Christmas cries and Christmas joy

First of advent came and today it is the day before Christmas Eve. What happened? Every year is the same, I have so many plans for December. So little time. Next year I'll start in November...

I filled my home with Christmas spirit, that First of advent, as well as I started a new job. That is what happened. The job is just temporary, a challenging project. A job that makes me feel like a real working woman. A job where I'm using so much brain power that I crash into bed in a fog of exhaustion early in the evenings. It is great! I am learning new things and I get to leave the house every day to go in to the office. It is a great feeling. I'll take my chance to do a shout out as I am working on developing an Intranet site in SharePoint. If anyone of you have experience of SharePoint and how it works, please let me know as I'm trying hard to crack how to use this complex platform and need help to do so.

And what else did I do this December?

I attended the Swedish Christmas market in Lausanne and sold almost all of my handmade creations to benefit the Swedish church. A day filled of Swedish tradition and culture. So lovely.

I baked saffron buns that was eaten within the baking day. Many times. We love saffron buns in my family. Saffron bun recipe here.

I've tried to buy gifts from the heart instead of just from a list. It takes brain work but is more satisfying.

I have written rhymes on chosen gifts as we used to that when I was a kid. It makes gifting even more special.

I have not written Christmas cards, and I feel really bad about that. I've collected so many beautiful Christmas cards over the years but somehow I most often fail to get them written in time. Or sent. Next year...

We invited friends for dinner, once, and to make it real special Jay made seafood tacos with homemade tortillas, tomato black bean salsa, red cabbage ceviche and guacamole topped with feta cheese crumbles. It was divine! Who would have thought salmon and lobster could be great for tacos? My new favorite dish.

We ate countless ginger cookies. Say now more...

I have not taken my daily walks for weeks, and I really - REALLY - miss them. I have come to realize how important those walks are to me and will make an effort to find the time for them again from now on. Being kind to myself.

I watched just a few Christmas movies like The Grinch, Elf and Love Actually. I still want to watch The Family Stone, The Holiday and Jack Frost. I do have a weak spot for sentimental Christmas movies that makes me cry.

I had my annual Christmas cry on the Third of advent. Ironically Jay said that morning that he was surprised I hadn't had my Christmas cry yet. Maybe he jinxed it as I later that afternoon was sobbing it all out in the laundry room over a failed batch of saffron buns and feeling overwhelmed from all the expectations I put on myself this time of the year. Same ol', same ol'. I folded two boxes of laundry and then I stepped back into reality and decided it will all be alright.

I haven't touched my crochet hook in weeks. All things crochet and crafts has come to a stall. It is what it is... That granny cluster blanket will be finished, one day...

We've listened to so many Christmas songs, good and bad. Favorites are still Bublé, Elvis and old classics. A new found version of Silver Bells has climbed in on my top 10 Christmas Song List, sung by John Legend this time. Cheezy and super Christmassy with bells, back up singers and all.

I still have gifts to wrap, Christmas candy to make. I wanted to invite people for Christmas apertif's, buy myself a Christmas sweater, craft with the kids, go for long walks, play games... I shouldn't beat myself up about it. Instead I should just do what I want to do today. Go with the flow... I'm thinking to do some of these things today:

- Leave all chores to the side
- Go for a long walk
- Make Christmas candy with the kids
- Continue to listen to Christmas music 
- Wrap the last couple of gifts
- Play Monopoly, all family involved
- Drink Glögg and eat even more ginger cookies.
- Watch a Christmas movie

And last but not least I want to wish you all a Merry Christmas. And say Thank You for sticking it out with me for another year, no matter how hot and cold I get with my space here. And Thank You for purchasing my patterns, leaving messages, sharing your thoughts and stories and listening to my rambles.

Turn on your favorite Christmas tune and dance all the stress away (if you have any, I know I have some...). It's Christmas time, a time for cheer, love and laughter. Good food and drinks. Pyjama days and woolly socks. Chilling. No need to make it complicated. After all, the best gift is to just be together. Let's be together.

Kärlek
Annette

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Just a few days until Christmas

He came home. My love. The work trip that was estimated to be 4 days in the USA, turned into a 12 day trip... Single Mum hat on and Christmas countdown can be quite exhausting, so I have hibernated a bit. Focused on what's important in life. Like fighting for an error made by the teacher on Luca Bo's latest French test, winning the battle and bumping him up a grade. Victory. Helping with studies for the big last push of tests, wrapping gifts to teachers, instructors and just people around us that we feel we want to wish Happy Holidays... And then of course chores, taxi service, dinner and shopping... same ol', same ol'...

I've gone back to Cross Fit after a 2 year break. My back has bothered me for a very long time. Lately I've asked myself if I should just accept the chronic pain and discomfort and the fact that I can't jump, run or do anything with the smallest impact on my spine... That the pain has forced me to stop being active in the way I want to be active (I can't run, I can't ride the bike, I can't go to aerobic or dance, I can't do too long walks...). I had an MRI done and found out I've got arthritis in 60% of my spine. I have to admit I was slightly shocked. Arthritis had never crossed my mind. Only old people has arthritis, right? ANd I'm not old... or am I maybe getting old? I guess the truth is that even though I'm 24 in my mind, my body is not. It has a few mileage, three pregnancies and lots of baby holding...  So after adjusting to the thought I've made a plan. I"m gonna build up strength around my spine and in my core and work on my flexibility... So I am back at my old Cross Fit gym, with humble steps I stepped in there the other day and  I'm chuffed by the welcome I got. Many of my old gym mates are still there and they were all so very happy to see me. There were high five's to right and left and hugs and cheek kisses. It feels really good. I'm motivated.

Part from all this, the days are rolling on. Christmas is just a few days away now and I'm making one last batch of saffron buns (recipe here and video here). All gifts are wrapped. My family is complete and we can breath out "School" and breath in "Vacation". I might just put on my PJ and keep it on for the next 4 days and just chillax and enjoy being with my loved ones. Maybe squeeze in a Winter Wonderland walk (it is so beautiful here with the snow) and some hot chocolates and lots of good Christmas food. Oh, and I almost forgot - did you see my latest finished crochet project? I LOVE  IT! It was such a fun and quick project, simple and soothing. I'll write down the pattern when I have time. I also need to come up with a name... Maybe Saffron shawl??? It will probably be in the new year.

Happy Christmas my lovelies. Thanks for hanging around and see you on the "other side".

Kärlek
Annette

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Lucia 2017

It is the 13th of December and Lucia is here. Or not here in my house, Lucia is a tradition I never brought to my children... but I sat down to watch the yearly Lucia ceremony on SVT Play (Swedish TV that is), and couldn't help but sobbing away the full hour in pure sentiment...

Lucia is one of those profound traditions that cuts like a knife into my Swedish heart because it is so incredibly beautiful and so deeply anchored in my soul... From early age Swedish children are rocked into this wonderful tradition of bringing light to the dark with dress up, candles, poems and choirs. I mean which Swedish kid has NOT dressed up as a star boy, ginger cookie, little Santa, Lucia maid or Miss Lucia herself with the crown of candles in her hair? Who hasn't learned the sweet melodies, poems and lyrics that will forever be etched into our beings. Which Swedish child has not felt the excitement of taking part in a Lucia show on an early dark morning in December with parents coming to watch with proud grins from ear to ear?

Star boys, little Santas and Lucia maids.
Saffron buns and hot milk.
Butterflies in my tummy. 
Early morning.
Dark corridors.
Light in my hair.
Mum sits on a small stool and watches me. 

When one of the little Lucia maids steps forward to read her poem by heart (gently translated above), I'm painfully reminded about my roots, things I have sacrificed and left behind when I once moved abroad. My children who never attended a Lucia parade and who never will experience the same magic of this day as I do... and me wishing I had given it to them. Asking myself why I didn't work harder on keeping these traditions alive... So I shed a tear while listening to the stunning Stockholm Music Gymnasium Choir and the delicate biblical tunes streaming out of my TV. Dry them away and reminding myself that no matter how far away I move from my country or how many years that passes by without my traditions, they will forever remain fresh as a rose bud in my heart. Forever. And sacrifice or not, my children have other traditions that will forever be anchored in them. And so life goes on. No need for regrets.

Note: Photos from my home are my own, the Lucia ceremony pictures are screenshots from the Lucia show available on SVT Play. The show can be watch worldwide from today until 12th of January 2018.

Kärlek
Annette

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