Only now does it occur to me... THE BOYFRIEND SCHOOL (1990)

Only now does it occur to me... that there's an incredibly specific TWIN PEAKS homage secreted within the awkward makeover rom-com THE BOYFRIEND SCHOOL (originally released as DON'T TELL HER IT'S ME). 

First, I must explain the premise of the film, which features Steve Guttenberg playing a heavily made-up American cancer survivor who is the cartoonist of a "Ziggy"-adjacent comic strip. 

 

Unable to find love, his sister––Shelley Long, as an over-the-top Harlequin romance novelist in the mold of her "fashion plate" character from TROOP BEVERLY HILLS––

 

makes him over as a Kiwi biker named "Lobo" with a righteous mullet, somewhere between Mel Gibson's in LETHAL WEAPON, Chuck Norris' in THE HITMAN, Brian Bosworth's in STONE COLD, and Jean-Claude Van Damme's in HARD TARGET. 

 

This, obviously, works wonders on Jami Gertz (best known perhaps as "Star" from THE LOST BOYS) who falls for The Gute as hard as a character in a (leather) bodice-ripper.

 

 Perhaps it goes without saying that all of this is completely insane.

 

(Yes, the above two photos depict a scene in which legendary character actress Beth Grant (CHILD'S PLAY 2, DONNIE DARKO, THE DARK HALF, WONDERFALLS, NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN) is teaching Steve Guttenberg how to "do the sex" with an anatomically-accurate dummy. Note the ZIPPY THE PINHEAD comic in the background.)

Anyway, before you become too horrified, onto the semi-obscure TWIN PEAKS reference. Now, THE BOYFRIEND SCHOOL was released on September 21, 1990: nine days before the highly anticipated premiere of TWIN PEAKS Season 2. The film features a supporting role by Agent Cooper himself, Kyle MacLachlan, as "Trout," a shady journalist and Guttenberg's rival for Jami Gertz's love. When we first meet him, he is being chased by a lawyer who believes his name to be "Mr. Renault."

Any TWIN PEAKS fan is deeply familiar with the surname, as the Renault brothers play a major role throughout the saga, and in the first season's finale––which aired four months prior––Agent Cooper was running a sting operation against Jacques Renault.

MacLachlan escapes the mysterious man, who is calling out "Mr. Renault!" throughout, and demands that his secretary bring him coffee: which, along with cherry pie, is Agent Cooper's favored vice.

The man continues calling for him as he continues to hide,

when who should appear but Mädchen Amick ("Shelly Johnson" on TWIN PEAKS) to shoot MacLachlan a knowing look.

MacLachlan proceeds to give a classically strange Agent Cooper-style speech to Jami Gertz about the importance of procreation 

before the mysterious man discovers his hiding spot

prompting MacLachlan to exclaim, "Your client is blowing smoke!"

A quasi-Lynchian rejoinder involving the most Lynchian of textures. Then the scene is over and the Renault business is never mentioned again. (MacLachlan has a few more scenes of being a sleazy jerk, prompting Jami Gertz to fall ever harder for Lobo Guttenberg.) Stumbling upon this sort of strange specificity and vintage obscurity is essentially the raison d'être of Junta Juleil's Culture Shock.

Only now does it occur to me... AGAINST THE WALL

Only now does it occur to me...  that Harry Dean Stanton must occasionally request for "singing" to be included in his contracts.  

As he broke into song, I recalled Harry Dean's hearty rendition of "Hand Me Down My Walking Cane" in STRAIGHT TIME, Harry Dean's eerie hymnals in BIG LOVE, and I'm pretty sure he sorta sings along with the radio in WILD AT HEART.  That's just off the top of my head, I'm sure there's more, but in general, I must say that I'm happy we get to see Harry Dean belt one out in every other movie.  Anyway, that minor observation was just a portal into the movie at hand: John Frankenheimer's made-for-HBO historical movie on the Attica Prison riots, AGAINST THE WALL.

And of course it wouldn't be a prison movie without Danny Trejo.  That's a major prerequisite.

See also:  RUNAWAY TRAIN, THE HIDDEN, KINJITE: FORBIDDEN SUBJECTS, LOCK UP, MANIAC COP 2, WEDLOCK, CON AIR, ANIMAL FACTORY, etc., etc.

There's a frightening turn by Clarence Williams III as one of the instigators of the riot.  He also played a terrifying villain in 52 PICK-UP, Frankenheimer's Cannon Films classic.

And, hey– remember Clarence was in TWIN PEAKS for a couple of episodes as an FBI Agent?  There's a whole TWIN PEAKS connection there with Harry Dean Stanton, who memorably played in FIRE WALK WITH ME.

Speaking of TWIN PEAKS– here, Harry Dean plays the father of...

Kyle McLachlan!  "Damn fine coffee!  And hot!"

So wait, if we're to believe that Agent Cooper took a demotion to "prison guard," does this take place before or after the [NEBULOUSLY PHRASED TWIN PEAKS SPOILER ALERT] 

"transformation" at the end of Season 2?

...

Aaaah!!  BOB!  "Through the dark of futures past, the magician longs to see.  One chants out between two worlds, fire walk with me.  I'll catch you with my death bag.  You may think I've gone insane, but I promise I will kill again!"  Indeed!

P.S.  Apologies for foisting my ludicrous pop culture crossovers onto what is a pretty serious and socially relevant flick.  Occasionally it wanders into moments worthy of an After School Special, but on the whole, it's intense, well-acted, and held together by the crisp, workmanlike direction of John Frankenheimer.

Film Review: TWIN PEAKS- FIRE WALK WITH ME (1992, David Lynch)

Stars: 5 of 5.
Running Time: 135 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Sheryl Lee, Ray Wise, Grace Zabriskie, Kyle MacLachlan, Eric DaRe, Heather Graham, David Bowie, Chris Isaak, Harry Dean Stanton, Kiefer Sutherland, Jürgen Prochnow, Miguel Ferrer, Dana Ashbrook, Mädchen Amick, Frances Bay, Walter Olkewicz, James Marshall. Music by Angelo Badalamenti.
Tag-line: "Meet Laura Palmer... In a town where nothing is as it seems... And everyone has something to hide."
Best one-liner: "Hey, slow pokes... Guess what? There's no tomorrow... Know why, baby? 'Cause it'll never get here!"

David Lynch's TWIN PEAKS: FIRE WALK WITH ME is a misunderstood masterpiece, a surrealist treatise on the psychology of abuse, the nature of evil, and a host of other (domestic) horrors. It's chilling, expressionistic, and punctuated by moments of genuine terror. Thematically, Lynch picks up where his near-apocalyptic finale left off. If the series was about peeling the veneer away from quirky, small-town America; then the movie is about peeling the veneer from the show itself. In fact, the first image of the film is, literally, a television being smashed-

Lynch is wiping the slate clean for this even darker tale; similar to the off-handed, undignified manner with which he disposed of Windom Earle (who had stolen Season 2's focus from the pure, calculating evil known as BOB). FIRE WALK WITH ME goes through the proverbial looking glass, and we're entreated to many scenes that mirror ones in the series, but which are twisted and contorted by evil (and our knowledge of the future).

In the Deer Meadow police station, we're presented with a creepy, cackling deputy and secretary who offer days-old coffee and give the FBI (Kiefer Sutherland and Chris Isaak) the runaround- it's a warped, 'other side of the mirror' reflection of Andy, Lucy, and Sheriff Truman's genuine playfulness and hospitality when we meet them in the Pilot.


At Hap's Diner, we're given a skewed version of Norma's pride and joy. Where Norma Jennings would heartbreakingly roll out the 'fancy' plastic checkered tablecloths at the thought of a notorious food critic coming to town, Irene assholishly announces, "You want to hear about our specials?.... WE DON'T HAVE ANY."

And yet, I still love Irene.

We're shown 'The Pink Room,' a north-of-the-border bar which makes One-Eyed Jack's look wholesome and serves as a depraved version of 'The Roadhouse,' with its semi-'safe' 50's juvenile delinquent-style fisticuffs from the Pilot.


The Pink Room is a veritable hell on Earth, and Ron Garcia's wobbly, disorienting cinematography makes it probably the most accurate depiction of being dangerously inebriated that I’ve ever seen.

Lynch's use of violence is startling (and similarly disorienting) at times- much like Cronenberg, he's a big fan of the one over-the-top moment of violence in the film that really pushes the envelope, even if only for a split second. Look at the decapitation-by-shotgun in WILD AT HEART, the point blank head explosion in BLUE VELVET, the rotted corpse in MULHOLLAND DR., or the dissection by glass table in LOST HIGHWAY.

Here, it's the scene where Bobby shoots a "drug dealer" whom we've seen earlier in the picture. I'd be interested in seeing Lynch's reactions when these scenes are being shot- is he beside himself with juvenile glee, or is he troubled by what 'must' be committed to celluloid in order to complete his vision?



Is this mysterious, uncredited woman really David Lynch himself in drag? I think so.


David Bowie with a Southern accent is well worth the price of admission and serves as proper penance for THE LINGUINI INCIDENT.


David Lynch's Gordon Cole. Quite possibly my favorite character.

Harry Dean Stanton does in just two scenes what most actors can't aspire to in an entire career. The quiet desperation which he breathes into "That godammed trailer's more popular that Uncle's day in a whorehouse, you see what I mean? It just means I've....more shit I gotta do now," ...goddamit, I'm about to cry over here.

The man exudes pathos with the ease that a fat man sweats. It reminds me of his big scene in DILLINGER when he says, "Things ain't workin' out for me today..."

Then, Eric "THIS IS WHERE WE LIVE, SHELLY!" DaRe brings more of his vein-bustin' ponytailed douchery to the table,

and Walter "Jacques Renault" Olkewicz is given the opportunity to revive his sloppy, slobbery French Canadian sleazebag.


Sheryl Lee channels the tradition of wide-eyed, doomed silent film heroines,

Ray Wise brings his brow-furrowing intensity to a level the series only alluded to,

and Grace Zabriskie's bug-eyed, off kilter energy is always incredible.

The denial of the victims and the rift in believing (or wanting to believe) the abuser and the ‘good’ person are two different entities has never rung so true.

Ultimately, Lynch and Badalmenti heighten the murder to such a degree that it becomes almost a religious experience- the rail car transformed into a cathedral, each blow like a strike of lightning.

We're left with a reflective ending which hints that the shitstorm at the end of Season 2 could possibly be rectified, and that perhaps the murder was necessary to properly disarrange the pieces of BOB's hateful, interdimensional puzzle (I will debate this in the comments section, if you'd like). But FIRE WALK WITH ME gazes deeply and powerfully into the abyss- a soothing enigma and a shriek unto the night- and still it leaves you with a touch of comfort and a spark of hope.

Five stars.

-Sean Gill

Well, it is one of the scariest movies of all time, so I guess it goes on the list:

2009 Halloween Countdown OVERFLOW

1. [•REC] (2007, Jaume Balagueró & Paco Plaza)
2. THE MANITOU (1978, William Girdler)
3. SLEEPWALKERS (1992, Mick Garris)
4. CUTTING CARDS (1990, Walter Hill)
5. THE LEOPARD MAN (1943, Jacques Tourneur)
6. MY BEST FRIEND IS A VAMPIRE (1987, Jimmy Huston)
7. HELLBOUND: HELLRAISER II (1988, Tony Randel)
8. TWIN PEAKS: FIRE WALK WITH ME (1992, David Lynch)
9.
...