Film Review: DEAD LIKE ME- LIFE AFTER DEATH (2009, Stephen Herek)

Stars: 1.5 of 5.
Running Time: 87 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Director Stephen Herek (CRITTERS, BILL AND TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE, MR. HOLLAND'S OPUS), Ellen Muth, Callum Blue, Henry Ian Cusick (Desmond on LOST), Christine Willes, Cynthia Stevenson, Jasmine Guy, Crystal Dahl.
Tag-lines: None.
Best one-liner: None.

In the DEAD LIKE ME pilot, there's a pivotal scene where Rube explains to George the realization that washes over you as you see your own corpse: "It’s like looking at a bowl of homemade peach cobbler you just dropped on the floor. As good as it might have been, you just don’t want it anymore." I was once extremely excited by the prospect of a DEAD LIKE ME movie, but now Rube's statement applies perfectly: no need to desecrate it any further; please take this mess away and give it a proper burial.


They even waste Henry Ian Cusick.

The original series worked so well because of the characters. When we first met each of our protagonists, they were presented as something of a caricature (Roxy the badass, Mason the druggie, Daisy the ingenue, Dolores the lackey), but as the series continued, the excellent writing and acting gave each of these comedic archetypes extraordinary depth. Dolores was transformed from office sycophant to a sweet, motherly force; Daisy went from icy bitch to a somber woman whose motivations you completely understood. Each and every character (even Kiffany!) metamorphosed into something wonderfully complex, and in the process became truly beloved; the sort of achievement that serialized storytelling always aims for, but rarely attains.

LIFE AFTER DEATH (in addition to replacing 'Daisy' with a grotesque impersonator) takes everything back to square one. Everyone's a cardboard cut-out of their former selves; not possessing even a shred of depth or dignity.

What doesn't belong here?


Meet the new 'Daisy'....


...and the new 'UnGeorge.'


Whuttttt?!

Rube (Mandy Patinkin), the show's true anchor, is MIA (maybe he read the script?), as is the poignant Stewart Copeland score. There's no Waffle Haus, or ANY original locations, which had almost become characters themselves. The relationship between George and Reggie (does she know that her sister is undead?), which was beautifully tip-toed around for 2 seasons, finds “resolution” with some of the most hamfisted bullshit I have even seen.  Everybody involved deserved a lot better.

Film Review: CRITTERS (1986, Stephen Herek)

Stars: 4 of 5.
Running Time: 82 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Stephen Herek (director of BILL & TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE, DON'T TELL MOM THE BABYSITTER'S DEAD, THE MIGHTY DUCKS, MR. HOLLAND'S OPUS, and the upcoming DEAD LIKE ME movie), Dee Wallace Stone, M. Emmet Walsh, Billy Zane, Scott Grimes, Don Keith Opper, Terrence Mann (the latter three appear in CRITTERS sequels), the Chiodo Brothers (genius creators of the Critter creatures themselves, and auteurs of KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE!).
Tag-lines: "When you've got Critters... you need all the help you can get," "THEY BITE," and "They eat so fast, you don't have time to scream."
Best one-liner(s): "Dad's all torn up, and mom's got, like, a harpoon thing in her neck, and they're getting bigger!"

What was it about the climate of the 1980's that made tiny, smarmy, hungry, killer creatures resonate so deeply with audiences? I mean, there's the GREMLINS series, which arguably allowed the CRITTERS series to happen, which paved the way for the GHOULIES series, which basically opened the floodgates of lowered quality and we saw everything from MUNCHIES to HOBGOBLINS to FEEDERS. Is it backlash against family-friendly alien fare like E.T.? I could buy that theory. In a casting coup, they've employed Elliot's Mom in E.T., Dee Wallace Stone, as the mother here. There's even a scene where a critter confronts an E.T. plush toy and taunts it.

Or, perhaps, is it a continuation of punk aesthetics and attitude entering the creature feature?

In most of these films, the creatures have what constitutes spiked hair, act in an anarchistically crass manner, and derive quite a bit of fun from the wanton destruction. Sometimes they even rock out to some sweet 80's tunes as they do it.

Well, regardless of the theoretical angles, CRITTERS is a pretty solid illustration of the 80's creature feature. We got young Billy Zane and character actor par-excellence M. Emmet Walsh, we got interstellar bounty hunters for added flavor, characters in general that you care about slightly more than in the usual horror fare, creativity in creature design (the critters move in an uncanny, tumbleweed-esque manner), a small dose of hair metal just to even things out, and then some big explosions at the end just for the hell of it. Four stars of deadly yammering furball fun.

-Sean Gill

COMING SOON: Reviews of CRITTERS 2: THE MAIN COURSE and CRITTERS 3: YOU ARE WHAT THEY EAT.