Only now does it occur to me... VIRTUOSITY (1995)

Only now does it occur to me... that VIRTUOSITY (1995) is perhaps Ridley Scott's favorite movie.

What––you don't believe me? That a film directed by Brett Leonard (THE LAWNMOWER MAN, SIEGFRIED AND ROY: THE MAGIC BOX, Billy Idol's "Shock to the System" music video) would be Ridley's fave? I promise I'll convince you. But first, some background.

Penned by underrated genre scribe Eric Bernt (SURVIVING THE GAME, ROMEO IS BLEEDING), it's a post-DEMOLITION MAN/GHOST IN THE MACHINE cyberpunk fable of a murderous A.I.––in this case, a virtual "serial killer" training program (Russell Crowe)––who escapes into the real world to battle his nemesis, a jailed and hardboiled cop (Denzel Washington). I'd say that it draws some tonal inspiration from Ridley Scott's BLADE RUNNER and BLACK RAIN––for instance, there's a scene where Crowe's A.I. come-to-life encounters an older, bartender-model robot (Kevin Loreque, in a great, butoh-adjacent performance),

 and is made so existentially uncomfortable that he "retires" him, á la BLADE RUNNER:

In general, I must note that this movie is majestically entertaining. Allow me to submit, for your consideration, a scene where Russell Crowe jaunts down the street in a '90s zoot suit while homaging SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER and receives his very first high-five––a moment which calls for serious and immediate contemplation.

 

Or this scene, where Russell Crowe rocks out, in concert, with some theremin-style 1990s musical accoutrement.

The film features John Waters'-own Traci Lords as a cyberpunk nightclub singer, 

and even brings us the mind-boggling occurrence of a Debbie Harry/non-David Byrne Talking Heads song called "No Talking Just Head" which, I guess, attempts to subtly satirize the Talking Heads' existence while mostly sounding like an ersatz Nine Inch Nails banger. This plays over the end credits and just feels like the perfect capper for the madness we've just witnessed.

But I don't want to stray too far from my main point, which is that "VIRTUOSITY is Ridley Scott's favorite movie." Now, I may have amply demonstrated the "whys" and "hows" of VIRTUOSITY becoming someone's favorite movie, but I haven't fully illustrated the Scott connection.

You're probably thinking: Oh, yeah, you're going to remind us that Ridley Scott is a maniac for Russell Crowe and casts him in all of his movies. He even cast Crowe and Denzel Washington in AMERICAN GANGSTER (2007), and reversed their roles, with Crowe as the cop pursuing Washington's criminal. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you're absolutely right, I think that's a point worth discussing. But I sense you pushing back already. 

Well, that's not enough to prove your hypothesis, buddy––you're making a serious claim about Sir Ridley Scott's rarefied tastes, and you don't have the receipts!

I hear your skepticism. I hear it loud and clear. But what if I told you that most of the supporting roles also had a latter-day Scott connection? Stephen Spinella ended up in the Scott-produced NUMB3ERS... and Junta Juleil Hall-O-Famer William Forsythe (THE ROCK, EXTREME PREJUDICE)

appeared in the Scott-produced MAN IN THE HIGH CASTLE... the great William Fichtner (GO, HEAT, DRIVE ANGRY, THE DARK KNIGHT) 

was also later cast by Scott in BLACK HAWK DOWN (2001). (Oh yeah, and in this screencap, Fichtner appears next to none other than Louise "Nurse Ratched" Fletcher.) Who's to say that he didn't bring these folks into the Scott fold because he was such a VIRTUOSITY fanatic?

I am. These are all working actors, bub––having them pop up in a subsequent Scott project doesn't prove diddly.

Okay, I can accept that. But how about a canister of primordial, life-giving goo which lends Russell Crowe's A.I. a corporeal form:

 

isn't that exactly like the "concept of Alien life" promulgated by the Engineers in Scott's PROMETHEUS (2012)?

Maybe, but it's not terribly original here, nor in PROMETHEUS. You gotta give me something more substantial.

Alright, here it is: Russell Crowe bursts into an ultimate fighting championship––a modern gladiatorial game, if you will, not unlike Scott's GLADIATOR (2000)––and backflops (that's correct, it's more of a backflop than a backflip) into the ring, and offers not one, but two General Maximus-meets-Vince McMahon"Are you entertained?" gestures to the crowd.

Roll the tape:

Well, that's pretty spot-on, actually, you might be saying. Say, this is all pretty weird. Is it possible that Ridley Scott really does love VIRTUOSITY above all other films?

To which, I say––well, 1995 was a good year. Not "a good year" like Ridley Scott's 2006 Russell Crowe-vehicle wine-country drama "A GOOD YEAR," but a good year nonetheless:

Book 'em, Danno. I says: case closed.

Only now does it occur to me... BEST OF THE BEST (1989)

Only now does it occur to me... that BEST OF THE BEST (not to be confused with the Milli Vanilli album) is practically a lost Cannon film––a South Korea vs. U.S.A. martial arts tournament movie packed with Golan-Globus alumni: Eric Roberts (RUNAWAY TRAIN), James Earl Jones (ALLAN QUATERMAIN AND THE LOST CITY OF GOLD), John P. Ryan (AVENGING FORCE, DEATH WISH 4, DELTA FORCE 2), Eddie Bunker (RUNAWAY TRAIN, SHY PEOPLE), Louise Fletcher (INVADERS FROM MARS), Tom Everett (DEATH WISH 4, MESSENGER OF DEATH), and Kane Hodder (AVENGING FORCE). Damn!

There are at least a dozen good reasons to see BEST OF THE BEST, so, without further ado:

#1. Eric Roberts. A.K.A. a Steel Town Boy on a Saturday Night.

It's sort of the FLASHDANCE of Taekwondo tournament movies, with Eric Roberts playing a widowed father who spends his days welding at a car factory. Though he lives with a shoulder injury, his one passion is martial arts. Eddie Bunker (ex-con, novelist, and bit player who might be best known to audiences as "Mr. Blue" from RESERVOIR DOGS) is his co-worker who just wants to hang out and grab some beers.
 
Roberts has got a statement mullet and wears statement sweaters with deep V's.


As the film's heart, Roberts bleeds with his usual acting intensity, often reserved for conversations with his mother, who is played by––

#2. Louise Fletcher.

"Nurse Ratched" is quite the score for a tournament fighter movie. It'd be like if they got Meryl Streep to play Johnny Cage's mom in MORTAL KOMBAT. Fletcher gets to flex her acting chops in about three scenes, which is pretty good for something like this, I guess.

#3. Philip Rhee as "Tommy Lee." (Not to be confused with the drummer from Mötley Crüe.)

Perhaps best known for BEST OF THE BEST, BEST OF THE BEST II, BEST OF THE BEST III: NO TURNING BACK, and BEST OF THE BEST IV: WITHOUT WARNING, Rhee is a talented performer tasked with the movie's soul and most exhaustive backstory. It's a representational relief that the lead character in an '80s movie about a Korean/American martial arts tournament is Korean-American. He may only have fourth billing, but this is truly Rhee's movie (he was also a producer and co-writer).

#4. Chris Penn as a Martial Artist. It feels right to come off of the entry about an actual martial artist to arrive right here. The movie doesn't comment on Penn (right, in the blue pants)

being unable to jump rope, or basically unable to lift his legs

or do a proper push up.

I also want to be clear that I am definitely in favor of this choice. He also gets to shout the line, "Grab him like a toilet seat!" in the climactic fight. He's kind of the "Vernon Wells in COMMANDO" of this movie, whereupon an out-of-shape guy was slapped in a chain-mail sweater and pitted against Arnold Schwarzenegger. Bless.

#5. The montages. The above images come from a training montage set to an "Eye of the Tiger" rip-off called, fittingly, "Best of the Best," by Stubblefield & Hall. No "Hall & Oates" are they, but they acquit themselves with "whooooahhh/be the best that you can be/the best of the best" lyrical élan.

This is all crosscut with their South Korean opponents doing exercises that are a lot more strenuous. Even though one of the Koreans killed Tommy Lee's brother in a match, they're not exactly set up as Ivan Drago-ish villains. (Every member of the South Korean team can do a push-up.)

#6. I haven't even mentioned the people who run the American team. The first would be the head coach, James Earl Jones.

He has pretty much one rule: "DON'T EVER BE LATE!" (That should be printed on an inspirational poster and attributed to Darth Vader.) He cares a lot about his team members showing up to practice, and a melodramatic plot development where Eric Roberts wants to miss a practice because his son was hit by a car (!) leads to the following exchange:

"MY KID MIGHT LOSE HIS LEG!"


"WE ALL HAVE OUR PRIORITIES!"

Damn, James Earl Jones, you're as cold as ice!

#7. John P. Ryan. He shows up briefly as the owner (?) of the American Taekwondo team. It's kind of unclear what the bureaucracy is, but he gets to act as if he is very excited about a martial arts tournament.


#8. Finally, Sally Kirkland (JFK, ANNA) rounds out the team management as a specialist on the mental aspects of martial arts. She takes everybody back to karate school or whatever

and I thought there was going to be a big plot-line about "we're not gonna let some woman tell us how to kick dudes in the face" but she's pretty much treated with respect from the outset, so... nice job, movie!

#9. Kane Hodder. You know him best for playing Jason Voorhees from FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VII through JASON X, but prepare to get to know him all over again as "Redneck in Barfight" shouting "I want him, I want his balls!"

To which Chris Penn retorts, "Yeah I thought you were missing a pair, ASSHOLE!"

#10. Ahmad Rashad as himself.

He commentates over the tournament finale, lending it a "documentary" sports feel.

#11. Simon Rhee (Philip Rhee's brother) playing the South Korean badass who accidentally killed Philip Rhee's (fictitious) brother.

The eyepatch lends him a kind of "South Korean Snake Plissken" vibe, and he has the acting and martial arts chops to pull it off.

#12. The sincerity.

Without giving too much away, by the time THE BEST OF THE BEST is over you will regard it as a shockingly sincere 80s sports movie, one which that recognizes opponents as "not bad guys at whom you should scream 'U.S.A., U.S.A., U.S.A!,'" but multi-dimensional human beings who are also in pursuit of excellence and worthy of respect. That's all.

Film Review: THE BOY WHO COULD FLY (1986, Nick Castle)

Stars: 2.5 of 5.
Running Time: 107 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Lucy Deakins (AS THE WORLD TURNS, CHEETAH), Jay Underwood (AFTERGLOW, UNCLE BUCK), Fred Savage (THE PRINCESS BRIDE, LITTLE MONSTERS), Bonnie Bedelia (DIE HARD, NEEDFUL THINGS), Colleen Dewhurst (ANNIE HALL, THE DEAD ZONE), Fred Gwynne (THE MUNSTERS, THE COTTON CLUB), Jason Priestley (TOMBSTONE, BEVERLY HILLS 90210), Louise Fletcher (ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST, EXORCIST II: THE HERETIC). Music by Bruce Broughton (TOMBSTONE, THE ICE PIRATES, MOONWALKER). Featuring the one and only Coupe de Villes. Visual Effects by Richard Edlund (THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, GHOSTBUSTERS, BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA, the opening sequence for TALES FROM THE CRYPT).
Tag-line: " A very special love. And a very special magic. But is it real magic or just an illusion?"
Best one-liner: "In da back of da bus....just you and us"

Well, allow me to take a brief respite from my exploration of the horror portmanteau in order to bring something to your attention: THE BOY WHO COULD FLY. Now, how you'll feel about the movie itself likely will hinge on when you saw it: its greatest devotees are nostalgia-driven sentimentalists who saw it as kids back in '86. I, on the other hand, saw it this weekend, and, uh... well, let's just say that it's a little corny.


With a little bit of E.T. and a little bit of DUMBO (but with an autistic kid instead of a Reese's Pieces-luvin' alien or a floppy-eared elephant), THE BOY WHO COULD FLY launches itself headfirst into heavy-duty mawkishness and attempts to leave no tear unjerked.

I don't wish to badmouth the film, though- I'm a fan of filmmaker (and John Carpenter crony) Nick Castle, and if this film brings comfort or nostalgia to its fans, then I'm all for it. Now, in my mind, there are a few memorable elements in it, and one really noteworthy element, so I shall discuss them without further delay:

We've got Louise Fletcher as a well-meaning psychiatrist. And even though she's friendly, I guess I can't stop myself from making a comparison to Nurse Ratched.

Anyway, in a puzzling twist she chose to go uncredited, yet receives a very special thanks– was she unhappy with how the film turned out, or did she want her appearance to be unexpected? Who knows.

We got Fred Savage playing THE LAST STARFIGHTER video game (THE LAST STARFIGHTER was Nick Castle's previous picture),


a gang of tubby eight-year-old kids who terrorize Fred Savage and whose leader wears an Anarchy t-shirt, a nuanced performance by THE MUNSTERS' Fred Gwynne as a drunken parental figure (he really is mind-blowingly great- his facial contortions alone are possibly the movie's most genuine facet),

and an un-nuanced performance by Bonnie Bedelia (who's obviously been directed to be overly... indicative).

(Note that she's looking at an alarm clock and is running a few minutes late– she's not running a few hours late, nor has the alarm clock transformed into a portal to another dimension or flashed some obscene message á la MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE. She is just running... a few.... minutes... late.)

But then....thirty-four minutes in....they drop an ATOM BOMB. An atom bomb I like to call: THE COUPE DE VILLES...

Hollleeee shit. If you have no idea who or what the Coupe de Villes are, may I refer you HERE, HERE, and HERE.

So two gals are engaging in some underage drinking/slumber partying, when who should appear on TV but the legendary Coupe de Villes, doing their best 80's glam band impersonation.

KISS, eat your heart out. Clockwise from upper left: Tommy Lee Wallace, John Carpenter, Nick Castle, and guest Coupe Warren Carr (the production manager).

(And who is this mysterious 4th Coupe de Ville, Warren Carr? I see he was the production manager here, but it seems to be his only professional contact with any of the Coupes.)

Now, the song, which does not appear on their album, WAITING OUT THE EIGHTIES, is written by Nick Castle, is entitled "Back of the Bus," and is further evidence that there may be entire vaults filled to the brim with unreleased Coupe de Ville treasures. It features a high-pitched plea from Nick Castle ('Heyyyyy pretty baby'), a booming, intense chorus by Carpy himself ('in da back of da bus.'), and it pretty much made my weekend.

"Mmmmmm----heh, heh, heh/Hey pretty girl/You goin' to school/We gonna teach her/The golden rule/in da back of da bus/Just you and us/Heyyy pretty baby/we like your looks/come here and study/put down your books/in da back of da bus"

And then they change the channel. But I never thought I would see John Carpenter looking like a member of Twisted Sister and menacing a young lassie in the back of a schoolbus:

Carpy imperils a studious young lady...in da back of da bus

And now, to shed some long-sought light upon the Coupe de Villes phenomenon, I have transcribed the audio commentary for this scene from THE BOY WHO COULD FLY DVD (said commentary features Nick Castle, Jay Underwood, Fred Savage, and Lucy Deakins):

Nick Castle: I wrote and performed that song as The Coupe de Villes. The Coupe de Villes are in various other films as well. They're in HALLOWEEN, they're in BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA, so we sort of spread ourselves around. But it is basically a vanity band. We would play the wrap parties for some of our films, and, uh, make everyone listen to us.

[everyone laughs]

Jay Underwood: I can't remember, did you play at ours?

Nick Castle: I sang, but uh–

Lucy Deakins: It was your Bruce Springsteen lookalike phase. The bandanas and everything.

Nick Castle: This was an in-joke, having flown my two friends into Vancouver for this little bit of playing the rock n' roll band, John Carpenter, of course, the famous director who did HALLOWEEN, and another friend, Tom Wallace, who's another director, with the opportunity of actually pretending to be a rock group. I threw us all together for this little bit.

Lucy Deakins: I still have the record you cut.

Jay Underwood: I got the same album...WAITING OUT THE EIGHTIES.

Lucy Deakins: Yeah!

[then the subject is changed to how Nick Castle played Mike Myers in HALLOWEEN, and how he receives more fan mail for that than for all the movies he directed]

Interesting. Though obviously Nick sells himself short when he refers to it as a vanity band. And now I have to rewatch HALLOWEEN: apparently it contains some hidden Coupe-de-Villery that has flown right over my head the five thousand or so times that I've watched it. And you know what warms my heart more than THE BOY WHO COULD FLY? The fact that Nick Castle gave the cast of THE BOY WHO COULD FLY LPs of WAITING OUT THE EIGHTIES!

Two and a half stars for the Coupe de Villes, but where is the rest of the music video footage?...it must exist, and it demands to be seen!

-Sean Gill

Film Review: EXORCIST II: THE HERETIC (1977, John Boorman)

Stars: 2.8 of 5.
Running Time: 118 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Linda Blair (ROLLER BOOGIE, THE EXORCIST), Richard Burton (THE KLANSMAN, THE SPY WHO CAME IN FROM THE COLD), Louise Fletcher (BRAINSTORM, ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST), Max von Sydow (THE ICE PIRATES, THE SEVENTH SEAL), Ned Beatty (STROKER ACE, DELIVERANCE), James Earl Jones (SOUL MAN, STAR WARS), Paul Henreid (OPERATION CROSSBOW, CASABLANCA), Kitty Winn (KOJAK, THE PANIC IN NEEDLE PARK). Music by Ennio Morricone (RED SONJA; THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY). Tap Dance Routine choreographed by Daniel Joseph Giaghi (PENNIES FROM HEAVEN).
Tag-line: "It's four years later...what does she remember?"
Best one-liner: "If he can teach me how he has survived Pazuzu... I'll come back and let you know."

Where to begin? The acting talent is astonishing- of the seven principal players, six have been nominated for (or have won) Oscars. The seventh, Kitty Winn, had won Best Actress at Cannes. The director, John Boorman, had a history of accomplished, edgy work from POINT BLANK to HELL IN THE PACIFIC to DELIVERANCE. So where did we go wrong? Well, two things in particular:

#1. EXORCIST II is playing a high-stakes poker game with the audience. And it's betting the farm on a little lady named Linda Blair, which you'll soon realize was something of a mistake. What everyone thought was a genius, new acting talent from the first EXORCIST was mostly just the voice of Mercedes McCambridge and the astonishing special effects. In the meantime, Blair had unfortunately become something of a King Midas in reverse… but, hey, she still does a mean tap-dance. More on that in a minute.

#2. Looks like John Boorman kept Richard Burton sober. Another big mistake. He plays nearly every scene with an infantile, bewildered grimace- the subtext is "Goddamn you for taking away my gin stash!" He's pronouncing "evil" with three syllables- "Eee-vee-ill." This man is tortured.

"When the wings have brushed you...is there no hope once the WINGS HAVE BRUSHED YOU!!!" Hand this man a flask, for the love of God!

"Where'd you put my stash, John? I won't be cross with you if you give it back, straightaway. I don't even want it all- just a fifth of the best gin. How's about a Gin Rickey, John? Just one Rickey. Then we'll get back to the film. Just a quick snifter, John. John?"


"Oh, I'll buy it back, John! I'll give you all the gold 'n silver in all the world, John! I'll do the picture gratis, John! Whaddya say? Just a quick Pimm's cup! It's all I need, John- just a little Pimm's to keep me going."


"You want some shite acting for your shite film, John?! By all the saints, I'll give it to, you bloody bastard! All's I wanted was some Pimm's, you divvy git! Why, now I'll take this Pazuzu fellow and cock up your picture!"

Anyway, there's some shit with amnesia and synchronized hypnosis,


and, wait- if Linda Blair can see into the future, then why doesn't she use that knowledge to prevent ROLLER BOOGIE from happening?

Then there's this tantalizing bit from the credits: "Tap Dance Routine choreographed by Daniel Joseph Giaghi." If you're anything like me, such an absurd statement will excite and intrigue. 'What can we put in Part 2 that we didn't have in Part 1?' Clearly the answer is a tap-dance routine. And not just a tap-dance routine– a psychedelic tap-dance collective seizure attack:

Dit-dat duh duh

Clickety-clackety-clickety-clack

EEEEEYEEOOOOOWWWW

YUHH-UHHHH-UHHH

Truly, it's the little things that keep ya going.

So, EXORCIST 1 had the head-spin, the vomit, and the inappropriate use of a crucifix. EXORCIST 2 has the tap-dance seizure, the locust POV shot,

and the rock crevice plummet. But there's some good stuff going on, too. Ennio Morricone's score is in turns funny, primal, epic, thumpin', and, on at least one occasion lends unexpected weight to a scene involving a locust attack. Boorman makes some bold stylistic and editing decisions, a few of which (trippy hallucinations

and a jarring self-immolation sequence) work quite well. On the whole, it kinda feels like a weird, arty horror retread of those terrible old Republic serials. It never quite bores and never quite entertains. Almost three stars- why not?.

-Sean Gill