Here's a call for input!
I'm going to write a few articles and pursue publication with them. I'm having a hard time deciding on subject matter and style and I would love some input from people who are familiar with what I write.
My possible subjects are:
Frugality
Nutrition
Parenting
The pursuit of pregnancy
I have a couple different styles I can consider. The first is your standard magazine style where the focus is solely on information. These types of articles typically have an intro paragraph of 2-4 sentences, then bulleted points (done in bold by the formatter) followed by a paragraph of info. An example would be tips on saving money at the grocery store.
Intro paragraph
Hungry bellies make full baskets
3-4 sentences
If it's level with your eye, pass it by
3-4 sentences
Strrreetttcchhh your trips, not your budget
3-4 sentences
Ok, you all get the point I'm sure.
The benefits to this style is that it's easy. It can be achieved whether or not I feel "on" -- writer's block is not an issue with these types of articles. I feel confident enough in my ability to do these kinds of articles on-call that if I were ever offered something regular, I could accept with no qualms.
The other style I can do is to use my real voice, my real emotions, but in a non-fiction genre. The parenting articles and fertility articles could benefit from this type of style. I skip any parenting articles that are done in the information-only style. If you want to give me a bulleted list of tips -- if you don't give me something real -- it's not worth my time.
The benefits to this style is that I would feel infinitely better about myself and about any acceptance I might receive if it came from this type of article. I could be more proud of these. The downside is that I definitely have to be in the right mood & place to get one done. A regular gig would be hard for me to confidently accept. Plus, I'm more insecure to start with this style -- I wonder if I have a voice that is unique or interesting enough to attract readers.
I'm torn. I could start easy or I could start with a decent challenge for myself. My goal isn't to make money quickly. I'd rather make money slowly, but long-term.
Any thoughts? You can always email them to me if you don't want to comment publicly.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
yes doctor, my mom made me this way
I've been doing some hardcore looking at my parenting self lately. Sassy started this self-reflection by becoming all at once defiant, outspoken, angry, shut-off, and generally extremely antagonistic with me. It all came to a head last week when I had to ask her to help her friend pick up after they played together at our house and she flatly refused. What ensued was a horrid battle of wills that involved me shutting her in her room by herself while she screamed and cried, telling her she couldn't leave the room until she picked up with her friend, and ultimately carrying her downstairs when I was waaayyyy too angry to be holding her, then saying all kinds of things I regret. I used the word "brat," I remember, and "I don't know what's wrong with you. I don't want to be with you right now." It was awful. Then I broke down and cried in front of MY friend (her friend's mom) and said that I had surely screwed up this child completely and I was a wretched mother who didn't deserve children.
Like I said, it was awful.
And it made me regroup. I posted on mothering.com and found it to be much more satisfying than any post I've made or received from GCM (gentlechristianmothers.com). I brought out my old favorite parenting books (How to Talk so Kids Will Listen...., Playful Parenting) and added a new one (The No-Cry Discipline Solution). I've been reading them like crazy and trying again to be the best mama I can. Actually, trying to be the mama Sassy deserves.
The thing is, there are so many of these cultural dogmas surrounding child-rearing that I find it so hard to separate what I actually feel and believe (my instincts) from what everyone in the society around me perpetuates (unwanted input).
I'm coming to some of the same old conclusions I've come to before, and this time I'm writing them out. I'm tired of realizing, then forgetting, then realizing, then forgetting. If the realizing took up more space in my life than the forgetting, it might not be so bad. But it's sadly misproportioned at about 80% of my life being spent following the path of least resistance in this area. I let my mind get preoccupied with other things and then those same old authoritarian, shape-up, obedience-driven whispers keep filling my mind. I have to concentrate to keep them out.
So where am I right now?
The number one most detrimental idea in our culture is that parents are responsible for all of their children's behavior.
This one idea sets me up for failure every time. When Sassy runs away from me at the post office, I'm not thinking about her safety as much as I'm thinking how embarrassed I am in front of all those other customers who are thinking how I can't control my child. The thing is, I can't control my child, but I'll get to that in a second. My embarrassment in front of other adults is what leads us to angry mom episodes every time. I can't think of a single time that I have "laid into her" verbally, and not a single time I've used the word "brat" that hasn't occurred immediately following a time that I've been embarrassed by her behavior in front of other people. Why am I embarrassed about this? Because it is so prevalent in our culture to assume that her running away, her talking back, her not obeying me is a direct reflection of either my lack of skill as a parent or my lack of concern. I might be lazy, or I might not set limits, or I might not give direction, or I might not give any consequences, or I might be too preoocupied with my own life to spend time on her.
I'm aware that these judgements occur because I spend too much time in the company of people who think this way. Doesn't everyone who lives in America? How are children supposed to act in America? Are they ever expected to just "misbehave" because they are children? Do adults do the right thing all the time? Do they follow every direction given to them, or do they spend a lot of time figuring out how to get around authority or how to sneak past "the man?" Don't most of us expect to defy authority at some point in a free country? Yet our little emotionally immature children are supposed to be perfect when we are out and about, proving that mom is doing a stellar job? The thing is, the child who was once a part of mom does develop his own personality, and once that happens -- once he has the vocabulary skills to assert that personality -- he is clearly a different person with his own little brain and his own little heart and his own little soul. Mom leads but his heart and soul are his alone. Which leads me to....
It is my job to be the teacher, not the micro-manager.
That cultural ideology up there, it is so insidious, that I have to constantly remind myself that Sassy's actions belong to her, not me. When Sassy talks back that doesn't mean I've failed. Instead, I keep teaching her to use her nice voice. When she refuses to clean up, I keep explaining why it's important to clean up our things. When she wants to eat only ice cream for dinner, I keep educating her about healthy versus non-healthy food choices. THIS is my job. My job is not to parade around a perfectly behaved child so the world can see I'm a good mother. This teaching is my job day-in, day-out for at least another 13 years. I hope it's my job even longer, but that will depend mostly on whether I can remain the type of mother she continually respects. That will happen when I show her respect, not narcissism.
And while we're on the subject of teaching, it helps to remember that most people learn more from their mistakes than from hypothetical explanations of things. In this light, Standard American Misbehavior (SAM) can be seen as a long series of learning opportunities. It is the good mother who recognizes this and capitalizes on it.
Sassy belongs to herself.
This is a hard one to describe, though I tried a bit just a couple paragraphs ago. It's also so obvious on paper that it's hard to believe I'd have to write it down to remind myself. I guess in the deepest part of myself, I never fully got over the fact that we were connected. I wonder if this is common to AP parenting.
The thing I have to realize now is that she is absolutely 100% Sassy and 0% me now. We have similarities -- especially in our genetic makeup -- but the way we choose to run with or deny those similarities is absolutely up to each of us as individuals. We are two fellow human beings sharing a household, sharing a family, and sharing a life. I love her from the bottom to the top of my heart and all the way around and back again. I always will. And in a way, it's kind of exciting to be struck so suddenly by our "differentness." I now get a first-row seat to watch this new little person develop into her very own self. I want it be according to her own drum, not mine.
So in short, I am her teacher. I am her comforter. I am her unconditional lover. I teach, teach, teach, comfort, comfort, comfort, love, love, love.....whew!....and then.....set her free. She is Sassy. And I am me. And we are different and that's OK.
And all those customers in the post office are going to have to bite me.
Like I said, it was awful.
And it made me regroup. I posted on mothering.com and found it to be much more satisfying than any post I've made or received from GCM (gentlechristianmothers.com). I brought out my old favorite parenting books (How to Talk so Kids Will Listen...., Playful Parenting) and added a new one (The No-Cry Discipline Solution). I've been reading them like crazy and trying again to be the best mama I can. Actually, trying to be the mama Sassy deserves.
The thing is, there are so many of these cultural dogmas surrounding child-rearing that I find it so hard to separate what I actually feel and believe (my instincts) from what everyone in the society around me perpetuates (unwanted input).
I'm coming to some of the same old conclusions I've come to before, and this time I'm writing them out. I'm tired of realizing, then forgetting, then realizing, then forgetting. If the realizing took up more space in my life than the forgetting, it might not be so bad. But it's sadly misproportioned at about 80% of my life being spent following the path of least resistance in this area. I let my mind get preoccupied with other things and then those same old authoritarian, shape-up, obedience-driven whispers keep filling my mind. I have to concentrate to keep them out.
So where am I right now?
The number one most detrimental idea in our culture is that parents are responsible for all of their children's behavior.
This one idea sets me up for failure every time. When Sassy runs away from me at the post office, I'm not thinking about her safety as much as I'm thinking how embarrassed I am in front of all those other customers who are thinking how I can't control my child. The thing is, I can't control my child, but I'll get to that in a second. My embarrassment in front of other adults is what leads us to angry mom episodes every time. I can't think of a single time that I have "laid into her" verbally, and not a single time I've used the word "brat" that hasn't occurred immediately following a time that I've been embarrassed by her behavior in front of other people. Why am I embarrassed about this? Because it is so prevalent in our culture to assume that her running away, her talking back, her not obeying me is a direct reflection of either my lack of skill as a parent or my lack of concern. I might be lazy, or I might not set limits, or I might not give direction, or I might not give any consequences, or I might be too preoocupied with my own life to spend time on her.
I'm aware that these judgements occur because I spend too much time in the company of people who think this way. Doesn't everyone who lives in America? How are children supposed to act in America? Are they ever expected to just "misbehave" because they are children? Do adults do the right thing all the time? Do they follow every direction given to them, or do they spend a lot of time figuring out how to get around authority or how to sneak past "the man?" Don't most of us expect to defy authority at some point in a free country? Yet our little emotionally immature children are supposed to be perfect when we are out and about, proving that mom is doing a stellar job? The thing is, the child who was once a part of mom does develop his own personality, and once that happens -- once he has the vocabulary skills to assert that personality -- he is clearly a different person with his own little brain and his own little heart and his own little soul. Mom leads but his heart and soul are his alone. Which leads me to....
It is my job to be the teacher, not the micro-manager.
That cultural ideology up there, it is so insidious, that I have to constantly remind myself that Sassy's actions belong to her, not me. When Sassy talks back that doesn't mean I've failed. Instead, I keep teaching her to use her nice voice. When she refuses to clean up, I keep explaining why it's important to clean up our things. When she wants to eat only ice cream for dinner, I keep educating her about healthy versus non-healthy food choices. THIS is my job. My job is not to parade around a perfectly behaved child so the world can see I'm a good mother. This teaching is my job day-in, day-out for at least another 13 years. I hope it's my job even longer, but that will depend mostly on whether I can remain the type of mother she continually respects. That will happen when I show her respect, not narcissism.
And while we're on the subject of teaching, it helps to remember that most people learn more from their mistakes than from hypothetical explanations of things. In this light, Standard American Misbehavior (SAM) can be seen as a long series of learning opportunities. It is the good mother who recognizes this and capitalizes on it.
Sassy belongs to herself.
This is a hard one to describe, though I tried a bit just a couple paragraphs ago. It's also so obvious on paper that it's hard to believe I'd have to write it down to remind myself. I guess in the deepest part of myself, I never fully got over the fact that we were connected. I wonder if this is common to AP parenting.
The thing I have to realize now is that she is absolutely 100% Sassy and 0% me now. We have similarities -- especially in our genetic makeup -- but the way we choose to run with or deny those similarities is absolutely up to each of us as individuals. We are two fellow human beings sharing a household, sharing a family, and sharing a life. I love her from the bottom to the top of my heart and all the way around and back again. I always will. And in a way, it's kind of exciting to be struck so suddenly by our "differentness." I now get a first-row seat to watch this new little person develop into her very own self. I want it be according to her own drum, not mine.
So in short, I am her teacher. I am her comforter. I am her unconditional lover. I teach, teach, teach, comfort, comfort, comfort, love, love, love.....whew!....and then.....set her free. She is Sassy. And I am me. And we are different and that's OK.
And all those customers in the post office are going to have to bite me.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
dear fledgling
Will you stay in our lovers' story
If you stay you won't be sorry
'Cause we believe in you
Soon you'll grow so take a chance
With a couple of kooks
Hung up on romancing
We bought a lot of things
to keep you warm and dry
And a funny old crib on which the paint won't dry
I bought you a pair of shoes
A trumpet you can blow
And a book of rules
On what to say to people
when they pick on you
'Cause if you stay with us you're gonna be pretty kooky too
Will you stay in our lovers' story
If you stay you won't be sorry
'Cause we believe in you
Soon you'll grow so take a chance
With a couple of kooks
Hung up on romancing
And if you ever have to go to school
Remember how they messed up this old fool
Don't pick fights with the bullies or the cads
'Cause I'm not much cop at punching other people's dads
And if the homework brings you down
Then we'll throw it on the fire
And take the car downtown
Will you stay in our lovers' story
If you stay you won't be sorry
'Cause we believe in you
Soon you'll grow so take a chance
With a couple of kooks
Hung up on romancing
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
