Only now does it occur to me... GREASE 2 (1982)

Only now does it occur to me... that in an alternate universe where GREASE 1 commands no "classic" status nor cultural cachet, and audiences were forced to evaluate the GREASE films on their own artistic merits, I have little doubt that a consensus would emerge that GREASE 2 is the stronger film. Go ahead: come at me, GREASE-lovers, I dare you.

I've discussed GREASE before––specifically the presence of Lorenzo Lamas therein––and had expected GREASE 2 to live up to its reputation as one of the most incompetent, laughable, best-worst movies the '80s had to offer. Instead, I was entreated to a stylized, explosive spectacle helmed by Patricia Birch (choreographer and director of Cyndi Lauper music videos) which at times feels ghost-directed by HAIRSPRAY-era John Waters.

(She has Tab Hunter teaching sex ed and drawing a uterus on a chalkboard, for godssakes!)

 

  

(Also note young Christopher McDonald on the right)

There is a parade of vivid and well-blocked tableaux which run the gamut from vintage Broadway to Busby Berkeley to Elvis to Doris Day to Ken Russell to post-apocalyptic American International biker flicks:

It has those Howard Hawksian arrangements where twenty-five people are facing the same direction in a scene, and it works:

a darkly satirical sequence ("Let's Do It For Our Country") where a character attempts to cajole his girlfriend into bunker sex by faking a nuclear attack––an idea later lifted by Joe Dante for MATINEE:

and the bizarre "Girl For All Seasons" number where Michelle Pfeiffer's Christmas Tree/December

jockeys for attention with all the other months, like January (a big-ass martini glass) and February (a grotesque George Washington quarter and a bicorne admiral's hat, for President's Day).

And despite being set in the early '60s, you'd better believe it adheres to the '80s Rule of Pools: 

 

(I've written about this many times before, but basically the rule is that if A., a swimming pool exists, then B., someone fully clothed must enter it against their will, arms flailing.)

In any event, GREASE 2 is no masterpiece, but neither is it worthy of ridicule––I say it knows exactly what it's doing, and it does it with archness and aplomb.

Only now does it occur to me... THE LONGSHOT

Only now does it occur to me...  that in one of his films, Paul Bartel once slipped in a cameo appearance worthy of old 'Hitch himself!

THE LONGSHOT's not too great a movie– it's a Zany with a capital 'Z' 80s horse racing comedy that lacks the subtlety and mean streak of my favorite Bartels, like DEATH RACE 2000, EATING RAOUL, and SCENES FROM THE CLASS STRUGGLE IN BEVERLY HILLS.  I'd put this one more on par with LUST IN THE DUST.

Anyway, Bartel pops up– uncredited and in silhouette, no less– for about ten seconds as a blind man wandering the race track,

thus cementing his Hitchcock-worthy auteur status.  Or something.

(Also, I can't resist mentioning a choice appearance by 80s über-nerd Eddie Deezen (CRITTERS 2, ZAPPED!, WARGAMES, PUNKY BREWSTER, SURF II, GREASE, HAPPY HOUR) as a parking attendant.)

Only now does it occur to me... GREASE

Only now does it occur to me...  international superstar Lorenzo Lamas is in GREASE.

I suppose that I'm 34 years late in noticing this.  I'd seen the film a few times in childhood, as my sister had the VHS.  I guess you're a kid, you're at a certain age, and you don't really care about the subtler joys in life, subtle joys like the acting career of Lorenzo Lamas.  Well now, years later, and all the richer from multiple viewings of films like BODY ROCK and SNAKE EATER, I can go back, watch GREASE, and appreciate every dimension of a nuanced Lamas performance.  

 LORENZO LAMAS WILL USE THE HAMMER

LORENZO LAMAS WILL GIVE YOU JUKEBOX MONEY IN FRONT OF SOMETHING THAT THE CORPORATE OVERLORDS SAW FIT TO BLUR FOR THE DVD

 LORENZO LAMAS WILL LET YOU MOTHER HIM WHILE TRAVOLTA WATCHES

 I really have nothing else to add.