Showing posts with label Susan Strasberg. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Susan Strasberg. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Film Review: THE DELTA FORCE (1986, Menahem Golan)

Stars: 4 of 5.
Running Time: 129 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Lee Marvin, Chuck Norris, Martin Balsam (DEATH WISH 3, PSYCHO), Susan Strasberg (THE MANITOU), Shelly Winters, George Kennedy, Robert Forster, Bo Svenson (INGLORIOUS BASTARDS, HEARTBREAK RIDGE), Kim Delaney (BODY PARTS, HUNTER'S BLOOD), Hanna Schygulla (THE MARRIAGE OF MARIA BRAUN), Joey Bishop (OCEAN'S ELEVEN, VALLEY OF THE DOLLS). Music by Alan Silvestri.
Tag-line: "They don't negotiate with terrorists... they blow them away!"
Best one-liner: "Sleep tight, sucker!"

As Paula Abdul and that cartoon cat so eloquently pontificated, 'opposites attract.' Here, we got Lee Marvin:

Anti-war. Voted for McGovern. Has a Purple Heart. Frequently drunk on set.

Then, Chuck Norris:

Further to the right than the Unabomber. Can spin-kick people in the mouth using techniques from 8 different disciplines. Openly secessionist.

Well, together, they're THE DELTA FORCE.


Well, them and about 40 other dudes, but none of them really matter, except for Steve James. They're coming together to put the hurt on some airliner-hijacking, eyeliner-wearing terrorists led by Robert "this is your new Captain speaking" Forster.

Forster (right) is a force of nature.

The whole thing is accompanied by music that can only be described as über-patriotic Bananarama, and is overseen by those Israeli gods of 80's genre filmmaking, Golan and Globus.

Clearly, they thought this was gonna be their AIRPORT, and it's filled to the brim with old Hollywood and international stars: priestly hardass George Kennedy (who, sadly, punches no one):

gruff pilot Bo Svenson, Holocaust survivor Martin Balsam and disaster movie staple Shelley Winters:

Fassbinder fave Hanna Schygulla:

How the hell did they get Hanna Schygulla in a Cannon Film?!

and Pentagon suit Robert Vaughn. The initial hijack is pretty brutal (women punched in the face, Jews rounded up, etc.),

and even the classic Cannon incompetence can't entirely diminish the horrific impact.
There's a lot of set-up, too- this movie runs over 2 hours at a time when the average Cannon actioner was 89 minutes. But when we get to the long-awaited asskicking, it's entirely worth it.

To protect America's honor, WATCH Lee shoot terrorists in their sleep! SEE Chuck shake his head in disappointment before blowing away extremist hordes! VIEW Chuck crumpling a Presidential decree, just because he can! GAZE upon the oddly homoerotic spectacle of Chuck shooting rockets of death from the rear end of his motorcycle!


FOOOOSH

(Chuck also reveals that he bought a belt for a buddy as a gift.)

It all ends with the delivery of some cold beers- "Hey, guys, Budweisers! There's more where that came from!" Amen.

Where'd they get those beers? Also see: NINE DEATHS OF THE NINJA.

Four stars.

Side note: Pay attention to the 'official' dates and times listed for each location- you may just find some Golan/Globus whackiness (like a sunny day at 2 AM).

-Sean Gill

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Film Review: THE MANITOU (1978, William Girdler)

Stars: 4 of 5.
Running Time: 104 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Tony Curtis (SOME LIKE IT HOT, SWEET SMELL OF SUCCESS), Michael Ansara (IT'S ALIVE, THE OUTER LIMITS: SOLDIER- the basis for THE TERMINATOR), Susan Strasberg (THE DELTA FORCE, PICNIC), Stella Stevens (THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE, CHAINED HEAT), Jon Cedar (CAPRICORN ONE, FOXY BROWN), Ann Southern (FOOTLIGHT PARADE, A LETTER TO THREE WIVES), Burgess Meredith (ROCKY, THE TWILIGHT ZONE). Music by Lalo Schifrin.
Tag-line: "Evil does not die... It waits to be re-born!"
Best one-liner: "Gichi Manitou? Harry, you don't call Gichi Manitou. He...." –"Oh, yeah, well he's going to get a person to person call from me....collect!"

Not everyone is ready to just dash headlong into this freaky beast.

But I'm here to tell you that studies have found THE MANITOU to be non-habit-forming and completely safe when used as directed. Side effects may include a more enlightened view of the universe. Also, the forces of the Manitou apparently counteract the effects of Alka-Seltzer (there is actually a scene devoted to this). So let's take this nice and easy, in steps:

#1. Faux-psychic Tony Curtis ends a session with an old biddy.

As soon as she leaves, he flings off his druid robes, removes his fake 'stache, pumps up the power on some thumping disco, and exquisitely sips from a wine glass filled with Coors.

Click on the pictures for a larger view.



So damn satisfying.

#2. Susan Strasberg nonchalantly describes the GIGANTIC, terrifying, fetus-encasing tumor on her neck-

"Ohhhh, I guess I've had it about 3 days...it kind of moves sometimes...4 or 5 times a day...feels kinda like someone turning over in bed..."

So nonchalant. Your pappy Lee taught ya well.

#3. Burgess Meredith mutters and mumbles and improvises and holy shit- it's like watching one of the great jam bands play a set- except instead of the Allmans riffin' on a groove, it's Burgess Meredith jammin' with the English language!


#4. Bogart said "the whole world is 3 drinks behind." Well, the entire cast of THE MANITOU is about 3 'ludes AHEAD, and consequently have a tough time differentiating between 'mind-numbing shock' and 'complete boredom.'

This is how I react when I see a giant Native American head made of tar slowly rising out of the dining room table.

#5. By the time we get to the denouem- JOHNNNN SINGING ROCK!

Medicine man!

A totally ripped, naked Native American dwarf fighting naked, bedridden Strasberg with laser fingers IN SPACE!!



Typewriters! Lizard fantasies! More lasers!

HALLUCINATORY LIZARD....THAT BITES!

Giant vagina in the sky shooting asteroids! Fireballs! A rehash of 2001's trippy finale!

"PANAH WITCHY SALATU! PANAH WITCHY SALATU! PANAH WITCHY SALATU!!!"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Whew. Let me catch my breath. This thing makes ROBOT JOX look like a Merchant/Ivory production. I'm speechless. Just, uh... Um, make sure you've truly readied your mind and body before you give this a spin. Now I'm doin' the six-gin stumble. Need to lie down for a minute. Yes...

-Sean Gill


2009 Halloween Countdown OVERFLOW

1. [•REC] (2007, Jaume Balagueró & Paco Plaza)
2. THE MANITOU (1978, William Girdler)
3.
...