The Oddest Comics of the '90s -- Marvel's Illustrated Investor Reports?

 

While operating as a publicly traded company, Marvel issued financial report/comic hybrids festooned with Wolverine and Spider-Man...and some truly stunning relics of the era. Herb Trime at his Rob-iest! I revisit this week at CBR.

NEW WARRIORS Annual #1 - August 1991

Kings of Pain Part 1 - Errant Knights

Credits:  Fabian Nicieza (writer), Mark Bagley (penciler), Jeff Albrecht (inker), Tom Vincent (colors), Chris Eliopoulos (letters)

Summary:  X-Force and the New Warriors battle until Cable calls a truce.  Two executives at Genetech swear that the Alliance lied about working for them, leading Cable to break into Frenzy’s prison cell.  She reveals that their true employer is AIM, who used them as bodyguards for Harness and Piecemeal.  Soon, a team lead by Marvel Boy breaks into a warehouse owned by AIM, discovering inside “humanoid shell casings.”  In Japan, Harness and Piecemeal absorb more energy, as Piecemeal grows more bloated.  Meanwhile, Cannonball’s team travels to Xavier’s underground bunker to cross-reference Cerebro’s mutant database with the information given to them by Genetech.  When the teams reunite, Cable realizes that Harness and Piecemeal are trying to revive Proteus.

Continuity Notes:  

• Frenzy is being held in the Quebec Provincial Prison, which is a superhuman prison within the Marvel Universe that’s totally new to me.
• Cable recognizes New Warriors member Chord (Chord?!) from his mercenary days (“North Africa, ‘73” to be exact.)  Chord knows Cable as “Winters,” leading him to respond “The name's Cable...this year. ”  “Winters” could obviously be seen as a play on “Summers,” providing another early clue that Cable is Nathan Summers.
• Cannonball is able to use his blast shield to protect the entire X-Force team after Chord throws a grenade at them.  I don’t recall him being able to expand his shield in such a way on other occasions, even if the early issues of X-Force paid some lip service to his developing powers.
• Shatterstar uses his energy channeling/sword-blast powers twice this issue, which is probably more than he ever used them during the entire run of X-Force.
• The locks on the bunker under Xavier’s mansion have been changed.  Boom-Boom comments that “they” changed them, with “they” being X-Factor I assume since the X-Men are off in space until “The Muir Island Saga” begins.
• According to Cerebro’s records, Proteus died on 10/13/1987.  That means the late ‘70s Claremont/Byrne run on Uncanny X-Men happened four years ago Marvel Time at this point in continuity.  Four years seems a bit much, in my opinion.  Considering how slowly characters like Kitty Pryde aged during that period, I would place it closer to two years.

I Love the '90s:  Boom-Boom understands the scientific jargon spoken by the higher-ups at Genetech…NOT!

Review:  X-Force and the New Warriors fight, which I imagine was a huge deal for at least some portion of the audience.  New Warriors wasn’t a book I followed as a kid, so the fight doesn’t mean a lot to me, but I know both teams had pretty hardcore fanbases in the early ‘90s.  As far as superhero fights go, this isn’t so bad, as Nicieza is able to explain who each of the characters are fairly naturally and work in a few decent jokes.  Having Mark Bagley pencil the fight doesn’t hurt, either.  He clearly knows how to keep the New Warriors on-model, and I like his interpretation of X-Force.

Once the obligatory fight is over, that means it’s time for the story to really begin, and it’s certainly one worthy of Nicieza’s reputation for…intricate plotting.  The New Warriors are working security for their friends at Genetech.  Genetech was hired by Ophrah Industries to “create a DNA matrix for a cellular mix…etc. etc. etc. ...blah blah blah.”  A front organization for AIM hired the Alliance of Evil to guard two of its associates (or pawns, maybe?), as they leech energy from various locations, which is somehow what Genetech has also wanted to do.  (What does that have to do with DNA?)  The Alliance (perhaps) lied and pointed X-Force towards Genetech, who swear they don’t know the Alliance, but surely they’re also lying to the heroes, right?  The Genetech exec stuttered before he gave an answer, and we all know people only stutter in comics when they lie.  Later, the heroes discover that AIM is working on shells similar to SHIELD LMDs that can contain energy and be controlled like toy soldiers.  All of this leads to the revelation that new characters Harness and Piecemeal are absorbing Proteus’ energy from all across the globe.  In the background, a shadowy figure that’s obviously Gideon is playing chess with an even more shadowy figure, laughing about how these pawns are being used.

I can’t imagine the bulk of the audience at this time really wanted to keep track of so many plot points.  Most of the kids reading this probably just wanted X-Force and the New Warriors to start fighting each other again by the time they reached the end.  (And I can't imagine what a kid thought about the abused, horribly bloated Piecemeal.)  Older readers who might have the patience to try and follow all of the plot details were, I'd wager,  just annoyed by the attempt to revive Proteus.  Having Harness and Piecemeal traveling all across the globe absorbing his leftover energy is automatically going to upset any continuity purist who remembers that Proteus never traveled outside of Scotland, for starters.  In fairness, Nicieza establishes that the energy wavelength is strongest in Edinburgh, where Proteus died, implying that his energy signature was so strong it reached out across the world.  That’s comic book science plausible, sure.  But spreading the energy out is yet another wrinkle that’s been added to an already dense plot.  It also complicates the opening with the X-Terminators from the last chapter.  So those kid mutants just happened to be living in a boarding school where energy from a dead mutant killed years earlier has accumulated?  But what’s really grating is just the concept of reviving Proteus.  The original story is a classic, in part, because people left it alone after it was over.  Nicieza toyed with the idea of reviving Proteus earlier in a Classic X-Men back-up, but he didn’t actually go through with it.  Now, he’s teasing the readers again, but this time it looks like he’s serious, and that’s not a good thing.

Origins of the New Warriors

Credits:  Eric Fein (writer), Tom Morgan (breakdowns), Marie Severin and Jeff Albrecht (finishes), Kevin Tinsley, Suzanne Gaffney, and Ed Lazellari (colors), Rick Parker (letters)

Summary:  The origins of the New Warriors are recapped in various stories.

I Love the '90s:  Namorita compares her family drama to Dallas.

Review:  Every New Warrior has his or her origin recapped in a different story, which probably wasn’t a bad idea since some of these characters have origins from the most obscure corners of the Marvel Universe.  The stories do the most basic job of conveying the information, which is all I really expected them to do.  They might not be too exciting to read today, but as a kid who wanted to know more about Marvel history, these kinds of recap stories were greatly appreciated.

To Bounce or Not to Bounce

Credits:  Dan Slott (writer), John Calimee (penciler), Don Hudson (inks), Kevin Tinsley (colors), Rick Parker (letters)

Summary:  Chord gives Speedball a serum that will allow Genetech to study his kinetic field.  While he waits for an hour for it to kick in, he tries to patrol the city, but is continually rescued by heroes when attempting to activate his kinetic powers.  Later, he discovers that the serum could temporarily cancel his powers.

I Love the '90s:  Speedball worries that the green serum will turn him into a Ninja Turtle.  On the very next panel, he also gives us the second “NOT!” of the issue.

Review:  It’s a comedy story by Dan Slott, a Marvel staffer destined to go nowhere in the comics industry.  The joke is that Speedball is trying to activate his powers by doing dangerous stunts, such as jumping off a building, but is continually rescued by various Marvel heroes.  On the final page, we learn that he actually could’ve died at any time since his powers were cancelled during the previous hour.  It’s funny, but here’s the real highlight…

I swear to you, there’s a joke in this story about Speedball adding spikes to his costume!  It’s there on page 58, I promise.  How did this not get scanned and posted all over the internet in 2007?  Sure, no one probably cares now, but Dave's Long Box could've made gold out of this had it been discovered back in the previous decade.

WEB OF SCARLET SPIDER #2 - December 1995

True Deceptions

Credits: Tom DeFalco (plot), Todd Dezago (script), Tom Morgan (breakdowns), Randy Emberlin, Hector Collazo, & Don Hudson (finishers), Steve Dutro (letterer), Tinsley & Chi w/Malibu (colorists)

The Plot: Tso’s gang war with Dr. Octopus has destroyed his Noir club, forcing him to align with Alistair Smythe. Smythe uses his Cyber-Slayers to attack Dr. Octopus’ henchmen (Looter, Aura, and Override) at a children’s zoo during an alleged peace conference. Scarlet Spider faces both sides of the battle until the authorities arrive. Dr. Octopus’ henchmen are arrested and the Cyber-Slayers fly away.

The Subplots: Seward Trainer is trapped in the internet. When Tso’s lackey Orlando is suspicious of his new bodyguard Ben Reilly, he searches for information on him online. Seward Trainer senses the search and mentally creates a fictitious backstory for Ben Reilly.

Web of Continuity: Since the previous issue, Trainer has somehow been trapped in cyberspace, and Ben Reilly has gone from waiter to bodyguard in the Tso empire. According to the narrative captions, Trainer creates an elaborate history for Ben using computer records, including a Social Security number, driver’s license number, and high school and college records. Presumably, this was done to make Ben’s transition into a “real” life easier for the writers.

*See _________ For Details: Seward Trainer was “spirited away to the realm of cyberspace” in Amazing Scarlet Spider #1. Ben Reilly cancelled a date with a woman named Carrie in Spectacular Scarlet Spider #1, which also featured a failed attempt by Dr. Octopus’ team to retrieve the stolen computer chips from the previous issue. Alistair Smythe altered his own body to fight Spider-Man in Amazing Spider-Man #368-373. He’s currently selling out the services of his Cyber-Slayers to fund more anti-Spidey operations.

Creative Differences: An added word balloon clarifies that Tso is waiting for Smythe in his lobby when they’re communicating via video-chat. Later, another added balloon has Scarlet Spider speculating that the Cyber-Slayers are leaving the fight because Tso remembers Scarlet Spider “saving his butt recently!”

Review: So, since the previous issue, Dr. Octopus and Jason Tso have continued their epic battle over computer chips, Alistair Smythe has gotten involved, Seward Trainer is trapped inside a free AOL trial disc, Ben’s somehow become a mobster’s bodyguard, and he’s grown out his hair and beard stubble in a tribute to ‘90s syndicated TV star Lorenzo Lamas. (I was never a fan of the bleached blond look, but this is even worse. Ben looks like one of the “manlier” glam metal lead singers; the ones that were too masculine to dye their hair but still wanted the ladies to know about their sensitive side.) We’ve also been introduced to Dr. Octopus’ goon squad in-between issues, and they certainly seem to be a sorry lot. Nothing in this issue makes it clear what any of their powers are supposed to be, and unfortunately, the Looter’s distinctive Ditko design has been replaced with generic ‘90s “cyber-armor.”

It’s honestly hard to find anything to like about the issue. I’ve enjoyed Tom Morgan’s work in the past, but this issue he’s only doing what are likely very loose breakdowns. Some of the anatomy and facial expressions in this issue are atrocious. Only in the final few pages (presumably Don Hudson’s section) does the art not look like a rushed mess.

WEB OF SPIDER-MAN #25-#27, April 1987-June 1987

After an abrupt change in editorial, and the movement of David Michelinie to Amazing, Web of Spider-Man returns to a stretch of aimlessness. Most of these issues are simply filler and aren’t that interesting, so I’ll go through them as quickly as possible with capsule reviews.

Beware the Stalker from the Stars!

Credits: Larry Lieber (story & pencils), Vince Colletta (inker), Rick Parker (letterer), Julianna Ferriter (colorist)

Well, just look at that cover. You know you’re in for a classic Spidey story, right? This is another Larry Lieber inventory story, which has Spider-Man locating an alien weapon that’s landed on Earth. With the help of a pacifist alien that’s followed it here, Spidey defeats the green guy on the cover. Also, Aunt May gets mugged, but Spidey manages to retrieve her broach…from the same crook who initially found this alien plot device. What are the odds? Lieber’s previous fill-in was tolerable, but this one should’ve stayed in the drawer. For the record, the Statement of Ownership has yearly sales at 264,500 with the most recent issue selling 239,225 copies.

“Nothing to Fear…”

Credits: Stefan Petrucha (plot), Len Kaminski (script), Tom Morgan (pencils), Mike Eposito (inker), Rick Parker (letterer), George Roussos (colorist)

It’s an “untold tale of Spidey’s past,” back from the days of his red and blue costume, and that apartment with the cigar store Indian and Star Wars poster. It’s hard to tell if this sat around for years, or if the story was intentionally set in the past (I’m not sure if any of these creators were working for Marvel in the early ‘80s). The cover was clearly pulled from inventory, though. There’s a nice hook for this story, as soft-touch Spider-Man falls for a crook’s lie and lets him go, only to later realize he stole $50,000 from a famine relief charity. The crook soon seeks Spidey’s help, as his older brother targets him after his sibling tried to pin all of their crimes on him. Exposure to chemicals has caused Spidey’s spider-sense to go haywire, but he decides he must keep going, of course. Tom Morgan draws a fine Romita-style Spider-Man. He goes on to design the U.S. Agent costume in Captain America, and then undergoes a ‘90s makeover in Iron Man and the 2099 books, I believe.

Scared To Succeed!

Credits: Dwight Jon Zimmerman (story), Dave Simons (art), Rick Parker (letterer), Marie Severin (colorist)

There isn’t an editorial footnote placing this story in the past, although it not only features Spidey in his red and blues, but Dave Simons goes out of his way to draw the costume Ditko-style. Notice that the spider-legs on Spidey’s chest emblem are all pointing down, which was a huge no-no by the 1980s. Peter also has a 1985 calendar on his wall, so I’m assuming this was another one pulled from the drawer. In this issue, Spider-Man faces Headhunter, a white knockoff of Mr. T (not to be confused with New Mutants villain Axe, the other Marvel Universe Mr. T clone). Headhunter works for the mysterious ESI corporation, which promises to help executives get ahead in business. The only catch is their contract, which demands things like the CEO’s firstborn child if their business slumps. Spidey spends the issue protecting an auto CEO and his son from Headhunter, who literally keeps the heads of his victims in jars on display (McFarlane should’ve revived him for his grim ‘n gritty Spider-Man series). It’s as silly as it sounds, but I guess we’re lucky this random inventory issue didn’t have any aliens in it.