Film Review: BLACK MOON RISING (1986, Harley Cokliss)

Stars: 4 of 5.
Running Time: 100 minutes.
Tag-line: "From the mind of John Carpenter comes the towering adventure that thunders across Los Angeles and explodes 30 stories above it!"
Notable Cast or Crew: Tommy Lee Jones, Linda Hamilton, William Sanderson (DEADWOOD, BLADE RUNNER), Don Keith Opper (CRITTERS), Keenan Wynn (ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST), Robert Vaughn (THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN), Bubba Smith (STROKER ACE, POLICE ACADEMY), Richard Jaeckel (DAY OF THE ANIMALS, THE DIRTY DOZEN, and his character's name here is "Earl Windom"– sound familiar, TWIN PEAKS fans?), Nick Cassavetes (FACE/OFF). Music by Lalo Schifrin, written and produced by John Carpenter.
Special note: Despite the video cover saying 'Cannon Films' this was actually a New World Picture, distributed in England on video by Cannon, so it's not actually a Cannon Film.


BLACK MOON RISING is a high-tech thrill ride.




And by that I mean it has lots of lasers, red and black binders, wood paneling, key cards, tinted windows, exclusive parking decks, terminals showing green text on black, and did I mention 'super cars.' The 80's was probably the decade where regular people had the biggest interest in 'super cars.'

And I use the term pretty broadly to reference pretty much everything from KNIGHT RIDER to BACK TO THE FUTURE to BUCKAROO BANZAI to THE WRAITH. I gotta say BLACK MOON RISING's super car, the "Black Moon," kinda comes across as phoning it in. It looks pretty schweet, but I'm not even exactly sure what made it "super." I guess it ran on alternative fuels or something.

Anyway, this film comes courtesy of writer/producer John Carpenter, and frequently has the feel of perhaps a TV pilot based on the Snake Plissken robbery/arrest deleted scene from ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK. But, lucky for us, even Carpenter's outtakes and off days are still better than average, so we get a pretty solid flick. We got Lalo Schifrin trying his best to emulate a Carpenter soundtrack (as John was too busy with BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA); Linda Hamilton in some gigantic, crazy wigs;

a perpetually grizzled Tommy Lee Jones as our asshole hero;


the line "I'm gettin' too old for this;" Bubba Smith (POLICE ACADEMY, STROKER ACE) rocking out a mind-blowing 'stache and exuding badassery;

an obligatory spaghetti western style beating of our hero; and awesome bit parts by William Sanderson (BLADE RUNNER), Don Keith Opper (CRITTERS series), douchebag corporate villain Robert Vaughn (THE DELTA FORCE)
and bushy-'stached Keenan Wynn (POINT BLANK).

So it all adds up to yet another enjoyable film from post-Corman New World Pictures (who in the 80's brought us HOUSE, THE STUFF, HEATHERS, HELL COMES TO FROGTOWN, DEAD HEAT, and scads of others). So, in the name of all things high-tech, I must C:\BLACK MOON RISING> assign '4 Stars'... or something like that.

-Sean Gill

Film Review: BLADE RUNNER (1982, Ridley Scott)

Stars: 5 of 5.
Running Time: 117 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Harrison Ford, Sean Young, Rutger Hauer, Daryl Hannah, M. Emmet Walsh (MISSING IN ACTION, BLOOD SIMPLE), Edward James Olmos, Joe Turkel (the Bartender in THE SHINING), James Hong (BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA), Brion James (HOUSE III), William Sanderson (DEADWOOD), Joanna Cassidy (THE OUTFIT) . Cinematography by Jordan Cronenweth, music by Vangelis. Based on the novel DO ANDROIDS DREAM OF ELECTRIC SHEEP? by Philip K. Dick.
Tag-lines: "Man Has Made His Match... Now It's HIS Problem!" Wow.
Best one-liner: "Wake up, time to die!" (often and enthusiastically quoted by Abel Ferrara on his commentary track for THE DRILLER KILLER)
Schlitz Sign Sightings: 2

On a TV, BLADE RUNNER's an essential film; on the big screen, it's a revelation. From the ominous opening tones and expository scroll to the first shots of fireballs bursting forth from futuristic smokestacks, the viewer is immediately aware that they're about to embark on something enrapturing, exceedingly rare, and immaculately crafted.

Director Ridley Scott, cinematographer Jordan Cronenweth (ROLLING THUNDER, ALTERED STATES CUTTER'S WAY), special effects artist Douglas Trumbull (2001, CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND), and production designer Lawrence G. Paull (BACK TO THE FUTURE) merge their talents to create a moody, jaw-dropping, futuristic atmosphere, the likes of which hadn't been seen since METROPOLIS and will likely be never seen again, so long as Hollywood clings to its CGI like a cured fool to his needless crutch.

Though not following his work to the letter, the film wonderfully replicates the Philip K. Dick 'aura'- a world of confusion, filth, wonderment, paranoia, disquiet, and mystery. A smoky Middle-Eastern nightclub with shades of PEPE LE MOKO; an icy laboratory where eyeballs are fashioned from bubbling, frigid vats; a dark, rain-soaked alley, intermittently lit by neon and the flashing headlamps of police spinners;

a sooty, decaying space, full of mannequins, robots, and incessantly chortling mechanical toys; a musty, shadowy, Frank Lloyd Wright-inspired apartment

where Harrison Ford's Deckard pours bottle after bottle of stinging hooch down his throat– the sheer creativity and perfect realization of these places leaves them etched upon your mind, long after the film has finished. Combined with an ethereal Vangelis score, one sits, transfixed and with mouth agape, as one might while experiencing one of the great cathedrals.

Violence is handled with firm-handed Dickian weight: visceral and distressing, full of shrieks and spasms and existential dread. The acting is superb: Sean Young's art deco naivete, Brion James' detached brutality, Rutger Hauer's unsettling perfection, James Hong's yammering hermit, Joe Turkel's thick-lensed mogul, Edward James Olmos' craggy visage, William Sanderson’s sweet gullibility,

Daryl Hannah's raccoon-eyed urchin, and M. Emmet Walsh’s oily countenance all function to develop a colorful landscape of characters, remaining true to Dick's wider vision. Ultimately, Scott possesses a complete confidence in his material, and never second-guesses, never concedes a point, never gives in to showcasing some 'flavor of the month,’ and consequently has created a languid, timeless work of art.

-Sean Gill

Film Review: MISSING IN ACTION (1984, Joseph Zito)

Stars: 4 of 5.
Running Time: 101 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Director Joseph Zito (THE PROWLER, INVASION U.S.A.). Starring Chuck Norris, M. Emmet Walsh (CRITTERS, BLOOD SIMPLE), James Hong (BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA). William Sanderson (BLADE RUNNER, DEADWOOD) was supposed to play the M. Emmet Walsh part, but turned it down. Features an original song by Ice-T.
Tag-lines: "The war's not over until the last man comes home."
Best one-liner: "Damn right!"

First off, this is not a RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II (1985) rip-off. RAMBO (which had, literally, 20 times the budget) is a MISSING IN ACTION (1984) rip-off. (Well, unless you subscribe to the account that Cannon read Cameron's treatment for RAMBO and rushed MIA into production in order to preemptively rip it off. But who would believe that? Cannon is like the classiest company ever.) People loved MISSING IN ACTION, and it became Cannon's highest grossing endeavor.

Chuck ended up collaborating with his buddies at Cannon nine times over the course of the next ten years.

The magically jaw-dropping plot is this: Norris tags along on a diplomatic trip to Vietnam, just so he can sneak away and free some POWs that these godless commie bastards have been smugly keeping for no reason whatsoever, other than that they're just a vindictive, duplicitous race of people that don't deserve to shake your hand, not ever.

Chuck's Braddock is so audacious that he makes Rambo look like Casper Milquetoast. Rambo is tortured by his memories. Rambo cries. Braddock walks a straight line through this movie from start to freeze-frame finish. Never changes, never questions, never wavers.



But it's the little (Golan/Globus) touches that really make this work: Viet Cong bringing megaphones into battle so they can taunt American G.I.s, Norris karate kicking a TV, a man shot as he gives the thumbs-up, James Hong (Lo Pan in BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA) as a slimy villain who lowballs Braddock by saying HE's the war criminal, Ice T's techno (!) beats that play incessantly throughout all Bangkok scenes, a bulletproof dinghy, and crabby acting legend M. Emmet Walsh as Braddock's greasy old war buddy!

The film has a fairly odd sense of humor (or lack thereof), as well– situations normally played for laughs are presented in an odd, matter-of-fact manner. For example, Chuck's Thai cabbie (actually a Vietnamese assassin) tries to kill him, so Chuck strangles him and escapes the cab. Immediately thereafter, a Thai couple enters the cab and gives him an address. The camera lingers for a moment, and then we cut back to Chuck without any resolution, not even their discovery that their cabbie is dead. Typically, it would be a couple of over the top American tourists getting in the cab, saying some ludicrous one-liner, and then being surprised by his corpse, but here the sense is one of vague concern, as if 'Oh, well, I guess those people aren't going to get to their destination.'

Chuck tools around Saigon killing people, dressed in black- this may as well be a Cannon ninja movie.

His idea of negotiating is to aim a gun at you with a blank expression on his face. At a cocktail party he orders a beer, no glass, then insults some dignitaries. When he blows up the camp, we see the greatest explosions in Golan/Globus history (though, to be fair, I think it's one awesome explosion filmed from several different angles and shown repeatedly). Perhaps the coup de grace is Cannon working in a Thai hooker singing, basically a cappella (with minimal accordion accompaniment), Rod Stewart's "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?" Yeah, this is pretty terrific. Four stars.

[Side note: in his hotel, Norris watches a SPIDERMAN cartoon marathon, foreshadowing the ill-fated Cannon Spidey movie, designed to be helmed by MISSING IN ACTION director Joseph Zito.]

-Sean Gill

Film Review: DEATH HUNT (1981, Peter R. Hunt)

Stars: 3.7 of 5.
Running Time: 97 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Directed by Peter R. Hunt (editor of the first few James Bond films, director of ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE). Charles Bronson, Lee Marvin, Carl Weathers, Angie Dickinson, Andrew Stevens, Maury Chaykin (TWINS, THE ADJUSTER), William Sanderson (DEADWOOD, BLACK MOON RISING), Ed Lauter (TRUE ROMANCE).
Tag-lines: "The Saga Of Two Rivals Who Clash As Enemies And Triumph As Heroes."
Best one-liner: "That look on your face would turn good whiskey into sour piss."

DEATH HUNT is by no means one of Bronson's best, nor is it one of Lee's best. But it's a sharp little arctic thriller (that provided the blueprint for RAMBO) with an insane ensemble cast, and it makes good on most of its action flick promises, so here we are.

Our heroes are pro-animal rights hermit Bronson and anti-technology mountie Marvin, and, unfortunately, they're victims of circumstance, forced to battle one another due to a combo of injustice and bad luck. There's a lot goin' on here:

we got Carl Weathers layin' in bed with a gigantic hooker and sayin' "You want a piece of this buffalo woman?," Andrew Stevens (MUNCHIE, MUNCHIE STRIKES BACK) acting as the moral compass of the film, a skeezy William Sanderson (BLADE RUNNER) cackling and getting bear trap comeuppance, Ed Lauter (DEATH WISH 3) bein' an all-around dick, Angie Dickinson gettin' romanced by Lee after bein' smacked around by him in THE KILLERS,

1. Romance

2. Smarm

3. Awkwardness

and Egoyan fave Maury Chaykin sleazin' it up like it's his job, which it is. But this movie belongs to Lee and Chuck. Lee's an old drunk who excels at not giving a shit.

By this point, he also looks a bit like Andy Warhol, which is fairly disquieting.

He gets all the best lines, like "There ain't nothin' in the book says that fuckin's against the law!" Or "I ain't a sir, a mister, or a Grandpa- YOU GOT THAT?!" Of Bronson he says, "I gotta know him so good I gotta taste him!" ...WHUTTT?! (Well, I guess there's some context for that which I have not provided.)

Conversely, Bronson hardly talks at all.

Bronson feeds beef jerky to his new friend.

Again, like DEATH WISH II, he gets a one-word one-liner- "Welcome." BLAMM! I guess the big lesson here is: don't fuck with a man's cabin.

Bronson gets to take on a plane, NORTH BY NORTHWEST style. He does a lot of popping out of nowhere with shotguns blazing while his opponents look on, incredulously, because they were oh so sure he was dead.

Not sure what they expected, telling Bronson in the opening scene: "You ain't gonna be nothin' but a sack of guts!," but needless to say, every knucklehead that deserves it gets their just desserts. I think Jack London would be proud.

If you want to mess with Bronson, get used to this view.

Yeh, this is pretty solid. Nearly four stars.

-Sean Gill

Film Review: LONE WOLF MCQUADE (1983, Steve Carver)

Stars: 4 of 5.
Running Time: 107 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Chuck Norris, L.Q. Jones, David Carradine, William Sanderson, R.G. Armstrong, Robert Beltran
Tag-line: "When Norris meets Carradine all hell breaks loose!" AND "Chuck Norris is Lone Wolf McQuade. David Carradine is the man that got in his way." AND "The 'Mad Dog' Criminal...The 'Lone Wolf' Lawman...The Ultimate Showdown."
Best exchange: Too many to pick just one. We'll go with: "I've been real busy." "Oh boy, same old trouble, huh?" "...My kind of trouble doesn't take vacations."

A lot of what I have to say about LONE WOLF MCQUADE can be summed by the following:

"It may be a game to you, Falco, but if I find out you're playing, I'm gonna have your little ass!"

By the way, that line was delivered to a little person crime boss who's about to be taken down a notch...


Anyway. Outside of DELTA FORCE, it's very, very rarely that we see Chuck co-starring with anybody worth a damn. I don't know if it's because he's an egoist who doesn't want to play second-fiddle to anybody, if he refuses to play the villain, or if no A-lister will appear in a film with him, but I guess it doesn't matter. Cause here he costars with David Carradine. More on that in a minute. This movie succeeds because its action traditions draw on a whole lot more than just martial arts. The opening credits and first scene are classic Sergio Leone spaghetti western. They even use Leone's favorite font. And the music: to say it's a Morricone rip-off would be generous. It's Morricone carbon copy. The romantic theme is 'Jill's Theme' from ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST with one note changed. Well, it doesn't matter. This is a good thing. The middle of the movie is classic Peckinpah. Modern-day Western, with plenty of bullets flying. We even got Peckinpah regular L.Q. Jones. The end of the movie is an assault on a compound that is pure RAMBO. Norris even puts on a red bandana. But then we get to the meat of the movie. The Western Kung Fu. And who to give it greater legitimacy than the man who first embodied it, David Carradine? Carradine, as always, is amazing. And the final duel between him and Norris can't even be sullied by Carradine's bizarre choice to wear a blue-and-gold-diamond 80's sweater.

And then as if to cement the film's repute, both men refused to use stunt doubles! The film's edited by Abel Ferrara regular Anthony Redman, it's got Norris getting buried alive and pouring beer on his head and chugging it before escaping; and it's got a romantic scene with Norris, a hose, and a lot of mud.

What's not to like? One of the strongest Norris films. I know you don't like attachments, Chuck, but here's four stars.

-Sean Gill