So far it seems okay.

The Dessert Essence Jojoba oil is what I add sometimes to my body wash. Its also great for my stretched ears.

Palmer's os one of my favorite brands. I use to get their cocoa butter lotion back when you could only find it in the granny section of Walgreens. Now that the company has had a resurgence, I've been priced out, but I do enjoy a few of their speciality items. This facial moisturizer is nice and has sunscreen. Also, I have some of their lip butter and it smells so gewd.

Thayer's Witch Hazel is awesome. Enough said!

Good old fashioned Dove deodorant. It's smell is understated and it doe s the job.

The last bottle of Jason's vitamin E oil (14,000 IU) I use mainly for my cuticles and for the top of my puppy's nose. She's prone to dryness. It smells obscenely good.

Thats pretty much all I use. Sure, I have a couple of bins of trial and error (I am a girl after all) but I tend to stick with clean, natural stuff that I have the option of mixing and matching.

That and a lot of water.

Pimp my dress form.

So Onda and I have been talking (about as much as one can talk with a headless dress form), and she thinks she's a bit 'under matched'. I mean she does look home made. Not that there is anything against that, its just she has a store bought personality.

Women.

After thinking on it a bit and realizing if I didn't do something to her I wouldn't use her, I decided to reshape her shoulders a bit, and give her a bit of a sleek look. I give all the credit to my little friend below.

Oh Elmer, is there anything you cant mildly fix?

After the shoulder shape up, I coated Onda's duct tape innards in a single layer of newsprint and glue/water mixture.

From there I decided to draft a cover (linen) that I can't WAIT to coat in the glue mix. I LOVE that stuff! After I draped the side (my first attempt at it) I matched the fabric and did some quick sewing.

I had to shape the boobs a bit more than original, and draping the sewn piece back in place was a bit of a challenge, Im getting it. Once the front is coated and dry, Ill drape the back and Onda will feel like a million bucks.

Meet my new friend, Onda.

I did it, I made a duct tape dress form. Thanks to a lot of help from my friend Jen, who now knows more of my wobbly bits than she ever wanted, I managed to finally get this done.

The whole thing cost 6 rolls of tape (two were used after the wrapping, and I still have one leftover), and two bags of packing peanuts. In sum a total of a few hours and $22. I put a hanger in the shoulders so I could hang the dress form up.

It was an interesting feeling as the tape built up, and me bending was out of the question.
After Onda was cut off me, I spent the next day stuffing her and shaping her a bit. I had to pinch the waist, because we had to wrap tons around the middle. I also padded the hips some. Shes really, really close to my measurements at 48, 39, 51. The upper bust is a bit larger on her than me (42" Im 41"). I may layer her with a few shirts to give her some padding so shes squishy.

The name Onda comes from a life size doll I had as a kid. She was like a life size Barbie, about 4' 8" tall, chocolate brown, and wearing a jean shorts set! My older cousin was so impressed by the name Onda. I forget why I called her that, but I feel its time to bring it back.

Its strange seeing my body size not in the mirror. Ive dressed her in a few of my shirts, and she looks cuter than me. But she is me, right? Creepy...