PETER PARKER, SPIDER-MAN #98 - November 1998

The Final Chapter

Credits:  Howard Mackie (writer), John Romita, Jr. (penciler), Scott Hanna (inks), Gregory Wright (colors), Comicraft (letters)

The Plot:  Spider-Man webs up the deranged Green Goblin, but soon notices one last pumpkin bomb in the rubble.  It explodes, causing the Daily Bugle building to collapse.  Spider-Man holds up the building with its support beam, giving its occupants time to escape.  Finally, he lifts the building’s remains and webs them into place.  He then races to the hospital to warn Reed Richards not to remove the implant in Aunt May’s brain.  Eventually, Reed figures out a way to remove the implant without setting off the DNA bombs.  Later, the Green Goblin is taken to a padded cell.  His doctors are shocked to discover what’s under his mask.  The Scriers suddenly appear and confiscate the Goblin.

The Subplots:  Jonah Jameson is more determined than ever to bring down Spider-Man after the Daily Bugle building is destroyed.  After learning that May will live, Peter burns his costume and tells MJ that he won’t allow Spider-Man to interfere with their lives again.  MJ tells Peter that her agent is helping them find a new apartment, and that she’ll make enough money to help pay for Aunt May’s medical bills.

Creative Differences:  According to John Byrne, an earlier concept of this storyline had Peter Parker driven to the brink after a series of events, wishing for a simpler time.  His wish was to be granted by the Shaper of Worlds, transforming his desire into reality, returning the teenage Spider-Man to present-day continuity. (See this Comic Book Legends Revealed column.)

Gimmicks:  This issue comes with two covers, at no extra cost.  One is the happy ending cover, and the other depicts the “end” of Spider-Man. Some copies have the happy cover on the front, others have the “death” ending stapled on top.

Review:  Naturally, this title is cancelled as well, although it’s one of the “fake” cancellations.  Peter Parker, Spider-Man will continue with the same creative team and a new #1 in only two months.  Ending Peter Parker, Spider-Man at #98 just comes across as bad planning, doesn’t it?  Why not end Sensational or Spectacular an issue or two earlier, and then allow PPSM to reach #100?  It’s surprising that Marvel passed up on an opportunity for a big anniversary issue, although I guess they reasoned that the new Peter Parker, Spider-Man #1 would be an equal, or better, commercial draw.  Why not have both?  End this era of Spider-Man with a giant-sized Peter Parker, Spider-Man #100, and then launch into the new Peter Parker, Spider-Man (vol. 2) #1 a few months later.  Better yet, just retire Peter Parker, Spider-Man and make the companion title Spectacular Spider-Man, the original spinoff.  Ah, well.  The numbering issues are the least of the titles’ worries at this point.

It’s obvious by now that the remit for the relaunch is “back to basics.”  Not only is John Byrne rebooting the first year of Spider-Man continuity in the Chapter One maxi-series, but the new status quo established this issue has a sickly Aunt May back from the grave, Spider-Man rejected by the public, Jonah Jameson out for Spider-Man’s blood, and Peter Parker ready to throw away his tights forever.  I believe this is the first time the Spider-Man titles simply embraced nostalgia so unashamedly.  (Nostalgia was likely a partial motivation for introducing Ben Reilly, but it seems as if the creators also wanted to try something new at the time.)  Fan response was mostly negative, to say the least, and it’s not hard to discern why.  For decades, the focus on the Spider-Man titles was the Life of Peter Parker.  The direction Peter’s life should take was always up for debate, but I don’t recall any significant segment of fandom wishing that the status quo could just revert back to the 1960s.  After Bob Harras left as editor-in-chief, Marvel seemed to veer away from the retro-approach for a few years, but any attempt to progress Peter’s life was ultimately futile.  Nostalgia wasn’t the culprit in the 2000s, however.  For the sake of synergy with the movies and cartoons, Spider-Man couldn’t be allowed to move past his “classic” status quo, which means the basic setup isn’t going to vary much from the Stan Lee days.  Spider-Man in a crappy apartment, can’t get a date, can’t keep a job…the seeds of the retrofitting begin here.  Marvel wasn’t willing to go quite that far in 1998, but it’s not hard to guess how much they wanted to.

Ignoring the debate over whether or not Spider-Man should be stuck in this loop, “The Final Chapter” is tasked with providing some kind of transition between the old-new and new-old approaches.  It’s a miserable failure.  This issue opens with the revelation that the final few pages of the previous chapter were only Osborn’s fantasy, since he’s actually the one granted madness by the Gathering of Five.  It’s a predictable move, and Mackie’s attempts to write “crazy” dialogue are unbearable, but it could be argued that the creators are playing fair with the reader.  We’ve already been told that the Gathering’s gifts aren’t what they might initially seem to be, so within the context of the storyline, revealing that the previous chapter’s over-the-top cliffhanger was a hallucination isn’t a total cheat.  The rest of the issue doesn’t generate even that much goodwill, however.  The ultimate goals of this storyline are to revive Aunt May, recast Spider-Man as a public pariah, reignite Jonah’s hatred of Spider-Man, send Norman Osborn offstage, and get Peter to a place where he’s willing to hang up the webs once again.  It's all competently rendered by Romita, but can anyone argue that the story has succeeded in dramatizing any of these ideas?   

Aunt May’s resurrection is laughably absurd, and needlessly complicated, all because no one wanted to type the word “clone” at this stage.  Jonah’s justification for hating Spider-Man turns him into even more of a lunatic than he ever was in the Silver Age.  The basic idea of Jonah hating Spider-Man after the Bugle’s destruction is fine, but not when he clearly sees that Spider-Man a) is not the aggressor in the fight, and b) is risking his life to preserve what’s left of the building and save innocent lives.  (In a multi-page tribute to Amazing Spider-Man #33, of course.)  The public turning on Spider-Man again is just thrown in there, with a crowd gathering outside of the Daily Bugle, already carrying placards, and dutifully following the script.  Norman Osborn’s story ends in a cliffhanger, one I’m willing to bet was never satisfactorily resolved whenever he next appeared.  And, finally, Peter throws in the towel yet again.  This might actually be the most coherent scene in the issue, since it’s somewhat defensible that Peter would be motivated to quit after seeing how his life as Spider-Man nearly killed Aunt May.  Heck, I’ll be charitable and not complain too much about that one, even if Peter’s dialogue is wooden and unconvincing during his big dramatic moment.  But the rest of this…what’s the excuse?  This isn’t just a lame ending to a specific storyline, it’s the end of an era of the titles, the final issue of this series (sort of), the prelude to the brave “new” direction of the books…and it’s an outright bomb.  Only the most hardcore of fans, or the morbidly curious, could possibly want to come back for more of this.

SPECTACULAR SPIDER-MAN #263 - November 1998

The Triumph of the Goblin!  The Final Chapter Part 3

Credits:  Howard Mackie (writer), Luke Ross (penciler), Al Milgrom (inks), Mike Rockwitz (colors), Comicraft (letters)

The Plot:  The Green Goblin knocks Aunt May unconscious, then abruptly decides to let Spider-Man escape with her.  Spider-Man takes May to Reed Richards to determine if she is truly his aunt.  While examining her body, Reed discovers a tiny implant in May’s brain.  Spider-Man charges into Norman Osborn’s office and demands he reveal what he’s done to May.  This leads to a Spider-Man/Green Goblin battle over the streets of Manhattan.  The Goblin boasts that he implanted a trigger in May’s brain that will set off DNA bombs around the globe if removed.  Eventually, the Goblin crashes Spider-Man into the Daily Bugle building.  He assaults the building with pumpkin bombs before unmasking, and killing, Spider-Man in front of the Bugle staff.

The Subplots:  MJ is having a celebrity-filled party at the Parkers’ home to celebrate her return to modeling.

Web of Continuity:  

• Spider-Man’s dialogue reveals that Alison Mongrain actually did die in Amazing Spider-Man #441.
• During the fight scene, the Green Goblin details how he faked Aunt May’s death.  He used Miles Warren’s technology to insert May’s “genetic matrix into that of another woman...an elderly actress who believed this to be her greatest role.”  She played the part of May for weeks while the real May recovered from her stroke in Osborn’s custody.
• According to the Chronology Project, Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 2) #29 has a flashback that must fit in-between the pages of 18 and 19 this issue.  Those are two pages in the final fight scene with no obvious significance that I can see.

Forever Young:  The Invisible Woman refers to Spider-Man as a “young man” when he arrives at the Fantastic Four’s headquarters.

“Huh?” Moment:  “When your aunt had her stroke, and before I realized that I was alive, I decided to seize upon the opportunity to add to your troubles.”  Before I realized that I was alive…what is Norman Osborn talking about?!

Miscellaneous Note:  The Statement of Ownership lists average sales for the year at 99,059 copies, with the most recent issue selling 93,061.  Spectacular Spider-Man seems to be the lowest selling of the monthly titles, at around 10,000 copies less than the other books.

Review:  Unlike Amazing and Peter Parker, this really is the final issue of Spectacular Spider-Man.  The book will be replaced in a few months by Webspinners, a monthly in the vein of Legends of the Dark Knight, telling stories from different eras of Spider-Man’s past.  Traditionally, anthology books don’t sell, and neither do books set in the past, so I’m not quite sure what Marvel was thinking with this move.  Webspinners was a critical hit in its early months, however, until the book turned into a showcase for seemingly random creators, and eventually, just another Spidey comic written by Howard Mackie.

Howard Mackie has never been associated with Spectacular Spider-Man before, but there’s no pretense that this issue is a true farewell to the series, is it?  It’s the penultimate chapter of a crossover designed to bring this era of Spider-Man to a close, and apparently having Mackie write 3/4th of the storyline was the easiest option for everyone involved.  And, not surprisingly, it’s just as garbled and nonsensical as you would expect after reading his work in the previous issues of “The Gathering of Five” and “The Final Chapter.”  This issue is particularly insane since it’s tasked with justifying the resurrection of Aunt May.  I defy anyone to tell me that the “genetically altered actress” solution was a good idea.  I’m not debating whether or not Aunt May should return, I’m talking the specific choice made this issue.  An actress was somehow convinced to alter her DNA and play the part of Spider-Man’s elderly aunt, play that part so perfectly that Peter never suspected she was a fraud, and then die on cue?  This is essentially the height of “eh, whatever” storytelling, isn’t it?  Marvel wants Aunt May back, so screw it, here’s a few lines of dialogue to justify it.  (This absurdity doesn’t even merit its own flashback; it’s just a series of overwritten word balloons shoved into a fight scene.)  If you’re going to be this lazy, why not just say it was a clone that died?  Yeah, Marvel was petrified of associating the titles with clones again during this period, but what’s the point of introducing Miles Warren into the plot and then copping out with a genetically altered actress?  If you’re going for a copout, at least go for a less painful one.

When the story isn’t trying to justify the most idiotic resurrection in the history of superhero comics, or having Osborn elucidate even more ridiculous schemes, it’s killing time with another Spider-Man/Goblin fight scene.  Luke Ross might’ve been able to do something with the action, but unfortunately the pacing of the issue reduces the fight scene to a series of sterile, tiny panels.  For the majority of the issue, the pages are crammed with 6-8 panels, and just packed with utterly wretched Norman Osborn dialogue.  I swear, if there’s an affectation more annoying that Osborn calling any male in his vicinity “m’boy” I’ve yet to read it.  Osborn’s verbal diarrhea is so bad this issue that there’s an entire drawing of Spider-Man that’s literally covered up with an overwritten balloon filled with banal Norman Osborn dialogue.  I initially thought that the issue was unusually compressed because Mackie has so many plot points that need to be shoved in, which is partially true.  However, the story also has to make room for a giant two-page spread on the final pages, dedicated to selling the laughable cliffhanger that Osborn’s killed the unmasked Spider-Man.  Those two pages are of course a cheap fake-out, but they look pretty darn impressive.  It’s amazing that no one seems to have realized at this point that Ross excels at large figures…he is drawing upon McFarlane, of course.  Why was he given an issue filled with postage stamp-sized images to draw?  And why were the readers saddled with such wretched content in the first place?

PETER PARKER, SPIDER-MAN #97 - November 1998

Let the Heavens Tremble at the Power of the Goblin! The Final Chapter Part 2

Credits:  Howard Mackie (writer), John Romita, Jr. (penciler), Scott Hanna (inks), Gregory Wright (colors), Comicraft (letters)

The Plot:  The Green Goblin flies to his upstate hunting lodge to confront Spider-Man.  On the premises, Spider-Man contends with genetically altered trees and animals.  Eventually the Goblin faces Spider-Man, handing him a copy of the Osborn Journal, which the Goblin says he should’ve found months ago.  Spider-Man watches as Osborn’s written words morph into an accusation that Peter Parker poisoned his aunt when she discovered he’s Spider-Man.  Enraged, Spider-Man knocks the Goblin down and restrains him with webbing.  He enters a bedroom, expecting to find his daughter May.  Instead, he’s struck with a vase by Aunt May.

The Subplots:  MJ is fitted with clothes for her new modeling assignment, but is now unsure if she’s doing the right thing.

Web of Continuity:  

• This issue marks the full debut of the Green Goblin’s new costume.  It’s the first of many John Byrne will redesign during this era.
• Osborn claims Spider-Man should’ve found his journal when he invaded Osborn’s office back in Spectacular Spider-Man #250.
• The Osborn Journal was a one-shot published in 1997 with the goal of tying up some of the loose ends surrounding Norman Osborn’s resurrection.  According to Osborn this issue, the journal was a mix of truth and lies.

“Huh?” Moment:  MJ remarks that the dress she’s trying on costs more than she’s been making in a year.  She hasn’t had a job in a year, right?

Miscellaneous Note:  The Statement of Ownership lists average sales for the year at 108,050 copies, with the most recent issue selling 103,907.

Review:  Admittedly, this issue isn’t as shamefully bad as the previous PPSM, but it’s still terrible.  I’m forced to revert, once again, to bullet points.

• The issue opens with one of the dumbest clichés of the modern age, the villain killing his henchmen for absolutely no reason.  It’s possible that this was a chilling idea once, it sounds like something Denny O’Neil would’ve done with the Joker back in the ‘70s, but I can’t personally recall a time when it’s ever had any impact.  Seriously, did any of these scenes ever elicit any kind of a response out of you?  Did anyone ever mourn the loss of Background Goon #3?  A villain killing his pawn for failing him, sure; but the random murder of faceless underlings is an utterly moronic move for any so-called “brilliant” mastermind.  How is he going to find new flunkies if he keeps killing his existing ones for dramatic effect?
• Not only is Osborn now acting like a cut-rate Joker, but the story has him stealing gimmicks from a different villain every few pages.  He’s created an evil garden for Spider-Man to swing through, plus freakish mutated animals (which are virtually identical to the demons Romita, Jr. designed back in Daredevil’s Mephisto arc), he’s written a fake journal with the goal of framing Peter Parker, and he has a new plan to detonate a “DNA Bomb” that will reshape the world in his image.  Only one of those schemes actually sounds like something Osborn would do, and it’s the plot that he casually gives up on this issue.
• Speaking of the fake journal…I’m sure anyone who bought the Osborn Journal a few months earlier in order to piece together how exactly Marvel justified reviving Osborn was thrilled to discover that it had been written in disappearing ink and was filled with lies.
• 
  The combination of John Romita, Jr., Scott Hanna, and colorist Gregory Wright do a lot to sell the mood this issue.  I would argue that they’re solely responsible for any atmosphere the issue contains.  The pages of Spider-Man confronting the Green Goblin at dusk look amazing; they’re almost pretty enough to distract from the utter nonsense the characters are speaking.
• Not surprisingly at this point, the scripting is a mess.  The issue opens with one of Osborn’s goons thinking, “He’s letting us help with the new costume,” (as we plainly see the goons dressing Osborn) and things don’t improve from there.  Someone might argue that it’s an intentional effort to evoke the Silver Age, but really, there’s no charm here.  It’s just awkward.  Try reading some of this stuff aloud.  “But, as with any great act of creation there will be some casualties and a significant amount of pain.  To that end you might consider my killing you a gift bestowed upon an old friend of the Osborn family!”
• “Thanks for the generous offer, Norman, but I’m going to have to refuse…on account of your being a nut case!”  Awful jokes, too.
• The return of Aunt May…since this is the last page reveal, I’ll hold off on discussing this in-depth until later.  I will acknowledge that as a cliffhanger, this is guaranteed to get some reaction out of the readership.  (People honestly believed at the time that Marvel would never revive Aunt May.)  If someone like J. M. DeMatteis wrote this scene, I would have some faith that something clever is coming next.  Having May call Spider-Man a “horrible creature” and attack him with a vase would’ve been a cute joke if the next chapter revealed that this is some kind of impostor given out-of-date directions, but that’s simply not the case.  Yes, not only is Marvel reviving Aunt May, but we’re getting that Aunt May…

PETER PARKER, SPIDER-MAN #96 - October 1998

The Gathering of Five - Part Three: Web of Despair

Credits:  Howard Mackie (writer), Norman Felchle (penciler), Scott Hanna (inks), Gregory Wright (colors), Comicraft’s Liz Agraphiotis (letters)

The Plot:  At the Daily Bugle offices, Norman Osborn taunts Peter with information on a genetic bomb that’s killed dozens of innocent people.  Jonah soon confirms this story is real, but is told by Osborn to drop the story or else his wife will die.  Incensed, Jonah takes the gun from his desk and decides to deal with Osborn permanently.  Elsewhere, Madame Web receives a telepathic message from Osborn, inviting her to join the Gathering of Five ceremony in order to regain her lost youth.  Web telepathically contacts Spider-Man, tricking him into retrieving the necessary artifact and bringing it to her.  She then receives a vision of Jonah shooting Osborn.  Spider-Man races back to the Daily Bugle, but is distracted by a gigantic flame-breathing dragon.  After webbing up the dragon, he enters the Bugle just as Jonah has dropped his gun and given up.  Osborn now prepares to shoot him, but Spider-Man saves his life.  Jonah, humiliated, refuses to thank him.  Later, Madame Web joins the ceremony, and has a vision of Osborn killing the world with a genetic bomb.

The Subplots:  Before Osborn enters the room, MJ brings Peter dinner and tells him about her modeling offer.  Elsewhere, Alison Mongrain has abandoned Robbie Robertson.  Osborn’s agent Creep attacks her, but she’s rescued by Robbie.

Web of Continuity:  

• Madame Web hasn’t appeared in the comics since Amazing Spider-Man #239, although she was a regular in the ‘90s animated series.
• The previous chapter took place during the day; even though the story is now set at night, Jonah still doesn’t know that Robbie and Alison have returned from Europe.
• In the last chapter, Alison pressured Robbie into leaving Spider-Man during his fight with Molten Man in order to find Peter Parker as soon as possible.  In-between chapters, Alison has given Robbie the slip and checked into a cheap motel room.  Robbie has located Alison just in time to save her from the Creep (which is apparently his supervillain name).
• Norman Osborn claims he learned of the Gathering of Five ceremony while studying with the Scriers in Europe.

I Love the ‘90s:  While fighting the dragon, Spider-Man comments on the box office failure of 1998’s Godzilla.

How Did This Get Published?:  The dialogue and prose seem to be equally horrid this issue.  

And from page sixteen:

“Huh?” Moment:  This is the least of the issue’s problems, but MJ brings Peter a “Merry Meal” even though the art clearly shows the bag has a “Sappy Meal” logo.

Review:  Any goodwill the first two chapters might’ve generated is utterly evaporated by the time you’re finished with this issue.  I remember the internet’s apoplectic reaction to this issue, but I haven’t experienced the misfortune of reading it for myself until now.  This isn’t just bad, it’s X-Men Unlimited #4 bad.  It’s X-Factor #Whatever-Issue-Graydon-Creed-Died-In bad.  It’s Chuck Austen bad.  Rather than devote entire paragraphs to every ill-conceived idea in the issue, I’ll spare all of us some agony and rely on the clean efficiency of a bullet point list.

• Any attempt to portray Norman Osborn as the cool, aloof behind-the-scenes villain is undermined every time Mackie is handed the character.  Osborn’s idea of dropping subtle threats to Peter and Jonah is to describe in great detail something he’s already done.  He’s confessing to multiple murders to people who work for a major metropolitan newspaper.  Making this more insulting, there’s even a “You’d better kill this story or else” scene, as if no other newspaper in the world is going to report on a genetic bomb that causes people to melt mysteriously detonating in a random office building.
• Why is Osborn suddenly interested in murdering innocent white-collar office employees anyway?  Traditionally, he wants to rule New York’s underworld and punish Spider-Man for standing in his way.  He’s never been an indiscriminate killer before, has he?
• Mackie delivers perhaps his weakest scripting job so far on this title.  (I’ve said that before, haven’t I?)  Almost every page has at least one line of incredibly awkward, stilted dialogue.  I don’t want to single Howard Mackie out for this quirk since a lot of writers do it, but constantly breaking the “that/which” rule isn’t only bad grammar, it also makes for some wretchedly pretentious writing.
• The Alison Mongrain/Robbie Robertson subplot feels as if it’s being continued from an entirely different storyline.  What’s happened to them since the last chapter?  Why is Alison in a motel if she wanted to see Peter Parker so badly?  When did “The Creep” appear?  Who is the Creep?  There’s not even a clear shot of him during his one-page appearance.  What is this?
• Speaking of “What is this?”…the entire structure of this issue is just bizarre.  The story attempts to pay off Jonah’s rivalry with Osborn, foreshadow Osborn’s master plan in the “Final Chapter” crossover, revive Madame Web, continue the Gathering of Five plot, have Spider-Man locate the latest artifact, and develop the ongoing Robbie/Alison subplot.  And for some reason, an unexplained dragon has to suddenly appear in the middle of the issue.
• Spider-Man’s efforts to retrieve the artifact for Madame Web are left entirely off-panel.  That would be a disappointing anti-climax in any other comic, but Spider-Man even comments on what a “dangerous task” it was.  Why is this scene totally removed from the story…especially when several pages are killed on that inexplicable dragon fight?
• Why is Madame Web suddenly obsessed with regaining her youth?  Has she ever been portrayed as someone who would outright lie to Spider-Man, sending him on dangerous missions that only serve her own vanity?  
• The big Jonah Jameson/Norman Osborn confrontation, which the titles have been building to for about a year, consists of Osborn threatening Jonah’s family (again), and Jonah responding by throwing his gun away.  Right in front of Osborn, who of course picks it up and turns it on Jonah.  We’ve waited a year for this.
• Osborn, in one of his unbearable monologues, claims that his plans are finally coming to fruition.  I realize he’s saying this now simply because the creators are wrapping his story up before the relaunch, but since the story is going out of its way to broach the topic…what was the point of buying the Daily Bugle in the first place?  Allegedly, it’s to rebuild his reputation, but how could one newspaper do that?  And if it’s to destroy Spider-Man’s reputation, that’s already the Bugle’s M.O. -- so, really, what was the point of the past year?
• Seriously…a dragon?

PETER PARKER, SPIDER-MAN #95 - September 1998

Free Fall

Credits:  Howard Mackie (writer), John Romita, Jr. (penciler), Scott Hanna (inks), Gregory Wright (colors), Comicraft (letters)

The Plot:  Following a recent increase in mob violence, the mayor declares war on guns.  Spider-Man does his part by helping the police stop gun traffickers.  As Peter Parker, he meets Betty Brant at the Daily Bugle to discuss the gun story.  They run into Norman Osborn and his grandson Normie outside of the elevators, shortly before Nitro appears.  Nitro detonates, forcing Peter to shove Betty into the elevator for cover.  The elevator falls to the ground, trapping everyone inside.  After enduring Osborn’s taunts, Peter finally uses his super-strength to move the rubble and enable everyone to escape.  Luckily, Betty is knocked unconscious and Normie looks away, ensuring Spider-Man maintains his secret identity.

The Subplots:  MJ tells Peter that their finances have grown too tight.  She also mentions that Aunt Anna is considering moving back to Florida.  Meanwhile, Kingpin delights in the mayor’s crackdown on guns, boasting that it makes his life easier.  While Osborn is attacked, other crimelords are also targeted by the Kingpin’s hitmen.  Later, Osborn tells a mystery figure on the phone that it’s time for the “gathering of the five” to begin.

Web of Continuity:  Peter has to check into the hospital for broken ribs after escaping the elevator.  While there, Jonah informs him that Fortunato is at the same hospital, near death, following a mysterious attack.  This was perhaps an effort to write Fortunato out of the books, because he seems to disappear after this point.

How Did This Get Published?:  Witness Peter’s speech to Norman on page nineteen.  Yes, it is “painful for us all.”

I Love the ‘90s:  Spider-Man comments on the unnamed mayor of New York’s focus on “quality of life” crimes, which was a staple of Rudy Giuliani’s term as mayor.

Review:  Admittedly, there is a great hook behind the issue.  Peter and Norman trapped in an elevator together, neither one able to reveal his enhanced strength without compromising his secret identity, should’ve been the setup for a fantastic story.  And, by now, is it a shock to learn that the execution doesn’t live up to the premise?  

Howard Mackie had recently been named as the sole current-continuity writer of the titles following the relaunch, so there was more of an effort on Marvel’s part to push his work on this book.  I recall a few online critics picking up this issue after months away from the titles, and the results weren’t pretty.  It was hard to find anyone willing to defend Peter Parker, Spider-Man at this point.  I’m willing to forgive the clumsy opening pages that focus on the gun crackdown; I realize that they’re mainly there to provide a few pages of Spidey-in-costume action and to give Peter an excuse to go to the Bugle.  I’m willing to overlook the shockingly bland characterization Kingpin has received since returning to the titles, since he’s playing a small role this issue.  I’ll even keep my mouth shut when MJ makes yet another comment about how young she and Peter are (MJ is at least less shrewish this issue.)  But don’t dedicate virtually half of your issue to Norman Osborn if you absolutely cannot write Norman Osborn.  This Norman Osborn isn’t clever enough to get underneath anyone’s skin, nor is he particularly intimidating.  He also isn’t the sweaty-browed, borderline loon from the Stan Lee days.  I have no idea what Mackie was going for when scripting Osborn’s dialogue, unless he was honestly under the impression that Osborn is some form of robot.  Then again, practically every cast member in this book now talks in some unnatural, stilted speech pattern.  And those giant blocks of text…not even Tom Orzechowski could make this pretty.  

Even if you’re able to forgive Howard Mackie for not being David Mamet, the plot mechanics of the issue are also a problem.  Yes, we’re presented with a great predicament for Peter to get out of, but the story immediately gives him a series of copouts that kill the drama.  How will Betty respond when she sees Peter lift the girders?  Who knows, since she was knocked out as soon as Nitro exploded.  What will little Normie see?  Nothing, since Peter tells him to turn his head.  Are the security cameras still working?  Let’s check…nope.  They’re not.  So, you’re all clear, Peter.  Give a thoroughly unsatisfying speech and just get the story over with.  I’m not naïve enough to expect Peter’s secret identity to be revealed before the issue’s over, but shouldn’t the story have some tension running through it?  And if Norman Osborn is going to be the main villain of the titles again, shouldn’t he become a compelling antagonist in some way?  And have schemes that consist of more than just throwing little barbs at Peter while they’re in public?  Okay, that last complaint will be dealt with soon enough, but I'd like to meet the human being who thinks "The Gathering of Five" is a classic Norman Osborn story…