A gift from Heaven.

Now that I have a boy on my own, I can relate to what other mothers feel when they lost a child. I read many heart wrenching stories on the internet and blogs on this child-lost tragedy. It's quite acceptable for me as a mother to lost the most precious gift due to some chronic disease such as what happenned recently that was viral on instagram.

It's not that easy to let go a child that we carried inside us for months, but instead of watching him/ her struggling with wires and needles daily to live, as for me I am more redha to let the child go. At least there's no more unbearable pain as he/ she now is at better place.

What I can't really get to grasp is when losing a child due to tragic accident or unexpected reason. Take this, one second the child is giggling in our arms the next, he/ she is in our arms; breathless. Those kinds of tragedy happened really makes me cries when reading the story from the mothers.

What if it happens to me? What is my son doing right now at the nanny? What a little time did I spend with my son a day that I will be regret later when I loose him? Should I just leave my work behind and being a SAHM that I can watch my kids on my own. Too may questions liggering inside my head.

Allahuakbar. He is the one who plans everything. And there should be lessons for us for any tragedy happens. Don't we realize that the more tests we get the more closer we become to Him. That can be just a reminder or a bell for us to return back to where we belong; to Him.

This gift from Allah is not forever. All of us belong to him. Anytime we are destined to go then that's it. I don't know how long my son or even my own life is given to me in this world, whatever it is let's just keep our faith strong and stronger because mati itu pasti.

For what I have now, my son and my little blessed family, I am more than grateful to you Allah. What ever tests that we endure right now and coming soon, let's not say Why me? Let's say Try me.

Salam and greetings.

The recall.

It's been so long I dont quite remember the last time I write. The only thing that I write dutifully now is my lesson plan for work. Even those, im lacking few weeks I must say.

This is not good. My writing is becoming worsen.

My life has been so monotonous with not so much to write about. Im having the same routine each week and time passed by so fast it's already reaching mids of 2014.

My not so little boy has getting heavier instead the fact that he is not a fan of rice, noodles etc (he lives with biscuits! ), few more words to pronounce and 'mummy' is not yet on the list. Boooooo -____-.

Sometimes when I carry him I feel like he is getting taller than me in any minute. He is such a doll most of the time and I wish he will stay like that for a long time.

I think I will write frequently after this. Just hang on there because I think im back. 

Salam and greetings.

1. 

From Zero to One.

I bought a new laptop last two weeks. It has been in my wish list since last year but i've put it on hold. Last year I used my husband's old laptop until it went totally kapoot at the end of the year. Pheww. Good bye 2013.

So its the new laptop now since my last purchases in 2006. The previous laptop has given me so much i now realized.

It's the new laptop and heyy Welcome to Windows 8. And i have zero knowledge on it. My husband who is kononnya a geek in computer also have no idea about Windows 8 because he's been an Apple user for years.

I have been struggling these few days juggling on how to use the laptop, but lucky me i know how to switch on the Wifi and go online. Haha. That's enough in think for the meant time.

It's a new learning process for me. The husband said as long as you know how to store the documents you typed, find it back and print it out, that's okay lah.

And today i discover something new. I managed to PASTE the print screen page that i want to use for my class on the Paint Apps. I've been searching for the Paint Apps since yesterday silly me. I just need to search it actually.

Now, i need to figure out how to close the Apps that i accidentally opened. 

Windows 8, bring it on!

Salam and greetings.

A new start.

It's 2014 Ya Rabbi how fast time flies.

I've been so oblivious that i haven't write much here. Indeed, i stopped writing in my daily journal as well. The last entry i think it must be last year's April perhaps. Oh no. my writing skills has gone down the drain.

Well, it's the new year. Everyone was hoping for a good start, for a good improvement. That's what i wish for my life too. Life has been treating me well, not many time left to think of what to write and what to read. I haven't been reading for ages as well. 

This year, we are still safe and sound in Sabah, where this time last year i thought we would have been moving to Semenanjung. However, Allah's plan is greater than ours; we are still here. Rezeki kami masih di sini. Alhamdulillah.

I don't want to complain about not getting the transfer. My husband and I have decided that we will not put high hopes next time for our transfer application. We will just go by the flow. We will still apply for it when the time comes, but yeah, we just pray for it. If it is our fate and rezeki we will get it. Furthermore, we have nothing to worry here. The life has been good and the most lucky thing is we've got the best nanny for Muizz here which i think would be hard for him to adapt to if we were to move somewhere else in the recent time.

So we basically have planned to settle down here as long as we are needed here. And my resolution this year is to TRAVEL more. We will start with Sabah and then Sarawak maybe. 

Will see how ;).

Salam and greetings.

Coxsackie virus on Muizz.

Last sunday night, Muizz temp was suddenly high. I was a bit suspicious why suddenly he got the fever, then i remembered we brought him out that evening and it was light raining at that time. Perhaps demam sebab kena hujan. He woke us that night crying outloud and once again i gave him the fever syrup. His body was feverish.

The next morning, Maktok (the babysitter) realized some red rashes behind his neck when i dropped him at her place. I dont realize about it pun, nampak sangat mummy tak aware. Dussh! Then, she said that was maybe an early symptom of chicken pox or campak.

At 10 am i went to Maktok's house to send to fever syrup that i forgot to bring in the morning and realised the rashes was severe than before. Then i started to get panic. Ive never have chicken pox before and thus i was worried i'll get it if my baby is diagnosed with it.

After picking him up in the evening we went straight to the paed for check-up. The doctor said it was not chicken pox (pheww..) but it is HFMD- Penyakit kaki tangan dan mulut.

Then i remembered last month, my neighbour advised me not to bring Muizz out that much because the Coxsackie virus is attacking the kids around my area. But, its month away and now my son have it. I dont know where my son got the virus because usually those who stays in nursery which have other children will easily get it. But my son stays alone at maktok. Perhaps the virus goes through the air too.

Then i went home and googled. This is where you can read about it. Here and here. 

Apparently its not serious. But, what i concern most is it gives severe ulcers in the mouth and throat which makes difficult to swallow.

It was the first night last night and Muizz woke up two times for 2 hours to cry. I realized he was hungry, but he refused to drink his milk. He kept on crying and crying perhaps due to the sore throat. I tried to feed him through straw and he did drink a few but that's it. At 3 am, my husband went to the kitchen to take a bun bread and feed him. He was so hungry i realised that he ate half of the bun. Pity my boy. 

He was unable to control his saliva and it kept running out from his mouth. Last night, he finally slept in his cries, exhausted of crying, although he was hungry. ;(

This was yesterday, hoping that it will get better today. Its so sad to watch him uncomfortable of himself and i am in the helpless position to help him. We can do this together baby.

My babies and baju raya.

This year will be a more joyous Eid for my little family. My boy is now happily cruising with his two foot, exploring every inch of the house. What makes me curious is he loves to slip himself in a tiny narrow place such as between tv cabinet and the wall or behind our bed in the room. Obviously he can't fit into that space, he will struggle hard to fit into and will always cry if he can't. Phew.. I dont understand why...

He don't crawl at all nowadays. In fact he wouldn't stop walking and walking and walking which makes me wonder, does he fell tired at all? He don't apparently. He only stops walking when he sleeps. And only during that 1 - 2 hours i can do my work at home and in the kitchen. Without any disturbance.

From my readings, i get to know that baby grasps information like sponge. So basically since he was a small baby i introduce and talk to him about many different words- things that we do and things that he can see. Now he seems to understand few directions and sentences that i always utter to him for example ; sit down, let me help you, good bye, give me a kiss, drink some water, do you want shushu?, cookies, book, ball, stand up and walk, lets wash, lets change, lets go, let me feed you, give mummy, clap.

Since he loves listening to the song 'Hello', he knows that waving means hello which sometimes i think he got confused with goodbye. Hmmp. Its okay baby, you will learn it later on.

And now we are familiarizing him with 'Amin' which is shake hands. You know its very important since the eid is coming soon and he needs to master that so uncles and unties will give him green envelope. hehe.

We have bought baju raya for him and the husband too. The same pattern and colours. We bought them when we were hometown back in June- hoping that it will still fit Muizz by the time we got back for raya.

We got it from the boutique above. 

Actually they have family collection. But after trying the kurung i don't think its worth the price. Therefore, i decided to not buy any baju raya for me this year and just wear what i already have. My husband was so shocked listening to that because he knows how much i love shopping hehehe. 

For this upcoming raya i have no new baju raya but basically i have sewn quite a number of kurungs for me this year around, so i will just wear that at home since nobody at home has ever seen me in it. It will be new baju too. ;)

Alahai bazar Ramadhan.

Alhamdulillah. Ramadhan Kareem datang lagi and im breathing still to grab this opportunity. As for me what excited most during this month, other than the ibadah, rewards and etc, is the bazar ramadhan. I love bazar ramadhan. The food, the smoke, the ambience, people buzzling looking for food, they are just so exciting. 

Bazar ramadhan makes me to be a bit more energetic in the evening after the whole day of fasting. I used to go bazar ramadhan since i was a small kid. Sometimes only to buy one lauk or one type of kuih. But thats worth it.

However, since 2009, my interest for bazar ramadhan dropped off. The reason is there is no exciting of bazar ramadhan in this state. i think i can generalize as that. Ive been living in two different town in two different part of the state. And both places didnt offer good bazar Ramadhan. Jauh sangat kalau nak dibandingkan dengan semenanjung. 

This year is the first time im fasting here. Yesterday, we eagerly went out heading to bazar around our place looking for only one additional lauk. Since ive cooked some at home. We went to 4 bazar and ended up with only a bag of laicikang and isi ketam goreng. Yups so frustrating.

Moral of the story is better cook at home. Owh how i miss bazar ramadhan at home!

Of being grateful to the One.

ive been so sensitive these days to hear grave stories about mothers who lost their child since i am a mummy myself. Their stories are just so close to me as i can imagine what actually they are facing everyday, in fact every second of their life.

For once, we are able to kiss and cuddle, hug and touch our baby but in a blink he's gone. Untouchable. Unreachable. There are times in my working hours that i felt so alone that i miss my baby so much. Feel like going to the babysitter's house, hug him and smoodge smooge him then back to school. But in my case, he is reachable. How about the mothers out there who lost their child unexpectedly, what i imagine is half of the soul is gone too.

I cried my heart out reading this story . Thought i should forward it here. As a guidance. As a reminder that anything can happen as He wants it. He lends something to us, but in no time He can get it back. 

For the last 13 months in my beautiful life, i cant never thank You enough Ya Allah. Please guide me and my family to the right path as You've been showering us with so much love i cant never thank for.

Alhamdulillah. 

My baby is growing.

Its been a year of ups and downs for me as a mum. Staying on our own without any family members close by does help to teach me a real meaning of parenthood. im basically dealing with parenthood problem on my own. i mean with the help of my husband. The experiences, memories, they are all good that i cant never describe it.

My baby is now 13 months. In a blink! Yes, thats what i felt. He grows up from a helpless just lying on the bed baby to now a walking baby. He now learns that walking frees his hands from mummy and for that reason it also drives me crazy. There's never a second that i fear he may fall over, bump his head on the floor or any angle of the home furniture etc etc but at the same time i realize i have to give him full chance for him to discover.   

He is such a clingy and sensitive baby. He cries when i raise my voice (for whatever reason pun), he refused to be with anyone else except for mummy, abi and maktok. Maktok is his babysitter and i think he has associated maktok as his grandmother. i brought him to school almost every morning since he was 3 months old, but until now refuses to be carried by any of my friends. He only wants mummy. When we went back hometown last June for two weeks, he cried almost everyday because my family members (strangers for him) tried to carry him or even touch him. Muizz was untouchable. 

He slept with me every night, cuddling me like im his teddybear, sometimes he climbs on me to sleep. Yes, giving no chance at all to abi ha ha. Thus, no new babies in the recent year i guess. :p

Happy 13th months Muizz Abyan. Mummy and abi love you to the moon and back!

A teacher's patience.

Ive never felt so overwhelmed with feelings before while dealing with students.

It was previous Tuesday when i entered this one class, that i cant contain my anger, i snapped then i just walked away from the class promising myself that i will never enter that class again. Not for any reason what so ever.

Actually its been so long that i kept my patience in tact with this particular class. Precisely, since they were in Semester 1 when i taught them History subject. Now they are in Semester 4 and ive been teaching them English for two semesters continuously. There were hiccups along the way, i said to myself to be patience - this is just the challenge of being a teacher. Futhermore, the English level for students in this class are a range of intermediate and high intermediate. They are among good English students in this college, compared to other courses. Im actually quite lucky to have this class. Thus i can remain this long teaching them eventhough my inside is really crying with pain, i mean anger.

Its been too much for me to handle. They are becoming more relax in class, didn't bother to do the task i assign to them, not handling assignments although i repeatedly telling them that the assignments carried major marks for their certificate, giving various reasons for not doing the homeworks or assignments, and mind-sleeping in class. I know those ive listed above are quite normal challenge for teachers. But at the end of the day, i felt so helpless that i gave up and i know i have to do something with it. i cant let this go like this anymore.

My husband who is also a teacher always a soother. He told me to be patience because other teachers are facing great great challenge if compared to what i have. He will see me not in good mood a day or the night before i have this particular class and soothe me. It does help me for a while but after i enter the class, all my preparation, excitement and plan go whoooops! Gone. And im left with frustration.

They are good students. But perhaps they are too comfortable with me and the way i teach so they didnt respect and appreciate me anymore. Its time for the change. This year is my 5th year of teaching. I know im still a kid. The decision i made is actually for the students. I dont want to continue teaching them with no heart thus i change it with other teacher. Luckily our schedule is very negotiable that im able to do that.

The new class that i got is lower to intermediate students and they are well-known with kaki ponteng and kaki tidur in class. But ive made this decision and im taking this challenge whole-heartedly.

Inshaa Allah for a good reason.

Immediate transfer.

The result of eg-tukar for June 2013 will cime out in days i guess. The possibility for me and the husband to get the transfer is very slim.

Last few days, my school received a letter which offers teachers to be lecturers in the chosen ILP. Basically they have one in each state. And the job will start immediately as July. This is a immediate transfer and reading through the letter, they sound like they are desperately want those teachers.

Among the ILP on the list is one from Marang Terengganu. Then im torn.

I really want to be close to my family after years of being away eversince i left home after SPM. I saw this is like a great opportunity. They really need those teachers and will be tranferred immediately.

When i ask my husband, the only concern he has is he might not be able to see Muizz everyday if i got tranferred! Hey, what about me? Don't you miss me at all?? (Rolling eyes)

Then i realized about the working time and the holiday will be different to the normal school. I might not be able to spend the holiday with my husband and my future children because we have diferrent takwim. Hmmmph. If i go with this i might get it and later realized this is not actually what i really want.

So, family comes first as Dr Muhaya said. This might be the last opportunity for me to get immediate transfer. But im gonna be patience and continue filling the eg-tukar forms each time it comes, praying that hopefully at the end of the day both me and the husband gonna get the transfer.

I hope im making a good decision this time.

Hiatus.

This blog has been abandoned for quite a time. Ive been thinking of updating some of highlighted events happened in my life but i kept on delaying till i felt they are not relevant anymore.

Ive been active on Instagram these days. You know browsing through people's pictures is fun and somehow it helps to kill the boredom at work too. Im not that busy at work pun. In fact i have ample free time that i can (actually) take care of my own boy without sending him to babysitter.

I miss blog and blogging, thus this entry come up. I will try to update frequently after this. I hope i will find the writing mood back to share here. As the appetizer, the recent photo of my baby boy who is not a baby anymore.

He is now a big boy that he doesn't need mummy to put him to sleep at night anymore. Tskk tsssk..

Away.

i had to go for a three days two nights course last week in Subang. If you are a mother, living on your own without any family members around, you will know how i felt the first time i heard the news. At that time, Muizz was the only vital person that i can think of.

After so much discussion with the husband, i decided to go for the course. My husband's school has limited phone connection, so we were basically texting each other to discuss. I have to decide in quick, because apparently i will board the flight the next day and the office needs to book the flight tics for me. I was overwhelm at that time- of leaving Muizz with strangers or go on with the task assigned.

The whole time i was texting with my husband, his only concern was only Muizz. Ive never been apart from him since he was born. He slept with me and only me since then. Can he sleep with other people- since i realizes that my husband was not confident to take care of Muizz on his own.

I called the babysitter and expectedly, she said 'Okay!'. Then im relieved.

What i was expecting from my husband as we were texting was ' Can someone else replace me?'. But he never asked that question. Perhaps he knew how excited i was to get to go for a course because im never been in one since ive started working. He is so understanding that im so glad that i have him as my husband. 

Then off i went for the course. And on that first day, i kept calling and texting the babysitter to ask about Muizz well-being till i reckoned she was rimas with me. Haha. But she is a good girl i tell you because of her patience to deal with a freak-out-left her son with stranger- for 3 days mummy.

 Before i left him for 3 days.

In short, the 3 days im away was in a way a good thing for both of us. Muizz was behaving well the whole time im not with him. Sleeping at night also was not a problem. From that i realized that my boy perhaps someone who can adjust with surrounding. He knew that mummy was not around, so he bevahed like an angle.

As for me, i got 2 nights off without disturbance from little hands as well as big hands (haha), but sadly, i wasn't sleeping so well either. I kept waking up those 2 nights, thinking how my baby is doing.  And once i touched down in KK, the only things im eager to is meeting my baby boy.

Im glad that we both survived this separation in a good way.

What a good surprise to meet a familiar face in that course and surprise or not, we were roomate!!!

Milestones.

Browsing through the photos of Muizz, makes me realize that he is growing so fast. In another week, he will be 9 months! And by now, i realize he can do many things which im really amazed of. He is like a small human but trying to be a big boy he is not. 

Some random things that he loves to do nowadays;-

• Loves loves his bath time. Cant see mummy open the toilet door he will get agitated. Padahal im just performing my ablutions for prayers. And once he is inside the toilet, mandi, bringing him out from the bathroom is a HUGE challenge. He will scream his lungs out that sometimes me and husband have to let him in the bathroom for another minutes.
• When he sees something that he can grab to stand on his two feet, he will. Eventhough its only a piece of towel hanging from a hanger. -_____-
• He understands feelings i guess. He knows when i raise my voice to him that means 'Mummy is angry'. haha. Then he will cry.
• Cant let his eyes out of mummy. If im around in the house.
• Loves listening to azan. and the TV3 music tagline. 
• Suka cubit and bite especially when he kinds of bored at home.
• Cant see mummy wears tudung, because he knows that means mummy is going somewhere- leaving him. Then he will cry.
• He shook, banged, threw and put in his mouth the remote control at home. We have to buy the new one after they are all broken.

Those are what i can recall for now. Having to go through all of these with only me and my husband with him, im so proud of myself and praying every single day that we will be able to wade through any obstacles as we only have each other to hang on to. 

He was so bored in the car that he tried to bite me with his two teeth. Haha.

A new start.

We've moved in to the new house after the CNY break and so far im so happy with the new place. It is so huge (for the 3 of us), babyfriendly and clean! Thats the most important things as for me before i enter a new house. It is a small taman, so the traffic is not like the previous taman. The taman have only two row of houses and they are facing each other with no road at the end of the alley. So i guess there should be no strangers car unless for only the tenants.

I can see that my boys are also very comfortable with the house.

Muizz got to crawl happily and when we put him into the walker, he'll slide joyfully exploring one room to the other. And i tell you, my boy is so good manouvering his own car, going in and out from the room doors without slamming into one. Im a proud mummy. heee..

As for my husband, he got a full room to put his things as he called it 'Abi's place'. He has sorted out the room yesterday and i think it looks nice. Everything was out of their boxes and placed on the tables that we recently bought. Now his gadgets are safe  and sound. ;)

In terms of new purchase for the house, we've only bought two 4-foot size folding tables and a cabinett with doors. i m happy with the cabinett as now i have place to put all my tupperware! What we plan to buy after this is another folding table for the kitchen, two bamboo mats, a rechargable lamp for blackout. We had 20 minutes blackout last night and Muizz was crying so loud that i think the whole neighbourhood can hear har har.

Well i guess pictures can tell more about our new home. Here are some photos from my ig.

The 298 at Taman Panglima. My first home with husband. Our precious tiny abode where i experienced bittersweet memories and life lessons which i may not get elsewhere. You are forever will have a special place in my heart.

May Allah ease our life journey in the new place and as for the better, we pray that the next move we have is to peninsular, hopefully by the end of this year. Lets pray together. ;)

Shawl lover.

If you are shawl lovers, you will definitely know or perhaps have bought some stuff here. I love the material they use. Soft silky, tidak jarang and suitable for our climate.

1) Sugarscarf

2) Shawlbyvsnow

These 2 owners are actually sisters and im impressed how they are able to start business and make money at the young age. And one of them is still studying. They are just inspirations. 

i've got myself some of the Ayami s and Essential scarf from them. They are just super comfy and super long. It depends on how you belit them. As for me i love it because of the materials, the colors available and how i can do it by covering the chest.  Below are colors of Essential scarf you can choose. As for me they are really essential. =)

These are 2 picas from my instagram that i posted recently.

So girls, go figure and enjoy shopping!

Footnote: im doing this for the sake of sharing what i love.

Of moving house.

Last year when my family came here for a visit, i realized how small our house is actually. It was not comfortable i know but knowing my family they are just dont bother. We're just so close with each other that we didnt mind bumping each other on the way to the toilet, bumping each other's butts in the kitchen (my kitchen only fits one adult); they even cant strech hands so much, afraid that it will poke somebody's head har har har. 

The good things about the house, firstly is the price. I can say it is the cheapest house rent in that taman which is rm450 a month. Secondly is the tuan rumah. They were the kindest landlord we ever knew. Last year's raya they invited us to their house for a feast. We were so berat hati that we gave excuse ' we dont know their house and we dont really know roads and places here'. Surprisedly, the wife insisted and said ' its ok, we'll come here to pick you up and show the way'. When we arrived at their house, then we realized we are the only guest that day. And they cooked many raya food for us. -____-. Im touched. 

After my family returned home, my husband and i went ronda-ronda around Beaufort to find another house to rent. A bigger house. But we're still berat hati because we dont know how to tell the landlord. We were not serious that time and we met no avalaible house. 

Yesterday, when i arrived home from school in the evening, my husband said that the landlord called him and advised us to find for a new house because they want to renovate the house for their daughter. But, she didnt really push us about this and told us to take our time to find a new house.Hmmm. It was shocking but on the other hand i felt relief because we finally are serious to find another house, a bigger house. =)

It was already late, but because i cant control my excitement to find another house, after praying asar, off we went ronda-ronda around Beaufort. It was 5.15pm when we left home, and we've got less that 1 hour before maghrib and day becomes night.

There are 2 new tamans here that we aimed for. There was no rent house advertisement at Taman Eramas, double-storey house. Only houses for sale and only few tenants moved in there. So, we rushed off to the second taman which we dont know what is the name. The house is modern, sleek dohble-storey house. A very beautiful house for me. The roof is flat. I mean they do not use roof yang macam rumah biasa. 

We found a house written 'For rent call 016- xxx'. We called the number quickly to ask about the condition, the water and electricity status as well as negotiate the price. The person said the rent is rm1200  month. Oh my. I requested for rm900 and he said he will think about it. Perhaps we can see the house on wednesday or thursday, because the owner lives in KK. That is one choice. 

Then we drove off to the nearby taman, which is Taman Foh Sang. The houses there is single-storey, much bigger than our current house and i knew that the houses are still knew. They were first resided in 2011. As we drove through we can see few houses that are still empty. Then, i knew this is maybe our luck. I asked my husband to stop tepi jalan to ask the lady who was cleaning her rubbish bin in front of her house. 

Surprise surprise she said the house in front of her house will be empty in february. The tenant will move out to another taman. Yeay!!! So we got the phone number of the owner and terus called. When i told the owner that we are both teahers, he immediately said 'i'll give you the house key after the tenant move ok'. The best thing of being teachers. People have trust on you. 

So now we have two options.

 It was an easy evening for us. Alhamdulillah. Allah knows the best and he listens to what our heart want. Then, after we arrived home, our landlord called saying that we perhaps dont need to move house because she was thinking of buying new house for her daughter. We can stay at that house. 

Hmmm now three options. 

But ive made my mind that i want to move to a bigger house. We dont know how many years still we will stay here because every time we applied we got rejected. And for our comfort and perhaps our family will come to visit us, so we better move out from the current house. We'll make our decision after we look through both houses.

 im so excited!!

My timetable for the 1st 6 months.

It's the first day of school today for 2013.

So i've received the timetable for this semester and guess what, just as what i expected; i'll be teaching 2 subjects,  English and Moral. 2 hours for English and another 2 hours for Pendidikan Moral. Well, if you are good at Math you'll for sure realize i'll be teaching 4 hours a week!

 

Bosannya!

But who am i to complain. Friends and family kept telling me to enjoy this time because it's really rare for teachers to have this kind of timetable. Usually teachers complain that they have busy timetable until they have no time to rest, eat etc. On the other hand i'll have the whole week to goyang kaki (?).

Im just not used to it that's why im applying for transfer. Hope that my wish is granted this year.

Muizz's baby sitter.

Its 2013!

Seems like its another year we'll stay in Sabah and if you ask me what is my resolution this year my answer will be " I hope 2013 will be the last here".

When i knew last year that our transfer applications have been rejected (yet again), i was able to soothe myself because im lucky to have my family here with me- the husband and my son. I have friends at school who were also failed to get the transfer, their husbands and kids are away in peninsular. That's really stress i know. I can't imagine my life without my husband and Muizz.

Im also very lucky to have a lovely and motherly babysitter for Muizz. She's a wife for one of the teachers and a Kelantanese. Furthermore, she loves Muizz so much and i can see that. We always have a good chat everytime i dropped and fetched Muizz at her house. I feel very easy with her. She's like a family that i don't have here.

Now comes a new year, her husband got transferred to Port Dickson! He just got the confirmation yesterday, as in 2 jan.

My heart dropped as i heard the news. Im not yet ready for this. Ive been doing some thinking over this matter because his wife told me that the husband applied for transfer and they also do the rayuan. What if, what if... But im not really worried since pertukaran in BPTV is kind of dibekukan.

But he got the transfer and i'll be left nanny-less in weeks time. At the taman that i live we have a nursery. Im praying hard they will still have one place for Muizz. Im so concern how will Muizz reacts at the new place with new surrounding and strangers. They have many babies and toddlers to cater on. Having said that, how will their attention will be for Muizz. He's such a clingy and crying baby that im worried how will the pengasuh handle my son when he cries.  He's now 6 months and he already recognizes people. He cries really loud with people he doesn't recognize. This happened many times at MIL house recently.

What if there's no more places at the nursery? Where will i send Muizz i have no idea at all.

Im so crashed.

I know Allah give me this challenge for me to stand on my own, find the best solution and remember Allah can make anything happen just as He wants it. Kun fayakun right. And for me, La Tahzan as Allah with people who have patience. Ya Allah please ease my way and pray hard Muizz will behave like a good boy whereever he will be sent to later on. Amin.

Been waiting for next week.

Ive been waiting for 8th dec since forever. The day that we' ll finally flying hometown. Being at work while others are already enjoying their holiday is not fun.

Husband pun dah penat dengar my ramblings about 'still working while we should have gone back' almost everyday.

Basically, every school day i go to work not to work. Because we have no classes anymore. Students are having 2nd semester's examination. During their free day, they will not be at school. Semua balik kampung- buat cuti sendiri. So i dont know what's the point of us, the cikgus go to school. Hmmm.

8th Dec also marks the 2 years i got to know my husband. The day he first called me and we set plan to meet. We kamikazed decided to get married after the first meeting And less than 6 months after, i'm a wife to him. Unpredictable really when you've found the one. Now, we have a charming little boy together and i cant imagine my life without my two boys everyday.

My little boy will turn 6mo on the same date as well. It means, its time for solid! Im really excited and i know Muizz also hype about this. We can clearly see nowadays he loves to watch us eating which sometimes rasa kesian sgt. Geram je mau suap jugak.  Now im collecting all the infos and recipes of what can i feed him once the time comes.

My siblings and in laws are all counting days to meet my little ones which is not so little i think. During the last 5 mo checkup his weight is 8.7 kg and 67.5 cm tall. The nurse said he's a tall baby. I wonder where he got the gene from.

Till then. Salam.