Martha Stewart's Holiday To-Do List
December 1
Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas cards.
December 2
Christmas season kickoff party with King's College Boy's Choir.
December 3
Using candlewick and hand-gilded miniature pine cones, fashion a
cat-o-nine-tails. Flog gardener.
December 4
Bake a pallet of festive cinammon rolls.
December 5
Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself with jeweler's rouge and cornmeal.
December 6
Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.
December 7
Send Christmas cards to sisters in prison.
December 10
Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
December 11
Lay Faberge egg.