"Rumours" in Hobart

I have a new essay about Fleetwood Mac's 1977 album Rumours online at Hobart, as a part of their Jukebox Happy Hour series.

(Other essays of mine which have appeared in Hobart include a Jukebox Happy Hour piece on Blue Öyster Cult's 1988 album Imaginos and a piece entitled "The Mysterious Ecstasy of Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball for Super Nintendo.")

"Imaginos" in Hobart

I have a new essay about Blue Öyster Cult's 1988 album Imaginos online at Hobart, as a part of their Jukebox Happy Hour series.

(Last year, I wrote an essay, also in Hobart, entitled, "The Mysterious Ecstasy of Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball for Super Nintendo.")

CHRISTINE: THE MUSIC VIDEO (2017, John Carpenter)

Ah, a new John Carpenter music video never fails to cheer me up, especially when it's a miniature remake of CHRISTINE, and when it features Carpenter in a brief acting role as a ghoul/himself/an incarnation of George LeBay. (Also, this song must be one of Carpy's personal favorites, because he chose it as his encore piece when I saw him live in concert last year.)

Film Review: GHOULIES II (1988, Albert Band)

Ghoulies: A lot more than two.
Running Time: 89 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Directed by Albert Band (I BURY THE LIVING, PREHYSTERIA!). Produced by Charles Band (TRANCERS, TROLL, TOURIST TRAP) and Frank Hildebrand (ROBOT JOX, THE TREE OF LIFE). Written by Charlie Dolan and Dennis Paoli (RE-ANIMATOR, FROM BEYOND). Music by Fuzzbee Morse (DOLLS). Cinematography by Sergio Salvati (THE BEYOND, ZOMBI, CITY OF THE LIVING DEAD). Starring Damon Martin (PEE-WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE, NORTHFORK), Royal Dano (THE OUTLAW JOSEY WALES, THE RIGHT STUFF), Phil Fondacaro (THE GARBAGE PAIL KIDS: THE MOVIE, WILLOW, RETURN OF THE JEDI), J. Downing (ROBOT WARS, VIPER), Kerry Remsen (PUMPKINHEAD, A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 2), Sasha Jenson (DAZED AND CONFUSED, HALLOWEEN 4).
Tag-lines: "Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the bathroom!"
Best one-liner(s): "Bon appetit, mutherfuckah!"

The question: What do you get when you combine the talents of Stuart Gordon's writer, Lucio Fulci's cinematographer, Terrence Malick's production manager, a composer named Fuzbee, and the Band brothers (of Full Moon Pictures infamy)? The answer: GHOULIES II, apparently.

GHOULIES is a franchise founded on two pillars. The first is a desire to make a quick buck off of the success of GREMLINS. The second is a profound enthusiasm to provide an audio-visual platform for little monsters who bite people's bums while they're trying to go to the toilet.

In lieu of a traditional review, I've decided merely to describe––with a minimum of editorializing––a dozen events that take place within the world of GHOULIES II. Possessing merely the facts, you will be free to engage in a your own personal evaluation of the picture. It's an exercise in objectivity, really.

 #1. The legendary Phil Fondacaro, playing a career carny, encounters his insufferable rich-kid boss (J. Downing)


He's sort of a Kushner-type

and counters by quoting KING LEAR:

"They know not how their wits to wear, their manners are so apish."

 #2. A cat-faced ghoulie gleefully rides the swinging blade of a pendulum, cackle-meowing all the while.

"Mewww-hee-hee-hee!"

#3. A rat-faced ghoulie vomits green goo onto a child's shirt, prompting him to fling a ninja star at the ghoulie's face. The ghoulie proceeds to eat the ninja star, prompting the child's friend to exclaim:

"This place is better than Epcot Center!"

#4.  The cat-faced ghoulie and the rat-faced ghoulie give each other a righteous high-five while enthusiastically cheered by a crowd.

SMACKKK

#5. Sasha Jenson essentially plays the exact same character he plays in DAZED AND CONFUSED,

 

thus proving that Richard Linklater is a closet GHOULIES II fan.

#6. This carnival employee (on the left, in the blue polka dots), explains to her friend that she will not be quitting the carnival despite the ghoulie infestation. She explains this decision by saying:

"Me? I can't do nothin' else but sling these old bones around!"


#7. Royal Dano attempts Shakespearean posturing, but he cannot hold a candle to Phil Fondacaro's, (though he does possess a certain old man charm).



#8. At one point our male lead (Damon Martin), in a moment of frustration, accuses his friend Phil Fondacaro of being "a second-rate hobgoblin!"

I believe this carries some form of meta-commentary, as in my mind, there is an ouroboros-like succession of little-monster-related activity throughout the 1980s. The GREMLINS series was ripped off by the GHOULIES who were ripped off by the CRITTERS who were ripped off by the MUNCHIES who were ripped off by the HOBGOBLINS. So perhaps this is a shot at the HOBGOBLINS series (which was launched in 1988), or perhaps it's just an excuse to show us more of Phil Fondacaro's "John Oates pathos face."

Naturally, Fondacaro responds to this by quoting more KING LEAR.


#9.  The cat-faced ghoulie shoves a red plastic boombox off of a table, breaking it into two pieces.

The cool kids––to whom it belonged––freak out, naturally:

"They broke my tunes!"

Later, another tunes aficionado discovers the broken boombox and, like Hamlet considering Yorick's skull, holds it aloft and says:

"Dude... your tunes!"

Much later, when all hell has broken loose, the owner of said busted tunes brings a policeman and explains the gravity of the situation:

"My tunes are still in there!"

 #10. Set in part to the wild hair metal strains of W.A.S.P.'s "Scream Until You Like It," the ghoulies run roughshod over the carnival. This includes––but is not limited to––the cat-faced ghoulie commandeering the shooting gallery:



A ghoulie playing hit-and-run driver with a bumper car (I'm not sure how that's possible):

And the dunk-tank clown being eaten by the ghoulie in what resembles a Great White Shark attack:

#11. Speaking of sharks, the latter half of this film has a very JAWS vibe, except it's the rich-kid owner of the carnival (J. Downing) who is fulfilling the role of JAWS' mayor, the guy who wants to keep the beach open at all costs. But don't you worry––in living up to the series' core premise, a ghoulie (inspired by THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON) gets this heartless capitalist in the end.

YAHHHHHHH

 #12. Finally, as is customary in every GHOULIES picture, the ghoulies can only be defeated by the summoning of a gigantic ghoulie who proceeds to eat the rest of them.

It's poetic biology

So happy 241st birthday, America––I can't think of a more appropriate present than a movie about selfish, accidentally-summoned mischief-making toilet monsters who lay waste to our carnival, threaten our collective "tunes," and who are destroyed by carnies and amateur Shakespeare enthusiasts. After, we survey the destruction the ghoulies have wrought, and declare with stoicism: "We can't do nothin' else but sling these old bones around."

Only now does it occur to me... BAD CHANNELS (1992)

Only now does it occur to me... how on earth had I never heard of BAD CHANNELS? Try this on for size: it's a Full Moon Picture (which means its a step down from a New World Picture, and probably a step up from a Troma Picture) about an asteroid-headed alien DJ who commandeers a small town Earthling radio station, 

wresting control away from a prankster DJ (kind of a lighter version Bogosian in TALK RADIO)

The DJ in question (pictured left) is played by Abel Ferrara crony Paul Hipp.

and sending out sci-fi transmissions of songs by Fair Game, DMT, and Sykotik Sinfoney, which target specific young local ladies and make them believe that they're starring in their own music video

whereupon they are miniaturized and beamed away by the alien DJ and transported to little glass jars for his safekeeping.

The intrepid reporter trying to piece together the whole mess is played by MTV VJ Martha Quinn:

 

and incidental music throughout is scored by... legendary post-modern hard rock band Blue Öyster Cult (!). While the extraterrestrial goofiness and arena-rock satire certainly play to BOC's fascinations, it must be mentioned that the film does not fit into their Imaginos Mythos (for those not acquainted, the Cult have an overarching Lovecraftian mythos in their lyrics about aliens and conspiracies and world history that was most exhaustively illustrated in their 1988 rock opera IMAGINOS).

The best parts of this film are the "music video" sequences, in which mundane scenes at a bar, a high school gym, and a hospital are transformed into pop/rock/grunge insanity. Fair Game appears at a country western bar, dancing on the bar with the panache of a poor man's Alice Cooper:

DMT takes over a school assembly with a knock-off of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" that is all you could hope for from a Full Moon Picture:

and Sykotik Sinfoney goes on to steal the show with their rap/metal/Oingo Boingo sound, skull makeup, cow udders, and rockin' nuns, which is probably the best unexpected musical number in a hospital since BREAKIN' 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO:

The finale channels LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS, as when the alien is unmasked, he bears a significant resemblance to Audrey II:

It even ends with the promise of a crossover with DOLLMAN!  Essentially, this is 88 minutes of harmless Full Moon fun––no more, no less––but I'm glad it exists.

Music Review: JOHN CARPENTER––LIVE RETROSPECTIVE, IN CONCERT (2016, Manhattan, NY)

Last Friday, it was my pleasure to see John Carpenter––horror master, composer of electronic music, and one of my cinematic heroes––live in concert at the PlayStation Theater in Times Square.

Carpenter (affectionately and frequently referred to as "Carpy" by this site) has deliberately kept a low profile for much of the last decade, having directed only one feature film and two episodes of Showtime's MASTERS OF HORROR since 2001. However, the past year has seen a sort of New Carpenter Renaissance: he's released two new albums (the brilliant LOST THEMES and LOST THEMES II, both of which are the atmospheric equivalent of new Carpenter films), issued three music videos, announced his intention to produce a HALLOWEEN movie for the first time since 1982, and has been touring with the "John Carpenter Live Retrospective," a concert series of film music, new and old, accompanied by projected scenes from his classic films. It was this Live Retrospective that I was able to see on Friday along with a packed house of fellow Carpy enthusiasts (a crowd of around 2,000). Let me tell you about it!

The lineup consisted of John Carpenter himself on one synthesizer, his son Cody Carpenter handling multiple synths, Daniel Davies [Carpy's godson and son of The Kinks' Dave Davies (who collaborated on IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS and VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED '95) ] on lead guitar, John Konesky on guitar, John Spiker on bass, and Scott Seiver on drums: the same lineup seen in Carpenter's recent music videos. Carpenter himself looked rather formidable, dressed all in black with his trademark mustache and long white hair pulled back into a ponytail. At 68, he's still got a real spring in his step, and often visibly grooved to the beat, gave the sign of the horns, or encouraged the audience to clap along. This was not the "lovably irascible" Carpenter who makes the headlines on nerdy websites every few months when he opines on the shortcomings of contemporary horror, etc. This was a laid back, funky Carpenter––this was Carpenter having fun! (As usual, he was a man of few words, but I'll recount the most memorable ones as I describe his set list.)

He opened, appropriately, with ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK's "Main Title," a classic selection which really got the crowd going. Across the board, I must say that Carpenter's band has a nice, thick sound, and the live arrangements generally differ from the album/soundtrack versions in that there's a greater prevalence of drum orchestration and guitar solos, which ultimately makes for a more satisfying live experience.

Carpy and his crew rock out to ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK. Photo courtesy of John Carpenter's official Facebook page.

Next was ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13's iconic "Main Title," Carpy's first big hit and one so popular that it was even remixed for French discotheques!  (Carpenter declined to play the disco version.)

He followed with two tracks from LOST THEMES, the nostalgic "Vortex" and the thoughtful "Mystery," both pumped up by new arrangements which allowed for an impressive drum foundation and an extended guitar solo from Davies.

After taking a moment to describe his love for ghost movies, Carpy & Co. turned their attention to THE FOG's "Main Title," as blue lights shone bright and the fog machines were turned to full blast. It was a moment of true magic to see Carpenter pounding out that baroque melody while enveloped by his iconic blue fog.

Carpenter and his band proceeded to don sunglasses, and bassist John Spiker plucked out the first five notes from THEY LIVE. The crowd erupted in recognition as "OBEY," "CONSUME," "CONFORM," and "SLEEP" were projected on the screen behind the band. They continued with the rest of "Coming to L.A." (the main theme of THEY LIVE), and when the projection featured Keith David and Roddy Piper's famous fistfight, there was a rather enthusiastic response from the crowd, to say the least.

Next was the only non-Carpenter-composed song of the evening (sorry, STARMAN die-hards––no Jack Nitzsche for you!): the Ennio Morricone-scored "Main Title" from THE THING. Carpenter gave a special shout-out to Morricone as the ominous bass line began to rattle the room.  Stark white light set the proper Antarctic mood, one which was later accompanied by projections of some of the more gruesome (and crowd-pleasing) scenes from THE THING. He followed this up with "Distant Dream" (the opening track from LOST THEMES II), which served as a sort of palate cleanser after that relentless, bassy doom and gloom.

Carpenter dedicated the following song to "a friend I made five movies with, but the most fun we ever had was when we went looking for a girl with green eyes."

There's Biiiiiig Trouble....in Little China! Photo courtesy of John Carpenter's official Facebook page.

Obviously, the friend was Kurt Russell, and the song was "Pork Chop Express," the rootin'-tootin' opening theme to BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA.  (Unfortunately, this was a "John Carpenter Live Retrospective" and not a "Coupe de Villes Reunion Tour," and therefore we were denied the rockin' closing credits music, "Big Trouble in Little China." But I can live with that!)

Carpenter invited the audience to "ride the synth wave" with him, and followed with "Wraith," a melancholy track from LOST THEMES. Then he insisted "these songs so far have been uncharacteristically positive––let's go a little darker... into the 'Night.'" (The "Night" in question being the closing track from LOST THEMES, a gloomy cyberpunk meditation.)

Afterward, insisting that he had "a confession to make," Carpenter humorously admitted to being a horror director before proclaiming "horror movies will live forever!" The crowd roared as Cody began plunking out the HALLOWEEN "Main Theme" (in its distinctive 5/4 time signature). The orchestration that followed was more layered and complex than what originally appeared in 1978, and it was newly arranged for this lineup (though it bore a resemblance to the arrangement from HALLOWEEN II).

He followed this with the rockin' "Main Title" from IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS, and Daniel Davies performed the extended guitar solo that his father originally played for the 1994 film. After this, the band left the stage––but you just know Carpy's gonna do an encore:

They returned with "Opening Titles" from PRINCE OF DARKNESS, one of Carpenter's darkest and voxiest tracks. This flowed into "Virtual Survivor," a moody piece from LOST THEMES II, which gave way to "Purgatory," a diptych from the original LOST THEMES that I once imagined was the theme song to the fictitious film, CAPTAIN RON VERSUS THE FOG. 

When they'd finished, Carpenter grew pensive, leaning toward the microphone. He said, "As you leave tonight, and go out into the darkness, be careful... 'Christine' is out there!" Two floodlights lit up opposite ends of the stage (approximating the headlights of a haunted Plymouth Fury), and the fourth and final encore was the lesser-known "Main Theme" from CHRISTINE (you may recall that the opening scene is actually set to George Thorogood's "Bad to the Bone").

In all, it was a wonderful experience––wonderful to see one of my heroes not merely yawning through a Q&A, but actually doing what he loves on a stage for a deeply appreciative audience; presenting fresh new material alongside his past classics. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Carpy rocks!

–Sean Gill