Film Review: THE PERILS OF GWENDOLINE IN THE LAND OF THE YIK-YAK (1984, Just Jaeckin)

Yik-Yaks: Many.

Running Time: 105 minutes.

Notable Cast or Crew: Tawny Kitaen (WITCHBOARD, BACHELOR PARTY), Brent Huff (NINE DEATHS OF THE NINJA, HITMAN'S RUN), Zabou Breitman (THE SWALLOWS OF KABUL), Bernadette Lafont (Chabrol's MASQUES). Music by Pierre Bachelet (EMMANUELLE, THE STORY OF O). Cinematography by André Domage (camera operator on RIFIFI, THE TRAIN, DAY OF THE JACKAL). Production design by Françoise De Leu (DEATH OF A CORRUPT MAN).

Tag-line: "Outrageous adventures in the Kingdom of Women"

Best one-liner: "Look, if I was a butterfly and I lived here, and somebody tried to take me to London, I'd break their face."

Only now does it occur to me... that the credit "avec Tawney Kitaen" was not the strangest thing is store for my viewing of THE PERILS OF GWENDOLINE IN THE LAND OF THE YIK-YAK.



(Note: there will be some vaguely NSFW tableaux to follow, but seen from afar, and nothing too much more extreme than a trashy velvet painting done by, say, Botticelli...)


As I have previously explored, Tawny Kitaen––a performer perhaps best known for reclining on random luxury objects while fans blow at her hair in Whitesnake music videos––is actually a compelling, likable, and talented actor, and the fact that she's not remembered as such is one of the minor acting tragedies of the 1980s (alongside the lack of Charles Bronson comedy bits, Susan Tyrrell leading roles, Powers Boothe good guy parts, etc.). Here, she plays a runaway nun, hot on the trail of her missing father, who is, incidentally, the world's foremost butterfly expert.

So what we have here is a film based on Eurotrash bondage-adventure comics trying to cash in on the success of INDIANA JONES and directed by a French Vogue photographer. (Between all the butterflies and the skin flickery aspects, I'm convinced that––had he lived to see it––GWENDOLINE would have been Vladimir Nabokov's favorite film.)

 

But, unlike the mysterious butterfly MacGuffin at the center of the plot, you can't pin this thing down. Sure, it's got scenes where Brent Huff (GQ model and star of the Sho Kosugi non-Cannon classic NINE DEATHS OF THE NINJA) inexplicably convinces his female companions to take of their shirts because it's raining and somehow they will die of thirst (?) if they are fully clothed in the rain (?!)

but it also has exquisitely choreographed tableaux as well-crafted as anything in Kurosawa or Powell & Pressburger, (or at least Brian De Palma).

I'm not quite kidding––in an audiovisual sense, THE PERILS OF GWENDOLINE IN THE LAND OF THE YIK-YAK is crafted with considerable care. With an incredible operatic electronic score by Pierre Bachelet (think Klaus Nomi meets Tangerine Dream), the film takes a hard right turn out of low-rent Indiana Jones territory in its second half as we enter the eponymous "Land of the Yik-Yak." We're privy to an elaborate Black Widow/Amazonian civilization with no men, and while this initially leads to the sophomoric gags you'd expect,

 

we embark on a whirlwind of arthouse insanity. I hesitate to describe what we're beginning to look at here. I may not have the words, but I'll try.

I could call this "Fetish Doctor Seuss"

or "Terry Gilliam with Extra G-strings"

or "Sleazy Kansai Yamamoto Slums It

at the Thunderdome"

or "H.R. Giger Does a SAW Movie"

or "Written and Directed by Sting's Thong from David Lynch's DUNE"

 

or, you know, "Tinto Brass' DUNE"

or, hell, I could just call it "Alejandro Jodorowsky's DUNE"


or Ken Russell's "TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES"

or "Fellini's DAWN OF THE DEAD"

or "a Japanese Vending Machine That Sells Panties Became Sentient and Started Directing Operas Costumed by Eiko Ishioka."

But whatever I choose to call it, there's no mistaking that this is some one-of-a-kind artistic nuttery, and I was fairly riveted throughout. I must give a big shoutout to Bernadette Lafont's performance as the "Queen of the Yik-Yak"

who is giving me some big "Susan Tyrrell in FORBIDDEN ZONE" energy to go with her giant-ass sleeve and hair design.

And, of course, we have to tip the hat to Tawny Kitaen, who brings some real star power

to this cult/adventure/arthouse/softcore/opera weirdness. I gotta say, against all odds, I recommend this madness!

Only now does it occur to me... HITMAN'S RUN (1999)

"Lesser Lester" Week Continues:

Only now does it occur to me... that Richard Donner's ASSASSINS (1995, starring Stallone, Banderas, and Julianne Moore) was apparently enough of a 'thing' to inspire some imitators––including Mark L. Lester's HITMAN'S RUN.

Banderas in ASSASSINS....


...and Eric Roberts in HITMAN'S RUN.


Mostly notable for an evocative scene where Eric Roberts kills a man in a phone booth by running him over with a wood-paneled station wagon,



HITMAN'S RUN follows the exploits a former mafia assassin (Roberts) in the witness protection program who comes out of hiding for one last adventure involving hackers, floppy disks, CD-ROMs, skateboarding kids, stylish haircuts, late 90s sweaters, and lite John Woo-style gunplay.

"Give a guy a gun, he thinks he's Superman. Give him two and he thinks he's God."

Other major highlights include the bizarre and possibly improvised interactions between Roberts and his new wife (who knows not of his hitman past).  I mean, just look at this beautiful exchange:





Yes, it certainly does seem so much longer.  But Roberts is doing a decent job, and I appreciate the extra effort his haircut is making.


Hey, look, it's C. Thomas Howell!

There's always a peculiar melancholy whenever I see C. Thomas outside of the 1980s... like I'm a distant relative who expected the worst, but when I see him, I squeeze his shoulder and say really sincerely, "Oh, I'm so glad to see you're doing okay."  I feel like I should be sending him $25.00 checks for his birthday, is what I'm saying.


I also learned that a recordable CD has 650 megabytes of memory.

Er-–wait a second––who is that sweater-vest-wearin', faintly 90s subculture HACKERS émigré?  I know him from somewhere...  It's almost like I can see him, about to be paddled by a douchey Ben Affleck...

Yup, it's Esteban Powell, best known as Mitch's pal "Carl" from DAZED AND CONFUSED!

Not a lot has changed.

His major character trait in HITMAN'S RUN is that he says things like "Whoa-kay!" instead of "Okay," and I suppose that's fine.

In the end this is the kind of generic mafia flick that's sort of worth your time. It's certainly a "lesser" Lester––on the second-rate action scale, I'd put it somewhere between a Glickenhaus and a Pyun.  Most of it will depend on your tolerance for the less-than-selective Eric Roberts (according to IMDb, he has THIRTY-SEVEN films coming out in 2016!), as apparently not everyone is on the Roberts bandwagon.  I, conversely, am driving that bandwagon.  I realize that some of the joy of Eric Roberts is how terrible many of his films are, but I still contend that the man himself is one of the finest actors of his generation (see RUNAWAY TRAIN and STAR 80 back-to-back if you don't believe me), and even amid the direct-to-video dreck, little shards of his talent keep piercing through.