Only now does it occur to me... HARPER (1966)

Only now does it occur to me... that I'd like to take (yet another) moment to celebrate Shelley Winters, whose latter-day career was often defined by playing "women unaware they are in a sham romance with the protagonist" (LOLITA, NIGHT OF THE HUNTER) and yet she rose above this by making exuberant and affirming and actualizing choices on screen. 

 Here, in HARPER––William Goldman's attempt at a mid-60s BIG SLEEP–– Winters plays a "wilted starlet" whom Paul Newman's private eye Lew Harper seduces (while pretending to be a superfan with a Texas accent). In relation to the other characters she is meant to be kooky and astrology-crazed. The film does its best to present her as comically undesirable, going as far as to show Paul Newman suffering fatigue while attempting to be nice to her. Shelley's revenge, however, has to be this dance montage where she tries out everything she learned from Debbie Reynolds (don't get me started on Shelley's legendary appearance in the Reynolds workout VHS called "DO IT DEBBIE'S WAY" where she does her best to sabotage the whole affair) and does a frantic Frug which culminates in her spilling her drink on Paul Newman.Well, just watch it:

A+!

Only now does it occur to me... MAGIC (1978)

Only now does it occur to me... that the following quote, in toto and free of context, should probably be on an inspirational poster:



"I have lived through Talullah Bankhead and the death of Vaudeville. I don't scare easy." 

Of course it helps that it's being recited by the inimitable Burgess Meredith to a young Anthony Hopkins, who at this moment is clutching a terrifying ventriloquist's dummy. Amen.

Only now does it occur to me... MAVERICK

Only now does it occur to me... that MAVERICK is a real "Donner Party."  By that, I don't mean that it involves cannibalism, torture, or Mel Gibson Jesus-poses,

Though if this isn't in his contract, I'll eat my hat.

instead I mean that its director, Richard Donner, has packed the film with actors and references from other "Donner" films.

Obviously, it stars Mel Gibson (of 4 Donner LETHAL WEAPONS and a CONSPIRACY THEORY), but there's plenty more where that came from.

Margot Kidder (Donner's SUPERMAN 1 & 2, he also produced her appearances in TALES FROM THE CRYPT and DELIRIOUS) shows up as a grouchy spinster obsessed with a stolen wedding dress:

Alfred Molina (Donner's LADYHAWKE) appears as a recurring villain and instrument of Gibson-torture:

Stephen Kahan ("Captain Murphy" from all 4 LETHAL WEAPONS, but also appeared in Donner's SUPERMAN, INSIDE MOVES, THE TOY, SCROOGED, CONSPIRACY THEORY, 16 BLOCKS, RADIO FLYER, TIMELINE and a few TALES FROM THE CRYPTs) plays a riverboat card dealer, who shares an unusual interaction with Mel Gibson, whereupon he congratulates him on his win (with familiarity), and takes the chair with him as he stands, prompting Mel to nearly crack up.

Then, for the piéce de résistance:  Mel Gibson and Geoffrey Lewis are shootin' the shit inside a bank when three robbers bust in to relieve them of their wallets and blow the safe.  The lead robber piques Mel Gibson's interest and there is a note of recognition.

 

He pulls down the robber's bandana to reveal Murtaugh himself, Danny Glover:

And to the strains of the LETHAL WEAPON theme, they share a moment, then decide––nahh, this ridiculous.  Glover goes on his way, revealing the rest of his gang:

Corey Feldman (of Donner's THE GOONIES, and the Donner-produced THE LOST BOYS and BORDELLO OF BLOOD), country musician Hal Ketchum, and apparently transportation coordinator John M. Woodward, who coordinated such on LETHAL WEAPONS 2-4, CONSPIRACY THEORY, and TIMELINE.  I think that qualifies as a Donner Party!

Oh yeah, and even in the Wild West, Danny Glover is getting...

...too old for this shit.

BONUS QUIZ:  Can you identify which of the following pictures are screen captures from MAVERICK (featuring the lush cinematography of Vilmos Zsigmond), and which are Western Americana picture postcards?

A.

B.

C.

D.

E.

It's a cheap trick question––they're all screen captures from MAVERICK!

PS––and apparently, the brilliant Linda Hunt (THE YEAR OF LIVING DANGEROUSLY, THE BOSTONIANS, KINDERGARTEN COP) and my fave glam rocker Alice Cooper had their scenes deleted (damn!) as "The Magician" and "The Town Drunk," respectively.

Only now does it occur to me... THE PRINCESS BRIDE!

Only now does it occur to me... that Chris Sarandon's majestic dickery in THE PRINCESS BRIDE is nearly as impressive as it is in FRIGHT NIGHT.

Devotees of this site may recall my ode to the exquisite douchery of Chris Sarandon in FRIGHT NIGHT, and my repeated pleas that he be enshrined as a national treasure. It had been a decade at least since I'd last viewed THE PRINCESS BRIDE, and have to say that Sarandon's condescending, self-important portrayal of Prince Humperdinck ranks with the decade's douchiest villains.

And he's even got a fantastic sidekick in dickery (a side-dick, if you will), just as in FRIGHT NIGHT.
















Note crown.

Where before we had the inimitable Jonathan Stark, now we have Christopher Guest as the six-fingered, cruelly ridiculous, and ridiculously cruel Count Rugen.

Together, they're droppin' a Douchebomb on the Kingdom of Florin, and not even Cary Elwes may survive. It's a wonderful pair of absurd performances in a movie populated with potentially overshadowing attention-getters like Billy Crystal & Carol Kane in gnome makeup; a swashbuckling, scarred, Spanish-accented Mandy Patinkin; and Andre the goddamned Giant.

I salute you, Chris Sarandon and Christopher Guest, may your achievements live long in the beloved annals of cinematic bastardry.