Film Review: LEMORA: A CHILD'S TALE OF THE SUPERNATURAL (1973, Richard Blackburn)

Stars: 3.5 of 5.

Running Time: 85 minutes.

Notable Cast or Crew: Lesley Taplin (THE ACTIVIST), Cheryl Smith (LASERBLAST, THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN), and Hy Pyke (BLADE RUNNER, DOLEMITE). Directed by Richard Blackburn (who also co-wrote EATING RAOUL and wrote and directed a TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE episode). Cinematography by Robert Caramico (BLACKENSTEIN, FALCON CREST, JUST SHOOT ME).
Tag-line: "Through the doors up the dark stairs behind this window... a possession is taking place! Run, little girl... innocence is in peril tonight!"

Best one-liner: "I am the unkillable. My spirit is the strongest ever."

Longtime readers of this site will know of my interest in what I call "melancholy horror," which I roughly define as a sub-genre of especially artistic horror/thriller/supernatural drama films that offer  genuine scares and genuine sadness in equal measure. They routinely begin and/or end with a tragedy, often of an accidental, non-supernatural variety; and they were made, by and large, between 1970 and 1981, mostly on lower budgets which lend them a 'documentary' feel. Their visuals are impressionistic, hypnotic, and dreamlike, the 1970s film stock often lending sunlight, candlelight, and fall colors a special ethereal prominence. LEMORA: A CHILD'S TALE OF THE SUPERNATURAL fits firmly into this category, a truly American indie that later found a cult audience in France. It's a peculiar hodgepodge of Jesus and Lovecraft, of folk tales and arthouse sensibilities, drenched in scary-weird amateur acting choices and vibrant, expressionistic lighting.

LEMORA is mostly notorious for a lengthy condemnation by the Catholic Legion of Decency, and the re-release poster pictured (at the top of the review) is retroactively trying to cash in on these religious horror aspects by making visual reference to CARRIE. Truthfully, the film has much more in common with melancholy gems like LET'S SCARE JESSICA TO DEATH (1971) or VALERIE AND HER WEEK OF WONDERS (1970). Technically, this is a PG-rated children's movie, but it's also a perverse psychological miasma of adolescent paranoia and sexual aggression, and the fact that sections of it were filmed on abandoned sets from THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW only adds to the effect.

Welcome to Mayberry!

The plot revolves around the thirteen-year-old Lila Lee, a doe-eyed gangster's child turned evangelical starlet,

 

the "singin' angel daughter of a real life devil,"

who escapes her (possibly pedophilic?) foster Reverend for the Lovecraftian hamlet of Astaroth, where her father may be hiding out. Here, factions of proto-Fulci-esque zombies 

vie for dominance against Edwardian lesbian vampires who look like they just escaped the PICNIC AT HANGING ROCK.

To paraphrase Bush 43, "ladies and gentlemen, this is some weird shit." Essentially, every character that Lila Lee encounters attempts to exploit her to some end (whether by sexual or culinary means)

and the result is a deeply alienating life lesson (ostensibly for child viewers) regarding society's view of adolescent female sexuality. Minus the horror elements, it is a message that easily could have been delivered by Catherine Breillat, Simone de Beauvoir, or Chantal Akerman. LEMORA's inability to commit to a single horror trope (zombies, vampires, witchcraft, hag horror, ghosts, religious horror, haunted houses) feels deliberate, speaking to the universality of the message––almost as if to signal that all female Bildungsromane lead here, from  LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD to THE BELL JAR. 

At the center of all of this is a deeply bizarre performance by Lesley Taplin as the eponymous Lemora, a predatory vampiress who may very well be the most likable character in the film.

In the end, it's an obscure, atmospheric, and generally quiet entry into melancholy horror genre, and like ALICE IN WONDERLAND and many a coming-of-age fairy tale, it is ambiguous enough to inspire a wide range of reactions (I could just as easily analyze LEMORA as a progressive text, or regressive one).

R.I.P., George A. Romero

It pains me to write about the death of George A. Romero, whose impact on my love of classic and contemporary horror is immeasurable. While he is best known for essentially creating the modern zombie movie with NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (then setting the gold standard for the genre with DAWN OF THE DEAD), his entire catalogue is worthy of deep study. He was not merely a scare-master, but a true observer of the human animal, and his films are packed with nearly six decades' worth of trenchant, razor-sharp social commentary (I'd hoped he had at least one more feature in him, a "Romero" take for these troubled times. Though there are multiple Romero scripts in circulation, one of which, ROAD OF THE DEAD, seems the most likely to see release).

Whether I'm talking about CREEPSHOW, a strong contender for "most fun Halloween movie" and one I can truly watch anytime, anywhere; MARTIN, a masterpiece of postmodern vampirism and Rust Belt mysticism; or KNIGHTRIDERS, a film about "fighting the dragon" and making your own family wherever your find it; Romero's films speak to me in varied and complex ways––the man was a philosopher, a poet, a sociologist, and a true citizen of the world. It was my pleasure to see him twice in person (at the New York premieres of DIARY OF THE DEAD and SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD) and he was as delightfully charming as you might imagine: compassionate, gregarious, and humorously no-nonsense (he answered one audience member's question about the efficacy of chainsaws versus shotguns in the event of a zombie pandemic by saying "Son, it's only a movie").

Here's to you, George.

Only now does it occur to me... BURYING THE EX

Only now does it occur to me... that I should probably offer, as a public service announcement, the casual advice to avoid––even if you are a Joe Dante completist, like myself––his latest offering, BURYING THE EX, a lazy zombie-romantic-comedy that's easily his worst ever theatrical feature.  I don't have the patience to go in depth, but it is a failure of screenwriting, and I do find respite in knowing that Dante has not lost his moxie––in the past ten years, HOMECOMING, THE SCREWFLY SOLUTION, and THE HOLE all are suffused with his lovely and manic energy, and, in particular, I'd put HOMECOMING up there with his finest work.

Additionally, I must rag on BURYING THE EX for deleting the legendary Mary Woronov's only scene and can only offer, as a consolation prize, a screen capture of the eighty-six year old Dick Miller as "Grumpy Cop," a character who gets all of forty-five seconds to mumble about how kids these days are all on meth.

It was good to see ya, Dick Miller––keep on truckin'!

In closing, if there is indeed a God, will you please, please, please let THE MAN WITH KALEIDOSCOPE EYES happen (an as-of-yet unproduced film that Dante has been kicking around for years, a behind-the-scenes biopic on the making of THE TRIP, with the characters of Roger Corman, Jack Nicholson, Dennis Hopper, and Peter Fonda experimenting with LSD while they try to make the movie).  That is all.

Film Review: NINJA III: THE DOMINATION (1984, Sam Firstenberg)

Stars: 5 of 5.
Running Time: 92 minutes.

Tag-line: "He's the ultimate killer, she's the perfect weapon."

Notable Cast or Crew: Sho Kosugi (9 DEATHS OF THE NINJA, REVENGE OF THE NINJA, ENTER THE NINJA), Lucinda Dickey (BREAKIN', BREAKIN' 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO), James Hong (BLADE RUNNER, BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA), David Chung (REPO MAN, MISSING IN ACTION 2: THE BEGINNING), Earl W. Smith (THE VILLAIN, DEATH VALLEY).  Produced by Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus.  Written by James R. Silke (KING SOLOMON'S MINES, REVENGE OF THE NINJA).  Directed by Sam Firstenberg (AMERICAN NINJA, AMERICAN NINJA 2: THE CONFRONTATION).

Best One-liner: "I don't use soft drinks!"

NINJA III: THE DOMINATION is many things to many people, but above all, I have concluded that NINJA III: THE DOMINATION is a panacea for the soul.  It is a thing to be ingested––a glowing, Cannon-logo-shaped pill.

This time around, the logo shimmers and then launches itself into the depths of space-time.  That's an actual star-field.  I can't remember that ever having happened before.

Ostensibly the third film in a series (whose previous offerings included ENTER THE NINJA and REVENGE OF THE NINJA), the only unifying element among the three is the aforementioned Cannon Films logo and the inimitable presence of martial arts hero Sho Kosugi (as a different character in each film).

The best way to describe NINJA III: THE DOMINATION is as an untamable amalgamation of REVENGE OF THE NINJA, THE EXORCIST, BREAKIN' 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO, JASON GOES TO HELL, POLTERGEIST, PERFECT, DEATH WISH 3, and a commercial for V8 Juice.

Already, I can sense you're having difficulty wrapping your head around this magical ninja elixir, so allow me to describe the premise in greater detail:

There is a secret ninja cave underneath an Arizona golf course.

"No smoking in the ninja cave."

An evil, eye-liner-wearing ninja uses this as his base of operations for golf course-ninja attacks.  He pops out on the sixteenth hole and crushes a golf ball with his bare hands, just to let everybody know he's not messing around.


This website has always been an authority on brutal ball squeezing.

He goes on a murderous rampage, killing the country club's security team and this sweater-luvin' preppy:

who is later referred to as "a prominent scientist."  Okay.  This leads to a massive police response

In these films, it's always generic "POLICE" forces who don't answer to any particular jurisdiction––they only show up when the crimes are ninja-related.

and a manhunt, so as a riposte the evil ninja sends a bunch of cops, DUKES OF HAZZARD-style, right into the water hazards.

Perhaps a missed opportunity for a "mulligan" related one-liner.

He takes out a helicopter with the cold-blooded deftness of Jaws the Shark:

and I daresay nearly succeeds in killing every cop in Arizona

before succumbing to his own injuries after an extended, slo-mo BONNIE AND CLYDE-style bloodbath.  So now the evil ninja is dead.  ...Or is he?

Cut to:  Lucinda Dickey––alluring, breakout star of BREAKIN' and BREAKIN' 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO.  She's listening to knock-off Pat Benatar and repairing a power line.   

She works full-time for the city as a line installer, but she also works part-time as an aerobics instructor:

Needless to say, she's an industrious young woman.  Anyway, she climbs down and finds herself face-to-face with a ninja.  Yes––the same wounded, evil ninja as before: the cops did not do their due diligence re: confirming the deadness of the evil ninja corpse.  After a supernatural eye-lock, the ninja imbues her with his consciousness––using the power of his magic ninja sword––before he dies "kind of for real this time."


Lucinda Dickey: now adding "part-time evil ninja" to the the resume.

If this feels like a lot of exposition,  I might remind you that we're only thirteen minutes into the film.

While filing her statement at the police station, she meets flirtatious, candy-snackin' cop Billy Second  (Jordan Bennett):

He offers her lukewarm, half-drank Coke as a come-on, to which she responds with the classic line: "I don't use soft drinks."

This is the sort of Cannon greatness we've been led to expect from  Mssrs. Golan and Globus, and it's beautifully rendered.  On the whole, this might be the most "Cannon" Cannon Film ever made.  It truly has it all.  Speaking of which––

"Make it burn!"

Aerobicise nearly turns to aerobicide when Lucinda Dickey is jumped in the alley during her post-workout cooldown by a gang of DEATH WISH 3-style, racially integrated rapists

who, inexplicably, decide to make their move in front of a crowd of forty people, including the off-duty cop Billy Second who does not interfere.  Luckily, Lucinda Dickey kicks them in the dick (and does her own stunts) using jazzercise and gymnastic moves. 

Eventually, among the halls of history and in the annals of English language, "Lucinda Dickey kicks them in the dick" will receive its proper due as a quintessential turn of phrase.

One of the miscreants ends up sailing through the air into a dumpster; others are comically knocked out by an oversized metal pole.  NINJA III, ladies and gentlemen.

For some reason, she still ends up going out on a date with Billy the Cop, despite the fact that he didn't help defend her against the rapists, and he furthermore insinuates that she might get charged with assault for kicking their asses.

One thing leads to another, as they do, and she ends up seducing him at her apartment by pouring V8 Juice all over her body in perhaps the least sexy seduction since the "Beguiling Corn Maneuver" from TROLL 2:


I can't decide whether this is:
A. The worst advertisement for V8 Juice ever committed to film
B. An ill-advised homage to the FLASHDANCE "bucket of water" scene, or
C. An earnest attempt to merge food and lovemaking that's a little more IN THE REALM OF THE SENSES than 9 1/2 WEEKS.

In any event, it is humorous and macabre in equal measure, and indeed demonstrates the veracity of her previous statement: "I don't use soft drinks."

Shortly thereafter, she wanders into her ninja-haunted closet and has an encounter with the floating magic ninja sword


in a sequence designed to remind us about the ninja possession plotline.  Apparently, she is not yet "fully possessed," however, as soon enough she has an experience that defies worldly explanation.  In her apartment, Lucinda has a full, arcade-sized machine for "BOUNCER," a rarely-seen TAPPER-style bar game.

In the witching hour, the BOUNCER machine comes alive with supernatural chittering
and blasts fog-machine fog.

It proceeds to shoot a Pink Floyd laser-lite-show directly at her face

and therefore completes the ninja possession.  I don't fully understand this, and I don't think we're meant to.  It marks the only time (as far as I know) in film history that an undead ninja has completed the demonic possession of an aerobics instructor by commandeering the prototype of an unreleased arcade game and using it to shoot fog and lasers at her face.  If you don't believe me, you can see it all here for yourself:

Now she is "full ninja" and no longer in control of her actions.  It took three possessions (the eye-lock, the floating sword, and the arcade lasers) for it to "take," I suppose.  She begins killing the evil ninja's enemies, and in case there was any doubt, she squeezes a billiard ball to death with her hands.

A missed opportunity for a one-liner like, "I'm calling it––your face in the corner pocket!"

She has no memory of these episodes but Billy becomes convinced that something weird is going on, insisting (no joke) that they might be about to enlist the help of "an officer from the Asiatic division." There's a wonderful moment when a medical professional says, via stilted line delivery:

"Dr. Bowen, the psychiatrist you saw, says there's nothing out of the ordinary aside from your excellent extra-sensory perception and your preoccupation with Japanese culture." 

Er...whaat?!  Though it explains a lot that, in the NINJA III universe, ESP is a standard, naturally-occurring phenomenon.

Also, Sho Kosugi shows up–– he has a score to settle with the evil ninja.  He wears an eyepatch with a suspicious hole in it.

It's almost as if Sho Kosugi didn't want to film an entire ninja movie with compromised depth perception.  (So why didn't they just lose the eyepatch?)

Also, just like in Sho Kosugi movies REVENGE OF THE NINJA and BLIND FURY, there is a ninja attack in a hot tub.  Three films officially makes it a ninja film "trope."
So Lucinda traipses into the jacuzzi and murders some guy and two Miller High Life-swilling floozies with a poisoned pearl ring.


Not really a reason for this.  Ninja hot tub, everybody.

Several events occur after the ninja hot tub, including but not limited to:

BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA's James Hong, wearing a repulsive fake wart and performing a ninja exorcism:


"This beats the ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW."  ––an actual line of dialogue

A glowing, possessed ninja closet blowing unearthly winds and spouting hell-fog, just as in the denouement of POLTERGEIST:



Sho Kosugi spouting the classic line, "Only a ninja can kill a ninja" and kickin' butt while wearing a futuristic sweater that looks like the PAC MAN screen––only without Pac Man, the ghosts, or the pellets:

The reveal that there exists a Ninja Academy, in the middle of nowhere, somewhere outside of Phoenix:

Now accepting applications

The evil ninja's soul escaping Lucinda Dickey and becoming a spirit of pure evil-ninja-energy:

In case you ever needed a visual reference for "pure evil-ninja-energy."

And the evil ninja becoming a full-on zombie ninja and battling Sho Kosugi.  This leads directly to the conclusion of the film which is ridiculous even by Cannon Film's lofty standards. The defeated zombie ninja spins like a top, faster and faster and faster,





drilling himself into the mantle of the earth, where he, quite literally, transforms into an earthquake.


I'm speechless, too, Sho.

In conclusion, I can now say I have witnessed a ninja exorcism.  Pass the V8.  Five stars.