Only now does it occur to me... BEVERLY HILLS COP II

Only now does it occur to me... that the COBRA/BEVERLY HILLS COP connections have been overtly referenced on film.

So I'd known for some time that the script that became COBRA was originally written as "BEVERLY HILLS COP," and it was going to star Sylvester Stallone in the now iconic Axel Foley (Eddie Murphy) role. What I didn't know was that the makers of BEVERLY HILLS COP II decked out Billy Rosewood's (Judge Reinhold) home with Sylvester Stallone posters

RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II seen behind MIDNIGHT RUN's John Ashton.

including COBRA himself, who merits a confused look from Eddie Murphy.

Axel Foley, meet your grandfather/weird Cannon Film half-brother.


Then, Stallone continues to cast his shadow over BEVERLY HILLS COP II:  it co-stars crazed Dane, COBRA lead, and Stallone then-wife Brigitte Nielsen.

I have to say that I never thought I'd ever see a whacky, New Wave Nielsen attempt to assassinate Ronny Cox (DELIVERANCE, TOTAL RECALL, ROBOCOP) in broad daylight.


AIEEE!

So this movie is basically one big Stallone lovefest–

Er- let's not tell Sly about this, okay?

 P.S.– Also, is that Dean Stockwell?

Yeah, I guess so.  Hey, he doesn't really feel up to it, either.

Only now does it occur to me... DAYS OF THUNDER

Only now does it occur to me...  that following in the footsteps of incredibly "whacky" credit pairings like George A. Romero & Menahem Golan and Jesse Ventura & Andre Gregory that the mind-blowing, onscreen juxtaposition of Robert Towne and Tom Cruise is truly one for the record books.

You will note:  one of these men is the screenwriter of CHINATOWN and THE LAST DETAIL.  The other one is Tom Cruise.  Extra bonus:  the "76" car up there says "Die Hard" on the side of it.  Fine by me.

DAYS OF THUNDER subscribes to the genre of movie (TOP GUN, COCKTAIL, RISKY BUSINESS, THE COLOR OF MONEY) where Tom Cruise engages in a flashy and specialized activity (jet-flyin', cocktail-makin', pimpin', pool-hustlin'), works with a mentor (Tom Skerrit, Bryan Brown, Joe Pantoliano?-admittedly a stretch, Paul Newman) gets the girl (Kelly McGillis, Kelly Lynch, Rebecca De Mornay, Mary Elizabeth Mastrontonio), loses the girl, gets the girl back again, and triumphs over all. To fill in the ingredients of DAYS OF THUNDER, we have:  Nascar-racin', Robert Duvall, and Nicole Kidman.

It's designed as a high-octane Tony Scott thrill ride where we cheer on our bad-boy hero who dips his hat low over his eyes, cause he's cool like that and quite the bad boy:

but upon watching it today, you can't help but root for Michael Rooker the whole time.  Michael Rooker (character-actor extraordinaire and veteran of HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER, THE WALKING DEAD, SLITHER, JFK, CLIFFHANGER, MISSISSIPPI BURNING, RENT-A-COP, and THE DARK HALF)

plays a rival driver who eventually becomes a sidekick to Cruise, but his natural pathos and inspired acting choices contrast so severely with Cruise's tiny-whiny-bad-boy demeanor that you have no choice but to think of him as the true protagonist of the film.  Also, Rooker's character name is "Rowdy Burns" and for the record, I have never disliked anyone named Rowdy.

At one point, after they're both  injured in a wreck, Rooker and Cruise have an epic wheelchair race (to their orderlies' dismay) that just might be the highlight of the film.

Furthermore, Rooker's wife is played by Junta Juleil favorite Caroline Williams (THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2, ALAMO BAY, THE LEGEND OF BILLIE JEAN, STEPFATHER II: MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY, LEPRECHAUN 3) who still remains one of Texas' best exports.

Seen here a little more morose than usual.

In closing, I will rattle off three disjointed observations:

#1.  I love it when Randy Quaid says that we look like monkeys fucking a football.

#2.  "Superflo" is only one letter away from "Superflu."

Also, there is so much "1990" happening in that picture, that I feel as if staring at it and meditating (á la SOMEWHERE IN TIME) could in fact transport you back to 1990.

#3.  Nicole Kidman plays an Australian medical doctor whom Tom Cruise mistakes for a stripper.  Later, Tom tries to buy Nicole's love (as in real life) by sending her a shitload of balloons, and– most importantly– a stuffed kangaroo dressed in a doctor costume, you know, because she's a doctor from Australia.

And the best part is that...  it works!  Score one for 'Merica.

Only now does it occur to me... TRUE ROMANCE (PART 2)

I'm just full of insight lately.  Full of something, anyway, I imagine.  Anyway, I wanted to add to my previous TRUE ROMANCE posting the essential intellectual observation that Gary Oldman's incredible portrayal in TRUE ROMANCE shares an inexplicable, mesmerizing parallel with Pete Burns on the album cover to Dead or Alive's SOPHISTICATED BOOM BOOM:

Only now does it occur to me... TRUE ROMANCE

Only now does it occur to me... that there must be some odd, spiritual connection between Junta Juleil all-time Hall-O-Famers Kurt Russell ...and Christian Slater.  Let us revisit the oft-forgotten coda of the Tony Scott/Quentin Tarantino cult classic TRUE ROMANCE:














So we got The Slater Factor here, looking a lot like Kurt Russell's iconic Captain Ron, eye patch and Hawaiian shirt and all.  That's enough to warm my heart, sure, but it's not particularly unusual, particularly for 1993, a year that was veritably rife with Hawaiian shirts and zany, ocean-themed antics.  But wait– Slater's character Clarence is pictured here with his son Elvis, so named because of his Elvis obsession which permeates the film.  Now, let's take a trip back in time to 1963 when a 10-year old Kurt Russell made an on-screen appearance with the real-life Elvis in IT HAPPENED AT THE WORLD'S FAIR, where he was permitted to kick Elvis in the shins.  Later, in 1979, in John Carpenter's ELVIS, Kurt received the opportunity to play "The King" himself.  Even later, Kurt Russell would cross paths with a Quentin Tarantino script as well, appearing as the memorable Stuntman Mike in DEATH PROOF.  But before then, Kurt Russell and Christian Slater teamed up in the Elvis impersonator-centric heist movie 3000 MILES TO GRACELAND.  What does it all mean?  I don't think that I can venture a guess.  Yours is as good as mine.   I suppose all that I know is that the paths and destinies of Christian Slater, Kurt Russell, and Elvis are somehow, mysteriously, and incontrovertibly intertwined, and I'm more than okay with that.

...Annnnnnd I'm going to go to bed now.

Film Review: TOP GUN (1986, Tony Scott)

Stars: 2.5 of 5.
Running Time: 110 minutes.
Tag-line: "...It's a solo mission ... Yeah! ...And I'm going with him..."
Notable Cast or Crew: Tom Cruise, Anthony Edwards, Tom Skerritt, Tim Robbins, Michael Ironside, Val Kilmer, John Stockwell, Rick Rossovich, Kelly McGillis, Whip Hubley, Meg Ryan. Music by Harold Faltermeyer, Giorgio Moroder, Berlin, Kenny Loggins, Cheap Trick, Loverboy. (At one point, tracks from Toto, including their version of "Danger Zone" were to be included, but it was not to be.)
Best one-liner: "That's right! Ice... man. I am dangerous!"

It has come to my attention that over time, viewers have apparently accused TOP GUN of containing 'homoerotic subtext.' Well, I'm here to tell you that it's a bunch of hogwash, hooey, n' bunkum. No way is an organization as hetero as the U.S. Navy (who had script approval and altered many already propaganda style sequences to make them even more like recruiting advertisements) going to infuse a film with homoerotic subt–

I'd say it was the right time
To walk away
When dreaming takes you nowhere
It's time to play
Bodies working overtime

PFFT–
Your money don't matter
The clock keeps ticking
When someone's on your mind
I'm moving in slow motion
Feels so good

It's a strange anticipation
Knock, knock, knocking on wood
Bodies working overtime
Man against man
And all that ever matters
Is baby who's ahead in the game
Funny but it's always the same
Playin', playin' with the boys
Playin', playin' with the boys
After chasing sunsets
One of life's simple joys
Is playin' with the boys
Said it was the wrong thing
For me to do I said it's just a boys' game
Girls play too
My heart is working overtime
In this kind of game
Someone gets hurt
I'm afraid that someone is me
If you want to find me,
I'll be Playin' with the boys
I don't want to be the moth around your fire
I don't want to be obsessed by your desire
I'm ready, I'm leaving
I've seen enough
I've got to go
You play too rough ...

Well said, Kenny Loggins. What's that other thing, the thing that's more important than the subtext? That thing that rides atop it? Ah, that's right... the text. So allow me to revise my statement: there is no homoerotic subtext in TOP GUN, there is only homoerotic text. Let's look at a sampling of said text, which should be read aloud as a free-form tone poem:

"Pull up, Cougar. Almost there."
"You need to be doing it better and cleaner than the other guy."
"I'd like to bust your butt."
"Slide into Cougar's spot."'
"Yes, I know the finger, Goose."
"I'm gonna break high and right, see if he's really alone."
"Splash that sucker, yeah!"
"Below the hard deck does count!"
"I want somebody's butt!"
"I want some butts!"
"God, buttnose!"

And, conversely, here's an example of subtext in TOP GUN- when serenaded by Top Gun pilots who croon, a cappella, "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling," Kelly McGillis announces: "I've never seen that approach." Now here's that declaration once more, with subtext added in italics: "I've never seen that approach (outside of a piano bar)."

Now, ordinarily a propaganda puff-piece based off of a magazine article that has more implied gay sex than QUIET COOL should be guaranteed to entertain. But ah, there's a problem: as much as I want to like it, TOP GUN fails to recognize its inner fabulosity, gets caught up in too many lifeless dogfight sequences, and is altogether pretty dull. And I believe my working definition of the word "dull" is something along the lines of "the parts of a Michael Ironside movie where Michael Ironside is not present."

And that's precisely the problem. IRONSIDE is in TOP GUN! We've got the man on set already. Then the producers choose to give him nothing to do, and in as few scenes as possible. He's trying his best to maintain steadfast Canadian dignity in the midst of wall-to-wall sultry stares and steamy shenanigans that are pulling focus all over the place. He can't even teach a class without some wag hollering, "This gives me a hard-on!"

How is Ironside supposed to focus on his performance when right in front of him, Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer are wrapped in an ocular embrace worthy of a Castellari flick? That look of confusion upon Ironside's face says it all––"Why didn't you say it was gonna be this kind of flick?––I could have brought in my pleather vest from VISITING HOURS."

So Ironside is criminally underused. How about the stuff in the plus column? Well, Loggins' "Danger Zone" is played, in its entirety––intro and all––three times. I can get behind that. Tom Skerritt is solid, too.

He gets a way beefier man part than Ironside and he doesn't waste it. The cinematography by Jeffrey L. Kimball (THE EXPENDABLES, JACOB'S LADDER, TRUE ROMANCE) is robust, vigorous, and stylish, and I think that every recruiting commercial for the Navy/Army/Air Force (besides this one) has borrowed heavily from it.



In the end, though, it pains me to report that for all the camp value and Anthony Edwards' 'stache, TOP GUN really doesn't hold up. Boys: commence playing with these two and a half-stars... and mind the sharp edges!



Odd side note: three of the cast members would go on to star (or co-star) in the first season of ER: Anthony Edwards, Rick Rossovich, and Michael Ironside.

Junta Juleil's Summer '10 Movie Series
1. HELL IN THE PACIFIC (1968, John Boorman)
2. KUFFS (1992, Bruce A. Evans)
3. THE OUTFIT (1973, John Flynn)

4. FOR Y'UR HEIGHT ONLY (1981, Eddie Nicart)

5. A*P*E (1976, Paul Leder)

6. BLIND FURY (1989, Philip Noyce)
7. HIS KIND OF WOMAN (1951, John Farrow)
8. HIGH SCHOOL U.S.A. (1983, Rod Amateau)
9. DR. JEKYLL AND MS. HYDE (1995, David Price)
10. MIDNIGHT IN THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL (1997, Clint Eastwood)
11. 1990: BRONX WARRIORS (1982, Enzo G. Castellari)
12. FALLING DOWN (1993, Joel Schumacher)
13. TOURIST TRAP (1979, David Schmoeller)
14. THE THREE MUSKETEERS (1973, Richard Lester)
15. BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA (1986, John Carpenter)
16. TOP GUN (1986, Tony Scott)
17. ...

Film Review: SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (2008, Danny Boyle)

Stars: 3 of 5.
Running Time: 120 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Dev Patel, Anil Kapoor
Tag-line: "What does it take to find a lost love? A. Money. B. Luck. C. Smarts. D. Destiny."
Awards: Eight Oscars including Best Picture, Audience Award Austin Film Festival, Best British Independent Film at the British Independent Film Awards, Golden Frog at Camerimage, Audience Award at Chicago International, Nominated for 4 Golden Globes, Best Director from Los Angeles Film Critics, Best Film from the National Board of Review, Nominated for 2 SAG awards, Best Director Southeastern Film Critics Association, People's Choice Award at Toronto International, and it's a frontrunner for many forthcoming awards.

Danny Boyle continues his examination of vast sums of money being bestowed upon unlikely individuals, but unlike some of his previous efforts, like SHALLOW GRAVE or MILLIONS, SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE focuses on the process of obtaining it and the backstory that made it possible, rather using the money as a point of departure. Despite an "it is written" framework (with a seriously stacked deck), Dev Patel's Jamal is a Boyle hero that earns his destiny through experience, not chance. SLUMDOG is a very enjoyable and endlessly sincere film, I just find it odd exactly how much award season buzz it seems to be generating. I feel as if people are too afraid to mention that it has more in common with Tony Scott's DOMINO than Boyle's own masterpiece, SHALLOW GRAVE. And it's not that I don't 'get it.' I liked the movie. I understand that Jamal's life has been one long sprint from the start just to survive- to keep his head above water (or feces, in one memorable scene). But is all the shaky cam, whacky frame rate, filters upon filters, pulsating over and underexposure, hovering micro zooms, and vaguely tacky techno really necessary? Boyle's always been a filmmaker with style, but this is over the top.

In the spirit of the film in question, let's play a game. It's called: "which of the following frames come from SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE and which came from Tony Scott movies?" This should be simple for all you SLUMDOG apologists. Shit, I'll even start out with an easy one:

A.


B.


C.


D.


E.


F.


And you know what? Now you've pissed me off. I'm not even gonna tell you now. Alright, fine, SLUMDOG is A., D., and E. And I didn't even have access to the most egregious, over-the-top shots. Scott's MAN ON FIRE was crucified for less. And Enya-esque wailing to accompany slow-motion sequences of emotional import? Hmm. That was kind of okay in LORD OF THE RINGS, but that was seven years ago. In SLUMDOG, its use made my hair curl. It's also pretty fair to say that about everyone is familiar with the rules to WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE. So it's insulting, when, to rachet up tension and stack the deck even further, characters insist that our hero should "just give it up and take the money- he's crazy not to!" when he still has two life-lines left. But on to the good. It's exceptionally well-acted (I especially enjoyed Anil Kapoor as the sleazy host), and its heart is in the right place. That's certainly enough to make me like it, but before you stick it on the end of the year list, ask yourself what, if anything, makes this different than a feel-good Tony Scott flick?

-Sean Gill