Only now does it occur to me... MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 5 – ROGUE NATION (2015)

 Only now does it occur to me... that Jeremy Renner can't see it.

Only now does it occur to me... IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS (1994)

Only now does it occur to me... that John Carpenter's IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS (1994) is such a wealth of creatively horrific visuals and ideas that one of its throwaway scares (not even really a scare, per se, moreso a morbid detail) became, in 2017, the entire basis of the marketing campaign for a $125 million Hollywood blockbuster.

I'm speaking here of THE MUMMY reboot (starring Tom Cruise), a film I must admit I have very little interest in seeing. However, I couldn't help but notice that the creepy "double-iris" of their Mummy has become quite ubiquitous:

Upon seeing this poster on the subway, I immediately thought of IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS––particularly the scene where a mad axeman looms behind Sam Neill and Bernie Casey outside a Manhattan diner.


Toward the scene's conclusion, while the axeman is menacing a frightened Sam Neill, we get a closer look at his eyes, which contain the double-iris effect:

What's funny is that this scene is so tightly constructed and confident in its "horror in broad daylight" premise that the whole "double-iris" aspect is probably only the fourth or fifth scariest detail of the entire tableau.

I reviewed IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS at length seven years ago (seven years?!), and for those who haven't seen it, the entirety of IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS is similarly layered––it has a sort of "throw in every scary thing you can think of and the kitchen sink" sensibility, but it really thrives on it. It's a mosaic of nightmare and lunacy that is incredibly focused; every element is carefully curated to fit the bigger picture, both thematically and visually. The double-iris is such a small detail that it's possible many people who have seen the film may have forgotten about it by the time the credits rolled. And yet, that's the power of Carpenter's films––from the spider-leg head in THE FACULTY (referencing THE THING), to CHILD'S PLAY 3's "Colonel Cochrane" (referencing HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH) to DAZED AND CONFUSED paraphrasing the best line ("I've come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass...") from THEY LIVE, etc., etc., apparently Carpenter minutiae have been enthralling Hollywood for decades.

Note: it's also possible that THE MUMMY designers were inspired by DOUBLE VISION (2002), or something else entirely of which I'm unaware, but I'm going to go ahead and continue assuming that John Carpenter is the center of the universe.

Only now does it occur to me... DAYS OF THUNDER

Only now does it occur to me...  that following in the footsteps of incredibly "whacky" credit pairings like George A. Romero & Menahem Golan and Jesse Ventura & Andre Gregory that the mind-blowing, onscreen juxtaposition of Robert Towne and Tom Cruise is truly one for the record books.

You will note:  one of these men is the screenwriter of CHINATOWN and THE LAST DETAIL.  The other one is Tom Cruise.  Extra bonus:  the "76" car up there says "Die Hard" on the side of it.  Fine by me.

DAYS OF THUNDER subscribes to the genre of movie (TOP GUN, COCKTAIL, RISKY BUSINESS, THE COLOR OF MONEY) where Tom Cruise engages in a flashy and specialized activity (jet-flyin', cocktail-makin', pimpin', pool-hustlin'), works with a mentor (Tom Skerrit, Bryan Brown, Joe Pantoliano?-admittedly a stretch, Paul Newman) gets the girl (Kelly McGillis, Kelly Lynch, Rebecca De Mornay, Mary Elizabeth Mastrontonio), loses the girl, gets the girl back again, and triumphs over all. To fill in the ingredients of DAYS OF THUNDER, we have:  Nascar-racin', Robert Duvall, and Nicole Kidman.

It's designed as a high-octane Tony Scott thrill ride where we cheer on our bad-boy hero who dips his hat low over his eyes, cause he's cool like that and quite the bad boy:

but upon watching it today, you can't help but root for Michael Rooker the whole time.  Michael Rooker (character-actor extraordinaire and veteran of HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER, THE WALKING DEAD, SLITHER, JFK, CLIFFHANGER, MISSISSIPPI BURNING, RENT-A-COP, and THE DARK HALF)

plays a rival driver who eventually becomes a sidekick to Cruise, but his natural pathos and inspired acting choices contrast so severely with Cruise's tiny-whiny-bad-boy demeanor that you have no choice but to think of him as the true protagonist of the film.  Also, Rooker's character name is "Rowdy Burns" and for the record, I have never disliked anyone named Rowdy.

At one point, after they're both  injured in a wreck, Rooker and Cruise have an epic wheelchair race (to their orderlies' dismay) that just might be the highlight of the film.

Furthermore, Rooker's wife is played by Junta Juleil favorite Caroline Williams (THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2, ALAMO BAY, THE LEGEND OF BILLIE JEAN, STEPFATHER II: MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY, LEPRECHAUN 3) who still remains one of Texas' best exports.

Seen here a little more morose than usual.

In closing, I will rattle off three disjointed observations:

#1.  I love it when Randy Quaid says that we look like monkeys fucking a football.

#2.  "Superflo" is only one letter away from "Superflu."

Also, there is so much "1990" happening in that picture, that I feel as if staring at it and meditating (á la SOMEWHERE IN TIME) could in fact transport you back to 1990.

#3.  Nicole Kidman plays an Australian medical doctor whom Tom Cruise mistakes for a stripper.  Later, Tom tries to buy Nicole's love (as in real life) by sending her a shitload of balloons, and– most importantly– a stuffed kangaroo dressed in a doctor costume, you know, because she's a doctor from Australia.

And the best part is that...  it works!  Score one for 'Merica.

Film Review: COCKTAIL (1988, Roger Donaldson)

Stars: 2.9 of 5.
Running Time: 104 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Tom Cruise, Bryan Brown (BREAKER MORANT, THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE '05), Elisabeth Shue (THE KARATE KID, HOLLOW MAN), Laurence Luckinbill (THE BOYS IN THE BAND, STAR TREK V), Kelly Lynch (ROAD HOUSE, ROAD HOUSE, ROAD HOUSE), Gina Gershon (SHOWGIRLS, FACE/OFF). Written by Heywood Gould (THE BOYS FROM BRAZIL, co-writer of ROLLING THUNDER). Directed by Roger Donaldson (WHITE SANDS, SPECIES, THE BANK JOB, THIRTEEN DAYS, NO WAY OUT).
Tag-line: "They thought he was good. They were wrong. HE WAS THE BEST." Also, see review.
Best one-liner: "I don't care how liberated this world becomes - a man will always be judged by the amount of alcohol he can consume - and a woman will be impressed, whether she likes it or not."

I'm not sure what to say. I enjoyed this, yes. For starters, it has one of the greatest tag-lines in film history: "When he pours, he reigns." There's high-fives, an amazing 80's neon font, and a sort of visceral, perverse fascination to be had in watching Tom Cruise and Bryan Brown undulate in unison, doing the Hippy-Hippy Shake as they mix Singapore Slings and what-have-yous.



But there's a key element of revulsion: the bad boy 'counter-culture' facade is easily unmasked to reveal a basic celebration of crass yuppie ideals. And it thusly kinda turns into a ginormous, reassuring pat on the back for yuppie sell-outs.

COCKTAIL says, "Fuck money! Fuck selling out! Yeah! Choose love!," and then cranks up the volume on some Starship before resuming with a business plan for creating a chain of bars for strip malls. It LITERALLY does of all of that. Only a yuppie shithook would think of themselves as a 'Maverick' because they're devoted to trite success manuals and dream of one day franchising NYC ambiance to tools across the land. Only the worst of douchebombs would truly relate to a romantic hero who successfully employs "A guy lays down a dare, you gotta take it!" as a perfectly legitimate, forgivable excuse for cheating on your girlfriend.

"THE BAR IS OPEN!"

But still, COCKTAIL is an important cultural document. The late 80's saw several exposés of yuppie culture. Something like BRIGHT LIGHTS, BIG CITY examines the origins and driving forces, and something like John Carpenter's THEY LIVE attempts to place it in perspective through the lens of outrageous sci-fi action and social commentary. But COCKTAIL exists as the flip side- the dark side- of that coin... almost a yuppie Bible. It's also a lot of fun. But for sheer vapidity, I'd rather be watching CAPTAIN RON, and for vapidity with subsequent meaning, I'd rather be watching AMERICAN GIGOLO. So there you have it. Not quite three stars.

-Sean Gill

Film Review: TOP GUN (1986, Tony Scott)

Stars: 2.5 of 5.
Running Time: 110 minutes.
Tag-line: "...It's a solo mission ... Yeah! ...And I'm going with him..."
Notable Cast or Crew: Tom Cruise, Anthony Edwards, Tom Skerritt, Tim Robbins, Michael Ironside, Val Kilmer, John Stockwell, Rick Rossovich, Kelly McGillis, Whip Hubley, Meg Ryan. Music by Harold Faltermeyer, Giorgio Moroder, Berlin, Kenny Loggins, Cheap Trick, Loverboy. (At one point, tracks from Toto, including their version of "Danger Zone" were to be included, but it was not to be.)
Best one-liner: "That's right! Ice... man. I am dangerous!"

It has come to my attention that over time, viewers have apparently accused TOP GUN of containing 'homoerotic subtext.' Well, I'm here to tell you that it's a bunch of hogwash, hooey, n' bunkum. No way is an organization as hetero as the U.S. Navy (who had script approval and altered many already propaganda style sequences to make them even more like recruiting advertisements) going to infuse a film with homoerotic subt–

I'd say it was the right time
To walk away
When dreaming takes you nowhere
It's time to play
Bodies working overtime

PFFT–
Your money don't matter
The clock keeps ticking
When someone's on your mind
I'm moving in slow motion
Feels so good

It's a strange anticipation
Knock, knock, knocking on wood
Bodies working overtime
Man against man
And all that ever matters
Is baby who's ahead in the game
Funny but it's always the same
Playin', playin' with the boys
Playin', playin' with the boys
After chasing sunsets
One of life's simple joys
Is playin' with the boys
Said it was the wrong thing
For me to do I said it's just a boys' game
Girls play too
My heart is working overtime
In this kind of game
Someone gets hurt
I'm afraid that someone is me
If you want to find me,
I'll be Playin' with the boys
I don't want to be the moth around your fire
I don't want to be obsessed by your desire
I'm ready, I'm leaving
I've seen enough
I've got to go
You play too rough ...

Well said, Kenny Loggins. What's that other thing, the thing that's more important than the subtext? That thing that rides atop it? Ah, that's right... the text. So allow me to revise my statement: there is no homoerotic subtext in TOP GUN, there is only homoerotic text. Let's look at a sampling of said text, which should be read aloud as a free-form tone poem:

"Pull up, Cougar. Almost there."
"You need to be doing it better and cleaner than the other guy."
"I'd like to bust your butt."
"Slide into Cougar's spot."'
"Yes, I know the finger, Goose."
"I'm gonna break high and right, see if he's really alone."
"Splash that sucker, yeah!"
"Below the hard deck does count!"
"I want somebody's butt!"
"I want some butts!"
"God, buttnose!"

And, conversely, here's an example of subtext in TOP GUN- when serenaded by Top Gun pilots who croon, a cappella, "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling," Kelly McGillis announces: "I've never seen that approach." Now here's that declaration once more, with subtext added in italics: "I've never seen that approach (outside of a piano bar)."

Now, ordinarily a propaganda puff-piece based off of a magazine article that has more implied gay sex than QUIET COOL should be guaranteed to entertain. But ah, there's a problem: as much as I want to like it, TOP GUN fails to recognize its inner fabulosity, gets caught up in too many lifeless dogfight sequences, and is altogether pretty dull. And I believe my working definition of the word "dull" is something along the lines of "the parts of a Michael Ironside movie where Michael Ironside is not present."

And that's precisely the problem. IRONSIDE is in TOP GUN! We've got the man on set already. Then the producers choose to give him nothing to do, and in as few scenes as possible. He's trying his best to maintain steadfast Canadian dignity in the midst of wall-to-wall sultry stares and steamy shenanigans that are pulling focus all over the place. He can't even teach a class without some wag hollering, "This gives me a hard-on!"

How is Ironside supposed to focus on his performance when right in front of him, Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer are wrapped in an ocular embrace worthy of a Castellari flick? That look of confusion upon Ironside's face says it all––"Why didn't you say it was gonna be this kind of flick?––I could have brought in my pleather vest from VISITING HOURS."

So Ironside is criminally underused. How about the stuff in the plus column? Well, Loggins' "Danger Zone" is played, in its entirety––intro and all––three times. I can get behind that. Tom Skerritt is solid, too.

He gets a way beefier man part than Ironside and he doesn't waste it. The cinematography by Jeffrey L. Kimball (THE EXPENDABLES, JACOB'S LADDER, TRUE ROMANCE) is robust, vigorous, and stylish, and I think that every recruiting commercial for the Navy/Army/Air Force (besides this one) has borrowed heavily from it.



In the end, though, it pains me to report that for all the camp value and Anthony Edwards' 'stache, TOP GUN really doesn't hold up. Boys: commence playing with these two and a half-stars... and mind the sharp edges!



Odd side note: three of the cast members would go on to star (or co-star) in the first season of ER: Anthony Edwards, Rick Rossovich, and Michael Ironside.

Junta Juleil's Summer '10 Movie Series
1. HELL IN THE PACIFIC (1968, John Boorman)
2. KUFFS (1992, Bruce A. Evans)
3. THE OUTFIT (1973, John Flynn)

4. FOR Y'UR HEIGHT ONLY (1981, Eddie Nicart)

5. A*P*E (1976, Paul Leder)

6. BLIND FURY (1989, Philip Noyce)
7. HIS KIND OF WOMAN (1951, John Farrow)
8. HIGH SCHOOL U.S.A. (1983, Rod Amateau)
9. DR. JEKYLL AND MS. HYDE (1995, David Price)
10. MIDNIGHT IN THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL (1997, Clint Eastwood)
11. 1990: BRONX WARRIORS (1982, Enzo G. Castellari)
12. FALLING DOWN (1993, Joel Schumacher)
13. TOURIST TRAP (1979, David Schmoeller)
14. THE THREE MUSKETEERS (1973, Richard Lester)
15. BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA (1986, John Carpenter)
16. TOP GUN (1986, Tony Scott)
17. ...

Film Review: THE FIRM (1993, Sydney Pollack)

Stars: 4 of 5.
Running Time: 154 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Tom Cruise, Gene Hackman, Ed Harris, Gary Busey, Holly Hunter, Jeanne Tripplehorn (BIG LOVE, WATERWORLD), Paul Calderon (Q&A, THE KING OF NEW YORK, PULP FICTION), Tobin Bell (SAW), David Strathairn (HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS, THE RIVER WILD), Hal Holbrook (THE FOG, MAGNUM FORCE), Wilford Brimley (THE THING, HARD TARGET), Paul Sorvino (GOODFELLAS, DICK TRACY). Based on the novel by John Grisham. Screenplay by Robert Towne (CHINATOWN, THE LAST DETAIL), playwright David Rabe (HURLYBURLY, STREAMERS), and David Rayfiel (THREE DAYS OF THE CONDOR).
Tag-line: "Power can be murder to resist." Hmmm. I think the tag-line department was phoning that one in a little bit.
Best one-liner: "It's not sexy, but it's got teeth!"

Well, I'm continuing Hitchcock pastiche/homage week with something a little less obvious. Maybe because it so frequently has the 'feel' or NORTH BY NORTHWEST, THE 39 STEPS, or SABOTEUR, or maybe it's just because it has Gary Busey and I felt like it, but regardless, here it is.

I get the feeling that most people watch THE FIRM because they either like John Grisham, Tom Cruise, or the more sensational aspects of the legal system.

America's infatuation with 'Tom Cruise running' continues.

Well allow me to furnish you with 9 ALTERNATE reasons to check it out:

#1. It begins like a TWILIGHT ZONE. Though I knew it wouldn't take the supernatural route, having kindly old Hal Holbrook rolling out a foreboding red carpet in an eerily over-eager job recruitment process is Serling-ly terrific.

I think I saw this on the back of a phone book once.


#2. Wilford Brimley. It's always nice to see Willy get a meaty character role he can really sink his teeth into: '93 was a big year for him- he was the crazed Cajun uncle in HARD TARGET and here, the nefarious head of firm security.

Wild Willy is not fucking around. And he doesn't like it when you call him 'Wild Willy.'


#3. If the legal thriller's not really your style, you can always pretend that it's SOUL MAN 2, and that Cruise is the C. Thomas Howell character, post-Harvard graduation.

#4. Gary Busey. Toned down a tad by the studio, the Buse' is still toothy, potent, and full of inimitable Texan moxie. He's not in the film for long, but whenever he's on screen, you are having a goddamn ball. He even works in an unscripted Julio Iglesias reference. (I'm kinda reminded of THE BUDDY HOLLY STORY when he works in the name 'Chihuahua Garbanzo.')

Busey is apprehensive and about to mention 'Julio Iglesias.'


#5. Holly Hunter. Oscar-nominated for the role, she's dressed like Dolly Parton and making more wig changes than Louis XIV. She's almost as nuts as Busey, and I love it. Which leads me to:

#6. Busey and Holly making out. Did I mention she plays his secretary?


SCHLERP

#7. Cruise doing backflips with a breakdancin' kid on the street. Later, when dejected, he woefully passes by the same kid- no backflippin' this time.

#8. Skeezy Gene Hackman. Always golden. The poor guy was basically typecast post-Lex Luthor, but you get the feeling he loves it.

#9. Ed "I could kick your teeth down your throat and yank 'em out your asshole" Harris.

ED HARRIS IS WATCHING YOU

Eating Saltines, radiating profanity, and with Paul Calderon as his sidekick- yeah, it's intense.

Ed Harris eyes Strathairn with disdain.

In all, it's a solid Hitchcockian thriller with enough (Busey) screwiness and (Harris) intensity to keep you on board. Four stars.

-Sean Gill