R.I.P., Carl Weathers

 

Film Review: ROCKY IV (1985, Sylvester Stallone)

Stars: 4 of 5.
Running Time: 91 minutes.

Notable Cast or Crew: Sylvester Stallone, Brigitte Nielsen (RED SONJA, COBRA), Talia Shire (THE GODFATHER, OLD BOYFRIENDS), Burt Young (CHINATOWN, ONCE UPON A TIME IN AMERICA), Dolph Lundgren (UNIVERSAL SOLDIER, MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE), Carl Weathers (PREDATOR, ACTION JACKSON), Tony Burton (THE SHINING, THE BLACK GODFATHER), James Brown as "The Godfather of Soul."  Mr. T and Burgess Meredith in archival footage.  Featuring the song "Double or Nothing," by Kenny Loggins.

Best one-liner: "Get ready for the next world war."

ROCKY IV.  The Cannon Film that never was.  That's sort of my thesis statement, anyway.  And it fits– it's closer to COBRA in every regard than it is to ROCKY I or II.  Written and directed by The Stallion himself, it is a pure, uncut, and punch-blasting rumination on the Cold War, probably the best since FAIL-SAFE or THE SPY WHO CAME IN FROM THE COLD.  At least it's the best one that co-stars Carl Weathers.    

Anyway, this movie's been discussed to death by plenty of others, but I'd like to offer my own humble observations into the mix.  So let's look at a few of the little things I like best about ROCKY IV.  What the hell.

#1.  Vanity plates.  If you recall, Marion "Cobra" Cobretti had one:  "AWESOM 50."  Rocky Balboa's is "SOTHPAW," because he's left-handed.  

Now, here's my question:  would "SOUTHPAW" not fit, or does "SOTHPAW" represent one of Rocky's poignant (but mostly hilarious) battles with literacy?  Or does it represent a member of the production's poignant battle with literacy?  The character of Rocky has changed so much by this time, however (he's basically 'Cobra,' now as I've mentioned), that the literacy Public Service Announcement from ROCKY II seems long-forgotten.  

#2.  Dolph Lundgren.

Where everyone else has put forth their own thoughts on "If he dies, he dies" and "I MUST BREAK YOU!," etc., etc., I'd like to draw some attention to Dolph's flattened coiffure, and the fact that he was dating Grace Jones at the time (after starting off as her bodyguard).  

He's such a blank, one-dimensional villain, that he might as well be a live action video game boss.  So given this less-than-rich source material, what did Dolph infuse his performance with?  Allow me to float the idea that Ivan Drago– "I MUST BREAK YOU," haircut, killer punches, and all– could very well be based on Grace "Queen Bitch Jungle Mother of New York" Jones.  At least I hope.

#3.  Also, I love that Rocky puts a little pin-up of Drago on his bureau mirror, FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF CRUMPLING IT LATER.

#4.  The bizarre editing.

There's montage after montage here, and I'll use one in particular as an example.  Rocky hops into his car, revs the engine, and drives into the dark, dark night, mourning times gone by, and meditating upon the existential menace of Ivan Drago.  We get Lynchian flashes of Drago, starkly lit against the darkness. We flash sporadically between shots of Drago and the car, as if there's an absolute madman in the edit room.  It made me think of the insanely edited montages in COBRA (where it was flashes of the axe-wielding gang instead of Ivan Drago!), which got me thinking.  While both movies do have co-editor Don Zimmerman in common, I get the idea that Stallone himself– being the auteur, and all– was in the edit-room, micro-managing the hell out of all of it and preserving his vision.  Which conjures a second question:  was he 'in character' as Rocky when he did it?

#5.  Apollo Creed's entrance.  

I love Carl Weathers.

Getting to see him prance about in an Uncle Sam costume in front of a papier-mache bull while Fosse dancers and showgirls alike cavort on a stage with fire and glitter and James Brown–

–yes, I said James Brown–  well, in short, it's something to behold.  Which leads me to– *spoiler alert*

#6.  Apollo Creed's death.

You know, I hate to see Carl Weathers go.  And he's giving it his all in this scene.  Then there's Stallone, throwing a towel in slow motion and doing that one kind of sad, kind of dazed, mouth-agape look that he does when he's required to show emotion.  Let's just say that if I were a lot drunker and 12 years old, this scene could have been imbued with a tragic beauty.

#7.  You know what would be cooler than Rocky climbing the steps at the Philadelphia Art Museum and raising his fists in triumph?

How'd he get up there anyway?  I don't see any grappling hooks or anything.  Also– maybe this is where Stallone got the inspiration for CLIFFHANGER?

#8. Brigitte Nielsen.

Again, this should be an honorary Cannon Film.  First Stallone (OVER THE TOP, COBRA), then Dolph (MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE), and now Brigitte Nielsen (COBRA).  She's sort of a stock Communist villain here, which means she mostly delivers icy stares punctuated by the occasional asshole sneer.  She's not too bad– but then again, she's not given the chance to pose and lark about with high-fashion robots.  Which is sort of sad, I think.  Nope, there's not even a single robot in sight.  No robots here.  None at all.

#9.  The Robot.

Had you going for a second there, didn't I?  Of course there's a robot.  He wrote 'em into COBRA for a reason, too.  What that reason was, I'll suspect we'll never know, though I can't help but wonder if it involved the mad typing of deadline frenzy as Sly hid in the basement from Brigitte Nielsen and imagined a better life: one with more robots.  Anyway, Stallone gave birth to SICO the Robot, who makes his first appearance as a birthday present from Rocky to Paulie (Burt Young).  SICO makes some gender shifts throughout (with the intent, I imagine, of eliciting laffs), delivers cakes, dances in the driveway, offers telephones, cleans up the aftermath of Redi-Whip shenanigans, and roots for the USA in international sporting events.  I can't even begin to describe how oddly out-of-place this feels in a ROCKY movie.  But I guess robots were the "new normal" for ROCKY movies in 1985.  SICO reminds me a little more of BB in DEADLY FRIEND than Johnny 5 in SHORT CIRCUIT or R2-D2 as it were, if we're talking marketable movie robots of the era here.  But that didn't stop him from touring with James Brown throughout the 80s.  I did a real-life spit-take when I read that.  Apparently SICO had his own Screen Actors' Guild card, too.  Pretty terrific.  Here's a video of SICO's first appearance:

HAPPY-BIRTH-DAY-PAUL-IE.  I love how quickly and stiltedly he says that line, and how it matches rhythmically with the awesome synth music.  And SICO is not some gimmicky, throwaway moment– he becomes a bona fide supporting character.  Plus, there's the line, "Yo, can you turn your robot down, please?"

#10.  Gorbachev slow clap.  So it's the end of the film, and Rocky is giving an inspirational speech about East-West relations.  There's already been a Gorbachev look-a-like (minus the birthmark) present in the arena, and I was struck with the thought that the only thing that could make this scene better is if Gorbachev nods his head in appreciation, slowly comes to his feet, claps once, claps twice, claps a third time, and then legitimately starts a barrage of clapping and nodding his head in a slow burn of enthusiasm, prompting everyone else to start clapping and nodding their heads in appreciation of Rocky's Philly-streets wisdom.

AND THEN IT HAPPENED!  

Amen, Rocky, Amen!  Four Berlin Wall-felling stars.

-Sean Gill

Film Review: DEATH HUNT (1981, Peter R. Hunt)

Stars: 3.7 of 5.
Running Time: 97 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Directed by Peter R. Hunt (editor of the first few James Bond films, director of ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE). Charles Bronson, Lee Marvin, Carl Weathers, Angie Dickinson, Andrew Stevens, Maury Chaykin (TWINS, THE ADJUSTER), William Sanderson (DEADWOOD, BLACK MOON RISING), Ed Lauter (TRUE ROMANCE).
Tag-lines: "The Saga Of Two Rivals Who Clash As Enemies And Triumph As Heroes."
Best one-liner: "That look on your face would turn good whiskey into sour piss."

DEATH HUNT is by no means one of Bronson's best, nor is it one of Lee's best. But it's a sharp little arctic thriller (that provided the blueprint for RAMBO) with an insane ensemble cast, and it makes good on most of its action flick promises, so here we are.

Our heroes are pro-animal rights hermit Bronson and anti-technology mountie Marvin, and, unfortunately, they're victims of circumstance, forced to battle one another due to a combo of injustice and bad luck. There's a lot goin' on here:

we got Carl Weathers layin' in bed with a gigantic hooker and sayin' "You want a piece of this buffalo woman?," Andrew Stevens (MUNCHIE, MUNCHIE STRIKES BACK) acting as the moral compass of the film, a skeezy William Sanderson (BLADE RUNNER) cackling and getting bear trap comeuppance, Ed Lauter (DEATH WISH 3) bein' an all-around dick, Angie Dickinson gettin' romanced by Lee after bein' smacked around by him in THE KILLERS,

1. Romance

2. Smarm

3. Awkwardness

and Egoyan fave Maury Chaykin sleazin' it up like it's his job, which it is. But this movie belongs to Lee and Chuck. Lee's an old drunk who excels at not giving a shit.

By this point, he also looks a bit like Andy Warhol, which is fairly disquieting.

He gets all the best lines, like "There ain't nothin' in the book says that fuckin's against the law!" Or "I ain't a sir, a mister, or a Grandpa- YOU GOT THAT?!" Of Bronson he says, "I gotta know him so good I gotta taste him!" ...WHUTTT?! (Well, I guess there's some context for that which I have not provided.)

Conversely, Bronson hardly talks at all.

Bronson feeds beef jerky to his new friend.

Again, like DEATH WISH II, he gets a one-word one-liner- "Welcome." BLAMM! I guess the big lesson here is: don't fuck with a man's cabin.

Bronson gets to take on a plane, NORTH BY NORTHWEST style. He does a lot of popping out of nowhere with shotguns blazing while his opponents look on, incredulously, because they were oh so sure he was dead.

Not sure what they expected, telling Bronson in the opening scene: "You ain't gonna be nothin' but a sack of guts!," but needless to say, every knucklehead that deserves it gets their just desserts. I think Jack London would be proud.

If you want to mess with Bronson, get used to this view.

Yeh, this is pretty solid. Nearly four stars.

-Sean Gill

Film Review: ACTION JACKSON (1988, Craig R. Baxley)

Stars: 4 of 5.
Running Time: 96 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Carl Weathers, Sharon Stone, Vanity, Craig T. Nelson, Robert Davi (SHARKY'S MACHINE, THE GOONIES), Thomas F. Wilson (Biff from BACK TO THE FUTURE), Sonny Landham.
Tag-line: "NAME: Jericho Jackson. NICKNAME: "Action." HOME: Detroit. PROFESSION: Cop. EDUCATION: Harvard Law. HOBBY: Fighting Crime. WEAPON: You're looking at 'em."

Best exchange: Craig T. Nelson: "You have this nickname - what is it, excitement, enthusiasm, esprit de corps...?
Carl Weathers as ACTION JACKSON: [cutting him off] -It's ACTION!

Though COACH is merely being facetious, I feel as if ESPRIT DE CORPS JACKSON would have been a film well worth seeing.

"How ya like your ribs?" FOOOOOOOOOOSSSSH. Carl Weathers just roasted a dude with a flamethrower. Watching this film is kind of like peering into an alternate dimension where Carl Weathers, not Schwarzenegger, Stallone, nor Gibson, was king of the 80's action flick.

Weathers is a benevolent monarch in this dimension, and ACTION JACKSON is just one work in his enviable oeuvre. Unfortunately, in our dimension, after ACTION JACKSON, Weathers was no longer seen as a qualified driver of star vehicles. In my mind, however, Weathers justifies his legend yet again. Weathers IS Action Jackson. He is a graduate of Harvard Law School who frequently disregards the limits of acceptable use of police force. Like this one time he jumped over a taxi that was trying to kill him. And this other time he proved his mettle in a fight the DVD chapter stops called: "Getting Ballsy in the Poolroom." Once he drove a sports car through a black-tie affair, wrecked it, and then started whaling on dudes- just to make an entrance. Craig T. Nelson is evil incarnate. At one point, you get to see him kung fu fighting Weathers as they both don tuxedos.



Vanity finally gets to show off her years of vigorous training under Stanislavski and Prince. Sharon Stone's around, too, but she's playing second fiddle to Vanity, which I think marked the last time anyone or anything was playing second fiddle to Vanity. All in all, a solid flick. I mean it's no TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A. or LETHAL WEAPON, or even a KUFFS, or even a RED HEAT or a DEAD HEAT. Actually, I'm kind of puzzled as to why I gave this four stars. Oh, yeah. Carl Weathers. "How ya like your ribs?" FOOOOOOOOOOSSSSH.


Important side note: note the eerie similarities in cover art between ACTION JACKSON and BLIND DATE.

-Sean Gill