Only now does it occur to me... THE GOLDEN CHILD (1986)

Only now does it occur to me... that John Carpenter and THE GOLDEN CHILD share a curious history. Apparently, the script to THE GOLDEN CHILD––a fantasy/action/comedy rooted in surreal distortions of Chinese/Tibetan mythology/mysticism––was first offered to John Carpenter to direct as a film starring Mel Gibson. Carpenter declined, because he much preferred the script to a different fantasy/action/comedy rooted in surreal distortions of Chinese mythology/mysticism called BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA. He even expedited the production schedule of his own film so that it wouldn't compete with the much larger production, which by then had transformed into an Eddie Murphy vehicle directed by Michael Ritchie (PRIME CUT, THE BAD NEWS BEARS). When the dust settled, BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA had grossed $11 million and THE GOLDEN CHILD, $80 million, which apparently was demoralizing to Carpenter. However, I must note that while the cult appeal of Carpenter's film has endured, THE GOLDEN CHILD exists mainly as a footnote in Eddie Murphy's filmography (and for fairly good reason).

While I freely admit my own pro-Carpenter bias, I think it's fairly clear that Carpenter's film approaches its subject material with a greater (albeit absurd) sense of sincerity. It's a nearly timeless, well-choreographed, crackerjack throwback to the cinema of Howard Hawks, whereas THE GOLDEN CHILD feels more like a generic '80s flavor of the week. BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA outshines it in action, pacing, and comedy; Ritchie's film is neither particularly funny nor exciting. However, that's not to say that there's nothing of value here for genre fans––there are a few interesting elements at play.

#1. Practically half the cast of BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA is in THE GOLDEN CHILD. We have Victor Wong ("Egg Shen" in BTILC):

Peter Kwong ("Rain" in BTILC)

and perennial "that guy" actor James Hong ("David Lo Pan" in BTILC)

in roles that are amusing, but substantially more bland than their work with Carpenter.

#2. Ray Harryhausen-style creatures, like a snake woman who recalls Medusa in CLASH OF THE TITANS:

and this little Pepsi can man, who dances to "Puttin' on the Ritz" to the amusement of Randall "Tex" Cobb:



Alright, maybe that alone is worth the price of admission.

#3. There's a bizarre, semi-music video sequence (not pictured) whereupon Eddie Murphy beats up a bunch of bikers listening to "Body Talk" by Ratt, while (contractually-obligated?) images of Ratt's music video intercut the scene. Okay, sure.

#4. Charles Dance. Best known to modern audiences as Tywin Lannister on GAME OF THRONES (and to '90s kids as Benedict in LAST ACTION HERO), Dance is one of the best, most subtle "villain" character actors working today.

As a GAME OF THRONES fan, I must say that it is bizarre to see Tywin Lannister, in the dead of winter, striding into a throne room like he owns the place.


He's later revealed to be a shapeshifting madman who ultimately transforms into a hell-demon like something out of ARMY OF DARKNESS.


Which is fine! It's not quite enough to make this a particularly memorable movie, but it's fine, and certainly plays to my interests on the character actor/hell-demon continuum.

Film Review: BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA (1986, John Carpenter)

Stars: 5 of 5.
Running Time: 99 minutes.
Tag-line: "Adventure doesn't come any bigger!"
Notable Cast or Crew: Written by Gary Goldman (TOTAL RECALL, NAVY SEALS) & David Z. Weinstein, and transformed and adapted by W.D. Richter (HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS, INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS '78). Starring Kurt Russell, Kim Cattrall, Dennis Dun (YEAR OF THE DRAGON, THE LAST EMPEROR), James Hong (BLADE RUNNER, CHINATOWN), Victor Wong (TREMORS, 3 NINJAS), Kate Burton (THE ICE STORM, UNFAITHFUL), Donald Li (ONE CRAZY SUMMER, MEMOIRS OF AN INVISIBLE MAN), Carter Wong (HARDCASE AND FIST, COUNTDOWN TO KUNG FU), Peter Kwong (GLEAMING THE CUBE, BRAIN SMASHER- A LOVE STORY), James Pax (INVASION U.S.A., KINJITE: FORBIDDEN SUBJECTS), Al Leong (the ubiquitous henchman from everything). Cinematography by Dean Cundey (THE THING, BACK TO THE FUTURE, JURASSIC PARK, D.C. CAB).
Best one-liner: "This is gonna take crackerjack timing, Wang."

"Son of a bitch must pay!" John Carpenter was on a serious hot streak in the 1980's- his output (THE THING, ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, THEY LIVE, et al.), in my opinion, stands tall alongside a decade's worth of work from any comparable director. I've no idea why, but very few post-1970 filmmakers saw it fit to take up the mantle of Howard Hawks- delivering action-packed, immaculately constructed character-driven films for men's men (and where the ladies pulled no punches, either)... but John Carpenter was one of 'em (Walter Hill being a notable other), and, consequently, BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA is a goddamned blast. It's all about sliding down a fireman's pole and ending up in the ancient Chinese underworld:

It's about that brief, ecstatic feeling of invulnerability after swigging the contents of the six-demon bag:

It's about roaring down the highway in the Freightliner called the Pork Chop Express, delivering lovably pompous CB radio monologues to no one in particular, and chomping from a ham sammy that’s bigger’n yer head.

It's about THIS:




But, in the end, it's mostly about this:

In short, it’s about the exhilaration of being ALIVE in a world of unfathomable mystery. “Have ya paid your dues, Jack?– Yessir, the check is in the mail.” Unfortunately, the studio didn't know how to market this kooky hodgepodge of kung fu, sorcery, cockiness, and rapid-fire banter, and it resulted in commercial failure (and Carpenter wishing to abandon the world of high pressure and even higher budgets). Lucky for us all, BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA received a new lease on life on videocassette, and, for the initiated, remains a beloved cult hit.

It succeeds for me because it never feels the need to go "wink and nod," to establish itself as 'above' its material. Clearly Carpy loves this shit, full-tilt: kung fu, Hawks, John Wayne, all of it. And in transmitting the spirit of films past, he never loses the boyish excitement which drew him to them in the first place. Who has any use for a kung fu 'spoof' in a world where BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA exists? The fun Carpenter is having is genuine, and it is infectious. I may even go as far as to say that it may be the greatest "beer, pizza, and friends" film ever made. [Carpenter even goes further in showing the hell of a time he's having by having the Coupe de Villes (a band comprised of he and his filmmaking buddies Tommy Lee Wallace and Nick Castle) jam over the end credits with the balls-to-the-wall musical brilliance that is "Big Trouble (in Little China)," which may very well be the subject of a forthcoming music review.]





With a sleek, sharp, and funny script courtesy of eclectic screenwriting maestro W.D. Richter (adapted and updated from the screenplay to a Western by Gary Goldman and David Z. Weinstein) and lighthearted, old Hollywood-style direction from Carpy, Kurt Russell is free to step in and create a larger-than-life character (Jack Burton) who’s as ineffectual as he is badass; as impotent as he is lovable.

He’s John Wayne for an era where posturing and pretense mean everything, but when it comes to ACTION, – um, uh...what? Watch Russell as his faux-macho persona comes to grips with his initial inability to work a gun- and the subtle glimmer of panic in his eyes as he blasts his first henchman.

He's a runaway train of swagger, guts, and bluster who generally serves as a massive distraction while his "sidekick" (Dennis Dun's Wang Chi) actually gets shit done. Many have posited that though he's the main character, Jack Burton is actually Wang Chi's sidekick, which isn't a stretch of the imagination by any means. But you never tire of Russell's manically youthful cackle, or his proclivity toward moaning "Awwwwww, CHRIST!"

I love this movie. I love 80’s lightning effects.

I love the fact that the millennia-old Lo Pan’s demonic lair is totally decked out in neon and escalators.


I love the walleyed, hunchback'd, limpin', Chewbacca-lookin' creature who kidnaps Kim Cattrall.




I love the gangs who have apparently escaped from the set of a Golan-Globus flick.


I love the likably off-kilter performance of Victor Wong, who maintains dignity and authority in the midst of laser beams, slapstick, and rubbery varmints.


I love Jack Burton's ill-conceived act of subterfuge which allows us one final glimpse of Russell's charlatan, "Rudy Russo" from USED CARS.


I love the inventive, pre-CGI monsters

and the man who gets so pissed off, he literally explodes.

But ultimately, it’s the bonds of friendship, tempered by experience (“We really shook the pillars of heaven, didn’t we, Wang?”), that are the measure of the human experience.


I know Hawks would be proud.

-Sean Gill

Junta Juleil's Summer '10 Movie Series
1. HELL IN THE PACIFIC (1968, John Boorman)
2. KUFFS (1992, Bruce A. Evans)
3. THE OUTFIT (1973, John Flynn)

4. FOR Y'UR HEIGHT ONLY (1981, Eddie Nicart)

5. A*P*E (1976, Paul Leder)

6. BLIND FURY (1989, Philip Noyce)
7. HIS KIND OF WOMAN (1951, John Farrow)
8. HIGH SCHOOL U.S.A. (1983, Rod Amateau)
9. DR. JEKYLL AND MS. HYDE (1995, David Price)
10. MIDNIGHT IN THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL (1997, Clint Eastwood)
11. 1990: BRONX WARRIORS (1982, Enzo G. Castellari)
12. FALLING DOWN (1993, Joel Schumacher)
13. TOURIST TRAP (1979, David Schmoeller)
14. THE THREE MUSKETEERS (1973, Richard Lester)
15. BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA (1986, John Carpenter)
16. ...

Film Review: PRINCE OF DARKNESS (1987, John Carpenter)

Stars: 5 of 5.
Running Time: 102 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Donald Pleasence (playing Father Loomis here- perhaps a relation of his HALLOWEEN character?), Victor Wong and Dennis Dun (both BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA alumni), Jameson Parker, Alice Cooper, Peter Jason, Alan Howarth, Larry J. Franco.
Tag-line: "Before man walked the earth...it slept for centuries. It is evil. It is real. It is awakening."
Best one-liner(s): "Hello... Hello... I've got a message for you... and you're not going to like it." [body splits open to reveal insects]

John Carpenter takes the ball from the Twilight Zone episode "The Howling Man," and runs with it. And, boy, does he run with it. A lot of people have problems with this one: "It's too wordy, too scientific, too slow a build, etc." If that's gonna be a problem, then get the hell out of here right now. Carpenter masters the slow build on this one; he puts the screws on the audience classic-Hollywood style. We've got Satan in a jar of green goo. We've got Donald Pleasence and a host of Carpenter regulars. We've got ALICE COOPER as the king of the homeless people (and using some of his PERSONAL gore props from his stage shows).

We've got Jameson Parker of "Simon and Simon" sporting the most intense moustache in Carpenter's entire filmography.

We've got maggots, zombies, other dimensions, graduate students, and Peter Jason playing the mouth trumpet. And if there's one thing Carpenter KNOWS how to nail, it's an ending. From DARK STAR to THE THING, he's delivered denouements that bring appropriate closure, abruptness, and unease. And Carpy gives us one hell of an existential doozy at the end of this one. I will say no more about it. Here's five green-goo-dipped stars. Keep 'em in that ancient vial, and please keep any graduate students from nosing around.

Also of note: I think it's the only movie trailer I've ever seen where the title of the film itself emerges unexpectedly as a 'scare.'


-Sean Gill