Only now does it occur to me... CIRCLE OF IRON

Only now does it occur to me...  um... where to begin?  At the beginning, the middle, or the end?  Truly they are all the same, because the beginning is the middle as well as the end, and of course there never was a beginning, middle, or end.  Like a circle.  Of Iron.

So... CIRCLE OF IRON is a quasi-mystical martial arts action epic (based on a story by Bruce Lee and James Coburn!) that harvests that fertile ground where "Kung Fu-Samuel Beckett" and "Bible-themed community theater" intersect.  Don't believe me?  Here's Eli Wallach soaking in a tub in the middle of the desert, trying to dissolve himself in oil to prove a metaphysical point:

Samuel Beckett's lesser known martial arts play, WAITING FOR G'DEATH-BLOW.

Here's Christopher Lee, offering us a flower, donning a resewn pillowcase headpiece, and instructing us about the nature of existence:

They easily could have gone with this instead of the "modified 90s Cher" look for Saruman.

Here's a wacky-wigged David Carradine (who plays–count 'em– four roles!), ready to rumble and tearing off his robe to reveal a man-bra/S&M harness made out of Treasure Trolls' jewels:

Also– he's kind of pulling it off!

Here's Roddy McDowall, possibly wearing a woman's spandex leggings as a hat, and overseeing some sort of wizard kumite:

I think now we should call him "Rowdy Roddy" McDowall.

What a day for a kumite.

And, in a possible nod to Roddy's role in the PLANET OF THE APES films, this universe also has kung fu monkey men:

Budget was an issue.

And we mustn't forget the glorious Jeff Cooper as "Cord," the seeker of knowledge, whom you would never guess was on THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS and DALLAS:

In the end, it's BLOODSPORT at a monastery, equal parts drive-in trash and Zen metaphysics, the no man's land between watching EL TOPO and being trapped in conversation with your crazy uncle.  And for that, CIRCLE OF IRON, I salute you.

Film Review: CANNONBALL! aka CARQUAKE (1976, Paul Bartel)

Stars: 4 of 5.

Running Time: 90 minutes.

Tag-line: "The annual Trans-American outlaw road race– a cross-country demolition derby without rules!"

Notable Cast or Crew:  David Carradine (DEATH RACE 2000, CIRCLE OF IRON), Robert Carradine (REVENGE OF THE NERDS, BODY BAGS), Mary Woronov (ROCK N' ROLL HIGH SCHOOL, DEATH RACE 2000), Paul Bartel (EATING RAOUL, THE USUAL SUSPECTS), Dick Miller (GREMLINS, THE TERMINATOR), Gerrit Graham (USED CARS, THE PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE), Veronica Hamel (HILL STREET BLUES, HERE COME THE MUNSTERS), Bill McKinney (DELIVERANCE, EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE), Joe Dante (director of EERIE, INDIANA, GREMLINS), James Keach (Stacy's brother, FM, THE LONG RIDERS), Carl Gottlieb (writer of JAWS and THE JERK), Stanley Bennett Clay (ALL THE PRESIDENT'S MEN, CLEOPATRA JONES), Louis Moritz (ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST, NEW YEAR'S EVIL).  Written by Bartel and Don Simpson (co-producer of THE ROCK, BAD BOYS, TOP GUN, FLASHDANCE).  Cinematography by Tak Fujimoto (THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS, THE SIXTH SENSE).

Best One-liner:  In lieu of a one-liner, just imagine a car exploding.

After the success of DEATH RACE 2000, Roger Corman and New World Pictures wanted another car picture out of auteur/performer Paul Bartel, and so he submitted to them a project that would have been completely wonderful and astounding called... "FRANKENCAR."


Corman wouldn't spring for it, though, wanting something a little cheaper and more mainstream, especially in comparison to DEATH RACE 2000, whereupon men and women in cars that looked like dragons and cattle and gatling guns ran over pedestrians for sport.  Corman wanted a standard cross-country racing movie, and Bartel, deep in depression, feared he would be pigeonholed as an action director.  Despite it all, he grudgingly delivered his "car movie."

I put off watching CANNONBALL! for years, having heard mostly bad things and not wanting to tarnish my memories of DEATH RACE 2000.  However, having just seen it, I am happy to report that CANNONBALL! is great.  The material has been adequately Bartel-ized; it's dark, hilarious, insane, and it ends with a senseless pileup of cascading explosions that truly must be seen to be believed.


 Due to the final scenes alone, CANNONBALL! may very well have more per capita explosions than most Michael Bay movies, truly earning its alternate title of "CARQUAKE."  It's a fun, dumb, fast-paced time, and here are my nine favorite things about it:

#1.  The cross-country race/tournament aspect.  A forerunner to CANNONBALL RUN in title and content, I've always enjoyed movies that feature a motley crew of characters competing against each other for some zany prize.  Maybe it just reminds me of BLOODSPORT.  Would that make this not a kumite, but a carmite?

#2.  David Carradine.  In DEATH RACE 2000, they put him in a gimp costume and called him "Frankenstein."

That was pretty good.  Here, they tough him up by slipping him in moccasins and a salmon pink hoodie, with a bandana tied around his neck like an ascot.   
 
"Huh?" you ask.  "Hush up and just go with it," I say.


#3.  Robert Carradine.

The moral center of our film, pre-'REVENGE,' nerdy Carradine is likable and fun, hanging out with his girlfriend Belinda Balaski (a likable Joe Dante crony who's been in over a dozen of his films).  They're the classic "nice guys finish last" underdog team.


#4.  Mary Woronov.

It ain't a Bartel flick without Woronov!  In the past, I've referred to the two of them as the "demented 70s and 80s versions of Tracey and Hepburn."  She filmed all her scenes in one day and was reportedly miserable doing so (she didn't know how to drive a car, so they only used cutaways), but as the leader of a trio of waitresses who are tooling around in a van, she provides the proper spunk and bitchiness that this film needs.

I especially appreciate that she's busting shit up and driving through prefabricated homes... before the race even begins!

CARQUAKE!

#5.  The bizarre Yokel-mobile.  Here goes: one single car in the race plays home to Gerrit Graham ("Beef" from PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE) who's a successful country western star appropriately plucking an acoustic guitar throughout;

Judy Canova, notorious Old Hollywood yodeler and comedienne (this was her final film role); and Bill McKinney (Ned Beatty's rapist in DELIVERANCE!)

who is the central villain of the piece, a hateful asshole-type who is a hateful asshole merely for the sake of being a hateful asshole.  (Character motivation be damned!)

#6.  James Keach (Stacy's brother).

Here he delivers a ludicrous, one-note performance as a pipe-chomping German driver named Wolfe Messer who is always saying subtle German-y things like "YOU DUMMKOPF!"


#7.  Dick Miller.

Fulfilling the "it's technically not a movie from 70s if Dick Miller's not in it" rule, Dick Miller appears as Carradine's desperate gambler brother.  He gives a solid, typically Miller-ish performance, and I especially applaud the balls of casting him as Carradine's brother in a movie that already features Carradine's real-life half-brother.

#8.  Paul Bartel.

He casts himself as a priggish, turtleneck-addicted criminal kingpin who communicates to his cronies from behind a piano, singing fake Cole Porter.  Sounds about right.

#9.  A surprise appearance by Martin Scorsese and Sylvester Stallone as mobster associates of Bartel's character, who (very) briefly appear in a brief hangout session, eating KFC.


WHAAAAAAT?!

Four stars.

–Sean Gill

Film Review: OLD BOYFRIENDS (1979, Joan Tewkesbury)

Stars: 3.8 of 5.

Running Time: 103 minutes.

Notable Cast or Crew: Written by Paul and Leonard Schrader (MISHIMA, BLUE COLLAR, THE YAKUZA). Starring Talia Shire (THE GODFATHER, ROCKY), Richard Jordan (THE FRIENDS OF EDDIE COYLE, Lynch's DUNE), John Belushi (ANIMAL HOUSE, SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE), Keith Carradine (DEADWOOD, SOUTHERN COMFORT), John Houseman (the stage, ROLLERBALL, THE FOG), P.J. Soles (ROCK 'N ROLL HIGH SCHOOL, HALLOWEEN), Buck Henry (THE MAN WHO FELL TO EARTH, TO DIE FOR), Gerrit Graham (CHILD'S PLAY 2, USED CARS, PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE). Music by David Shire (ALL THE PRESIDENT'S MEN, SHORT CIRCUIT, MONKEY SHINES).

Tagline: "...what happens when you see them again?"

Best one-liner: "I got a cameo on STARSKY AND HUTCH… wanna come out and see my Winnebago?"

Just in time for Valentine's Day, something with a romantic bent. Well, kind of.

I'm a tremendous fan of Paul Schrader, with MISHIMA: A LIFE IN FOUR CHAPTERS in serious contention as my favorite film of all time, and he's either written or directed other films that are near to my heart, like BLUE COLLAR, RAGING BULL, ROLLING THUNDER, TAXI DRIVER, AMERICAN GIGOLO, OBSESSION, CAT PEOPLE, PATTY HEARST, and so many others. I've been on sort of a quest to see the rarest films in his catalogue, and this usually involves sifting through bins of used VHS tapes and poking around in the dustier corners of the internet. For a mere $1.99, I got my hands on an early, largely unseen Schrader called OLD BOYFRIENDS. He co-wrote it with his brother Leonard, and it's directed by Joan Tewkesbury, whose major claim to fame was writing the screenplay for Robert Altman's NASHVILLE. It stars some perennial favorites, too– names like Talia Shire, Richard Jordan, Keith Carradine, John Houseman, and John Belushi. I also discovered that the film's reputation is rather weak– apparently the 117 souls who've seen it and voted on IMDb rank it a mere 4.2 out of 10. It seems to have been out of circulation for a long time, too– the VHS I obtained was manufactured in 1982, the cassette itself is sort of a discolored grey, and the original MSRP printed on the side claims $79.95! Ah, it was a different era. Regardless, knowing these few scant facts, I embarked upon OLD BOYFRIENDS. And I ended up enjoying it quite a bit.

The plot is as follows: a psychologist (Talia Shire) undergoes a self-centered identity crisis as she weathers the collapse of her marriage and decides to embark upon a road trip into her distant past, visiting her college beau (Richard Jordan), who is now a successful director of television commercials; her douchey high school boyfriend (John Belushi) who runs a garment rental business and performs in a 50's throwback band (it feels kind of like an audition for THE BLUES BROTHERS!); and the brother of her deceased middle school sweetheart (Keith Carradine), who suffers from agoraphobia and is deeply depressed. The intent of her travels seems to be self-exploration and self-knowledge, but the end result is not always positive– in some cases it involves revenge and the opening of long-ago-sutured psychological wounds. As such, some have labelled it as a man-hating tract, but that's an incredibly narrow view; Shire's character is often selfish but her behavior is not lionized (and Schrader's attraction to pariahs and unlikable protagonists has occasionally been misinterpreted as such). The whole thing has a tremendous quotidian interest– I'm not even close to being a fan of the "relationship genre," but I found the film's plot set-up to be fascinating, and its development satisfying. Tewkesbury's directorial debut is strong– atmospheric, contemplative, and specific. It doesn't rank amongst the Schrader brothers' absolute finest work, but there's great pathos and good humor, and I'm glad I was finally able to get my hands on it.

Now, onto the minutiae, as I am wont to do:
–There's an amazing melodramatic soundtrack by David Shire which infuses the film with dose of seriousness and a dose of camp, both of which work in the film's favor.
–Buck Henry shows up as a fidgety Private Investigator whose office overlooks Grauman's Chinese theater. STAR WARS is on the marquee.
–In a hotel room, Shire watches a 50's TV show called THE CONTINENTAL, whereupon the viewer, via first-person POV cinematography, is treated to a date with an unsavory man. I had no idea that the popular Christopher Walken SNL skit… was a remake!
–Gerrit Graham appears as an awesomely sleazy actor on Richard Jordan's set who hits on Ms. Shire, insisting "I got a cameo on STARSKY AND HUTCH… wanna come out and see my Winnebago?"
–And finally, the idea of Keith Carradine being the brother of her dead middle school sweetheart begs the question…. was said paramour DAVID Carradine???

Nearly four stars.

-Sean Gill

Film Review: THE RAGE (1997, Sidney J. Furie)

Stars: 3 of 5. Running Time: 93 minutes. Notable Cast or Crew: Roy Scheider, Lorenzo Lamas, Gary Busey, David Carradine, Kristen Cloke, Brandon Smith, director Sidney J. Furie (THE IPCRESS FILE, IRON EAGLE). Tag-lines: " On The Run...And Running Out Of Time!" Best one-liners: Maybe "Go baiick to FBI school!" THE RAGE: MYTH VERSUS FACT EDITION: MYTH: Lorenzo Lamas is leading man material. FACT: Lamas makes Keanu Reeves look like Sir John Gielgud. Lamas plays a FBI hostage negotiator here. This is the guy who couldn't even pretend to do 'the worm' in BODY ROCK- so how in the hell can he pull off 'tough-as-nails G-man?' Well, he can't. The 90's gold and maroon ties he's wearing here are busier than Grand Central Station and more horrific than any of the crime scenes. MYTH: Busey and Roy Scheider get a lot of screentime. FACT: It focuses on Lamas and a woman who they keep referring to as "Dick Tracy in high heels." MYTH: This film tackles tough subjects like Waco. FACT: It's like a 20/20 Waco special combined with COBRA. They even try to infer that Waco was Scheider's fault. Lamas is hard-hitting: "There's obstruction of justice, all right, pal...and it's YOU!" MYTH: Scheider beats the stuffing out of Lorenzo. FACT: I wish. He gets one good punch in, and then is hog-tied by Lamas. WHYYY?! MYTH: The wild Busey is tamed by Lorenzo. FACT: Busey couldn't care less. He's doin' his own thing. He's covered in lipstick in one scene, camo in another. He flings a severed head. He calls his cult 'The Death Stars' and refers to his victims as 'squirrels.' He mumbles about redemption and genital mutilation. At one point, Busey captures Dick Tracy in high heels, gets his ginormous teeth in her face in an epic closeup, and whispers "What maikes you think you know so much, when you're so ignorant!" How is Lorenzo able to chase the van on foot for so long? I think the blonde wig-wearing woman is trying to channel Parker Posey. And will the bearded dude shoosh for a second so I can clearly hear every last Busey gem? As you can see, this sort of situation arises a lot in this movie. More excuses for the pounding 90's action soundtrack, low-angle shots of Busey's ginormous teeth, and Lorenzo wimpily giving chase. MYTH: This movie has a great finale. FACT: It ends with like four or five pages of text epilogue about surviving characters we couldn't give a shit about. Come on! ARE YOU SERIOUS ? Three stars for Busey, Scheider, and the bizarro cameo from David Carradine. Could have been five stars if the ending was Busey and Scheider alternating boot stamps on Lorenzo's face, but I guess we can't win 'em all. -Sean Gill

Film Review: LONE WOLF MCQUADE (1983, Steve Carver)

Stars: 4 of 5.
Running Time: 107 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Chuck Norris, L.Q. Jones, David Carradine, William Sanderson, R.G. Armstrong, Robert Beltran
Tag-line: "When Norris meets Carradine all hell breaks loose!" AND "Chuck Norris is Lone Wolf McQuade. David Carradine is the man that got in his way." AND "The 'Mad Dog' Criminal...The 'Lone Wolf' Lawman...The Ultimate Showdown."
Best exchange: Too many to pick just one. We'll go with: "I've been real busy." "Oh boy, same old trouble, huh?" "...My kind of trouble doesn't take vacations."

A lot of what I have to say about LONE WOLF MCQUADE can be summed by the following:

"It may be a game to you, Falco, but if I find out you're playing, I'm gonna have your little ass!"

By the way, that line was delivered to a little person crime boss who's about to be taken down a notch...


Anyway. Outside of DELTA FORCE, it's very, very rarely that we see Chuck co-starring with anybody worth a damn. I don't know if it's because he's an egoist who doesn't want to play second-fiddle to anybody, if he refuses to play the villain, or if no A-lister will appear in a film with him, but I guess it doesn't matter. Cause here he costars with David Carradine. More on that in a minute. This movie succeeds because its action traditions draw on a whole lot more than just martial arts. The opening credits and first scene are classic Sergio Leone spaghetti western. They even use Leone's favorite font. And the music: to say it's a Morricone rip-off would be generous. It's Morricone carbon copy. The romantic theme is 'Jill's Theme' from ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST with one note changed. Well, it doesn't matter. This is a good thing. The middle of the movie is classic Peckinpah. Modern-day Western, with plenty of bullets flying. We even got Peckinpah regular L.Q. Jones. The end of the movie is an assault on a compound that is pure RAMBO. Norris even puts on a red bandana. But then we get to the meat of the movie. The Western Kung Fu. And who to give it greater legitimacy than the man who first embodied it, David Carradine? Carradine, as always, is amazing. And the final duel between him and Norris can't even be sullied by Carradine's bizarre choice to wear a blue-and-gold-diamond 80's sweater.

And then as if to cement the film's repute, both men refused to use stunt doubles! The film's edited by Abel Ferrara regular Anthony Redman, it's got Norris getting buried alive and pouring beer on his head and chugging it before escaping; and it's got a romantic scene with Norris, a hose, and a lot of mud.

What's not to like? One of the strongest Norris films. I know you don't like attachments, Chuck, but here's four stars.

-Sean Gill