GraceAnne Taylor Spivey

We are so excited to welcome a sweet little girl into our family! Our house will no longer be filled with just army men, legos, pirate ships, and swords, but will actually be introducing dolls and the color PINK!

We thought that we may want to wait until the baby was born to find out the gender, but then it came time to have our gender scan and I just couldn't resist! Mike wasn't with me at the appointment (since I wasn't planning on having an ultrasound), so I asked the tech to put the picture in a sealed envelope. That envelope stayed sealed in my purse for 10 days! Since we weren't waiting until our due date, I wanted to do something fun and special. So, we invited friends over and I asked a friend to make a cake with the gender color inside (I gave her the sealed envelope!). I was 95% sure that we were having a boy. Knowing that I had ALL THINGS BOY, I just got in my head that we would be adding a third one to our family. I also thought I saw a peak at the ultrasound, which I thought confirmed my suspicions. We didn't have a preference and were thankful for whatever the Lord gave us, but I was convinced it was a boy. That made the surprise even greater! We were shocked and thrilled!!!

Here is the video on YouTube that we made to announce to the facebook world what we were having:


We had her first name picked out for most of the pregnancy. We went back and forth on it for a little bit, but Mike commented that it was definitely his favorite girl name so we then set on a mission to find her middle name. We always like for our children's names to have meaning and I love the meaning in her name!

Grace means "God's favor" and Anne means "Grace" - I love that! She is our double portion of Grace! Our undeserved and very treasured gift!

Taylor is Mike's grandmother, "Mema's" maiden name. I fell in love with Mema while Mike and I were dating and we remained close, writing letters back and forth, while Mike was in seminary. In January 2010, Mema passed away. We grieved her passing, but Mema knew and loved the Lord, and we know she is with the Lord. (You can read previous blog entries about her Here and here)

We look forward to meeting our little Double Portion of Grace, GraceAnne Taylor Spivey in end of April/beginning of May!

A New Blessing

As many of you know, Mike and I recently walked through the valley of miscarriage. (You can read the previous post) It was a season in our life that, though this sounds strange, was so sweet to us as a family. It was one of the worst things I have walked through in my life, but to feel the presence of God so visible in it, made it not only bearable, but an opportunity to allow the Lord to use this as apart of our story in Him. We saw the character of God in a different way. We learned that He IS good at all times - we have said that a thousand times, but it is different to say it while walking in that truth. Mike encouraged me through the entire process to look at this through the lens of His character - and not just look at His character through our trial! Because if we look to God in light of our current circumstance we are tempted to say "Our circumstance is BAD, why is God not being good to us?" But if we reverse that then we can say "He is good and somehow this is good for us - He loves us and He STILL loves us despite what we are walking through." It was a sweet time for us.

We continued to ask the Lord to add to our family and we asked our church family to pray that for us as well! One of the most discouraging factors in the whole things was that we had already tried to get pregnant for almost 3 years when we conceived in April. We waited so long only then to be met with disappointment and more waiting. Having to wait to miscarry, wait to try again, then wait to get pregnant again. The waiting is a tricky thing - you wait, with expectation that the Lord will do what you have asked of Him, and you also wait with the knowledge that He knows best and it may not be what you have wanted. You wait with a promise that He knows how to plan your family, and also wait with hope that it will happen soon! One of my favorite verses in this time was this:

"No unbelief made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised." - Romans 4:20-21

We knew that God knows how to plan our family and that is what sustained us in the waiting the past 3 years, and especially the past 3 months.

Our doctor didn't want us to conceive before August, so I set a goal to work out, eat better, lose some weight, and conceive in August! (Which I was able to lose most of the weight I wanted it - I had about 7 more pounds to go, but oh well!) :) On Mike's birthday I took a test and to my shock, and MUCH excitement it was POSITIVE! We felt so blessed that the Lord decided to bless us again with a pregnancy!

We didn't necessarily decide to wait to tell people this time because of the previous miscarriage, but we did wait until we hear the heartbeat. We told our close friends and family and enlisted them to pray for us! We had a few "scares" the first few weeks, that turned out to just be normal pregnancy symptoms (for me) and my doctor is so AMAZING at getting me in right away to just make sure things are good to go. We have heard the heartbeat three times and so far, everything looks perfect. The ultrasound tech told me that the sac is a perfect shape and that the previous pregnancy the sac was an odd shape which was an indicator of lack of growth (or something like that).

I have been sick, which a good sign, pregnancy wise, but stinks for normal day living. About once a week it lets up and I think we are turning a corner, and then it comes back the next day. I really am ok with it, I am just ready for it to pass so I can actually feel human again and ready for my family to eat normal again.

Thank you for praying for us! Thank you for loving our family and rejoicing with us in our new addition! Please continue to pray for us. I am 10 weeks now and we will all probably breathe a sigh of relief when I reach 12/13 weeks. One thing I learned through the miscarriage is that I have ZERO control! To sit and trust and relinquish all fear as been a daily event.

Here is the video that I made to put on facebook to announce our news!



Apparently, I enjoy making videos to announce news! This is the video I made to tell Mike we were pregnant with the boys! (Warning: some pictures our old and we look very different! ha!)

Just Give Me Jesus

We don’t need a miracle. We just need Jesus! (but a miracle would be nice!)

And that is a sweet place to be.

We found out we were pregnant with this baby on the boy’s birthday, April 10th. From the minute I saw those two lines I had a sinking feeling about things. I chalked it up to just nervousness because it is the second pregnancy and I have more knowledge on it. Through the past month as I prayed for this child I discovered that my prayers were very selfish. I purposely didn’t pray “Lord, grow this baby how you see fit” - in my mind that left room for Him to grow it in a way that I wouldn’t want. So my prayers were “Lord, right now this baby should have his/her heart beating - so I pray that right now his/her heart is beating.”

Last Sunday night I went to bed anticipating our appointment on Monday where we would have an ultrasound to confirm how many babies and my actual due date. As we climbed in bed I expressed my concerns with Mike and just shared with him that I have had a bad feeling. As we were going to bed Mike prayed for us and the first 90% of his prayer was asking the Lord to be glorified in this pregnancy and if we were approaching a trial that we would have strength, trust and faith in Him. The last 10% is when he prayed for a healthy baby. (You see, Mike is definitely the spiritual lead in our family and his prayers are much less selfish than mine! :))

I woke up early on Monday and instantly knew something was wrong. I had battled with morning sickness the past 8 days and now I woke up feeling great, no sickness at all, and all the other ailments I have had were gone! (I’ve googled enough to know that is a bad sign.)I sent my friend Margaret a text and she responded with Psalm 112:7-8:

“He is not afraid of bad news;

   his heart is firm,
trusting in the Lord.
His heart is steady; he will not be afraid,

until he looks in triumph on his adversaries.”

The Lord was gently preparing my heart. We got to the doctor’s office and Mike once again prayed in the car - His prayer was that God would be glorified in the situation, no matter how it turned out. (*Sigh* There are those self-less prayers again. I can learn much from him.)

We go to the ultrasound room and our doctor followed us in there. I am assuming that he had no other patients at the time and I am very thankful that he was in there. I shared my concerns with him and he calmly tried to ease my fears. About 30 seconds into the ultrasound he said “I won’t lie to you, this doesn’t look good Kid.” He was very honest and very straight forward with us, yet he was very gentle and sensitive. No heartbeat was found and no blood flow to the baby could be detected.

Our hearts were crushed!

Mike and I have lived a very easy life. The Lord has been so faithful to us (and still is!) and has always provided for us. Apart from grieving the divorce of a family member, I cannot remember a period of sorrow. Until now.

Our doctor prayed for us and left us with the hope that we would return this Monday with a “10% chance” of a heartbeat and blood flow to develop! 10% *sigh*

We came home, contacted some friends and family asking for prayer, and then I slept and wept the rest of the day. Monday was not a good day!

My dear, precious, love her to pieces, sister-in-law called me that night and prayed on the phone for me. In her prayer she asked the Lord to give me a double portion of peace! And that is exactly what the Lord had done!

We woke up Tuesday morning and this is how I describe how it felt:
- Incredibly at peace!
- Disbelief - like it was a bad dream
- Strangely normal

I have been so thankful for my husband and his leadership in our home. From the minute we got alone in the car leaving the doctor’s office, Mike shared with me that we needed to ask the Lord for wisdom to respond to this trial in light of who He is and His Character. So we did. We asked the Lord. And He answered!

We have been able to find peace in His character and who He is:
That He is good!
That He has good for us!
That He is ALWAYS faithful!
That He does indeed have a plan for our life and this works into that plan.
That He cares about our grief and that He hears!
That He is the giver of life!
That He is completely, 100% sovereign!
That all things DO work together for the GOOD of those who love Him!
And we love Him indeed!

This may sound so strange to say, but despite this being one of the toughest, hardest, worst weeks of our lives, it has been the sweetest. We have grieved the (potential) lose of our third child. We have grieved the (potential) ending of this pregnancy and all the joy and excitement that it brings. We have battled the thoughts of continuing the wait! We waited two and a half years to get pregnant, and now we have to wait to confirm the miscarriage, then wait to pass the baby, then wait to start trying again, then wait to get pregnant again. But “He can do more in my waiting, then in my doing I can do!” (Bethany Dillon, Those Who Wait)

But through all that grief we have fallen more in love with who God is and is continuing faithfulness to us and to our family. We have learned more about His character and how he uses anything and all things to bring us to Him. I have learned more of the importance of 100% trust in Him and His sovereignty. You see, I fear ALOT! It has been a sin that has plagued my life since I was a young child. And in this season of my life my WORST fear was to miscarry. And now that it has (potentially) happened, it is not that scary after all. It sucks! Really it does, but I have no fear in it. (“He is not afraid of bad news” - Ps. 112:7). When you are faced with your worst fear, you realize that you have no other option but to trust in the goodness of God. I have no other option! And for that I am thankful!

My prayers went from begging for a healthy baby to asking the Lord to use this in ANY WAY He wanted to - in any way He saw fit to grow us, to build our faith, to glorify Him - any way! To not waste this grief and allow it to bring Him honor and minister to others. There is such freedom in that!

So where do we stand now?
We go back Monday at 1:45 for an ultrasound to “confirm” their original diagnosis. We are asking for a miracle, but we don’t need it. We know that He can do it - that He is the giver of all life and that He can make ALL THINGS new! We know that He is able and we are asking Him to do just that.

But we have come to the sweet truth that if there is a heart beat on Monday then our God is SO GOOD! And if there isn’t a heartbeat on Monday, then our God is STILL SO GOOD!

Do we want a heart beat? Heck Yea!
Do we want a miracle? Absolutely!
But what do we NEED? Jesus

Just Jesus. That’s it.

_________

Will you join us and pray for us? Pray that on Monday the doctor and ultrasound tech will be able to witness a miracle that only the Lord can do, and that we give me ALL THE GLORY FOR IT! But pray that if the Lord sees fit to keep the "diagnosis" the same,that they will be able to see the goodness of God through us and through the response to our trial.

He has been so good to us, He is so good to us, and He will ALWAYS be good to us!

Always!

"No unbelief made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised." -Romans 4:20-21

Returning to Blogger World

Oh dear, it has been way too long!

My apologies for lack of blogging. We have had such a busy year with most of our time consumed with family and church, so the blogging got to the back burner. I am hoping to spring back into it, even if I just do it once a week. So stick with me! :)