the qualified

"Remeber that God doesn't just call the qualified, he qualifies the called."

~ member, GCM

to mother

"....[This is] one of the greatest gifts I would receive from Adam: the understanding that the word mother is more powerful when it is used as a verb than as a noun. Mothering has very little to do with biological reproduction -- as another friend once told me, there are women who bear and raise children without ever mothering them, and there are people (both male and female) who mother all their lives without ever giving birth."

~Martha Beck, Expecting Adam

what's the deal?

Mama grape? Joining the GOP? That's right, folks. After much, much deliberation, I have decided to change my party affiliation before the December 31st deadline so that I will be eligible to vote in the Republican primaries.

So why am I doing this? What's the deal?

In two words, it's Ron Paul. Let me assure you, I'm gun-shy about wholeheartedly supporting a candidate. Only Gore could I wholeheartedly support now. And that's only because I watched him after his presidential spot was stolen and he responded by continuing to do the work that had always impassioned him before. He worked hard to educate Stupid Americans about their effects on the environment. And it has had a great effect on the general consciousness of Stupid America. Seven years after The Thief took office, even Stupid Americans have switched their line from "Global warming is a scam," to "Global warming is common knowledge. Now let's make Stupid American Jokes about it."

If I actually believed Gore could be drafted into another run, I'd support him. But, I just don't think it's going to happen. Enter Ron Paul. He also has a stellar voting record and his history shows that he has acted with character and integrity throughout his career, even in the face of Big Business. Ron Paul is not bought and sold. And he stands on a platform of civil rights. In short, Ron Paul would directly affect my life. Ron Paul is for homeschoolers.

I've been reticent to make a wager at all. I'm still smarting from my poor 2000 election wager, when I chose to "vote my conscience." But then, the unthinkable happened. My vote, along with countless others, made it so much easier for our Resident in Thief to pull off his scam. I barely thought of my decision in 2004 -- the choice was obvious. "I'm voting for Not Bush."

Yet again, I find myself faced with a decision. I can sit tight & disassociate myself from it, afraid of making a mistake. Typically speaking, inactivity in hopes to avoid mistakes effects no real change.

So, here we go......Ron Paul for President, 2008. Hope for America. Hope for homebirthers. Hope for homeschoolers.

playful parenting

All too often I forget that it really is OK to make a fool of yourself in public. Just today I was remembering a song that was popular during my club days.

"I'm free, to do what I want, any old time."

I laughed out loud when I thought of it, since most of the time I feel so completely not free. Right now, for example, this very instant, I am in a writing mood. I turned on quiet music I wanted to hear. Sassy is lying on the couch next to me & I want her to go to sleep now...well, five minutes ago really. And she just started singing the ABC song. Loudly. I am not free to walk away. Nor am I free to look at her incredulously & say, "Do you mind?" or "Are you seriously singing the ABC's when I'm so clearly trying to have my mood here?"

But then I often wonder how much of my lack of freedom is self-imposed. Truly, there is nothing wrong with dancing in the store. You won't be arrested. In fact, you'd likely make someone smile, regardless of whether they are laughing with you or laughing at you. Just last week I watched a teenage girl at the Crap Outlet move to some girl rap song, complete with lip-synching and stage dramatics. It made me smile. And it also made me hope that Sassy felt free enough at 16 to put on a show in the store. I wonder if the girl was homeschooled.

So why is it that when I found myself in the grocery store today getting the "we're so full of our pissed-off selves" vibe from every other human being in the place, that I succumbed to the nervous energy and started harping on Sassy's every step?

How can I wax on and on about how I want Sassy to be free to do whatever she wishes, but I can't even be free enough to stick up for her four-year-old antics amongst other people? How can I consider changing my party affiliation to the GOP (yes! the GOP!) just so I can help get Ron Paul on the ballot, worried as I am about the right to school my child however I wish, when I don't even give her the freedom to help her pursue her own interests, but rather superimpose mine on her & then feel slighted when she doesn't get excited? How can I really debate the amount of freedom that is appropriate for every American and where the lines should be drawn between freedom & protection, when I can't even break free from worrying over my assumptions of what my neighbors are thinking of me?

All my life, I've been a wallflower. It's true. Really. I know I can try to dominate a conversation if I'm not careful & I know I'm animated & opinionated & I know I enjoy finetuning my beliefs in a safe space -- loudly. But, truth is, when I'm not in that safe space, I'm a wallflower. I'm frustrated with myself because I'm a wallflower when I should be at my loudest -- when I'm advocating for the rights of my four-year-old daughter to be her four-year-old self, even if it annoys you at the moment. You're annoying us anyway and don't feel you need to stop.

I've always dreamt of being a person who could do crazy things in a public space. I'm capable of it, I know. Although I have stagefright, I can also get over stagefright if I know I've rehearsed my script. It makes me wonder how differently my script would have been in the grocery store today had I rehearsed it beforehand.

In that spirit, I've been a-researchin' playful parenting techniques tonight. I'm copying my favorites from a GCM sticky here, so I can have them all in one spot. A handy-dandy bag of tricks, if I may.

Today you may not [insert action here] laugh , smile , shake your head, stand on your tippy toes , sit down. When the child does the action I announce "I'm serious. You may not do xyz." Of course they 'll do it again. I say "I'm going to pretend you didn't do that. I'm going to turn my back and you better not xyz. *begin turning around * If I find out that you've been xyz after I told you not to , I'll ...I'll....I'll eat your toes ! {insert silly punishment}" Turn around and catch child...chase to eat toes. Surprisingly this also works well with teens. "Today you will not smile at your mother. I'm in a rotten mood and want no part of it. If you smile at me today I will chase you down and sing a song until your ears bleed. Do you understand ?" ds loves this game although he won't admit it.

Official Express Yourself In {insert} Day. We've had Song , Haiku , ubbi-dubbi , shakespeare insults (thou foul mouthed scalawag , thou yellow bellied foot licker , thou rump fed blossom canker)

Fake cry. Works every time to change the mood.

me:"Son ? I need you to help with the dishes."
son:"Right now ? I"m in the middle of a game. Can it wait ?".
me: loud obnoxious obviously fake cry "I suppose so i'll just be in here " sob sniffle sob 'all by myself doing the dishes that no one will help me do." more over the top wailing.


also fun is the fake laugh. "Today we will only fake laugh at each other. No true emotion is to be shared." When they start to really laugh , pull back and demonstrate.."no..I said a fake laugh like this HA HA. See how I didn't even smile ? You try."

If we've had a rocky morning, I like to play hug monster, where I pretend to be a hug monster and I chase her and say, "I'm the hug monster and I'm going to chase you and chase you until I catch you... and when I catch you, I'm going to hug you because I'm the hug monster!!!!!"

Put socks on the hands to dust with, so they could be kitties.

For getting dressed, pretending limbs are snakes that need to wriggle through (complete with hissing).

When they get an ouchie I ask them how many kisses they need to make it better. I get crazy numbers these days "twenty thirty fifty tenty!". I give a ton of kisses & make a big deal about the last ones. (This is similar to one of mine: when Sassy needs attention & her Daddy & I are trying to get something else done, I do an overkill on the attention. I hug her as tight as I can, gush over her, give her dozens of kisses until she's laughing & begging me to stop. Then, she'll usually go back to whatever she was doing & we can continue with our movie or project.)

Putting on clothes always worked if we were animals and/or construction equipment that needed to be protected from the elements.

We're big into all types of animals right now, so pretending to brush the baby horse's teeth, for instance, gets the job done.

For those wiggly diaper changes I pretend that his foot is a phone. I make it ring, answer it and talk for a little bit, then pass it back for him to talk on. Even my 3yo loves it.

When my dc don't want to leave the park, we either walk backwards, jump, skip, gallop, roll, or race all the way to the car.

My 4 y/o also has very angry furrowed brows, so after I put them on my face and pretended I was mad, I threw them in the trash can.

Here's some of mine that I play with Sassy already:

We play the "Stinky!" game all the time. I go to kiss her feet (this is great with boo-boos), but after the kiss I exclaim "Ooh! Stinky! You didn't tell me they were so stinky!" It's HEE-larious.

When we're out, Sassy's allowed to walk ahead of me but we play "Freeze!" So everytime I say "Freeze!" she has to stop moving immediately. She usually strikes a "statue" pose, which is particularly funny.

A new one we just started tonight is, "Guess what's on your...." Tonight we used cheek. I had her close her eyes & then I put a drop of water on her cheek & she had to guess what it was. Then it was her turn to do it to me. This can be very fun if you're not easily grossed out, because you will get slobber or snot eventually.

And one that we play that looks very weird to other people but is great for us is "Baby." This involves Sassy being a baby and me being the person holding her. I have to hold her like a baby & gush and goo over her. Usually I say things like, "Look at those pretty little baby eyes, and baby cheeks, and her itty bitty fingers!" But I have to say it like I'm cooing at a baby. Sassy needs imaginative play, and "Baby" is one imaginary game that I can enjoy, too. (Not like "Shopkeeper," for the hundredth time that day. And with Baby, at least I can make up my own lines.) And it seems to be a game that fills her cup when she needs it & reconnects us when I need it. That said, when Daddy saw us play Baby for the first time, he said, "Ooo-kay" and walked right back out of the room.

There are a few reminders that I wish I could permanently tattoo to the inside of my brain. For Sassy and me, the big one today is:

Love is learned in the process, not the product.