Television Review: ROADRACERS (1994, Robert Rodriguez)

Stars: 4 of 5.
Running Time: 95 minutes.
Tag-line: "Rent all the action!"
Notable Cast or Crew: David Arquette (EIGHT-LEGGED FREAKS, SCREAM), John Hawkes (DEADWOOD, FROM DUSK TILL DAWN), Salma Hayek (DESPERADO, FRIDA), Jason Wiles (KICKING AND SCREAMING, THE STEPFATHER '09), William Sadler (BILL & TED'S BOGUS JOURNEY, DIE HARD 2, THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION, THE MIST), Kevin McCarthy (INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS, INNERSPACE), Mark Lowenthal ("Walter Neff" the insurance salesman on TWIN PEAKS, SCENES FROM THE CLASS STRUGGLE IN BEVERLY HILLS). Co-written by Robert Rodriguez and Tommy Nix (a Rodriguez crony who appears as himself here, and has cameos in DESPERADO, SIN CITY, PLANET TERROR, etc.).
Best One-liner: "Little dab'll do ya."

In the mid-90s, Debra Hill (HALLOWEEN, THE FOG), William Kutner, and Lou Arkoff (son of the legendary Samuel Z.) produced ten made-for-TV movies for Showtime, each intending to pay homage to 50's and 60's American International pictures, the kind of teensploitation populated by greasers, good girls gone bad, rock n' roll bands, biker gangs, and other sorts of juvenile delinquents. The directors were given $1.3 million and twelve days to shoot their work with a minimum of studio interference. I've seen all ten of these now, and they definitely vary wildly in quality––there are highs like SHAKE, RATTLE, AND ROCK! (Allan Arkush's prequel to ROCK N' ROLL HIGH SCHOOL) and RUNAWAY DAUGHTERS (some Joe Dante silliness that sort of functions as a HOWLING reunion), lows like COOL AND THE CRAZY (Ralph Bakshi tries live-action while Jared Leto tries very hard to be simultaneously "cool" and "crazy" while achieving neither), and oddities like JAILBREAKERS (William Friedkin directs Adrienne Barbeau and Shannen Doherty in a 'cheerleader-gone-bad' tale?!). Of all of these films, I must say that the best of them is probably ROADRACERS, by then-up-and-coming action maverick Robert Rodriguez.

Rodriguez, fresh off of his debut (EL MARIACHI), strives for what none of the REBEL HIGHWAY veterans does: he injects his episode with style. It's legitimately cool, in a rockabilly Jean-Luc Godard, Jim Jarmusch-in-a-leather-jacket kind of way.

(Come to think of it, why didn't they ask Jarmusch to do one of these?  Or John Waters?)

Squealin' rockabilly saxophone works wonders

As a REBEL HIGHWAY episode, ROADRACERS is unique in almost every aspect. The plot is very free-form, nearly Linklater-esque, and Rodriguez meanders between the scenes, ideas, and locales (diners, gas stations, clubs, movie theaters, etc.) that most fascinate him. I suppose, abstractly, it's a film about musicians and dreams, though it's also about teen love and impulse, rural malaise and the thrill of escape, small-town weirdness and bloody revenge. In the latter two respects, it has an almost Lynchian specificity, helped along by the fact that the characters are idiosyncratic and feel very "lived-in."
 
Take David Arquette's sassy bad-boy greaser, for instance––a little more bizarre and nihilistic than your traditional lead, the character's not particularly likable, but he's unpredictable, and always compelling. Oddly, he's a little more Jean-Paul Belmondo than James Dean.

In a scene of typically gleeful Rodriguez excess, David Arquette piles some pomade in his hair that looks more like ectoplasm, or the xenomorph Queen's saliva:




Then there's John Hawkes as Arquette's sidekick/Sal Mineo, a character who gives a poignant diner monologue about a school of philosophy best described as "French Fry Existentialism."

ROADRACERS ain't playin' it safe, pally!

Or observe William Sadler's vicious small-town cop (who still lives with his mother), introduced while giving a monologue (to Mark Lowenthal, a TWIN PEAKS bit player) about pigs-in-a-blanket:




It's fuckin' creepy, and really sets a tone. Whether he's doing sinister, naked tai chi, taking on Bill & Ted at Twister, or murdering the exonerated for The Cryptkeeper's amusement, Sadler is one of the great cinematic villains.

We also have Jason Wiles as an antagonistic, "Do you know who my father is?!" sort of small-town brat.

I really enjoyed him as a lovable goofus in Noah Baumbach's KICKING AND SCREAMING, so it was especially fun to see him here dripping ominous n' whiny sleaze.

Salma Hayek, in her American debut, is given a bit of a short shrift; ostensibly she's here to be Arquette's love interest, though she gives the character quite a bit of weight in a relatively small amount of screentime.

Additionally, she's the only Latina (with adoptive white parents) in this entire backwater town, and consequently there are a number of opportunities for piercing social commentary and Sirk-style melodrama, and while the film briefly explores these, we're left with the feeling that most of it was left on the cutting room floor.

In any event, it was enough to snag her the lead in DESPERADO, so there's that.

Ultimately, Rodriguez, working within The System for the first time, does manage to make the film his own. There are Mexican stand-offs with switchblades:

a drag race, puncutated by the surreal imagery of a woman's hair on fire:

a cameo by Kevin McCarthy (I wonder why he didn't pop up in Rodriguez's INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS/THE THING/SCREAM mash-up, THE FACULTY?) appearing as a fourth-wall-breaking theater-goer during a screening of INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS:

You're next?

and finally, in the manic, LOST HIGHWAY-prefiguring conclusion, we reach peak levels of cheerful Rodriguez nihilism. I like to image that Arquette drives straight out of this movie and into RIDING THE BULLET.

All in all, I really enjoyed this thing, and additionally got a big kick out of the DVD's cover art, which pretends that all of this is somehow a missing chapter of SIN CITY (?!):

I wholeheartedly recommend. (Also, check out J.D.'s illuminating review over at Radiator Heaven!)

–Sean Gill

Only now does it occur to me... PROJECT X

Only now does it occur to me...  that even the presence of two legendary character actors known for playing some of the best assholes of the 80s can't save PROJECT X from the inwardly collapsing force of its own Lite Spielberg schmaltzitude.

The first character actor in question is Jonathan Stark, whose turn as Chris Sarandon's bullying sidekick in FRIGHT NIGHT cemented his status as one of the premiere dicks of the 80s.

Here, he's not all that villainous, per sé, but he's got this high-school bully expression plastered on his face at all times,

one that almost insinuates you're playing right into his hands with every word you say; as if the existence of everyone around him is merely an amusing set-up to a punchline he will eventually deliver.

He also gets bonus points for at one point winking and giving the air gun/'chk-chk' of approval to a chimpanzee.

The second is William Sadler (DIE HARD 2, HARD TO KILL, BILL & TED'S BOGUS JOURNEY) who is very disapproving of Matthew Broderick

 
and generally plays the stereotype of the unfeeling 80s scientist who would rather chase a chimp with a cattle prod than let Helen Hunt snuggle it out and teach it sign language.

William Sadler: over it.

And yeah, that's where the main issue is: this movie is not really about 80s bullies or evil scientists, it's more of a (well-intentioned) pro-animal rights fusion of E.T. and TOP GUN, but with little of the kitsch value that would imply.  I didn't hate it, but even these character actor favorites and an opening song called "Shock the Monkey" by Peter Gabriel couldn't penetrate the self-serious attitude.  Perhaps I'd feel differently if I'd seen this as a kid and not waited till 2014?  Still: nice work, Sadler & Stark!

Only now does it occur to me... IRON MAN 3

Only now does it occur to me...  that in the new Marvel universe, political gain is directly linked to TALES FROM THE CRYPT seniority.  How else would you explain that the positions of President and Vice-President are occupied by the two actors who appeared in more TFTC's than any others?  That's right– we've got William Sadler (alumnus of 2 CRYPT episodes– including the pilot– and 2 CRYPT movies) as President:

and Miguel Ferrer (alumnus of 3 CRYPT eps) as Vice-President:

The only others who come close are Roy Brocksmith (3 CRYPT eps) who's deceased, and Cam Clarke (a usually uncredited voiceover actor on 3 CRYPT eps).

"Well now, Sean, doesn't that seem like a bit of a stretch to you, that a huge budget superhero movie in 2013 would give a damn about old Crypty?" is what you're probably thinking.  Well, allow me to remind you that this is a Shane Black film– and that his talented, criminally underused brother Terry Black wrote several episodes of HBO's TALES in addition to doing some dialogue work on its animated, kiddie companion series TALES FROM THE CRYPTKEEPER.

Anywho– as for the film– it's far, far better than IRON MAN 3 has any right to be, and it's awash with Shane Black touches, from cultural snark to smartass kids to ludicrously self-aware action setpieces.  Here's hoping he's earned himself enough Hollywood capital (with it's $1.2 billion worldwide gross) to make another KISS KISS BANG BANG, or something like it.

Film Review: TALES FROM THE CRYPT PRESENTS: DEMON KNIGHT (1995, Ernest R. Dickerson)

Stars: 4 of 5.

Running Time: 92 minutes.

Tag-line: "Ready for your deadtime story?"

Notable Cast or Crew:  John Kassir (The Cryptkeeper), William Sadler (DIE HARD 2: DIE HARDER, THE GREEN MILE, BILL & TED'S BOGUS JOURNEY), Billy Zane (TITANIC, TWIN PEAKS, BACK TO THE FUTURE), Jada Pinkett Smith (SCREAM 2, COLLATERAL), Brenda Bakke (L.A. CONFIDENTIAL, UNDER SIEGE 2), CCH Pounder (ER, AVATAR, ROBOCOP 3), Dick Miller (GREMLINS, THE TERMINATOR), Thomas Haden Church (WINGS, SIDEWAYS), Charles Fleischer (Roger Rabbit in WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT), Tim De Zarn (CABIN IN THE WOODS, FIGHT CLUB), John Schuck (STAR TREK IV: THE VOYAGE HOME, MCMILLAN & WIFE), John Larroquette (NIGHT COURT, THE TENTH KINGDOM).  Theme by Danny Elfman.  Produced by Walter Hill, Richard Donner, Robert Zemeckis, Joel Silver, A.L. Katz, Gilbert Adler.  Written by Mark Bishop (BEAT THE CYBORGS), Ethan Reiff & Cyrus Voris (BULLETPROOF MONK, KUNG FU PANDA, Ridley Scott's ROBIN HOOD).  Featuring one of those ludicrous and amazing 90s soundtracks including: Megadeth, Ministry, Pantera, Machine Head, Henry Rollins, and the Gravediggaz, among others.

Best One-liner:  "Now, that's INTERRORTAINMENT!"  Said by the Cryptkeeper.  It's such a stretch, I have to tip to my hat to it.

The first theatrical TALES FROM THE CRYPT feature (it was followed by the far inferior BORDELLO OF BLOOD in 1996 and RITUAL in 2002), DEMON KNIGHT is quite possibly one of the best supernatural horror flicks of the 90s.  Its story is driven by an epic demon mythos as spectacular as anything ever depicted on an Iron Maiden album cover: a fiendish hellspawn named "The Collector" (Billy Zane)

pursues the semi-immortal human drifter Brayker (William Sadler) across time and space in pursuit of an artifact: an ancient key, filled with holy power and Christ's diluted blood.

 I told you this was as good as an Iron Maiden album cover.

The Collector and his demonic minions already possess six of these seven keys that, incidentally, are capable of unlocking the cosmos on Hell's behalf– and Brayker is the final holdout.  He's not only the last hope for humanity, but he's the last hope for the universe.  They've certainly pulled out all the stops, and there's certainly nothing "small screen" about this film.

Did I mention that the diluted Christ-blood turns into liquid-laser demon-repelling force fields?  (Also, this same key has a "vampire artifact" cameo in BORDELLO OF BLOOD.)

DEMON KNIGHT was originally devised as a non-TALES FROM THE CRYPT-related work which would have been Tom Holland's follow-up to CHILD'S PLAY, but that plan tanked after the failure of FATAL BEAUTY (his Whoopi Goldberg-buddy-cop movie that I still defend as a masterpiece).  Like the magical talisman at the center of its own story, the movie changed hands several times, being passed off to PET SEMATARY's Mary Lambert, Full Moon Pictures' Charles Band, and PUMPKINHEAD's Mark Caducci before it landed in the lap of producer Joel Silver– one of the all-star team (that included Richard Donner, Walter Hill, and Robert Zemeckis) who brought TALES FROM THE CRYPT to HBO in the first place.  And so DEMON KNIGHT became TALES FROM THE CRYPT PRESENTS: DEMON KNIGHT, and the world became a better place, et cetera, et cetera.

Because it was the first TALES FROM THE CRYPT movie (and by that I mean, with HBO's Cryptkeeper and everything– there was already a British film that drew from the original EC comics back in 1972), the wraparound story involves The Cryptkeeper directing his first movie– naturally, also called DEMON KNIGHT.

He's gone full Cecil B. DeMille, with a riding crop and jodhpurs and all that, and this is a thing of beauty.  The only scene that he actively directs plays out like a parody of the worst TALES FROM THE CRYPT episodes, with a nude woman gloating after having murdered her husband, though it's not long before his decaying corpse comes after her in a meta-cliché of the typical CRYPT-ian just desserts.

Crypty calls "CUT!", unleashes some of his quintessential bon mot-infused verbal abuse,

and we see that put-upon actor playing the avenging corpse is none other than noted TV actor John Larroquette:

(See? I promised you some Larroquette!)

After suffering through some magnificent puns– as is our TALES FROM THE CRYPT ritual (or is that our 'Crypt'-ual?)– we're presented with our main story.  And after it's all over, we get a nice outro courtesy of Crypty, who's attending the premiere of the film we've just watched.  I will not spoil the full extent of the groan-slash-delight-inducing punnery

but suffice it to say that "Frights, camera, and action!" only begin to scratch the surface. 

But on to the actual film:

Basically, William Sadler's "Brayker" is pursued by Zane's "Collector" all the way to a Western flophouse, complete with a lot of colorful character archetypes including "the no-nonsense owner" (CCH Pounder):
 
 CCH Pounder- always a pro.

 "the 'rough around the edges' female mechanic" (Jada Pinkett Smith):
 
 Pictured here, the living embodiment of 1995.

 "the douchey bad boy" (Thomas Haden Church):

 Thomas Haden Church: not quite pulling off the Hawaiian shirt/mesh tank top combo.

"the drunk" (Dick Miller):
 
 If your movie does not feature a hobo-wine swilling Dick Miller, then, my friend: YOU DON'T HAVE A MOVIE.

  "the hooker" (Barbara Bakke), "the sad sack" (Charles Fleischer):
 
 Note that Charles Fleischer's sad sack sort of resembles Julia Sweeney's "Pat."

and "the kid" (Ryan O'Donohue).  Though first skeptical of Sadler, this motley crew finds themselves trapped inside as Zane's ravenous army of demons (which spring forth from his glo-stick colored blood) lay siege to the motel.

The film proper draws upon the great "characters trapped in a dingy Western structure" tradition that can probably be traced at least back to the 1936 classic, THE PETRIFIED FOREST.  (Said tradition has certainly not abated, with horror movies like FROM DUSK TILL DAWN and FEAST subsequently using the framework.)  DEMON KNIGHT also has an atmospheric, "bizarro Route 66" vibe that reminded me a bit of WILD AT HEART and THE HITCHER.

The SFX eschew CGI about 95% of the time, are wonderfully goopy, and the gore is as frequent and over-the-top as pretty much any movie I can possibly name.  Eyes are blasted out of sockets:



 orc-ish demon armies go on the prowl:
 
 hands reach through fleshy walls (á la NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET):

and bodies disintegrate and transform in ways (with killer tongues!) nearly worthy of Rob Bottin's work on THE THING:

NOM NOM NOM

I also can't tell you how awesome it is having William Sadler (TALES FROM THE CRYPT alumnus, and a guy who's made a career out of brilliantly portraying villains) as the good guy.

In an alternate universe, I hope that William Sadler's döppelganger has the success and cashflow of, say, a Harrison Ford or a Brad Pitt.  Here, he maintains the gravitas, likability, and badassery required of him and throws in plenty of character-work flourish, especially in flashbacks, like this one where he blows away the possessed forces of the Kaiser across the trenches of the Western Front:


(If I haven't sold you on this movie already, then you may be beyond help.  But you know what, I'm gonna raise you one... BILLY ZANE!)

Yes, the show-stealer here is the aforementioned Mr. Zane, whose shaved head and gleefully fey, simpering countenance command an Oscar-worthy performance (I'm sort of not even kidding).

WATCH Zane dancing a nutty Faustian tango by-way-of-90s-music-video with Jada Pinkett Smith!


 

SEE Zane tending bar as Hunter S. Thompson with a gaggle of naked women

 

in an attempt to win the soul of a bewildered and euphoric Dick Miller!

BEHOLD Zane LITERALLY PUNCHING HIS FIST THROUGH A MAN'S SKULL!

Eat yer heart out, Swayze in ROAD HOUSE!

Hot damn– this is the sort of excellence one could only dream of being in a TALES FROM THE CRYPT movie.  And I believe the unyielding brilliance of Zane's performance has inspired me to revisit/rediscover some major/minor 90s Zane.  THE PHANTOM, here I come!

–Sean Gill