Film Review: TEACHERS (1984, Arthur Hiller)

Stars: 3.9 of 5.
Running Time: 107 minutes.
Tag-line: "They fall asleep in class. Throw ink on each other. Never come in Mondays. And they're just the teachers."
Notable Cast or Crew: Nick Nolte, JoBeth Williams (POLTERGEIST, THE BIG CHILL), Judd Hirsch (SERPICO, INDEPENDENCE DAY), Ralph Macchio (THE KARATE KID, THE OUTSIDERS), Crispin Glover (RIVER'S EDGE, HIGH SCHOOL U.S.A.), Laura Dern (WILD AT HEART, JURASSIC PARK), Morgan Freeman, Richard Mulligan (LITTLE BIG MAN, THE BIG BUS), Lee Grant (MULHOLLAND DR., SHAMPOO, VISITING HOURS), Royal Dano (THE RIGHT STUFF, HOUSE II: THE SECOND STORY), Ellen Crawford (Nurse Lydia on ER, SOLDIER), Anthony Heald (SILKWOOD, THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS).
Best one-liner: "Is that student bleeding?" –"Yes, we're taking care of it."

In short, TEACHERS is an 80's retread of BLACKBOARD JUNGLE which toes that fine line between contrived schmaltz and sincere grittiness- and somehow it emerges from it practically unscathed. Surprisingly, it never plays the 'over the top' or 'action movie' cards (i.e., favorites like CLASS OF 1984, THE PRINCIPAL, THE SUBSTITUTE), and remains refreshingly realistic for (the majority of) its duration. It's no stranger to the occasional groan-mustering line of dialogue ("There's nothing worse than a female lawyer with a cause." –"Except a male teacher without one."), but the general thrust- which is that of Nick Nolte 'getting through' to his students- is a solid one, and one which Nolte and director Arthur Hiller (THE HOSPITAL, THE MAN IN THE GLASS BOOTH) manage to sell you, nearly 100%.

Filmed in the delightful metropolis of Columbus, Ohio in the dead of one of those spirit-splintering, soul-crushing, perpetually overcast Midwestern winters, TEACHERS certainly sets a tone.


Life is shitty, and then you have a job as a teacher. John F. Kennedy High School exists as thinly organized bedlam of hustle, bustle, and bunkum. Student-on-student violence, teacher-on-teacher incivility, student-teacher affairs, lawsuits, disarray, general impudence, foolishness, and antisocial behavior. The eye of this storm is Nolte, as Alex Jurel, a popular teacher and the exception to the rule. He lately awakens to a sea of Miller High Life cans and an angry call from a school administrator– Mondays are not a thing that Mr. Nolte 'does.'

His hair is well-feathered and his demeanor is not unlike the pads on a lion's paw: gentle, even-tempered, and soothing– but with a roar, clout, and fearsome teeth to back it up should he (or his students) be trodden upon. He's no stranger to showing up to work with a hangover, complete with sunglasses and a Hawaiian shirt (which recall a certain mug shot),

and instructing his students not always in traditional subjects, but perhaps the art of radiator repair. And it should be mentioned that said hangover was likely the result of an evening of heavy drinking and tortured self-reflection ("Am I making a difference? Does teaching matter?").

Regardless, the higher-ups don't take very kindly to free-thinkers, especially when there's a lawsuit lurking in the shadows, and it would appear that this diligent teach's days are numbered. But, as usual, I'd prefer not to delve too deeply into the plot when there's a smorgasbord of intriguing characters and eclectic actors to explore:

JoBeth Williams (initially as Nolte's foil, and later as his champion) plays an ex-student of Nolte's now working for the legal team that's suing the school.

She's not quite as well-directed or as relatable as she is in, say, POLTERGEIST, but it's a solid, honest performance. Amongst the other 'adults,' Morgan Freeman has an early, skeezy role as a school defense lawyer;

Royal Dano plays a crusty, hard-of-hearing, old-school educator; Judd Hirsch is a beleaguered administrator who must weigh school policy against personal friendship; and Richard Mulligan nearly steals the show as a mental ward escapee who stumbles into a substitute teaching position. His classroom plays out like some kind of historical theater of the absurd, replete with extravagant costumes and excitable reenactments, and the students are so goddamned appalled, that they have no choice but to love it.


When the men in white suits finally catch up with him (as he's teaching a unit on Custer's last stand) and he makes that final perp walk down the school's hushed hallways, Mulligan is so connected to the role and exuding such unfettered dignity that the scene, which could have easily been played as slapstick, takes on an extraordinary gravity.


It's fantastic.

The student body is represented by an incredible swath of young talent. Ralph Macchio plays a tuff kid with double-popped collars, a frequent fedora, and a real bad attitude. No one could get through to him- or maybe no one ever tried.

And there's something marvelous in the fact that he doesn't quite look old enough to 'play' high school, yet he's fucking twenty-three years old.

As Macchio's buddy, Crispin Glover dives into his role with deranged panache. Banging his head against lockers, biting the hand that teaches,

partaking the ecstasy of stealing a 'Student Driver' car,

"Have we got balls or what! This is fucking great!"

suffering the pain of living- all of these things play across his face, effortlessly. He's nearly on the verge of tears in every scene, and you're right there with him. It's interesting to consider that here (in a hard-hitting drama) and in HIGH SCHOOL U.S.A. (a TV movie-comedy from the previous year), he does two riffs on the same 'whacky' style of character, but with profoundly different contexts (and outcomes).

Laura Dern is a lively young lady whose affair with the bear-ish gym teacher leaves her... damaged, and with some difficult choices to make.

Nolte is there to help her make them, and her scenes, however brief, are some of the best in the film. Rounding it out is the enjoyable pompous Anthony Heald in an early bit part as a narc masquerading as a student.

Glover fingers the narc.

The soundtrack's kinda ridiculous, and by that I suppose I mean 'endearing.' The purposefully drab visuals are accompanied by all manner of 80's synth-pop and arena rock, ranging from Ian Hunter to Freddie Mercury to ZZ Top to Bob Seger to .38 Special. And furthermore, there was clearly a conscious effort to make sure that nearly every song had "Teacher" in the title: i.e., "Teacher Teacher," "(I'm the) Teacher," et al. Needless to say, I enjoyed it quite a bit. I don't know if I should be relieved or disappointed that Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" did not make the cut.

In the end, TEACHERS questions whether or not 'the system' works, and whether it's designed expressly to prod and manhandle as many faceless students through its whirling gears as quickly as possible. It asks, 'How do I make a difference?,' a question that, in a 1984 context, doesn't sound as corny as it does today. And why does it sound corny today? Is it the realm of cliché, or the realization that it's a Sisyphean task? That being said, it does end on a freeze frame. Nonetheless, a solid entry into the genre, and almost four stars.

-Sean Gill

Film Review: VISION QUEST (1985, Harold Becker)

Stars: 4 of 5.
Running Time: 105 minutes.
Tag-line: "All he needed was a lucky break. Then one day she moved in."
Notable Cast or Crew: Matthew Modine (FULL METAL JACKET, THE BLACKOUT), Linda Fiorentino (GOTCHA!, AFTER HOURS), Ronny Cox (ROBOCOP, TOTAL RECALL), Charles Hallahan (THE THING, FATAL BEAUTY), MADONNA (BODY OF EVIDENCE, DICK TRACY), Forest Whitaker (BIRD, GHOST DOG), Frank Jasper (FREEWAY MANIAC), J.C. Quinn (THE ABYSS, TURNER & HOOCH). Music (ostensibly) by Tangerine Dream. Screenplay by Darryl Ponicsan (novelist of THE LAST DETAIL and CINDERELLA LIBERTY).
Best one-liner: "SHUTE? Shute's a monster! A genuine geratoid! His own father has to use a livewire to keep him from fuckin' the fireplace!"

VISION QUEST is one of those unsung 80's workhorses- it's not flashy, it's not glitzy, it's not silly. And aside from a brief, refreshingly low-key early appearance by Madonna (her first movie role aside from a student film, A CERTAIN SACRIFICE, which she later tried to have banned), it's not populated with the biggest of stars or the slickest of production values. Shot on location in ramshackle diners, hotel kitchens, and sweaty high school gymnasiums in Spokane, Washington, it has a genuine, blue-collared determination to it. High school is not depicted as some nonstop keg party where the 'rents are on that everlasting "weekend getaway" and every teen has got a bedroom tricked out more elaborately than Pee-Wee's playhouse (a representation which I certainly enjoy in the proper context). Instead, it's filled with true-to-life characters who have to balance extracurriculars with thankless jobs and uncertain futures. On the surface, I suppose you could say that it's about wrestling. Generally, my feeling on sports movies is that if they don't involve soul-crushing performances by Stacy Keach & Susan Tyrrell (FAT CITY), dog skulls (THE BLOOD OF HEROES), pedestrian casualties (DEATH RACE 2000), or Sub-Zeros who become just plain zeros (THE RUNNING MAN), then they're going to be an uphill battle. But this isn't a sports movie. Not exactly. It's about the solitary, spiritual journey that every person must one day embark upon- that critical juncture when you must decide upon the answer to that weighty question- 'How to live?'

Based on Terry Davis' 1979 award-winning Young Adult novel (which was called "the truest novel about growing up since THE CATCHER IN THE RYE" by John Irving) and directed by the generally skillful Harold Becker (CITY HALL, TAPS, SEA OF LOVE...and MALICE), our story revolves around the eighteen year-old Louden Swain (Matthew Modine) and his desire to imbue his life with purpose by dropping twenty-some pounds and challenging Brian Shute, the menacing titan state wrestling champion. Along the way, he develops a sort of relationship with a New Jersey wandering artist (Linda Fiorentino, in her screen debut), who's on her way to San Francisco... and crashing at his house. The plot is deceptively simple, and though it lends itself to some rockin' montage sequences, it's a film very much in the mold of other slice-of-life quotidian storytellers like Vittorio de Sica or Satyajit Ray. And while that claim may seem (and may in fact be) ridiculous, VISION QUEST succeeds in getting you to take it seriously enough that the teased Jersey hair, the silver (astronaut?) track suit,

an odd athletic formation that involves purple jumpsuits & a raging circular movement, and even the presence of Madonna never distract you, never send you on a nostalgia tangent, never extract you from the pure, human drama.

The cast is excellent. Modine is committed, connected, and living the role. Fiorentino is taking that whole 'sexy deadpan' thing that she does and is running with it.

Charles Hallahan is appropriately gruff and appropriately supportive as the Coach, and, as a side note, he worked alongside Madonna twice– with this and BODY OF EVIDENCE. Maybe she was a closet fan of THE THING and pulled a couple of strings? Speaking of Madonna, she shows up merely as a singer on stage at the Big Foot Tavern, singing "Crazy for You" and "The Gambler." Hoping to bank more on Madonna and less on the thoughtful storytelling, the studio marketed the film on more than a few occasions as CRAZY FOR YOU.

Madonna: not the focal point of VISION QUEST.

Annnyway, Ronny Cox, the icy corporate villain of ROBOCOP and TOTAL RECALL, plays against type as Modine's encouraging, working-class pop (!), and it's a joy to watch. J.C. Quinn is tearing it up as a ragged but kindly arm-wrestlin' co-worker of Modine's.

Forest Whitaker has a bit part as a lighthearted fellow wrestler who doesn't quite qualify as comic relief, but he's got a palpable joie de vivre and he'd work again with Modine some years later on Abel Ferrara's MARY.

The soundtrack is solid, though calling it a Tangerine Dream one is extremely misleading. They only show up a little over an hour in to offer some of their patented, tense 'fiercely pulsating montage music.' The rest of the soundtrack belongs to satisfying 80's rockers like Foreigner, Journey, Don Henley, Sammy Hagar, and Red Rider, whose classic rock radio standby "Lunatic Fringe" is used in such a way that it now makes one think of of Modine working out in a gym instead of Holocaust denying.

Along the way, there's nosebleeds, jealousy, road trips, fainting spells, and martial arts tips from a creepy dude in a hotel room. When it all comes down to it, it's the rare sports film where you actually care about who wins. And you care because you really have no idea which way it's going to go.


Hallahan is impressed by Modine's fortitude.

In all, it's a mature, muted look at the formative years. My one complaint is that a near-rape scene is forgiven too easily, but on the whole it deals with sexuality in such a frank, honest way that I have no choice but to admire it. As far as I can tell, it's become a cult hit with the 'high school wrestling' crowd, and that probably has more to do with a loving attention to every grapplin' detail than the rich, character-driven monologues, but I can live with that. Four stars.

-Sean Gill

Television Review: HIGH SCHOOL U.S.A. (1983, Rod Amateau)

Stars: 3.4 of 5.
Running Time: 100 minutes.
Tag-line: "The wrong boy just met the right girl at...HIGH SCHOOL U.S.A."
Notable Cast or Crew: Michael J. Fox, Crispin Glover, Anthony Edwards, Bob Denver, Dana Plato, Todd Bridges, Dwayne Hickman, Jon Gries (TERRORVISION, JOYSTICKS, Roger Linus on LOST). Directed by Rod Amateau (THE GARBAGE PAIL KIDS MOVIE).
Best one-liner: "Nice going, Chuckie. Now who's the bigger lame-o? You or me?"

Cornball, made-for-TV teen shenanigans cut from the same cloth as, say, MIDNIGHT MADNESS or MY BEST FRIEND IS A VAMPIRE. Helmed by Rod Amateau and packed to the gills with washed-up and up-and-coming TV actors alike, HIGH SCHOOL USA is full of gentle slapstick, eyebrow-curling tomfoolery, and a sprinkling of ingredients that'll make you go 'WHUTTT?!'

I must also mention that the director, Rod Amateau is responsible for one of my favorite movies- THE GARBAGE PAIL KIDS MOVIE, so I kept a sharp eye out for any similarities. The only one I could find was a character who bears some resemblance to the Garbage Pail Kid, "Windy Winston."


Note similarity.

Originally pitched as a TV pilot, we're entreated to a tumultuous battle between nerds and preps (I love that there are no jocks in this universe). Representing the Nerds are a scrappy Michael J. Fox;

a gawky Crispin Glover (pre-BACK TO THE FUTURE but already acting like a primo whack job and stealing the damn show);

DIFF'RENT STROKES' Todd Bridges (and his zany homemade robot!);


I can't remember if the train conductor's hat is explained or not.

and the stock 'flunked senior year twelve times and has a couple kids' guy

(played by Jon Gries), among others.

The Preps are basically defined by a douchey Anthony Edwards (REVENGE OF THE NERDS, MIRACLE MILE), who rules the school to such an extent, he's apparently in charge of distributing grant money to teachers (!).

Note the popped collar and car phone.

There's frequent use of classic 80's insults like "meatball," "turkey," and "lame-o"; the line "I'm never taking my clothes off again for anyone, not even my husband, unless he's Burt Reynolds"; and some good old-fashioned blind-sploitation (combined with Nazi-sploitation!). We also adhere to one of the ground rules of 80's cinema: if a massive, special-order cake in the shape of a building ever appears, someone will soon be hurled into it.


"You ruined my cake, my suit, and this party!"

There's roller derbies, popped collars, teased hair, and, yes, it all ends on a freeze frame. Probably my favorite politically incorrect moment occurs when Crispin's dad's beloved car is destroyed in a preppy prank and the situation is ameliorated by getting dad (a sleazy Bob Denver!) blackout sloshed and staging a drunk-driving accident! WHUTTT?!

This would never fly today. And when did Bob Denver start looking like David Warner?

In all, I am not ashamed to admit that I thought this was pretty schweet. A little over three stars.

-Sean Gill

Junta Juleil's Summer '10 Movie Series
1. HELL IN THE PACIFIC (1968, John Boorman)
2. KUFFS (1992, Bruce A. Evans)
3. THE OUTFIT (1973, John Flynn)

4. FOR Y'UR HEIGHT ONLY (1981, Eddie Nicart)

5. A*P*E (1976, Paul Leder)

6. BLIND FURY (1989, Philip Noyce)
7. HIS KIND OF WOMAN (1951, John Farrow)
8. HIGH SCHOOL U.S.A. (1983, Rod Amateau)
9. ...

Film Review: MY SCIENCE PROJECT (1985, Jonathan R. Betuel)

Stars: 3.7 of 5.
Running Time: 94 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: John Stockwell, Fisher Stevens, Danielle von Zerneck, Dennis Hopper, Richard Masur, Barry Corbin.
Tag-line: "The funniest sci-fi movie of the summer."
Best one-liner: "Hey, sayonara, dicknose!" Said by Fisher Stevens.

MY SCIENCE PROJECT is exactly the kind of stock, 80's lightning-drenched, madcap time travel teen movie that you think it is. And that's just fine with me. Written and directed by Jonathan R. Betuel (whose credits include THEODORE REX and a few of FREDDY'S NIGHTMARES), I can see that you're incredulously arching your eyebrows in regard to the quality. So here're 4 reasons why it's worth your time:

#1. Dennis Hopper. This is probably one of Hopper's worst performances, but if you're a Hopper fan, you'll realize that there's not really too much of a difference between the best and worst. Here, he plays a hippie science teacher (at one point he wears his outfit from EASY RIDER) and he's having a goddamn blast.

The writing seems inspired perhaps by the packaging blurb for a $10 flower child costume, his dialogue’s basically just variations on "Have a nice day, man.” At one point he gets to feel the power of the universe itself surging through his fingertips. How do you suppose Hopper plays it? Do you think he goes the subtle and understated route? Well, watch the movie and find out.


#2. Richard Masur, against type. Often confined to 'Dad' and 'Milquetoast' roles (LICENSE TO DRIVE, MR. BOOGEDY, et al.), here he gets a chance to play a crusty hardass sheriff, and it's great.

You almost think you're watching William Forsythe.

#3. Fisher Stevens. He's gaunt, smarmy, and out of control.

He wears a dime-store feather headdress, makes exclamations like "Sit on this, butt plug!," and tells a female cop to "Chill out, butch, and get a shave!"


#4. David L. Snyder's (BLADE RUNNER, PEE-WEE) production design. We don't really get to see it until the final act, when the high school is transformed into a brutal, fog-enshrouded battleground where past, present, and future collide. Nazis, Cyberpunk mutants, gladiators, troglodytes, Viet Cong, and a T.Rex take on our automatic weapon-wielding high schoolers, and all manner of brainless spectacle ensueth.

Oscar winner Fisher Stevens takes on a T. Rex.



Just about four alien turbo-powered stars.

-Sean Gill

Film Review: HELLO MARY LOU- PROM NIGHT 2 (1987, Bruce Pittman)

Stars: 4.8 of 5.
Running Time: 97 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Michael Ironside, Steve Atkinson (also appeared as young Ironside in MINDFIELD!), Lisa Schrage (FOOD OF THE GODS 2), Justin Louis (COCKTAIL, NAKED LUNCH), Wendy Lyon (ANNE OF GREEN GABLES). Music by Paul Zaza- the only returning element from the first PROM NIGHT. Written by Ron Oliver (PROM NIGHT III, GOOSEBUMPS).
Tag-line: "Mary Lou is back ... God help the students of Hamilton High." I mean, Mary Lou is 'back' in the context of this movie's narrative, sure, but she was most assuredly not a part of the first PROM NIGHT.
Best one-liner: "Places to go, people to kill!"

Well, somebody on Netflix said that anyone who gives this more than one star needs their head examined. Well, sign me up for an MRI, cause I thought this shit was fantastic. It's a Frankenstein's monster of a flick, with a CARRIE-esque narrative,

These kids have no idea what they're in for.

the morbid creativity of NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, and the radiant style of Dario Argento- not to mention Michael Ironside in yet another intense, cardigan-heavy role (as the principal!).

Principal Ironside. I went to the wrong high school, I guess.

Now, HELLO MARY LOU: PROM NIGHT II has absolutely nothing to do with the original PROM NIGHT, which makes the decision to include a completely NEW character's name in the title that much ballsier. Mary Lou Maloney, however, completely lives up to the hype that accompanies being a title character. After being burned alive semi-accidentally by her boyfriend

(they have a dead ringer, balding kid play young Ironside in flashbacks!) at Prom Night '57, Mary Lou returns with a vengeance in '87, and with apparently God-like powers.

Her character possesses none of the customary horror villain weaknesses (i.e., fear of water, being pulled out of the dream-world), and her only motivation seems to be obtaining the title of 'Prom Queen,' so, if you happen to be in her way, get out of it- or DIE. I really respect that.

I also respect it when horror villains have their own vanity plates.

They even set it up like THE EXORCIST ("She's possessed– Linda Blairsville!"), as if Christianity has a chance of stopping Mary Lou, but an exploding Bible lets you know how that'll turn out. There's a lot of imagination at play here, and they really take advantage of the high school setting (the school itself is majestically terrifying,

and somewhat resembles the dance academy in SUSPIRIA!): amorphous blackboards, paper-cutter guillotines, spider-web volleyball nets, lockers that'll flatten you to a pulp, blood-squirting drinking fountains, cockroach-infested cafeterias, and a Macintosh Plus that shoots killer lightning. Hell, there's even an incestuous makeout session and a carousel horse with a lascivious, quivering tongue:

licketylicketylick

Ironside is phenomenal: tortured by the weight of the past,

he gets to whomp somebody unconscious with a shoe, disrupt the prom with gunfire,

Ironside grasps for the crown.

and by the end, gets to flash that fearsome, toothy smile.

Always worth the price of admission.

Just about five stars.

-Sean Gill