Only now does it occur to me... WATERWORLD (1995)

Only now does it occur to me... that the 1990s were all about taking existing stories and setting them on a boat. 

First, we got UNDER SIEGE. You cannot dispute that it's DIE HARD on a boat. That's the entire elevator pitch.

SPEED 2: CRUISE CONTROL? SPEED on a boat, obviously. Easy.

CAPTAIN RON?... is clearly WHAT ABOUT BOB on a boat. Think about it.

WHITE SQUALL? Eh, DEAD POETS SOCIETY on a boat.

DOWN PERISCOPE? Pretty much KELLY'S HEROES on a boat.

DEEP RISING? Definitely FROM DUSK TILL DAWN on a boat (or SCARECROWS works, too).

CRIMSON TIDE? Sorta FAIL SAFE/DR. STRANGELOVE on a boat. (Yeah, submarine, whatever.)

NAVY SEALS, with Charlie Sheen and Michael Biehn? TOP GUN on a boat. (With fewer volleyball and even more propaganda.)

THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER? I'm gonna make the argument that it's your classic intelligence game/defector/TINKER, TAILOR, SOLDIER, SPY story, mainly so I can remind you that the rhyme which gives John le Carre's novel its title originally says "sailor" instead of "spy," so why don't you go think about that for a minute as you ponder all these 90s boats (and submarines, too, I guess).

CABIN BOY? This one's a little tougher. There's a little DON QUIXOTE, PEE WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE, and MONTY PYTHON in there. Nevertheless, you must admit that it takes place on a boat.

TITANIC? Could go a lot of ways here, from WUTHERING HEIGHTS to GONE WITH THE WIND to AIRPORT or whatever, but as the highest-grossing movie of the 1990s, there's definitely the sense that it helps define the 90s as a boat-related decade.

Which brings us to WATERWORLD. Which is... MAD MAX: THE ROAD WARRIOR on a boat!

It takes FISHTAR-sized balls to open your summer blockbuster with Kevin Costner drinking his own pee. This is literally the first thing we see, after a Waterworlded version of the Universal logo.

This, and the rest of WATERWORLD, is George Miller-infused, post-apocalyptic madness, chock full of oil and gasoline-seeking weirdos, Terry Gilliam/Karel Zeman flying machines, and costumes made out of trash and (pirate) bondage gear. (Big shoutout to costumer John Bloomfield, who also did CONAN THE BARBARIAN and THE MUMMY '99, among others.)

 

Despite the troubled production and its awful "KEVIN'S GATE" reputation, WATERWORLD, when you get down to it, is actually pretty enjoyable. It's certainly no worse than typical, semi-competent 90s popcorn fare like INDEPENDENCE DAY or TWISTER or SPEED. Speaking of SPEED: Dennis Hopper is in the house, and he's having a blast.

As "The Deacon," the one-eyed barbarian king of "The Smokers," his only character traits are that he's sadistic, insane, and loves smoking. Here he is, tossing handfuls of cigarettes at a parade like they're candy:

He says things like "I swear to Poseidon" and "Excuuuuuuse me!" and even tries to get little children hooked on tobacco with the promise of Sharpie Highlighters.

He gives it just the right amount of "crazy-eye to comedy" ratio, never going full-Busey (Gary Busey––along with Jack Nicholson, Gary Oldman, Samuel L. Jackson, and Laurence Fishburne were also up for the role.)

There's a lot going on here, from a generic James Newton Howard Score to Costner having gills behind his ears and webbed feet, but they manage to make room for Kim Coates playing a weird Irishman rapist with costume elements made from the infamous, fish-choking six-pack rings.

So that's something. Costner even allows a female lead to share the screen with him on occasion, and it's Jeanne Tripplehorn, whose name often appears in the same sentence as the words "deserves better."

She endured literal brushes with death, jellyfish stings, and being stuck on a boat with Kevin Costner. Of the experience, she said “I was feeling a little like Patty Hearst. I was just completely brainwashed by my captors and I was just out there trying to get through it.” Holy shit, WATERWORLD! I guess it's all worth it cause she gets this nice n' corny SUPERMAN/"Can You Read My Mind?" sequence where Costner uses his webbed feet to swim her down to the bottom of the ocean to take a magical look at the ruined remnants of Indianapolis or wherever.

Anyway. MAD MAX on a boat!

Film Review: THE FIRM (1993, Sydney Pollack)

Stars: 4 of 5.
Running Time: 154 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Tom Cruise, Gene Hackman, Ed Harris, Gary Busey, Holly Hunter, Jeanne Tripplehorn (BIG LOVE, WATERWORLD), Paul Calderon (Q&A, THE KING OF NEW YORK, PULP FICTION), Tobin Bell (SAW), David Strathairn (HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS, THE RIVER WILD), Hal Holbrook (THE FOG, MAGNUM FORCE), Wilford Brimley (THE THING, HARD TARGET), Paul Sorvino (GOODFELLAS, DICK TRACY). Based on the novel by John Grisham. Screenplay by Robert Towne (CHINATOWN, THE LAST DETAIL), playwright David Rabe (HURLYBURLY, STREAMERS), and David Rayfiel (THREE DAYS OF THE CONDOR).
Tag-line: "Power can be murder to resist." Hmmm. I think the tag-line department was phoning that one in a little bit.
Best one-liner: "It's not sexy, but it's got teeth!"

Well, I'm continuing Hitchcock pastiche/homage week with something a little less obvious. Maybe because it so frequently has the 'feel' or NORTH BY NORTHWEST, THE 39 STEPS, or SABOTEUR, or maybe it's just because it has Gary Busey and I felt like it, but regardless, here it is.

I get the feeling that most people watch THE FIRM because they either like John Grisham, Tom Cruise, or the more sensational aspects of the legal system.

America's infatuation with 'Tom Cruise running' continues.

Well allow me to furnish you with 9 ALTERNATE reasons to check it out:

#1. It begins like a TWILIGHT ZONE. Though I knew it wouldn't take the supernatural route, having kindly old Hal Holbrook rolling out a foreboding red carpet in an eerily over-eager job recruitment process is Serling-ly terrific.

I think I saw this on the back of a phone book once.


#2. Wilford Brimley. It's always nice to see Willy get a meaty character role he can really sink his teeth into: '93 was a big year for him- he was the crazed Cajun uncle in HARD TARGET and here, the nefarious head of firm security.

Wild Willy is not fucking around. And he doesn't like it when you call him 'Wild Willy.'


#3. If the legal thriller's not really your style, you can always pretend that it's SOUL MAN 2, and that Cruise is the C. Thomas Howell character, post-Harvard graduation.

#4. Gary Busey. Toned down a tad by the studio, the Buse' is still toothy, potent, and full of inimitable Texan moxie. He's not in the film for long, but whenever he's on screen, you are having a goddamn ball. He even works in an unscripted Julio Iglesias reference. (I'm kinda reminded of THE BUDDY HOLLY STORY when he works in the name 'Chihuahua Garbanzo.')

Busey is apprehensive and about to mention 'Julio Iglesias.'


#5. Holly Hunter. Oscar-nominated for the role, she's dressed like Dolly Parton and making more wig changes than Louis XIV. She's almost as nuts as Busey, and I love it. Which leads me to:

#6. Busey and Holly making out. Did I mention she plays his secretary?


SCHLERP

#7. Cruise doing backflips with a breakdancin' kid on the street. Later, when dejected, he woefully passes by the same kid- no backflippin' this time.

#8. Skeezy Gene Hackman. Always golden. The poor guy was basically typecast post-Lex Luthor, but you get the feeling he loves it.

#9. Ed "I could kick your teeth down your throat and yank 'em out your asshole" Harris.

ED HARRIS IS WATCHING YOU

Eating Saltines, radiating profanity, and with Paul Calderon as his sidekick- yeah, it's intense.

Ed Harris eyes Strathairn with disdain.

In all, it's a solid Hitchcockian thriller with enough (Busey) screwiness and (Harris) intensity to keep you on board. Four stars.

-Sean Gill