Lalu - Oniric Metal (2005)

If I'm checking out a band that I've heard described as "neoprog/prog metal", this is what I am hoping they will sound like: melodic, dreamy, melancholic, fantastical, layers of arpeggiating synths, soaring guitars, and enough polyrhythms and general heaviness to keep it all from getting overly frilly. There's even that inexplicable 'wacky' moment that these types can't seem to resist that seems designed solely to test my patience, but thankfully, it doesn't come till the last track, and that track is otherwise an absolute tour de force. Members (on this album) of Mekong Delta, the Devin Townsend Band/Project, and more.

Track listing:

1. Yesterdayman

2. Wolven Eyes

3. Windy

4. Night in Poenari

5. Moonstruck (The Soulish Element)

6. Timestop

7. Starwatcher

8. Potboy: The Final Fantasy

I'm just dancing through their lights

And I can't stop dreaming now

Also listen to:

Threshold - Wounded Land (1993)

Riverside - Anno Domini High Definition (2009)

Nokemono - From the Black World (1979)

Old-school Japanese heavy metal with 70s hard rock leanings. From the Black World is the only album this band ever made, and it's a crying goddamn shame 'cause they fully delivered the goods.

Track listing:

1. Run Away

2. Terrible Night

3. 閉ざされた街

4. 失われた愛

5. Big Wednesday

6. From the Black World

7. Back Street

8. 灰に消えた過去

9. 蟻地獄

10. Run Away (Part II)

We're heading your way like dynamite

Also listen to:

Chateaux - Chained and Desperate (1983)

Blaspheme - Désire de Vampyr (1985)

Freedom Call - Stairway to Fairyland (1999)

Triumphant German power metal. Not a hint of thrash, doom, or nihilism to be found -- just hyper-speed chugging verses, cinematic keyboards, huge choruses, heavy breakdowns, and guitar pyrotechnics, all in service of what the band dubbed "happy metal."

Track listing:

1. Over the Rainbow

2. Tears Falling

3. Fairyland

4. Shine On

5. We Are One

6. Hymn to the Brave

7. Tears of Taragon

8. Graceland

9. Holy Knight

10. Another Day

Fly over seven seas

Go where rainbows rise

You might also like:

Chastain - Ruler of the Wasteland (1986)

Sanctuary - Refuge Denied (1987)

Memory Garden - Tides (1996)

Way-too-obscure Swedish traditional doom. Mid-paced headbangers with killer guitar work and vocals that would sound right at home on a power metal record.

Track listing:
1. Genesis
2. Dream Horizons
3. The Rhyme of the Elder
4. Trapped at the Pharoes
5. Judgement Day
6. The Innocent Sleep
7. A New Dawn
8. Blissfull

I close my eyes
No need to see
As nature is delivering me

Also listen to:

Count Raven -
High on Infinity (1993)

Dantesco -
De la Mano de la Muerte (2005)

Chateaux - Chained and Desperate (1983)

Anthemic, low-rent NWOBHM featuring the vocal stylings of one Steve Grimmett (of Grim Reaper). Somewhere between British Steel and Shout at the Devil, but with maybe 3% of the recording budget.

Track listing:
1. Chained and Desperate
2. Spirit of the Chateaux
3. Burnt Out at Dawn
4. The Dawn Surrendered
5. Straight to the Heart
6. Baton Rouge
7. Son of Seattle
8. Shine On Forever

The boys are runnin', screaming in the night
Flexin' their muscles for the sake of delight

You'd also enjoy:

Blaspheme -
Désir de Vampyr (1985)

Demon Eyes -
Garde à Vue (1987)

Demon Eyes - Garde à Vue (1987)

#1: Sorry for my absence. Not only is school way more demanding now that I'm actually trying to do well, but I've been listening almost exclusively to new releases, which, unless the artist has made them available for free download, I do not post here.

#2: Here's some sweet French heavy metal that isn't afraid to dip its toes in the fist-pumping waters of full-on hair metal. It's not going to change anyone's life, but it sounds really good if you're drinking beers in the sun.

Track listing:
1. Pestiférés
2. Armée
3. Indifférence
4. Desire de l'Eden
5. Fantomas
6. Alizé
7. L'Ermite
8. Garde à Vue
9. Hommage (Seek and Destroy) [Metallica cover]

There's an evil feeling in our brains
But it's nothing new

You'll also like:

Blaspheme -
Désir de Vampyr (1985)

Pantera -
Power Metal (1987)

Blaspheme - Désir de Vampyr (1985)

French heavy metal. Mid-paced and melodic, with a dark, reverb-heavy atmosphere for extra occult, Satanic feels.

Track listing:
1. Seul
2. Territoire des Hommes
3. Orgie Romaine
4. Saint d'Espirit
5. Contrôle
6. Au Nom des Morts
7. Taxer le Peuple
8. Vivre Libre
9. Erreur de Moeurs
10. Désir de Vampyr

Prisoner of the night

If you like this, try:

Crimson Glory -
Crimson Glory (1986)

Druid - Vampire Cult (1989)
+ Four Curses (1986)

Raven Black Night - Choose the Dark (2004)

Australian Sabbath-ian doom with traditional/epic elements. The vocalist generally stays in a passionate, Messiah-esque register, but once in a while he'll go up higher into King Diamond territory. He even whips out a death growl at one point. A bit rough around the edges, but all the better for it.

Track listing:
1. Morbid Gladiator
2. My Love Is Holy
3. Gothic Black
4. Nocturnal Birth
5. Swamped
6. If You Choose the Dark
7. Blood on My Wings
8. Morbid Soul
9. Guitar Solo
10. Princess Morticia
11. Ancient Mist

We talk with the stars
We know we belong

If you like this, check out:

Dark Quarterer -
War Tears (1994)

Goat Horn -
Voyage to Nowhere (2001)

Tearstained - Final Thoughts (2003)

Previously on OPIUM HUM:
Tearstained - Nightmare Visions (2008)

US black metal with elements of heavy metal and DSBM. Here, you can hear that the King Diamond-esque falsetto that he'd more fully embrace on later records is actually a natural progression from a more traditional high-pitched, DSBM-style shriek.

Track listing:
1. Emotionally Massacred
2. Cold and Distant
3. Trust No One
4. Grim Bitterness
5. Failed Suicide Attempt
6. The Shallow Pool of Life
7. Hopeless Emptiness
8. Final Thoughts
9. Raise the Dead (Bathory cover) / Black Masses (Mercyful Fate cover) [Unlisted track]

Let everything die... slowly

You should also hear:

Desaster -
A Touch of Medieval Darkness (1996)

Belenos -
Errances Oniriques (2001)

King Diamond - The Puppet Master (2003)

Related:
King Diamond - The Eye (1990)
Mercyful Fate - Return of the Vampire (1992)

Probably my favorite late-era King Diamond album -- although I'm still holding out hope for another one. Another delightfully weird tale of supernatural horror told via eerie, ass-kicking heavy metal by one of the greatest talents that metal has ever produced.

Track listing:
1. Midnight
2. The Puppet Master
3. Magic
4. Emerencia
5. Blue Eys
6. The Ritual
7. No More Me
8. Blood to Walk
9. Darkness
10. So Sad
11. Christmas
12. Living Dead

No strings
None of them fall
No strings at all

You should also listen to:

Bill Ward -
Ward One: Along the Way (1990)

Grave Digger -
Heart of Darkness (1995)

Paul Chain Violet Theatre - In the Darkness (1986)

Italian outsider psych-doom. A thin, wavering voice and subtly idiosyncratic songs that are somewhere between St. Vitus and early Alice Cooper, with maybe a dash of Goblin. In a better, weirder world, Paul Chain would be a megastar, but as it is, he's a musical misfit with an utterly singular artistic vision and not a shot in hell at gaining a larger audience -- the epitome of a cult artist, essentially.

Track listing:
1. Welcome to My Hell
2. Meat
3. War
4. Crazy
5. Grey Life
6. Woman and Knife
7. Mortuary Hearse
8. In the Darkness

I am a crazy

You should also check out:

Druid - Vampire Cult (1989)
+ Four Curses (1986)

Goat Horn -
Voyage to Nowhere (2001)

Andrew W.K. - Party Til You Puke (2000)

So the other day Stereogum posted an article about the AWK conspiracy theories that've been hanging around since early in his career, which I'm not even gonna try to summarize here. At first, I was annoyed because a) it's been beat into the ground already and b) Andrew WK makes beautiful, perfect music that doesn't need to get muddied up by rumors based on what, if AWK were to be believed, amounts to a business partnership gone sour. However, the article isn't just a remarkably comprehensive analysis of said controversies, but actually functions as a complete re-evaluation of his work that aligns him with visionaries and reality-benders like Andy Kaufman and David Lynch.

Beyond all of that, though, it was a relief to see that I'm not the only fucking person in the world who noticed how fucking weird and dark a lot of his lyrics are. Take "I Love NYC" off of I Get Wet, for instance: while the meaning of lyrics such as "We are your mother-father/We are your fighter friend/You can't stop what you can't end" is anyone's guess, it is clear that "I Love NYC" is not, in fact, about loving NYC.

"Party 'Til You Puke" is another great example: what exactly do the lyrics "We dent/We dope/We choke/We gun/We kill/We stab/We rob/We steal" have to do with partying, exactly? Ponder this as you listen to the Party Til You Puke EP, which finds a young AWK presenting a raw, blown-out, but more-or-less fully-formed version of his id-driven insanity. It's way meatier than the below track listing might seem to suggest. And please, read the above-linked article, it blew my goddamn mind.

Track listing:
1. Party Til You Puke
2. Party Til You Puke (Remix)
3. Party Til You Puke (Shout Out Mix)
4. Dance Party (Anti Never Ending Music Mix)
5. I Want to Kill (Built It Up Mix)
6. Old Man [Couch cover]

We're not gonna die, and you can never kill us
We're not gonna die, and you can never hurt us

Original Sin - Sin Will Find You Out (1987)

Satanic, femme-powered speed/thrash metal. By the time you read this, I will be on a houseboat on Lake Shasta, getting hammered and hopefully blaring this record or one like it.

Track listing:
1. Conjuration of the Watcher
2. The Curse
3. To the Devil a Daughter
4. A Slice of Finger (Instrumental)
5. Bitches from Hell
6. The Succubus
7. Pandora's Box
8. Thunder War (Instrumental)
9. Enchantress of Death
10. Disease Bombs

A demon seed enters a womb of corruption
Breeding a satanic spell
A sickening concussion, a newborn eruption
A demon, a terror from hell

You'd also like:

Kat -
Metal and Hell (1986)

Exorcist -
Nightmare Theatre (1986)

GWAR - America Must Be Destroyed (1991)

Previously on OPIUM HUM:
GWAR - Hell-O (1988)

Peak GWAR right here. Inspired by various brushes with censorship -- including Dave Brockie's arrest for "disseminating obscenity," which I guess is legal jargon for "waving a massive prosthetic alien dick around on stage"  -- GWAR came with their most offensive material to date. A concept album revolving around the band's own gleeful depravity, a fascistic morality squad, and a massive, destructive monster created by injecting a T-Rex egg with crack.

They also lean hard into their satire of rock n roll in general, including "Rock N Roll Never Felt So Good", a cock rock send-up about having sex with and murdering a 13-year-old "quadriplechick," and "The Road Behind", which takes on those awful ballads about how tour life sucks that have always struck me as whiny and a bit insulting to fans, making the only good one in the process.

Finally, this is as good a time as any to present my theory that the deaths of Dave Brockie and David Bowie -- or, as future history books will call it, "The Fall of the Two Davids" -- opened up our reality for the endless parade of absurd horrors that is present-day America. The end of The Colbert Report might have something to do with it, too, I'm not sure. But Oderus, wherever you are, you were right: America should have been destroyed years ago.

Track listing:
1. Ham on the Bone
2. Crack in the Egg
3. Gor-Gor
4. Have You Seen Me?
5. The Morality Squad
6. America Must Be Destroyed
7. Gilded Lily
8. Poor Ole Tom
9. Rock N Roll Never Felt So Good
10. Blimey
11. The Road Behind
12. Pussy Planet

Necro-bestial anal butt sex

Other Beavis and Butthead favorites:

White Zombie -
Four EPs

Pantera -
Power Metal (1987)

Bill Ward - Ward One: Along the Way (1990)

The awesomely weird debut solo album from the great Bill Ward. In addition to the expected dark, driving metal, there's a strain of sprawling, Floyd-ian prog and psych. Add in Ward's thin but effective vocals, a pair of guest spots from one Mr. Osbourne, and some baffling production choices, and you're looking at an unexpectedly idiosyncratic good time.

Track listing:
1. Shooting Gallery (Mobile)
2. Short Stories
3. Bombers (Can Open Bomb Bays)
4. Punk Clouds an Island
5. Light Up the Candles (Let There Be Peace Tonight)
6. Snakes and Ladders
7. Jack's Land
8. Living Naked
9. Music for a Raw Nerve Ending
10. Tall Stories
11. Sweep
12. Along the Way

Consider this a warning

You should also listen to:

Crimson Glory -
Crimson Glory (1986)

Black Sabbath -
Dehumanizer (1992)

Pantera - Power Metal (1987)

When I was 12, I saw Pantera on Beavis and Butthead, ran out and picked up Far Beyond Driven -- my first real exposure to extreme metal -- and seriously didn't know what the hell I was listening to. What I didn't know then was that before they assumed their final form, they'd put out four increasingly awesome albums of butt-rockin' cheese metal, of which Power Metal is the last. And just so we're perfectly clear, I'm no hater -- I love all of Pantera's albums aside from Reinventing the Steel -- I just figure that, due to the band's attempts to erase their own history, you might not be aware of this little slice of heavy metal heaven. R.I.P. Vinnie Paul.

Track listing:
1. Rock the World
2. Power Metal
3. We'll Meet Again
4. Over and Out
5. Proud to Be Loud
6. Down Below
7. Death Trap
8. Hard Ride
9. Burnnn!
10. P*S*T* 88

You say you want it loud
I'll never turn it down

You'll also dig:

Rock Goddess -
Rock Goddess (1983)

Chastain -
Ruler of the Wasteland (1986)

Rock Goddess - Rock Goddess (1983)

Oh, this? Just a power trio of badass ladies playing kickass, hard-hitting, high-energy hair metal, no big deal. Not a power ballad in sight, either.

Track listing:
1. Heartache
2. Back to You
3. The Love Lingers Still
4. To Be Betrayed
5. Take Your Love Away
6. My Angel
7. Satisfied Then Crucified
8. Start Running
9. One Way Love
10. Make My Night
11. Heavy Metal Rock 'n' Roll

See how I died

Also listen to:

Hawkwind -
Sonic Attack (1981)

Grave Digger -
Heart of Darkness (1995)

Forsaken - Evermore (1997)

Maltese traditional doom/heavy metal. Evermore is an excellent piece of Sabbath worship, and could possibly be mistaken for a lost Sabbath album, except it's waaaaay to good to have somehow slipped under the radars of millions of fans.

Track listing:
1. The Healer
2. Rubicon
3. Moon Dancer
4. Season's End
5. Vertigo
6. Winter Tears
7. Sufferance
8. Madrigal
9. Slip Stream

I am the healer of this universal lie
The cosmic architect, ovary of the skies
I am the healer, I shall rid you of your pain
Chaotic inertia, a hypodermic for the insane

You'd also enjoy:

Trouble -
Run to the Light (1997)

Count Raven -
High on Infinity (1993)

Goat Horn - Voyage to Nowhere (2001)

Canadian heavy/doom metal. Voyage to Nowhere is the sound of a good fucking time, right in that sweet spot between early Sabbath and more modern stoner doom. Makes me want to drink whiskey and do my version of headbanging, which consists of standing off to the side with my arms crossed, gently nodding my head and maybe occasionally raising my fist for a few seconds. The also-excellent Cauldron rose from the ashes of this band.

Track listing:
1. Goat Horn
2. Alcoholic Faith
3. Eternal Quest for Eternal Happiness
4. Shattered Dreams
5. Voyage to Nowhere
6. Wasted Warrior
7. Doom March

We're on a mission that we're destined to fail

You'd also like:

Count Raven -
High on Infinity (1993)

Cauchemar -
La Vierge Noir (2010)

Cauchemar - La Vierge Noir (2010)

French Canadian occult heavy metal with an undercurrent of traditional doom. If you like this EP, definitely check out their albums.

Track listing:
1. La Volle d'Isis
2. Magie Rouge
3. Valse Funebre
4. Les Ailes de la Mort
5. Le Gardien de la Terre

What is this that stands before me?

You should also listen to:

Dark Quarterer -
War Tears (1994)

Mourn -
Mourn (1995)