Television Review: HAPPY (1983, Lee Philips)

Stars: 4.1 of 5.
Running Time: 96 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Dom DeLuise, Henry Silva, Dee Wallace, Jack Gilford, David DeLuise, Carol Arthur DeLuise, Peter DeLuise, Michael DeLuise. Executive Producer Dom DeLuise.
Tag-line: "A suspense thriller!"
Best one-liner: "This is me– I'm a clown called Happy."

"Who's gonna make ya smile?" -"Happy!" "Who's gonna make ya laugh?" -"Happy!" "What's my name?" HAPPY. Give Dom Deluise's tender paunch a big 'ole bear hug and hold on tight as you're transported into a world of endless, lighthearted delights, courtesy of Executive Producer Dom (and it's a family affair- his wife and three kids are all involved). Dom plays 'Happy,' the eponymous, washed-up clown who once had a TV show, but now entertains children for sometimes four hours at a time at shoe store openings ("We were only booked for 2!").


The autograph hounds want Happy to sign everything from a tamborine (center) to a Bible (right)! Not sure why there's so many autograph seekers given that his show's been off the air for five years. And I think it was a local show, too.

A holdover from an older, more versatile performer's era (song, dance, puppetry, magic, vaudeville etc.), Dom's natural buoyancy is infectious, and he never turns it off- he NEVER turns it off! His life is one big euphoric stream of consciousness and we're just along for the ride. Also, I gotta say that I've never seen so much confetti in my life. Dom's even flingin' it in patron's drinks!

What do you suppose the odds are that this is the freeze frame that ends the movie? Well the odds are very high, because this IS the freeze frame that ends the movie.

We get to see Dom dressed up in his Chef duds (but he spends 90% of the film, inexplicably at times, in his clown suit);

Jack Gilford doing his impersonation of pea soup coming to a boil (with croutons!);

Jack Gilford- Happy's manager, partner, and best bud- operates Doofer the Rat and the poor man's Madam.

and an awkward, burgeoning romance with sculptor/waitress Dee Wallace (E.T., CRITTERS).

Everything is fine and dandy– until an opera-luvin' Henry Silva, in BLACKFACE,

blows away half of Happy's audience, his manager, and an unlucky chandelier.


The cops are looking for a black man, and Happy's the only one to contradict them ("I know makeup- I've been doin' it for 20 years!").

As a side note- they even refer to him as Happy in court and on the record:

"Well, Happy, while you haven't quite earned the keys to the city, or even Burt's TransAm, you have earned the right to lean on Sharky's Machine for exactly fifteen minutes."

So anyway, Happy begins a one-man crusade to bring the leather-clad Silva to justice, and it all begins with his sculptin' gal Dee making a PUPPET BUST OF SILVA as per Happy's eyewitness account.

I desperately need one of these for my bureau.



AHHHH, SHITTT!

This leads to an enchanting game of cat and mouse (Dom flicks on a flashlight to reveal his clown face in the darkness– "Hey MISTAH KILLLLAH!")

"HEYYYY, MISTAHHH KILLLLL-AHH!"

which leads to a TV studio showdown because Happy got his old show back and there's a piano-playing rabbit who keeps turning around incredulously and a guy in the chicken costume from STROKER ACE and the cops are en route because "The clown was right- I don't believe it!" and the kids are getting impatient and the rest of the cast can only ad-lib for so long and Silva wrestles Happy in an epic backstage brawl and there's a switchblade


and Happy flings confetti into Silva's eyes and a player piano is playing and Happy whaps Silva with an enormous pencil prop and the show must go on and THE SHOW MUST GO ON! and, by God, this is fucking fantastic! Dom– you've done it again. You've gone and made me HAPPY! Even Silva is smiling.

Wait, why is Silva smiling?! And why didn't he blast Happy when he had the chance? Wait a minute... could it be– could this take place in the same universe as CANNONBALL RUN II? Could Silva be playing the same mobster he plays in CANNONBALL RUN II?

Does this mean that his shadowy boss, Don Canneloni (played by DeLuise):

is Happy's twin brother, hence the knowing smile?! Holy shit!

And there ya have it, folks: incontrovertible evidence that watching CANNONBALL RUN II could add an entire new dimension of meaning to your life- or at least your HAPPY experience- and why should the two be mutually exclusive?

-Sean Gill

Film Review: CRITTERS (1986, Stephen Herek)

Stars: 4 of 5.
Running Time: 82 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Stephen Herek (director of BILL & TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE, DON'T TELL MOM THE BABYSITTER'S DEAD, THE MIGHTY DUCKS, MR. HOLLAND'S OPUS, and the upcoming DEAD LIKE ME movie), Dee Wallace Stone, M. Emmet Walsh, Billy Zane, Scott Grimes, Don Keith Opper, Terrence Mann (the latter three appear in CRITTERS sequels), the Chiodo Brothers (genius creators of the Critter creatures themselves, and auteurs of KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE!).
Tag-lines: "When you've got Critters... you need all the help you can get," "THEY BITE," and "They eat so fast, you don't have time to scream."
Best one-liner(s): "Dad's all torn up, and mom's got, like, a harpoon thing in her neck, and they're getting bigger!"

What was it about the climate of the 1980's that made tiny, smarmy, hungry, killer creatures resonate so deeply with audiences? I mean, there's the GREMLINS series, which arguably allowed the CRITTERS series to happen, which paved the way for the GHOULIES series, which basically opened the floodgates of lowered quality and we saw everything from MUNCHIES to HOBGOBLINS to FEEDERS. Is it backlash against family-friendly alien fare like E.T.? I could buy that theory. In a casting coup, they've employed Elliot's Mom in E.T., Dee Wallace Stone, as the mother here. There's even a scene where a critter confronts an E.T. plush toy and taunts it.

Or, perhaps, is it a continuation of punk aesthetics and attitude entering the creature feature?

In most of these films, the creatures have what constitutes spiked hair, act in an anarchistically crass manner, and derive quite a bit of fun from the wanton destruction. Sometimes they even rock out to some sweet 80's tunes as they do it.

Well, regardless of the theoretical angles, CRITTERS is a pretty solid illustration of the 80's creature feature. We got young Billy Zane and character actor par-excellence M. Emmet Walsh, we got interstellar bounty hunters for added flavor, characters in general that you care about slightly more than in the usual horror fare, creativity in creature design (the critters move in an uncanny, tumbleweed-esque manner), a small dose of hair metal just to even things out, and then some big explosions at the end just for the hell of it. Four stars of deadly yammering furball fun.

-Sean Gill

COMING SOON: Reviews of CRITTERS 2: THE MAIN COURSE and CRITTERS 3: YOU ARE WHAT THEY EAT.