Film Review: LEVIATHAN (1989, George P. Cosmatos)

Stars: 4 of 5.
Running Time: 98 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Written by David Webb Peoples (UNFORGIVEN, SOLDIER, BLADE RUNNER). Starring Peter Weller (BUCKAROO BANZAI, NAKED LUNCH, ROBOCOP), Ernie Hudson (THE SUBSTITUTE, GHOSTBUSTERS), Richard Crenna (RAMBO, UN FLIC), Amanda Pays (MAX HEADROOM), Daniel Stern (HOME ALONE, narrator on THE WONDER YEARS), Hector Elizando (PRETTY WOMAN, AMERICAN GIGOLO), Meg Foster (THEY LIVE, STEPFATHER II). Music by Jerry Goldsmith (CHINATOWN, ALIEN, RAMBO). Special effects by Stan Winston (PREDATOR, THE TERMINATOR, JURASSIC PARK).
Tag-line: "Welcome to your worst nightmare, welcome to Leviathan." (...Butt-horn?)
Best one-liner: "Say 'Ahhh,' motherfucker!"

"That's JUST great! You tellin' me we got a god damn Dracula in here with us?" Like its human-absorbing, hybrid fish-creature star, LEVIATHAN is a film built entirely from pre-existing components. Everything here, we've seen before, be it in THE THING or ALIEN or THE ABYSS. We've already seen Peter Weller (ROBOCOP) and Ernie Hudson (GHOSTBUSTERS) hoist gigantic futuristic weapons around.

Daniel Stern (HOME ALONE) opens soda cans with his mouth and is always talkin' about how much he'd like the female crew members to sit on his face. There's the British woman (Amanda Pays) who requires no character development, because her accent already tells us that she's a quick-witted expert of some kind. We got Richard Crenna (FIRST BLOOD) sitting in front of an ancient monitor, shaking his head at some statistics, EXACTLY like Wilford Brimley does in THE THING.


The creature even drains the blood supply! We've got a nefarious corporate master played by the evil chick from THEY LIVE.

And it's a cautionary tale: the chain of events (that causes slavering, mutating monsters to emerge) all starts with a practical joke and some purloined booze. Somehow that's even worse than the Jason movies, where sex begets death. Jokin' around equals death? Jeez! Cut us some slack!

Anyway, I don't think I've yet mentioned that I really enjoyed this movie. Like ACTION JACKSON or UNDER SIEGE, you don't really care that it's completely unoriginal. Plus our eel-man comes courtesy of FX master Stan Winston, and the screenplay's by David Webb Peoples (BLADE RUNNER, UNFORGIVEN, TWELVE MONKEYS), so clearly this isn't really catering to the least common denominator. And Weller is great.

Wearing a hot pink and blue trucker hat, he exudes layers of 'performance' (as an actor in the film, and pretending to be a 'tough as nails captain-type' for the benefit of his crew), and ends the film by punching a woman in the face. Only you can get away with that kinda thing, Pete. Four stars.

-Sean Gill

Film Review: RAMBO III (1988, Peter MacDonald)

Stars: 3 of 5.
Running Time: 101 minutes.

Notable Cast or Crew: Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Jerry Goldsmith, Kurtwood Smith, Vic Armstrong (stunt coordinator who's doubled everyone from Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones, Roger Moore as James Bond, and Christopher Reeve as Superman).

Tag-line: "The first was for himself. The second for his country. This time it's to save his friend."

Best exchange(s):
Hamid: What's that?
Rambo: It's blue light.
Hamid: What does it do?
Rambo: It turns blue.

Moussa: You do not look like men Griggs sent before. You not look like you are with military.
Rambo: I'm not.
Moussa: What you are? Mercenary?
Rambo: No.
Moussa: You're not with military, not mercenary - what you are? Lost tourist?
Rambo: I'm no tourist.
________________________________________

Hey, Rambo, what's happening? It's been a while.

You decided to stay in 'Nam at the end of the last film. Walken went back to 'Nam in THE DEER HUNTER, delirious and self-destructive, playing Russian Roulette for money, are you doing something like that? Ah, you went back to participate in slomo nunchuk (but without the chain) battles with the locals for cold hard cash.

Wow. That's pretty hardcore. I bet the locals don't take too kindly to the white guy who came back to 'Nam to singlehandedly grasp victory from the jaws of defeat. Wait, they love you? Nice place you got here. Wait, you live with MONKS? You're like the handyman?!

Wait a second, what are you doing? You're giving all that money you won to the monks? Are you serious? Damn, Rambo, you're like a saint! Well, now I feel really bad about what I have to ask you. How do you feel about leaving for Afghanistan and killing like a thousand people and a dozen helicopters? It'll be like LAWRENCE OF ARABIA.

Just like it. Except with an endgame that involves you playing a giant game of chicken between your tank and some Russkie's helicopter instead of some crap with Peter O'Toole. No, Rambo, this time it's different.

I even brought the dad from That 70's Show to help sway you. We promise we won't screw you this time.

What? That never happened. Why do you hate America so much John Rambo?

-Sean Gill

COMING SOON: A review of RAMBO IV.

Film Review: RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II (1985, George P. Cosmatos)

Stars: 4 of 5.
Running Time: 97 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, James Cameron (he wrote the first draft of the script- our man Stallone finished it), Jerry Goldsmith (he did the music on everything from STAR TREK to GREMLINS), Jack Cardiff (he shot everything from Powell & Pressburger's THE RED SHOES to CAT'S EYE), Mark Goldblatt (co-editor here, editor of PREDATOR 2, and director of DEAD HEAT).
Tag-line: "What most people call hell, he calls home."
Best one-liner(s): "Mission... accomplished." [thrusts knife into table]
Best Exchange: "How will you live, John?" "... Day by day."
Element that would have made this the best movie ever: According to the documentary WE GET TO WIN THIS TIME, the producers considered teaming up Stallone with his STAYING ALIVE protégé John Travolta as Rambo's young partner in rescuing the American POWs. Stallone nixed this idea when he decided it would be better to make the film a solo project, thus robbing the camp gods of what could have been a true jewel in the crown.

Imagine if CASABLANCA had a sequel that started right where the first one left off. Rick and Renault go straight from the airport to the armory. They grab machine guns, proceed to the front lines and kill like 5,000 Nazis and end World War II right. The comparison is warranted. FIRST BLOOD is survivalist, psychological, morally ambiguous, practically an art film. RAMBO is a balls to the wall action film. And it's a damned good one. The first shot of the movie is an EXPLOSION. Right off the bat!

BOOM! The only other instance I can think of something like this happening is Lucio Fulci's ZOMBIE, which opens immediately with someone getting shot in the head. No set up, no establishing shot, just BOOM! We later get the main title. The word RAMBO is enormous and in FLAMES.

Quite a turnaround from FIRST BLOOD appearing over the muted, misty landscape of the Pacific Northwest. Rambo is offered a chance to do Vietnam Part II, his only caveat being: "Do we get to win this time?" Yeah, Rambo, we do. Cause we're taking the muzzle off John Rambo. We're not going to stay true to the bureaucratic spirit of those damned pencil necks in Washington-screw the paperwork, damn the torpedoes, and send in Rambo. There are two shots in particular that really sum up the film.



One is a loving, leisurely pan from Rambo's glistening bicep, slowly down his forearm to his serrated steel blade as he sharpens it. The other sees Rambo in the jungle as he senses a threat. He whirls around, a snake's neck in his hand. He pauses a moment, considers everything, and lets the snake live. Hey, he's just trying to survive, too. Not like these Communist hordes trying to cling to the last vestiges a war that they wanted, started, loved, and STILL love. Guess they shouldn't have made their villages so flammable. (Also of note: the brief local love interest, Co Bao, speaks lines like "Expendable? What mean expendable?" with perfect enunciation and diction.)

But in the end, it's all worth it just to see the Luddite Rambo destroy an enormous computer with machine gun fire for about two minutes. And don't worry, there's a little bit of context. It's about frustration and revenge and "The Man," which should be easily discernible from the expression on Stallone's emotive face.


Four stars of Jingoist fun. Hey, I'm just along for the ride.

-Sean Gill