Film Review: THE WILD ONE (1953, Laslo Benedek)

Stars: 3.5 of 5.
Running Time: 79 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Lee Marvin, Marlon Brando, Robert Keith, Richard Farnsworth.
Tag-lines: "Marlon Brando! Driven Too Far By His Own Hot Blood!"
Best one-liner: "Nobody tells me what to do. You keep needlin' me, if I want to, I'm gonna take this joint apart and you're not gonna know what hit you!"

Forget seeing a man fly in SUPERMAN. Forget STAR WARS' Death Star incinerating a planet. Forget dinosaurs running amok in JURASSIC PARK or KING KONG climbing the Empire State building. The most improbable event ever committed to celluloid is contained within the whirling reels of THE WILD ONE, and that event is this: pretty-boy milksop Marlon Brando beating the shit out of Lee Marvin. Come on.

Alright, forget the iconic status of Brando in this movie for just a second, and think about this: Sporting tattoos and a neatly-trimmed beard, smarmily riding a motorcycle, and wearing a beatnik vest, a striped shirt, and the moniker "Chino," this movie is Lee Marvin's to steal.

And, by God, he hotwires it, takes it for a spin, leaves it upside-down in a ditch, keys it, and then roars away on his hawg, laughin' his ass off like some kinda hyena sonofabitch.

He's so awesome that The Beatles named themselves after Lee's gang (though never officially admitted it). Basing his performance off of legendary biker "Wino Willy" Forkner, who rode with the "Booze Fighters," Lee even learned to ride a motorcycle (so as not to be upstaged by Brando) and quickly became a serious challenger in the desert motorcycle racing scene. Iconic though it may be, this isn't exactly the greatest flick ever made, but Lee proves that it should be remembered for something more than just Brando's lopsided newsie hat. Bravo, Mr. Marvin.

-Sean Gill

Film Review: RHINESTONE (1984, Bob Clark)

Stars: 2 of 5.
Running Time: 111 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Sylvester Stallone, Dolly Parton, Richard Farnsworth, Ron Leibman
Tag-line: "Dolly Parton stakes her career and her body on a New York cabbie! " AND "She's bet everything, and we mean EVERYTHING, that she can turn this New York cabbie into an overnight sensation. He has other things in mind. But he's never had a trainer like this one!"
Best one-liner(s): "Budweiser you created a monster / and they call him Drinkenstein / And the tavern down the street is the labba-tor-eye-ee / where he makes the transformation all the time / And a stein of Dr. Buuuud is a pint of monster blood / and it does affect me different every time / Budweiser you created a monster / and they call me Drinkenstein / And they call me Drinkenstein / I'm Drinkenstein! / I'm Drinkenstein!"
Special Irony: Stallone turned down the Michael Douglas role in ROMANCING THE STONE and the Eddie Murphy role in BEVERLY HILLS COP to be in RHINESTONE.

Historical excerpt from a 1983 20th Century-fox pitch meeting:

"No-no-no. Okay, let me clarify it for you. MY FAIR LADY. Except instead of Audrey Hepburn... we have Sylvester Stallone. The Italian Stallion himself. Yeah, how ya like that? What did she ever bring to the table, anyway? Some 'happy face' nonsense with Gregory Peck and some Capote-scripted crap about brunch in New York. We loved Stallone as ROCKY, we loved him as RAMBO, and now I feel like there's a thirst out there amongst the viewing public to see him do over-the-top slapstick comedy. I just got this feeling like he'd be REALLY GOOD at it.

So let's give the people what they want! Alright, now you might want to sit down for this next part, cause it's gonna floor you. You sitting down? Okay. Instead of Rex Harrison...Dolly Parton. Are you still with me? Yeah, plus she's got two working eyes. No glass eyes amongst this cast. What? Yeah, that's right! OUR Henry Higgins has got double-D's! Yeah, we'll keep that in mind for the tagline campaign. Alright, then we substitute British high society with country western music, and the flower girl with a New York cabbie. Except we up the stakes. Instead of free speech lessons, the stakes involve a sleazy music producer getting to have sex with Dolly. The kids are gonna go bananas over that one. Oh, tagline! Just came to me. "She bet everything, and we mean EVERYTHING!" That's a good one. Perfect. That's all we need. Greenlight this sonofabitch."

-Sean Gill