Only now does it occur to me... HAIL, CAESAR! (2016)

Only now does it occur to me... that the Coen Brothers must be closet HIGHLANDER fans. Why else would they cast Clancy "The Kurgan" Brown:

and Christopher "Connor 'The Highlander' MacLeod" Lambert:

in the same film? (aside from the fact that they're both great, and wield a mean broadsword).  With Sean Connery retired, I suppose my only complaint is that Michael Ironside didn't make the cut.

Regardless, this film does not in fact revolve around HIGHLANDER sequel/prequel fan-fictions, though from the standpoint of a character-actor fan, it has much to offer. Amid the pastiche of Busby Berkeley and Vincente Minnelli-style musical numbers, there are wonderful bits by Robert Picardo as a finicky, test audience rabbi:

Fisher Stevens (who really knows how to make an entrance) as a furtive, blacklisted screenwriter:

Tilda Swinton in dual roles as twin-sister gossip columnists:

and Dolph Lundgren as the silhouette of a Russian submarine captain:

(since it's the 1950s,  I can't tell if he's Ivan Drago's father, or the father of his henchman from A VIEW TO A KILL). 

Sure, it's no BARTON FINK, but I enjoyed it.

Only now does it occur to me... INNERSPACE (1987)

Only now does it occur to me... that I would ever see character-acting legend and scene-stealing nutball Robert Picardo (TOTAL RECALL, THE WONDER YEARS) busting such savagely hip and creepy dance moves, and all in service of seducing America's Sweetheart, Meg Ryan!





Note: "The Invisible Lasso," an essential move in Picardo's dance arsenal.

I saw INNERSPACE on television as a child, and for whatever reason I did not remember much, beyond it being a comedic 1980s update of FANTASTIC VOYAGE wherein an experimental pilot (Dennis Quaid) is miniaturized and accidentally injected into the bloodstream of a hypochondriac (Martin Short).



Dennis Quaid embarks on his 'fantastic voyage' while eating a JELL-O pudding snack and doing some kind of Jack Nicholson/Harrison Ford pastiche.

Upon revisiting, I cannot emphasize enough how anarchic and bizarre a movie INNERSPACE is. Robert Picardo is just the tip of the iceberg––though I must admit that in his minor role as a silky-smooth international smuggler named "The Cowboy," he does his darnedest to steal the entire movie. Whether "Travis Bickling" with a blow dryer:

putting the moves on Meg Ryan:

 

wearing a Speedo and blasting a champagne cork at Martin Short:

or being kidnapped and impersonated by a rubberized (through science-fictioney means) Martin Short:



I guess I'm trying to tell you that it's a live action Looney Tunes episode, a relentless slice of sci-fi mayhem, and a work of good-natured batshittery. In other words, it's a Joe Dante film!

BEHOLD: A villainous henchman (Vernon Wells, "Bennett" from COMMANDO!) with more cyborg arm-appendage weapons than Chuck Connors in 99 AND 44/100% DEAD and "Doctor Claw" from INSPECTOR GADGET combined!


EXPERIENCE: Fiona Lewis (THE FURY, STRANGE INVADERS) as perhaps the most lascivious corporate scientist of all time!


ENJOY: Kevin McCarthy (INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS) as a criminal mastermind with impeccable interior (and personal) design!


FIND CATHARSIS IN: Lewis and McCarthy shrunk to the size of children (or we could say "Good Guy Doll"-size) and handling absurdly-proportioned props!



GAZE UPON: 1980s New Wave nuttery and other optical illusions!


SEE: More terrifying rubbery faces than TOTAL RECALL!




WITNESS: A tearful Meg Ryan cab ride, made possible by none other than "That Guy" legend, Dick Miller!


LOOK AT: A Rance Howard cameo! Just look at it!

 
CONTEMPLATE: A world where Henry Gibson is your bitchy-but-well-meaning supermarket boss!


BE FACED WITH UNSETTLING MELANCHOLY: When the scientist who injects Martin Short (John Hora, Dante's cinematographer) is shot and killed at a mall by Vernon Wells' robo-assassin. As the life flows out of him, he is confronted with the startling image of mall mascots coming to his aid.


He fades and dies, scared and confused. This is probably a good example of what I mean when I say this film is anarchic––but it is emotionally grounded, unlike much of the contemporary absurdist comedy, where many jokes rely upon randomness or anti-humor for their effect. There is an order to this film––a cartoon-logic, if you will––but its anarchy supports the story (also see: PEE-WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE, GREMLINS 2: THE NEW BATCH, WILLY WONKA & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY, et al.), and it's nothing if not well earned.

I feel as if I've barely scratched the surface of this strange beast. Now, go forth, and rent INNERSPACE!

––Sean Gill

Film Review: TOTAL RECALL (1990, Paul Verhoeven)

Stars: 5 of 5.
Running Time: 113 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Michael Ironside, Ronny Cox, Sharon Stone, co-writer Dan O'Bannon (ALIEN, DEAD & BURIED), loose adaptation of Philip K. Dick short story ""We Can Remember It For You Wholesale."
Tag-lines: "They stole his mind, now he wants it back."
Best one-liner: "Who gives a shit what you believe? In thirty seconds you'll be dead, and I'll blow this place up and be home in time for Corn Flakes." or maybe just "See you at the pahhhh-ty, Richter!"

"If I am not me, den who da hell am I?" TOTAL RECALL boldly dares to ask (and answer) the fateful questions, A. "What kind of films would Hitchcock be making if he was alive in 1990?" and B. "What would those films be like if he was taking a dangerous mix of uppers and downers?" Make no mistake, however, this candy-colored insanity is a bona fide masterpiece on a number of levels and a true example (like ROBOCOP) of Verhoeven at the peak of his powers. The special effects are immaculate. There's true cinematic wonder on display, with a real attention to detail and craftsmanship that disappeared with the advent of CGI-only FX. Schwarzenegger has rarely been more likable, and he truly exudes pathos in "the wrong man" (or maybe "wrong mind?") role.

It's a larger-than-life film that calls for larger-than-life acting, and Schwarzenegger's rubbery mug (which is frequently indistinguishable from the wacky prosthetics) is the perfect template upon which to unfold such a tale.


Like the best of Euro-action cinema, this is a movie of over-the-top violence, intense staredowns that defy reality, and a parade of extraordinarily memorable moments (from the Johnnycab inferno to the three-breasted hooker to Arnold's redunkulous muu-muu'd housewife disguise) which stuck in the craws of impressionable kids for decades to come.


Michael Ironside seems to have eaten crazy for breakfast before filming his scenes here, and, as always, he's a vein-bustin' delight to watch.

And like the best of Lynch and Cronenberg, Verhoeven reserves for his villains the most graphic, jaw-dropping fates imaginable- viscerally cathartic to the MAX.

And if you'd like to try a TOTAL RECALL drinking game, try a drink every time someone's eyes are literally bulging outside of their head AND every time someone must hang onto to something, lest they be blown into the vacuum of space.

Of course if you do that, you just might end up with an identity crisis on par with Quaid and Hauser. Five lunatic stars.

-Sean Gill

Film Review: HOMECOMING (2005, Joe Dante)

Stars: 5 of 5.
Running Time: 59 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Jon Tenney, Thea Gill, Robert Picardo
Tag-line: "If I had one wish...I would wish that your son could come back..."
Best one-liner(s): "We're lookin' for a few good men."

Joe Dante has been a purveyor of cogent social commentary since PIRANHA's government cover-ups and ROCK 'N ROLL HIGH SCHOOL's detonations of higher learning. He's does what genre pictures have done best since the 40's and 50's, whether pinko and red-baiting, exposing corruption, or celebrating/exploiting counterculture, B-movies have provided a terrifically unpretentious outlet for reactionary and radical views alike. So out of this tradition (and that of Romero's zombie films with their progressive, albeit nihilistic, commentaries) comes HOMECOMING, which in my opinion, takes these practices to an entirely new level. Dante pulls no punches in his analysis of everything from right-wing thinktanks (Karl Rove, Ann Coulter), Washington media (in frighteningly accurate depictions), rampant political hypocrisy, empty rhetoric, and the new, American flag pin-wearing definition of patriotism. The idea of American soldiers coming back from the dead to vote, the ridiculous spin placed upon it by the religious right (and a secondary spin when they realize exactly WHO they're voting for), and the collective supernatural rage of those who died for a lie has, despite its unearthly underpinnings, the ring of truth to it. And Dante handles it with a perfect, even-headed direction, pendulating between irreverence (a ridiculous Vietnam flashback plot twist and a comical "Spirit of '76" finale) and actual weight (undead veterans face a prejudice that I'm sure hits a little too close to home for real-life, discarded veterans). I believe that this is not only the kind of film that is timely and relevant in its moment, but, unlike films such as the higher-profile FAHRENHEIT 9/11, will continue to resonate as the years pass and the politicians' legacies (or lack thereof) crumble away. Hands down, this is the best Masters of Horror episode, and the only one I would recommend without reservation. Don't forget to vote today!

-Sean Gill