R.I.P., Larry Cohen

This is a tough one. Larry Cohen––consummate old-New Yawwk indie-auteur, master of exploitation and horror, father of the IT'S ALIVE trilogy, progenitor of the only Yaphet Kotto chamber drama, facilitator of Michael Moriarty method performances in movies with stop-motion monsters, inventor of THE STUFF (a movie so good, I reviewed it twice), creator of MANIAC COP, the force behind the exquisitely unnecessary (in all the best ways) sequel to SALEM'S LOT (co-starring Sam Fuller!), the person ballsy enough to star Adam and Alan Arkin in the same movie and not have them play father and son, and the final director to match wits with Bette Davis––has died at 77.

I was lucky enough to almost work with Larry as a production assistant on an indie thriller he was going to make in 2006 called SURVEILLANCE. Though I was interviewed, hired, and ready to go, the film was stopped short before principal photography began. [A major network was able to kibosh it due to surface similarities with a pilot they were pushing (based on an Alfred Hitchcock movie) that never came to pass either. Ah, show biz.] Regardless, Larry and his partners were delightfully old-school in a very "New York moxie" kind of way that I somehow can only compare to the spunky, screwball newspaper comedies from the '30s and '40s. Fitting for a guy who grew up on Bogart and Cagney, made the journey from NBC page to show creator in less than a decade, and managed to make some of the most whacked-out, socially important horror films of the '70s and '80s with little more than shoestrings and elbow grease. I don't think we'll ever see his like again.

Film Review: THE STUFF (1985, Larry Cohen)

Stars: 4.5 of 5.
Running Time: 87 minutes.
Tag-line: "It's smooth and creamy. It's low calorie and delicious. And it kills. It's The Stuff!"
Notable Cast or Crew: Michael Moriarty (TROLL, BANG THE DRUM SLOWLY), Andrea Marcovicci (THE HAND, THE FRONT), Garrett Morris (SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, MARTIN), Paul Sorvino (GOODFELLAS, ROMEO + JULIET), Danny Aiello (DO THE RIGHT THING, ONCE UPON A TIME IN AMERICA), Patrick O'Neal (UNDER SIEGE, THE WAY WE WERE), Abe Vigoda (THE GODFATHER, LOOK WHO'S TALKING), Brooke Adams (THE DEAD ZONE, INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS '78), Eric Bogosian (TALK RADIO, SUBURBIA), Patrick Dempsey (CAN'T BUY ME LOVE, GREY'S ANATOMY).
Best One-liner: "Ever'body has to eat shavin' cream once in a while."

Behold... THE STUFF.  (Or IL GELATO CHE UCCIDE––"the gelato that kills," according to the Italian poster.  You know, I think we should just go with that title instead!)  Technically, I already reviewed THE STUFF over six years ago, but a film as deliciously delirious as THE STUFF deserves more than a simple capsule-review.

THE STUFF is essentially THE BLOB for the 1980s, which is to say it's a "corporate" Blob, fully deregulated, and ready for the voracious consumers of the THEY LIVE generation.



Note the EYES OF LAURA MARS-chic: fur coats n' bathing suits!

The premise is simple: a taste sensation is sweeping the nation––it's called "The Stuff," and it's low in calories and high on tastee flavor.  The only problem is, eating it might transform you into an alien monster, equal parts THE BLOB, THE THING, and INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS.


It's tough to get people to care about side effects, though, cause The Stuff is so goddamned delicious and low in calories and did I mention how inexpensive it is?

Sure, the commentary is a little heavy-handed, but writer/director Larry Cohen was butting heads with Reagan-era consumerism, an age of such colorful greed that it's no stretch of the imagination whatsoever to have Abe Vigoda and the "Where's the Beef?" lady hawking The Stuff from the comfort of a yuppie eatery.

"Where's... the STUFF?"

Indeed, that is actually a scene from the film.  And that's why I love Larry Cohen––he's never afraid to take a Grand Guignol or MAD Magazine-style gag way too far.  My only complaint is that there was (so far as I know) no movie tie-in with a marshmallow fluff manufacturer.  Though obviously it would have clashed with the film's philosophical sensibilities, that has to be one of the major missed opportunities of our times.

In any event, here's some of my favorite stuff from THE STUFF:


#1. THE STUFF wastes no time.  In the first fifteen seconds of the film, we have an unlucky nightwatchman discover The Stuff and seal his fate by eating its fluffy goodness.


If this were actually a remake of THE BLOB, the run-time would probably be less than five minutes.  In short, I really appreciate a horror movie (see also: SLUGS) that really cuts to the chase. 


#2.  Michael Moriarty, playing an industrial spy named Mo ("The name's Mo Rutherford. They call me that 'cause when people give me money, I always want mo'."), delivering yet another one of his multifaceted method performances in the context of a B-movie.

He plays Mo as a likeable, easygoing Southern politician who puts a great deal of effort into making his extremely calculated, "aw shucks" persona feel spontaneous.  He's sort of a proto-Kevin Spacey from HOUSE OF CARDS, and it's the kind of work that might have garnered an Oscar nod if it didn't happen to be in a movie about killer marshmallows.


#3. SNL's Garrett Morris as "Chocolate Chip Charlie."

For about twenty-five minutes, THE STUFF becomes a buddy movie as Moriarty's industrial spy teams up with Garrett Morris' "Famous Amos"-inspired cookie man in order to battle The Stuff.  I swear Morris is improvising everything he does, from his dialogue to his karate moves.  I wholeheartedly approve.


#4. The Kiddie Element.  There's a reason THE STUFF is remembered fondly by so many thirty and fortysomethings, and it's because it enabled so many childhood fantasies––namely, that evil food is crawling around in your refrigerator unattended,

and that all the things your parents want you to eat are actually part of a BODY SNATCHERS-style alien conspiracy.

Hell, I'm pretty sure this was the basis for most of CALVIN & HOBBES.  And then there's the catharsis of mounting a kiddie assault on a grocery store with a rake handle:


Note: Playwright Eric Bogosian is one of the stock boys!

It's all pretty fantastic, creepy escapism.


#5.  Patrick Dempsey (later known as "McDreamy" or "McSteamy" or something, on the basis of his faux-Clooney/Anthony Edwards levels of popularity on GREY'S ANATOMY) as a New Wave-y "Stuff Junkie."

Obviously, I get a kick out of this sort of thing.

#6. A pre-respectability Danny Aiello as a spooked FDA official.

He only has about five minutes of screen-time, but he delivers a labyrinthine, layered performance as a public official who is being manipulated by his evil pet dog.  It sounds silly, but I'm not kidding––he infuses the role with a true and existential menace; it's like we're watching ROSEMARY'S BABY or a Harold Pinter play or something.


#7. The commercials.  I've alluded to these already, but THE STUFF is filled with wonderful fake commercials for the titular product, and they run the gamut from the ridiculous (the aforementioned Abe Vigoda/Where's the Beef crossover) to the sublime:



which includes Cannon Films-style "urban" dance choreography, absurd pop jingles, and celebrity cameos (such as Brooke Adams, Tammy Grimes, Laurene Landon, etc.).


#8.  The absolutely vicious corporate digs.  I really don't think Larry Cohen could get away with this stuff today.  For starters, he delves into the particulars of FDA regulation and directly compares the killer secret formula of The Stuff to that of... Coca-Cola.

Later, top executives are force-fed insane quantities of their own toxic product.  I have to imagine every time somebody watches THE STUFF, the CEOs from Burger King and McDonald's and Taco Bell shudder in their mansions somewhere and don't know why.

THE STUFF has balls!


#9. Is it a James Bond movie?

Most of the film's latter half takes place at a factory for The Stuff, and the machine-gun-toting employees all wear yellow jumpsuits, like they're henchmen from YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE or MOONRAKER or the like.  I can dig it.

#10. Paul Sorvino.  As a right-wing military man in the "General Jack D. Ripper" mold, Sorvino is frighteningly hilarious.

Whether he's screaming lines like "The Commie bastards took their own lives!" or commandeering a fleet of taxis (and commanding his soldiers to issue a ten-percent tip),

he's doing his best to steal the movie from Michael Moriarty.  He doesn't quite succeed, but it's a good showing.

In the end, THE STUFF is an irreverent, absurdist work of horror-comedy which frequently rings prophetic.  "Are you eatin' it or is it eatin' you?"  Four and a half stars.

–Sean Gill

2015 HALLOWEEN COUNTDOWN

1.  SCANNERS (1981, David Cronenberg)

2.  MICHAEL IRONSIDE: MENTAL SABOTEUR (2014, Karen Stetler)

3.  NOMADS (1986, John McTiernan)

4. ...

Only now does it occur to me... FULL MOON HIGH

Only now does it occur to me...  that in a film starring Adam and Alan Arkin,

the character of "Adam Arkin's Dad" is played by... Ed McMahon!

As far as I know, FULL MOON HIGH and the incorporation of "Heeeeeere's Johnny" into THE SHINING are Ed McMahon's two contributions to the horror genre.

In any event, FULL MOON HIGH is one of the weaker entries in the Larry Cohen canon, a wonderful body of work which includes IT'S ALIVE, THE STUFF, Q, and GOD TOLD ME TO.  It's a werewolf spoof movie that updates I WAS A TEENAGE WEREWOLF for the 80s, and a full four years before TEEN WOLF.

 This teen wolf plays football.

There's a smattering of laughs, some vaguely engaging inter-generational commentary, bit parts by Bob Saget and Pat Morita,

Pat Morita as "The Silversmith"

and I really like the low-rent map used for travel montages, which you'll note is so half-assed that they've mixed up Bulgaria and Romania.

Nice work!

2014 HALLOWEEN COUNTDOWN

1.  FROM DUSK TILL DAWN 2: TEXAS BLOOD MONEY (1999, Scott Spiegel)

2.  MARK OF THE VAMPIRE (1935, Tod Browning)

3. ...

Film Review: MANIAC COP 2 (1990, William Lustig)

Stars: 4 of 5.
Running Time: 90 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Written by Larry Cohen. Music by Jay Chattaway. Starring Robert Z'Dar (Face in TANGO & CASH), Robert Davi (THE GOONIES), Clarence Williams III (52 PICK-UP, TWIN PEAKS), Charles Napier (SOMETHING WILD, SILENCE OF THE LAMBS), Bruce Campbell, Danny Trejo, Michael Lerner (BARTON FINK, THE CANDIDATE), Claudia Christian (A GNOME NAMED GNORM), and Leo Rossi (RIVER'S EDGE, LEONARD PT. 6).

Tag-line: "You Have The Right To Remain Silent...Forever!"
Best one-liner: "There's a piece of Cordell in every cop. Every time arresting some mutt isn't enough, because we know they'll be back on the streets before we even do the paperwork. Every time we pull a trigger and it feels good, because no lawyers can reverse that. It all comes down to justice and pressure. There's only that much difference between a cop and a maniac cop."

I had fairly low expectations for MANIAC COP 2, but somehow ended up liking it better than the first. Though parts of it lag, writer Larry Cohen (ITS ALIVE, Q) and director Bill Lustig (VIGILANTE, MANIAC) punctuate the film with visually inventive and darkly humorous setpieces. The main title is accompanied by a cacophony of slice n' dice sound effects, and the opening involves a bodega robbery where a psycho, upon learning there's no cash, forces the clerk to start scratching off instant lotto tickets. The sequence is played for frenetic laughs, but the genuine deranged quality of the robber and some effective mood lighting make the scene quite eerie and artistic, and far better than it ought to be- a sentiment that could be applied to the film as a whole.

The Maniac Cop teams up with a Times Square slasher (who was meant to be played by Joe Spinell, R.I.P., the original MANIAC) and protagonist duties fall upon the bland but serviceable Claudia Christian (THE HIDDEN) and Robert Davi (THE GOONIES, DIE HARD), who delivers another excellent method performance as Robert Davi.


Jaw-dropping highlights include the Maniac Cop's TERMINATOR-style assault on a police station, which begins with a shooting range (that shoots back!) and ends with the truly macabre imagery of the Cop casually walking through layers of plate glass as if they were cobwebs.

There're amusing bit parts by Danny Trejo and Clarence Williams III as incredulous prisoners, and it leads to a ludicrous asbestos suit finale at the Maniac Cop's former penitentiary.

Now, Lustig is a true aficionado of bodies flung from buildings (he included THE STONE KILLER in one of his annual 'Bill Lustig presents' NYC screening series!), and the mind-blowing sight he posits here (two flaming bodies spiraling downward in slow mo) may just take the cake!


It all ends with a rap that's somehow a cross between the verse of 'Rico Suave' and the whistling melodies of Ennio Morricone. "Set 'im on fire, or shoot 'im with an Uzi/ But he'll still show up in your Jacuzzi. They killed him once/ but he came back/ he's the m-m-m-m-m-m-maniac! I know it sounds like jive/ we're not sure if he's dead or alive." Bravo.

-Sean Gill

Film Review: THE STUFF (1985, Larry Cohen)

Stars: 5 of 5.
Running Time: 93 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Michael Moriarty, Danny Aiello, Garrett Morris, Paul Sorvino
Tag-lines: "Are you eating it ...or is it eating you?"
Best one-liner: "The yellow sons of bitches, they took their own lives! Commie bastards, you cheated me!"

"The name's Mo Rutherford. They call me that 'cause when people give me money, I always want mo'." Mo is played by a wise-cracking ("No one is as dumb as I appear to be"), Southern accented, method-acting, yellow-jumpsuit-wearing powerhouse, Michael Moriarty.


"Hit the juice!"

Whatever he's in, he's going to be effin' amazing. And when he teams up with Larry Cohen, part B-horror maestro and part channeler of classic genre Hollywood (Hawks, Fuller, etc.), the results are never short of satisfying. THE STUFF is a Reaganized, consumerized, 80's update of THE BLOB, with poster art that scarred a generation of susceptible children.

From its low-key opening scene depicting the arctic discovery of 'the Stuff' to the hardcore military shitstorm at the finish, it's silly as all hell, but as soon as you laugh too hard and you're caught unawares, it swats you in the nuts with the stick that is cogent social commentary. Cohen's commentary has always been a little less subtle than, say, George Romero's, but when immersed in the madness that is of one of his films, it certainly doesn't matter. With SNL's Garrett Morris as a Famous Amos stand-in cookie magnate, Paul Sorvino as a jingoistic, racist army Colonel, and Danny Aiello as a victim of 'the Stuff,' Moriarty and Cohen are well supported. Five foamy, creamy white scrumptious stars.

"You're supposed to EAT IT, that's all! You eat it and eat as much of it as you can and you KEEP eating it!"

-Sean Gill