TMNT MEET ARCHIE – Spring 1991

Green Legs & Gams

Credits: Ryan Brown & Dean Clarrain (plot), Dean Clarrain (script), Ken Mitchroney & Stan Goldberg (pencils), Ryan Brown & Rudy Lapick (inks), Mary Kelleher (letters), Barry Grossman (colors)

It had to happen…the Turtles meet Archie. Plus, Josie and the Pussycats (but not Sabrina). The story begins as Cudley drops the Turtles off in a parallel Earth to have fun for a few hours. They’ve entered the strange world known as “Riverdale.” Archie and Betty just happen to be nearby, engaging in a G-rated makeout session in Archie’s convertible.

Their sinful lust is interrupted when they witness a giant cow’s head spitting out four little green men. This understandably unnerves them, but they find that the locals at Pop’s Malt Shop are hardcore skeptics. After thoroughly mocking their friends, the teens leave for a Josie and the Pussycats show. Meanwhile, the Turtles disguise themselves and explore Riverdale. They run across Veronica, who doesn’t make a great first impression.

The Turtles watch as she’s taken into custody by “Infernal Revenue Service” agents who allege that she failed to claim several cash gifts on her last return. The Turtles explain the situation to the Archie gang when they come looking for Veronica. Jughead astutely points out that Veronica actually has no taxable income, being a rich daddy’s girl who doesn’t work, which makes the gang suspicious. Archie overcomes his fear of the little green men, as everyone crams into his convertible and looks for Veronica.

The Turtles soon spot the car belonging to Veronica’s abductors at a seedy motel (as seedy as it gets in Riverdale, at least). Jughead risks his life playing pizza boy, which distracts the kidnappers while the Turtles break into the motel room.

(Jughead’s really putting himself out there for someone who’s only shown him contempt in the past. Why isn’t Archie doing this?) The Turtles quickly defeat the kidnappers, just as Veronica’s father arrives with the ransom money. Mr. Lodge thanks the “oddly-dressed” heroes and offers to treat them to pizza at Pop’s. Everyone enjoys pizzas and malts, as poor Hot Dog watches enviously outside. Plus, it looks like Veronica has made up with Raphael. Enjoy it while you can, Raph. It’s only a matter of time before she realizes that there’s no money in ninja turtling.

Review in a Half-Shell: The Turtles meet Archie, and the story covers most of the things you would expect it to in twenty-two pages. Ken Mitchroney draws the Turtles while Stan Goldberg handles the Archie characters, which is similar to the way Archie treated the Punisher/Archie crossover. It’s really the best representation of both styles, and while there’s nothing that notable about the story, the characters are given enough room for some entertaining interactions.

I Love the (early) ‘90s: Veronica tells Archie and Reggie not to engage in any “slam dancing” at the concert when she sees Reggie hassling Archie.

Red Sails in the Sunset

Credits: Dean Clarrain (script), Don Simpson (art & letters), Barry Grossman (colors)

In this backup story, which takes place in-between issues #16 and #17, the Turtles and Man Ray are still on the beach after Bubbla’s funeral. Man Ray uses his Aquaman powers to call out to any nearby humpback whales that might be able to offer a ride. Instead, a mysterious pirate ship arrives. Onboard, the Turtles discover old skeletons and a locked treasure chest. Raphael opens it, inadvertently freeing the souls of the skeletons.

The Turtles fight the skeletons while Man Ray and April try to decipher the message left in a bottle onboard. They eventually realize that they have to bury the engraved woman on the ship’s masthead in the sand. After they follow the directions, the skeletons and the ship soon dissolve into nothingness.

The Turtles aren’t willing to forgive Raphael just yet, though. He must be punished.

Review in a Half-Shell: This actually has more action than the average issue of Adventures, and it’s only a few pages long. I guess zombie skeletons are the type of villains the Turtles should be facing in this series, since they can be slashed and hacked mercilessly without offending anyone. The real standout is Don Simpson’s art. He draws the strangest Turtles I’ve ever seen (with bug eyes, overbites, and scales…and I’m still not sure how I feel about them), but his depictions of the pirate ship, the skeletons, and the overall setting are fantastic. As ugly as his Turtles can look, he also manages to draw the most attractive April O’Neil yet (through his website, I see that Simpson has also done “adult” comics, so I guess he has experience with the female form). I honestly think this issue is worth tracking down just for this backup.

Pizza References: Raphael hopes to find coupons to Pizza Shack in the treasure chest.

Storm Drain Savers

Credits: Stephen Murphy (script), Jim Lawson (pencils), Peter Laird, Dan Berger, Michael Dooney, Steve Lavigne, & Eric Talbot (inks), Mary Kelleher (letters), Barry Grossman (colors)

This originally ran as a give-away Earth Day comic from the Santa Monica Bay Restoration Project. It mainly consists of the Turtles walking through the sewers, pointing out garbage and telling you not to litter. It’s notable for Stephen Murphy being credited under his real name, and the five people it took to ink a four-page mini comic. There’s a “no plastics” stamp on the bottom of one of the pages, which is amusing. I guess all of that TMNT merchandise was made out of fairy dust and the innocence of a child’s dreams.

Origin of the Species

Credits: Ryan Brown (story), Doug Brammer (script), Dave Garcia (pencils), S. R. Bissette (inks), Mary Kelleher (letters), Barry Grossman (colors)

In a story from the recent past, Bebop and Rocksteady steal a frozen caveman from a capsized ship. Shredder attempts to mutate him, which creates an out of control Mastodon Man.

(If this guy was never an action figure, that is a true shame.) The Turtles run across him in the streets, but soon realize that he’s hurt and confused, not evil. Bebop and Rocksteady arrive and blast the Mastodon Man into the frozen river. The Turtles try to save him, but the mutant drowns. Bebop and Rocksteady proudly fly away, leaving the Turtles to wonder who the real monster is.

Review in a Half-Shell: I’m not that familiar with Dave Garcia’s art, but the combination of his pencils and Stephen Bissette’s inks is very impressive. The story’s very straightforward, aside from the twist that the mutant is just misunderstood, which is actually pretty standard by this point. (How many of the mutants Shredder created actually ended up working with him? He should probably think about this.) The story’s just an excuse for the Mastodon Man to run around for a few pages, and it looks great.

What the Shell? : A young girl writes in to say that we should all learn from the animals, since they don’t kill, rape, and steal like people do. I’m not getting into the sheer naiveté of her statement, but I am wondering if this was the first (and only) time the word “rape” showed up in an Archie comic.

TMNT Adventures #1-#4

Return of the Shredder

Credits: (Issues #1-#2) Dave Garcia (writer/artist). Adapted from a script by David Wise and Christy Marx.

Archie’s monthly TMNT series begins, unfortunately, with more adaptations of the cartoon. The first two issues adapt “Return of the Shredder,” which has Krang sending Shredder back to Earth in order to prove himself. Out of spite, Krang sends Shredder alone, without Bebop, Rocksteady, or any Foot Soldiers for support. Shredder decides the most efficient way to lure the Turtles out of hiding is to overtake the thugs at the “Slash 4 Cash Gym” and have them commit robberies in ninja turtle disguises (although Shredder kidnapped Splinter in the initial storyline, so it seems like he should already know where the Turtles live).

The fake Turtles go on a crime spree, which reaffirms April O’Neil’s boss’ suspicions about the Ninja Turtles. While Spider-Man’s mortal nemesis J. Jonah Jameson is motivated by his distrust of people who hide behind masks, or his own insecurities and jealousy (depending on which story you read), Burns Thompson’s hatred of the Turtles is driven by a more basic desire.

When Krang receives word of Shredder’s master plan, he chides him for wasting time on a plan that could take forever. Shredder, eager to please Krang for reasons that aren’t particularly clear, heads to the “Sunnydale Home for the Extremely Overwrought” to recruit Dr. Baxter Stockman. After Shredder frees him, Stockman creates another rat-catching machine and once again kidnaps Splinter in the sewers. The Turtles track Stockman to Shredder’s hideout, where they easily defeat their imposters and soon confront Shredder. Shredder is preparing to kill a captive Splinter with a massive battering ram, but Baxter Stockman suddenly breaks through the walls in his ratcatcher machine. The device soon goes out of control, enabling the Turtles to rescue Splinter and escape.

With Splinter saved and the imposters exposed, it’s a happy ending all around…except for Burns Thompson, who must pay the price for journalistic integrity.

The Incredible Shrinking Turtles

Credits: (Issues #3-#4) Beth & Ken Mitchroney (writers), Ken Mitchroney (penciler), Dave Garcia (inker). Adapted from a script by Larry Parr.

Issues three and four adapt the “Incredible Shrinking Turtles” episode. Since every ‘80s cartoon character had to shrink down to either toy or insect size at one point or another, I guess the producers decided to get this story over with early. This is the debut of Ken Mitchroney, whose art I fondly remember throughout the run of the series. He’s a very expressive cartoonist who can also do action quite well, making him a perfect fit for the book.

The story has the Turtles discovering an alien who’s crash-landed on Earth. The dying alien tells the Turtles that they must recover the three pieces of the Eye of Sarnath, which will grant “power undreamed” to whoever possesses it. Shredder secretly follows the Turtles on their quest, and steals the first fragment they discover. The jewel’s power shrinks the Turtles to just a few inches high, and they’re quickly washed into the sewer.

Shredder contacts Krang, hoping that he’ll send his Foot Soldiers back to Earth (I guess that’s why Shredder is so eager to please him, but it still seems like an odd inversion of their original relationship). Krang doesn’t believe that Shredder has eliminated the Turtles, and demands proof of the crystal’s power. Shredder’s response, of course, is to shrink the Empire State Building.

Krang isn’t impressed by the “toy building,” he just wants those Turtles dead. (I don’t quite understand why Krang hates the Turtles so much. Originally, he just wanted Shredder to give him a robot body, which he did. Krang really doesn’t have much to do with the Turtles, but he sure does hate them. I guess his motivation is just anger over the fact that they defeated him in the initial miniseries.) Meanwhile, the tiny Turtles are floating through the New York sewer system. The shrunken heroes gimmick is used pretty well, as the Turtles are forced to sail on a bar of soap. When they’re attacked by a snake, Leonardo has to feed the snake larger and larger chunks of the soap before it gets sick and retreats. The Turtles are left with a tiny piece of soap to sail on, which is shrinking by the second.

Soon, they're swallowed by a storm drain, where we discover their uncanny ability to speak underwater.

They’re rescued by Baxter Stockman, who brings the Turtles to Shredder. Shredder shows off the shrunken Turtles to Krang, then prepares to kill them with a crowbar. Luckily, Splinter and April O’Neil arrive to save the day. Splinter and Shredder have a martial arts fight for a few pages, while April retrieves the shard of the Eye of Sarnath. The Turtles somehow reason that it couldn’t possibly make them smaller (I guess they've never heard of the Atom), so April uses it to restore them to their natural height. Soon, the Turtles rescue Splinter from Shredder (whose hideout is apparently an abandoned cheese factory, because he’s trying to kill Splinter with a “cheese-wrapping machine”). However, they lose the shard after Splinter accidentally knocks Shredder into April. Shredder escapes, which leaves the Turtles without any of the three shards of the Eye of Sarnath (according to Wiki, the Archie series continues this subplot, and resolves it differently than the cartoon). As for the Empire State Building, April later reports that the “shrinking business” has stopped, so I guess the jewel’s power was never permanent in the first place.

Splinter tells the Turtles that there’s much to learn from failure, which I’m sure was supposed to be the pro-social message of the episode. They return home, where we uncover the Turtles’ intense loathing of Pizza Hut personal pan pizzas.

Since the book is still adapting cartoon episodes, there’s really not a lot going on. Issues three and four aren’t bad, but that’s largely due to Ken Mitchroney’s charming artwork. The book is now taking two issues to adapt one episode, which does at least alleviate the claustrophobic feel of the earlier issues. With more room to tell the story, it feels like more of a legitimate comic book. However, the stories that are being adapted, with the exception of a few jokes, are pretty bland. At least the original material begins next issue.